Li Qingwu seemed to be shocked by her words and remained speechless for a long time.
The two were silent for a long time. When the carriage arrived in front of the princess's mansion, Li Qingwu lowered his head and smiled bitterly: "It's useless."
Qiu Che paused when he got up and got off the car, looked back at her, and moved his lips: "What?"
Li Qingwu did not face her.
She sat in the shadow of the carriage, as if she was imprisoned in another world by the divided light and darkness, stubbornly living in her own rules.
She whispered, "You are talking about the empress dowager and your grandmother, right? But... you also know that your grandmother died of illness at the age of forty-two, and the power of the Qiu family fell into the hands of others. The empress dowager was deprived of power at the age of thirty-five and imprisoned in Ganyu Temple... Throughout the ages, all the women who have created miracles have not had a good ending."
She paused, and whispered, "I can't do it."
"Can't, or don't dare?" Qiu Che said lightly, "Their endings are theirs. If you don't try, how do you know you can't do it?"
"I have neither the decisiveness and intelligence of the empress dowager, nor the iron-blooded means of your grandmother. All I have is the ability to take care of my husband and children. I am destined to not be... like you."
Li Qingwu looked up at her, then quickly retracted his gaze, staring at the handkerchief in his hand, and said softly, "I dare not try, not only because I don't think I can do it, but also because the consequences of my failure will definitely be several times or even hundreds of times more tragic than theirs - ordinary people say that as long as there are family members, family members are always a retreat."
"But there is no retreat behind me. Behind me is an abyss."
Qiu Che did not speak for a while.
Soon, she turned around and got off the carriage.
Was she... disappointed in her?
Li Qingwu's heartbeat stagnated.
Then he was distracted again, thinking bitterly, it was normal.
After all, her suffering was not something that others had to understand.
Qiu Che persuaded her for her own good, but she didn't listen, which was a waste of Qiu Che's good intentions.
Maybe... they are really not the same kind of people.
However, the next moment, just when Li Qingwu was stunned, a white and slender hand opened the curtain again and reached out to her.
The palm was facing up, the fingers were slightly bent, and it was in a waiting posture.
Qiu Che's voice also came into her ears:
"Get off the car."
It's strange to say that Qiu Che's hands are not like those of ordinary women, but they are not rough. Although there are some calluses on the palm of the hand, it does not affect her whole hand. It looks slender and beautiful, with distinct joints.
And because of the conspicuous blue veins on the back of the hand, there is a kind of forbearing burst of beauty -
Li Qingwu thought as he stretched out his hand to hold it.
In front of the servants of the princess's mansion, the two walked hand in hand with smiles on their faces, looking loving and beautiful.
Li Qingwu, however, asked because he felt the calluses on her palms: "Have you practiced martial arts?"
Qiu Che glanced at her and said "hmm".
"Does your father... know?"
"How could he not know?" Qiu Che smiled, "He wanted me to learn."
Li Qingwu couldn't help but said, "Your father clearly knew you... why did he let you practice martial arts?"
"You are wrong."
Qiu Che restrained his smile and said seriously, "First of all, it's not that women can't practice martial arts. Secondly, he let me learn because he knew." Li
Qingwu was ashamed of the first half of her sentence and was surprised by the second half of her sentence: "What do you mean?"
Qiu Che: "Want to hear it?"
Li Qingwu listened to her persuasive tone and nodded hesitantly.
"I don't like to suffer losses, so, let's exchange equal value," Qiu Che thought for a while and nodded, "Just like last time."
Last time?
Li Qingwu slowly recalled the scene when they confessed to each other in that other courtyard.
She was silent: "Okay."
Anyway... her past was dark and boring.
It was just old stories without glory. Qiu Che wanted to hear it, and there was nothing he couldn't say.
"Tell me first, why do you think you can't do it," Qiu Che said slowly, "Your father doesn't allow it? Afraid of being discovered?"
Li Qingwu was amused by her address of "your father", then shook his head and nodded.
Then he was slightly absent-minded and said: "They all don't allow it."
"They?"
"My father, my mother, and my mother."
Li Qingwu is a concubine's daughter, and her biological mother is just a concubine. Because the emperor doted on her and her biological mother died of illness, she was recorded under the name of the queen and became the eldest daughter.
Everyone knows this.
But few people will go into it, why her biological mother, an ordinary concubine, gave birth to such a favored princess.
No one knows that her biological mother did not die of illness.
Instead, she was secretly sentenced to death by the emperor.
She didn't know why she angered the emperor, and when she just got pregnant with Li Qingwu, she was demoted to the cold palace.
The honors and favors in the palace come and go quickly, which is a very common thing.
But Chang Zai was full of joy when she was pregnant. Even though she was sent to the cold palace later, she was still looking forward to it, hoping that after giving birth to the child, the emperor would take her out of the palace for the sake of the child.
But no.
It was a snowy day when Li Qingwu was born, but there was not even a midwife in the cold palace.
Chang Zai endured the pain and gave birth for several hours, and found that the baby was a girl.
She originally hoped that the emperor would come to see her once for the sake of this being his own flesh and blood. At that time, she could use some tricks and being taken out of the cold palace would no longer be a dream.
But the emperor never came.
Chang Zai looked forward to it day and night, night and day, but she didn't come, so she began to blame Li Qingwu.
Blame her for coming at the wrong time and blame her for being a girl.
She blamed Li Qingwu for all the pain of not being able to see the emperor and the difficulties and grievances she suffered in the cold palace, and believed that she had brought these misfortunes to herself.
If she were a prince, the emperor would definitely not treat her coldly.
What's the use of a girl? She has to get married. A daughter who is married off is like water spilled, it's better not to have one. - She said so.
With such evil thoughts, she often beat or scolded Li Qingwu.
The concept that men are born superior to women became a seed and was planted in Li Qingwu's heart.
Before the age of five, Li Qingwu spent her life in the cold palace like this, being beaten and scolded, day after day, year after year. All
she saw were women in the yard who were either crazy, sick or dead.
And her mother was always nagging and complaining in her ears.
She had never seen the scenery outside. She
didn't understand why her mother was still not satisfied with her, even though she had obeyed her mother in everything, and didn't fight back or talk back.
At that time, the empress dowager had not yet stepped down, and the power struggles of various parties were still kept in private. The emperor was still a puppet emperor without power, and the prime minister had not yet surrendered to him.
The emperor was anxious and worried all day long, and got angry at the slightest provocation. He had no time to care about the women in the cold palace who were still waiting for his favor.
He didn't know, nor did he care.
Until one day, thinking that someone had been constantly stuffing women into his palace to spy on his every move, the emperor suddenly came up with a brilliant idea.
He wanted to cultivate an excellent, perfect daughter.
Beautiful, talented, gentle, virtuous, everything, the higher the status, the better.
Everyone wanted to be her courtier.
The emperor would marry her to the minister he valued and feared the most, and let his gentle and obedient daughter be his eyes to monitor the powerful minister.
At that time, Princess Pingyi had not yet been born, and there was only one suitable candidate in the palace.
So he chose Li Qingwu.
This daughter who had been born for five years and he had never seen her once.
Maybe he cared about his plan, otherwise he would not let the queen come in person.
Maybe he didn't care, otherwise he would not let the queen come alone.
When Li Qingwu was taken away by the queen, she was often ecstatic, thinking that her hard days were finally over.
She also chased Li Qingwu, playing the role of mother and daughter, hoping to soften the emperor and take her out together.
But the next second after she chased out, she was killed by the leader of the Jinwu Guard.
When she died, Li Qingwu was watching from the side, with the maid behind her covering her mouth tightly. She stared with her eyes wide open, but could not make a sound.
She could only make a sound from her throat, one after another, like a trapped beast.
Eleven years later, Li Qingwu still remembers those eyes.
Shocked, angry, resentful, and vicious.
That was not the look a mother gave her daughter.
That was the look a madman gave his enemy.
She didn't remember what she was thinking at the time. In short, she was not sad because of her mother's death, nor was she happy because she was taken away. Maybe...
her eyes had predicted her future for her one step ahead.
- The rabbit died and the fox mourned.
Coincidentally, eleven years ago was the turning point of Qiu Che's fate, and also hers.
It's just that they each took two completely different paths.
The young girl didn't understand why her mother "died of illness" in front of her as soon as she left the cold palace.
Later, as she grew older, she finally understood that this was just a tactic used by politicians to intimidate her.
ââThe death of Changzai was only to let her know that her life and death was just a matter of the emperor's whim.
That man was very eager for power and fame. He always valued capable ministers, but was also afraid of them, and at the same time despised the weak.
Before they met, he had already left an indelible lesson for Li Qingwu.
Changzai's sad and hasty life ended, but Li Qingwu's was just beginning.
Before she was five years old, she was trapped in the cold palace, and after she was five years old, she was imprisoned in the bedroom.
There was no difference.
Except that the place she could see changed from the world of the cold palace to the palace wall in Fengyang Pavilion.
She was required to learn royal etiquette, learn how to serve men and please men, learn how to be a sensible and lovable woman... learn everything they said women should learn.
But she was not allowed to contact things in the outside world.
But how could a child of only a few years old be willing to be trapped in one place like this?
It just so happened that the queen had more than one child. The third prince, Li Hengyu, was also an adopted son like her.
The queen was very strict with her and her adopted son, the third prince, but was kind to the biological prince.
At that time, Li Qingwu was still a playful child, timid, and easy to trust children of similar age.
This third prince, who was only one year older than her, often stayed with her and was punished to kneel and be beaten for playing, naturally made her trust him.
Li Qingwu thought he was the same as herself, didn't like his current life, and wanted to see the outside world.
She told the third prince all her dreams of the outside world in a disjointed manner under his guidance.
He even encouraged her to run away.
Li Hengyu said: "Freedom is something you fight for, not an empty dream."
"It doesn't matter, run away, just go out and play for a while, I'll cover for you if you're discovered."
"Really?"
"Really. Just play a game, you go out this time, and I'll go out next time. You cover for me."
Li Qingwu really believed it.
She was too young and too naive to really think that her brother would help her hide everything. She even thought about going to play with Li Hengyu on the way to escape the palace by climbing over the wall the next day. But she was
caught by the queen.
Li Hengyu did not follow the rules of the game.
He complained to the queen.
He used Li Qingwu as a springboard to achieve his own comeback.
Because he was young, he could not be tortured, which would leave scars.
So the queen asked Li Qingwu to kneel and copy books 300 times.
She knelt in the imperial shrine and wrote until her hands trembled, her legs became weak, her eyes went dark, and she could not lift the pen.
Since then, Li Qingwu was still often punished by the queen for various trivial matters - whether the etiquette was not standard or the posture was not straight enough.
But Li Hengyu jumped up because of the complaint and became a follower behind the prince.
The queen's attitude towards him also began to improve.
Li Qingwu did not quite understand why.
Although she stayed away from Li Hengyu because the other party did not abide by the game agreement, Li Qingwu still occasionally got stubborn and often wanted to sneak out to see the scenery outside.
She always wondered, why can others do it, but she can't?
Until one day, she succeeded with the help of her personal maid.
That was her closest personal maid.
The queen usually had many rules for her and didn't allow her to do anything, but she would sometimes secretly give her candy.
It was the candy from the most delicious pastry shop in the capital. A small piece in the mouth would make it sweet for a long time.
She liked candy. She
also liked this sister.
That day she played in the imperial garden in fear for an afternoon, and no one found out.
She ate candy and looked at the sky, feeling that there would never be a happier time than this day-this was the first time she saw the sky outside the palace.
Although it was still far away from the world outside the palace, it was enough to make her happy for a long time.
There was indeed no happier time than this day.
Because she never went out a second time.
At night, she happily climbed over the wall to go back, but she saw the queen sitting in the hall, surrounded by the Jinwu Guards.
Someone brought her personal maid to her.
She was covered in blood, with bloodshot eyes.
She was dead. She
died with her eyes open.
Li Qingwu froze on the spot.
She heard the queen sneer and slowly say, "Play? You are not qualified."
Then who is qualified?
Li Qingwu opened her mouth to ask.
But she couldn't speak.
The queen was worthy of being the emperor's wife, and even the means of intimidation were exactly the same.
Li Qingwu began to calm down and began to accept her fate.
Or rather, it was not calm, but she finally discovered the rules of this world.
She finally understood that she was a woman, so she was not liked and valued.
As a woman, the meaning of her life was to please men, to marry a good husband, to compete with different women, and to give birth to a good "son". As a princess
, the meaning of her life was to consolidate her father's power and to control the hearts of powerful officials with her beauty and talent.
In short, all the purposes were not for herself.
Li Qingwu followed their wishes, looked at the corner of the palace wall, and never tried to climb out again.
She grew up slowly like this, and became the most perfect daughter in the emperor's mind.
Gentle, well-behaved, used to lowering her head, revealing her fragile neck.
No one cared about the sound of her painful cries in her heart.
The threat to human life was too painful and unforgettable.
For more than ten years, Li Qingwu was trapped in a small space, imprisoned in the cage of rules she drew.
Every day and night, whenever she wanted to step out of that land, she would think of those blood-red, ferocious eyes that had been dead for a long time.
She could not rest in peace.
Even though she could not even remember the name of the palace maid later, she could still remember the tragic death of the maid because of her.
So even if there were no beasts outside the circle, she dared not take even a step out.
Freedom - this word, she had briefly touched.
Li Qingwu thought.
But unfortunately, she missed it in the end.
When talking about this, Li Qingwu lowered his head in self-mockery, moved his lips, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't say it again. What
Qiu Che didn't know was that because no one was lovable, no one loved her.
So taking that step towards Qiu Che actually used up all the strength she had accumulated for more than ten years.
This might be the only time she rebelled in her life as a model lady over the past decade.
So she fought for it again and again, not only for Qiu Che, but also for herself.
She was afraid that if she missed this opportunity, she would never have the courage to escape her predetermined fate again.