The morning is peaceful. Quiet. Gentle light seeps through the floor-to-ceiling windows, warming a patch of wooden floors. In the center of the room stands a king-sized bed, with two people sleeping in it. At first glance, you could think the pair is in love. The blonde man's arm is wrapped around his little mate, securing her to his chest, sleeping soundly, their legs entwined together.
But if you looked closer, your opinion would change. There's blood on the sheets, now brown from drying up. The woman herself is laying uncomfortably, her eyes open, not blinking, big and red from a restless night. Her lips shape one two three over and over again, her palms gently trembling. Broken, you would think.
The man finally shifts, waking from his deep slumber, drawing his possession even closer. The woman's hands stop shaking. She doesn't chant her mantra anymore, too. She tenses even more, though she desperately tries to look like she's asleep.
The man nuzzles his nose to the said woman's shoulder, gently biting the skin where his mark, the mark of ownership, is, caressing her body with his arm, finally placing it under her breasts, holding her in place.
The man wasn't happy to find out last night that he wasn't the first to his mate. He got angry. He got rough. He drew blood. He swore to his mate that he will find that miserable male that touched his property. He promised her he will kill him. And then he fucked her raw, making her scream in pleasure until both of them couldn't continue any longer. Finally, this woman was properly marked as his.
Finally, he got up. He took some clothes from the wardrobe and went to the shower, cleaned himself, got dressed, and, glancing at his mate once, left the bedroom, letting her face the morning alone.
Eira
I lay in the bed, not being able to move. Everything hurt. I want to get up, but I can't find the energy to move. I just want to stay here, drowning in my shame and disgust. But what will happen if he finds you still in bed naked? I can't let him do this to me ever again. I need to get the hell away from this place, so I try to get up, to make my legs move. Pain shoots through my core, making me wince, bringing the memories of last night to the surface again. Slowly, so very slowly, I manage to throw my legs over the bed and stand up. Something sticky trails down my legs. I won't get pregnant, I won't... I keep my mind shut down, concentrating only on my breathing. In and out. With effort, I make it to the wardrobe, grab some clothes, and manage to get in the shower.
Once again, warm water doesn't help. I'm shaking, violently. As I start to clean myself up, desperately wanting to get the smell of him off of me, I feel a sharp pain in my hips. I look down and whimper, not believing what I see. Four crescent wounds on each side travel down my waist, starting to close up, but still oozing blood. The mark of his claws. Hickeys cover my stomach, purple against the white skin. My wrists are red where he held me immobile. Black bruises shaped like his fingertips mark my breasts. He branded me in every way possible. Like an animal.
I scramble out of the shower, abruptly trying to dry myself with the towel. My mind is screaming at me, threatening to shut down completely. I try convincing myself to stay sane, to focus on putting my sweatpants on, then a sweater.
Should I stay here? I don't want to go down, where all the other people are. I don't want them to see my shame. But I also don't want Ronan to come here and take me down, even more, I don't want him staying here with me. So, I choose the lesser of two evils.
One step at a time, I make it to the bedroom door, always focusing on one single thing, not letting any other thought distract me. Put a hand on the handle. Press it. Push the door. Exit. Close the door. Walk.
I reach the kitchen, keeping my head down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. I don't know what they think about me after my stunt yesterday, but I sure as hell don't want to find out.
Everyone is already there but still not seated, making the room feel too crowded. As they notice me, the room gets quiet for a second, then fills with chatter again. My shoulders slump forward, the sweater I wear suddenly feeling too suffocating for me. I can feel a flush creeping across my cheeks. I don't care about their opinion, I keep telling myself.
He is already sitting, watching my every move. A predator, following each step of his prey. He gestures for me to sit in my spot near him, the same one I sat yesterday. Slowly, I make my way forward, only thinking about my next step, how I place my feet.
I make it to the table, sitting on the monster's left, my fingers toying with a thread from my sweater. Suddenly, I feel Ronan's hand, pushing my hair to the side, revealing his ugly mark. I shiver, grinding my teeth.
Everyone is sitting down now, starting to eat. Once in a while, they dare to take a peek at me, their eyes fixed on my neck. I have no doubts there are some bruises too. A good way for Ronan to show what happens if someone steps out of his order.
I stare at my empty plate, counting to ten and then back. I can't eat, can't lift my eyes from the plate, can't interrupt my counting. Numbers would mess up, I would have to start again. So I count, back and forth, again and again.
I feel a hand on my thigh again and I freeze. I think my heart stops for a second. But I stay still, not daring to even move a muscle. I just count, screaming those numbers in my head, again and again, and again.
''EIRA''. My name. Someone's calling me. He is calling me. I lift my head, staring blankly at him, trying not to lose my count. ''You're not eating. Eat''. I have to eat something. If I won't, he will drag me to that bedroom again. So I grab the first thing I see on the table - an orange. I start pealing it, counting little pieces of skin as I go. Then, I count the slices. I eat one, count how many are left, then eat another one.
Too quickly, people begin to stand up, ready to start their day. I am not. Is Ronan going to make me spend the entire day with him? My hands start to shake again. Thankfully, Hanna saves me. ''Hey, I have a ton of stuff to do and I would really use some help. Would like to join me?'' I'm ready to go wherever this girl wants me to if that means I won't have to be with him. But I know I must ask for permission first. I know he is expecting me to. So I turn around, glancing over him. He stares at me back, squinting his eyes a little, wondering if it's safe to let me go with this girl. To my relief, he nods his head. I am free. I turn around, ready to get the hell away from him.
"But Eira" his voice booms. I swallow, hoping he didn't change his mind. "I'm watching your every step. Don't make choices you'll regret later."
''Okay, let's go'' Hanna smiles as if threatening your mate is a completely acceptable thing, then grabs my hand and drags me through the back door outside. As I take a deep breath of the morning breeze, I feel a little lighter, less crushed. I can survive this.
''Okay, so, where are we going?'' I ask, wanting to fill the silence. Hanna smiles at me again, marching towards the trees. ''We need some fresh herbs in the kitchen, you wouldn't find them in any store.'' I find this a little strange but still agree to join her.
Once we are deeper into the woods, Hanna's light mood changes. She turns to me, tears filling her eyes as her eyes catch the sight of my neck. ''Oh, you poor thing... Can I hug you?'' I almost laugh at her question, not expecting any kindness from these people. But then, my eyes fill with tears too and I start sobbing, nodding my head in reply. Her body crashes to mine, her hand gently drawing circles on my back, hushing lightly to my ear. Her touch doesn't bother my skin and I accept her kindness. After a minute, I contain myself and she lets me go. I smile weakly at Hanna, not knowing what to say.
''Oh, baby girl, this must be terrible to you...'' Yeah, Hanna, it is. I nod my head, wiping my tears with my sleeve. ''I just...'' I start, not really knowing what to say ''I never felt so weak''. She looks at me with sorrow in her eyes, her lower lip trembling. ''Look, Eira, I can't ease your pain, but I can help you with something else''.
She bends down, picks some herbs from the ground, and shows it to me. ''You need to take a few of these. I'm sure you don't really want a pup at this moment, yes?'' I freeze, remembering something thick running down my legs this morning. I whimper, my eyes filling with tears again.
I take herbs from her hands, wanting to thank her. But what if she's just testing me? What if she's only spying on me for him? ''I don't think that he...Ronan... He wouldn't be happy.'' I manage to squeeze, not trusting her just yet. Hanna seriously looks heartbroken. She reminds me of a child whose guinea pig just died. ''Eira... I'm not playing with you. I didn't want Theo's pup at first. I'm not even sure I want it now, too. I don't think I'm ready for this step. We girls understand each other. This herb is no secret to us. The boys, on the other hand... Don't talk about it with them. Every single one of them wants pups. They would kill us if they knew.''
I look at her beautiful face and I know she's genuine with me. I nod to her again, not able to speak. I am grateful for her, so very grateful. I won't bear that monster's spawn in my womb. I won't.
''Okay, let's find more of it, yes? Some girls asked me for it, it uses up quickly.'' I nod at her again and we walk for a while, searching for this herb. As we walk, she speaks about the pack, genuinely thinking I'm here to stay. I let her speak, wondering if she'd try to catch me if I tried to escape now. But Ronan warned me very clearly this morning and I don't think that now would be the right time to just shift and have the whole pack chasing me down.
When Hanna says that we collected enough, I dare to ask her some questions. ''Hanna, how do I use these?''
''It's easy. We dry these up, then make a tea out of them. Remember, put some other herbs too, the tea is kinda disgusting and it smells bad. Alpha Ronan can suspect something. You should drink it every morning, just to be sure. Oh, and don't worry, I'll give you some of the already dried ones.'' Hanna winks at me and I feel a little better. I have one person here who I can trust.
As we walk out of the woods, I turn to the girl. ''Hanna, I want to thank you, I...'' I don't finish, Hanna stopping me ''Baby girl, we are here for each other. Besides... I think it was so cool the way you attacked the Alpha...'' She laughs, making me smile too.
We then go to the empty kitchen where she puts the herbs with other fresh ones. ''Ladies will dry them later. Come on, I'll show you around a little''.
For the next few hours, we walk around, chatting about the pack life. Apparently, this pack is huge, about three hundred people. Only the high-ranking ones live in the main packhouse. Others live in separate houses, though the whole pack meets every day, staying well organized and keeping relations tight. I am extremely thankful to Hanna for distracting me from my thoughts, making me forget about last night's horrors at least for a while.
The place itself, I have to admit, is beautiful. There's even a lake nearby. The forest is lush and welcoming. In different circumstances, I would love this place, it reminds me of my forest a little. Hanna shows me around the houses, all nice and compact. ''And this is where we train'' Hanna points to the big one-story building farther from the other ones. ''We should get going, though. I promised Mari to help her with the laundry.''
I try to convince Hanna to let me help her, but she shakes her head, demanding me to go and rest. She says I look as if I can pass out any time. I can't object. I didn't sleep last night at all.
She accompanies me to the packhouse, smiling at me and waving goodbye, telling me to rest. I promise her that I will try. As soon as she leaves, everything comes back, crushing me. I gasp, physically feeling the pain, and rush up the stairs. I don't want anyone to see me like that. But I can't go to that room, I can't look at that bed.
Where should I go? I walk from door to door, mindlessly checking out every room, counting to ten and back in my mind. Finally, I walk into some kind of a study. It's small and cozy, with floor-to-ceiling windows covering one wall. Warm afternoon light drowns everything in gold. There's a big bookshelf on the far wall, a writing desk in front of it. In a corner, to my joy, stands a small plush sofa, with a blanket neatly folded on top. This is perfect.
I sigh, stepping inside. I go straight to the bookshelf, grab the first book I see, and lay on the sofa, covering my bare feet with a knitted blanket. I actually feel cozy here. I don't even open the book - I simply close my eyes, enjoying the peace. I don't feel the exact moment I drift to sleep.