I felt like shit. I didn't get much sleep last night, strange dreams waking me up every few hours. And damn, I was not excited about the hunt at all. My mind went wild every time I thought about it, but even though the possibility to escape was tempting, I had to remind myself that I wouldn't make it far. Ronan will definitely keep a close eye on me, not trusting me enough to let me run freely. I will most likely be stuck by his side the most of the hunt. Besides, there will be hunters with us too. What's the point of trying to run?
The monster sleeping next to me stirred. Well, it begins, I guess. He let out a sigh and sat, looking in my direction. I buried my nose deeper into the pillow, relaxing all my muscles. I just hope he will go to the bathroom or wherever and I will be able to get ready without him groping me or some shit.
To my relief, he stood up and went to the shower. As soon as I heard the water running, I jumped out of bed and dressed as quickly as possible. I didn't want to stay in this room any longer, I wanted to just walk out, but I knew he would be mad if he won't find me waiting for him like a good little mate. So I took a deep breath, opened the bathroom door, and, looking at my feet all the time, I made myself speak ''Uh, I'm going to the kitchen to help the girls with breakfast, okay?''
Ronan grunted in approval. Ok, bye, I hope you'll slip and split your skull open. With that comforting thought, I slam the bathroom door shut, open the bedroom door, and basically jog down the stairs to the kitchen, eager to see Hanna.
She's standing near the counter, cutting some fruits, her hair as always braided in a French braid. I say hello to the girls and go straight to her. ''Here, let me help you''. I pick up the knife and start cutting mangoes. The blade is sharp - it easily cuts the flesh of the fruit and I can't help but remember the crescent wounds the monster's talons left on my hips. I remember all those bruises on my wrists, stomach, and neck... I didn't dare to look in the mirror these days, afraid of what I'd see.
Blood starts trailing down my fingers. Shit. That fucker messed with my head so bad I can't even cut a damn fruit without my arms shaking. I close my eyes in frustration. I'm not used to my body doing this stuff to me. It feels like I lost control over myself. And damn, I hate losing control. And, thanks to my dear mate, it happens quite frequently these days.
Hanna's hands take the knife away from me. She doesn't say anything and I am grateful for it. I would most likely tear up. She handles me a towel to clean the blood, a sad smile on her face. ''Come on, let's finish this'', she says, nodding towards the fruits. ''And Eira... You are not alone in this. It feels like you are, but you are not.'' I pick up the knife again, nodding my head to her. She's right. I can do this. For my family, for Keenan. My hands don't shake this time.
*****
The excitement is almost palpable. I don't understand this, it's just some animal hunting and eating them when they're still warm to satisfy our inner wolves, that's it. So what's with all of this buzz? Males are talking loudly, pushing each other, testosterone reeking from their skin. I roll my eyes for what feels like the millionth time. Can't these people be at least a little more civilized?
To my disappointment, Hanna is not allowed to come with me. Her mate lectured her about how dangerous it will be for her and he cat let anything bad happen to her. Hanna's eyes were puppy-like, full of love and submission. She was nodding her head to his every sentence, ready to fill every one of his wishes.
Jesus fucking Christ I hope I will never get this brainwashed like her.
I turn to the girl near me, who's putting her hair in a ponytail. I try to ask her about all of this mess. ''Why is everyone so heated? It's just some stupid animal hunt.'' She gives me a strange look. ''Girl, haven't Ronan told you about it? We're going to hunt some rogues and take them down. Every once in a while they try to cross our lands to hunt for animals, steal supplies, and stuff like that, but we won't have this. It's our land. Patrols reported that they saw a few of them in the woods, so we are going to have some fun'' she says, smiling widely. She looks like she was waiting for this for a long time. It's disgusting.
It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. To have some fun? To have some fun?? What the fuck is wrong with these people? Normal people don't find enjoyment in killing others! This whole pack is fucked up. I did not sign for this stuff. I won't stay with them, I need to get out. And I must do it as soon as possible.
*****
Like I thought, I had to run right beside Ronan. Damn, I forgot how huge his wolf was. It shouldn't be hard for me to keep up with him though - I had pretty long legs. However, my body was sore and every step was painful. I just hope to be done with this stupid hunt soon. All I want now is to go to that little study I found yesterday and go to sleep. Forever, preferably.
Suddenly, Ronan nips my flank - apparently, he wasn't okay with me going a few meters away from him. Stupid mutt. I growl at him, showing my disapproval. Well, it was a mistake. The brown wolf sunk his fangs deep into my back this time. It hurt like a bitch. But I didn't want any more trouble, so I obediently got back to his side, cursing at him in my head. Maybe I'll be lucky and he'll trip on some rock, split his skull, and die...
But then I hear them - paws beating the ground in front of us, trying to get away. It's them - the rogues. And they know exactly what's about to come. Ronan's pack starts howling, ready to kill. Everyone fastens their pace. It's going to be a massacre. And I'll have to watch.
As the pack gets closer to the unlucky ones, I can finally see them - five shaggy, skinny-looking wolves trying to save themselves from their fate. But they are too slow, too emaciated. Still, they try. And then, it started.
Everything happened too fast - Ronan jumping on one of them, crushing him under his weight, starting to mutilate his prey. He didn't kill him fast - he wanted him to suffer. I saw Mira's wolf jumping on the smallest one - the little one had to be only a child. She tore his back legs with her teeth, crushing joints, little wolf squealing beneath her. Three more wolves started screeching from pain. I wanted to look away. I wasn't able to.
There was blood - so much blood. The ground was slick and red from it. The metalic stench made me want to throw up. The image of a mutilated human body appeared in my head, purple-red blood, just like the blood from these wolves, was dripping down my father's fingers. One two three. One two three. One two three. I stared at the slaughter that was happening in front of me and at the same time, I was reliving the day my father died. I was not able to move a muscle. I only managed to watch.
Ronan finally ended his prey's life, ripping his throat out. The others died soon, too. Exept the little one. Mira sliced his belly open. I could see the wolf's insides spilling on the ground. And he was still alive. He suffered the longest. And then, the pack left them, just like that.
I stood there, utterly shocked. I wanted to go to the little one, to not let him die alone, but I stood and watched, silently praying for his soul.
A nudge. I slowly turned my head, my eyes still fixed on the little wolf, who finally stilled. Ronan was telling me to move my feet. His face was all covered in blood, his paws were soaked in it. My first thought was that it was my turn to die now. I took a step back. Ronan bared his teeth. He won't kill me. I must go with him.
Finally, I made myself move forward, with the brown one close behind me. All the way home the only thing I saw was Mira, crushing the little one's feet.
*****
When we got back, everyone started talking about the bonfire party to celebrate yet another successful hunt. All I can say is I was beyond disgusted. I just wanted to find some quiet place and try to forget the horrors I've seen today. But as I was walking towards the house, a hand landed on my shoulder. Mira. She didn't look pleased.
''Eira, as you being the Alpha's mate, I was expecting you to be more involved in dealing with the rogues'' she said with a clear mockery in her voice. Bitch you killed a child! I shook her hand away. ''Stop touching me'' was all I answered.
I was done with their bullshit today. But Mira wasn't. ''You should know better. You should've killed a damn rogue today. You showed how weak you are by just standing there, not even trying to help us. What were you thinking?''
You want to know what I think? I slowly turned to meet her gaze and with my voice cold and calm, I replyed ''I wasn't the one to slowly kill an innocent child. I wasn't the one to kill them all just because they crossed the territory. You should have at least questioned them - maybe they were only lost. It looked like they only were a family passing by. But you, being all oh so strong, didn't even think about it. You butchered them straight away. You are all disgusting.''
I didn't wait for her reaction - I turned my back on her and went straight to the pack house. I was done with these people for today. I was done with them forever, actually. I couldn't believe that they could be so cruel, so brutual. And I was trapped here, with them.
I stormed to the bathroom, wishing to wash away all the dirt from me. I stripped and had the coldest shower in my life. Even though I stood underneath the freezing stream, my skin felt like fire - I was in rage. But the water finally won - after a good half an hour, I stepped out nice and cool, finally actually feeling clean.
As I walked out of the bathroom, the monster was already there, taking his shirt off. Thanks for not evading my privacy in the shower for once, I guess. He stepped towards me, his eyes fixed on my face. ''Why are your lips blue? You sick?'' Wow, he actually had decency to sound concerned.
''No, I just took a cold shower''. Again, my voice held no emotion when I talked with him. I was like a robot. And the monster wasn't happy about that. He grabbed my arm and put his palm on my face. I remembered his bloody paws in the woods today. And just like that, the feeling of cleanliness disapeared. Stop touching me. Why does everyone want to touch me?
''Eira, you're white as a paper, you could get sick. You should take care of yourself better. Look at yourself, you barely eat, you are always tired and now you are making yourself sick.''
Take care of myself better? Not eating enough?? And with those words, all the events of today got the better of me. I was so sick and tired of this pack I couldn't stop myself from making the same mistake again.
I looked straight into his eye as I said ''I was completely fine when I was at home. I was completely fine when I wasn't ripped away from my family. I was completely fine when no one was raping me, beating me, and scaring the shit out of me every second of the day. So if you want me to take care of myself better, maybe you should just let the fuck me go home.''
The monster slapped me so hard I fell to the ground, blood pooling in my mouth, my vision blurring once again, my left cheek burning. Then I was kicked in the stomach. I gasped for air. The monster crouched beside me, fire burning in his now almost black eyes.
''Listen here, you little brat'' He spat, grabbing my hair and pulling hard. I screamed. ''You are mine, and only mine. And rape is such an ugly word, isn't it? I only took what rightfully belongs to me. You are not escaping me'' He pulled even harder. I tried not to choke on the blood in my mouth. ''Want to see something cool? I think you need yet another little lesson to know your place''.
He stood up, releasing my hair, but grabbing my arm instead, dragged me out of the room and down the stairs. He didn't stop when we reached the first floor. He went to the basement.
''At first, my little mate, I thought I won't show you this. I thought I would have my enjoyment of killing him without you knowing. I didn't want to upset you. But now...'' He buried his claws deep in my skin, making me cry out loud, ''Now I want you to learn your place and what happens when I get angry''.
He opened the door and then I saw it. A body was laying on the ground, dry blood covering his entire form. I didn't recognize him at first. Then it hit me - the body that now lay on a dirty floor was Luke. He was my first crush, my first love, my first kiss. He was my first...
And the monster, just as he promised me, found him and killed him. He killed him. I simply stood there, staring at the body that once was the boy I loved, not believing my eyes.
And then I started screaming.
The monster slammed me to the wall ''Yes, I found your beau. Do you know who else I found? Keenan. Have you heard of him?''No. Not my Keenan, no no no. Did he kill my brother too? He grinned. ''Tall guy, nice curly hair... Taking care of his mom... Desperately looking for his sister... Oh no, don't cry, little dove. Your dear brother is alive and well. But you will never know when a big bad wolf can appear in his room in the middle of the night, yes?''
I nodded my head, tears streaming down my face. ''Use your words, love''. His fingers were now caressing my face. ''Yes,'' I squeezed quietly. He grinned at me again ''Good girl. Now show me what you've learned today''.
I squeezed my eyes shut, whimpering. I knew what he was telling me to do. I tried to focus. I need to do this for my Keenan. So I let out a breath I was holding, opened my eyes, forced my arms to wrap around the monster's neck, stood on my toes, and kissed him.
The monster growled in approval, pulling me against his chest, his arms groping my thighs. He lifted my legs up, wrapping them around his waist, and started carrying me out of the basement. ''Tell me whose are you, little dove'' he inquired to my ear. ''I'm yours'' I whispered back, silent tears flooding down my face, wetting his naked chest.
He kissed my head in approval, pushing my face to the crook of his neck. As he walked up the stairs, my eyes never left the body which will now forever lay still.
The monster took me upstairs, opened the bedroom door, stepped inside, and closed it with a bang. I flinched. He dropped me onto the bed and stared down at me. ''Take off your hoodie''. I did. ''Now your pants''. With tears still streaming down my face, I did that too. ''Come here''.
I stood up and went to him, trying to block out what was happening to me. He put his arms on my hips, gently stroking me up and down, almost like trying to calm me down. But the only thing I could remember was those eight wounds from his claws, blood on his face, him bitting me... Then those arms went up to my bra clasp and released it, taking the bra completely off of me. I whimpered, but yet again, I did nothing to stop him.
He stood there, doing nothing for a while, just staring at me. Then his hands went up from my waist to my face, his thumbs gently drawing circles on my cheeks. His eyes were full of emotions this time and it scared the hell out of me. I didn't know what to expect from him. A hit? A kiss?
The monster leaned toward me and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering on my skin. We stood like this for a moment and then he said what I expected the least - ''Go take a shirt and put it on. Try to get some sleep''. Wait, what?
But I didn't object - I went straight to the wardrobe, grabbed the first T-shirt I saw and pulled it over my head while the monster went to the shower. But why did he stop? I climbed to the bed, leaned against the headboard, pulling the cover up to my chin and suspiciously waited for my dearest mate to come back.
What should I expect from him? Him being kind to me... If I can call not raping me again kind... I don't know how to deal with him being like that. I know what to do when he's angry, at least I have an idea of what is going to happen. But his mood swings will be the end of me. I experienced so much shit today I cannot even think straight. And my poor Luke...
I want to mourn, I want to cry for him. But yet again, I feel empty. A shell. I just sit there, staring at the wall in front of me.
Finally, the monster comes back, small water dropplets shining in his hair. ''You should rest, there will be a bonfire later. I want you to come and properly meet others''. I only nod my head, not daring to say a word.
A/N
So, this was the longest chapter I've written this far, it's more than 3000 words and I'm kinda proud of myself xdd. I'm thinking about letting Eira chill a little, she's been through a lot in past few chapters. And I should definitely add a few more characters to the story. I'll try to do that in the next part.
As always, please let me know what you think!
I am so thankful for your beautiful comments and messages! You guys are actually making my day better! I'm forever grateful for your votes.
I hope you are having a great day/night!
I love you all,
J.