The weekend arrives faster than I can comprehend, and I sit across from Soobin in a quaint cafe.
I have never felt more out of place and I felt really out of place when I went to get fitted for my uniform. This place would put that place to shame.
I only thought places like these existed in movies. It was all white and pink, with sakura blossoms decorating every corner and accents of gold littered throughout the room.
It is beautiful, no doubt but this is definitely not where I would ever see myself or would be comfortable.
I shift in my seat and peek at him again from on top of my menu. He is studying the menu but maybe he feels my eyes on him and looks up. His face breaks into a smile, flashing his dimples and his eyes turn to half-moon.
I bury my face down in my menu.
Part of me wanted to come here today because I didn't want to let Soobin down and part of me was still somewhat angry at Yeonjun.
I am not even sure what I expected him to say or how to react to me saying that Soobin asked me out but he went cold and then left and I have not seen him since.
It's not like I was waiting for him. Huh, why would I?
And why was I thinking of Yeonjun when I was sitting across from Soobin? Why was my head stuck on him?
Yeonjun didn't have a very smooth relationship with Soobin but that did not mean that I had to see Soobin with his lens. I can make up my mind about Soobin without having 3 different people tell me what opinions I should have of him.
The waiter comes by to take our orders, and I quickly mumble something about green tea, avoiding eye contact with Soobin.
I can feel his gaze on me, and it makes me even more uncomfortable.
I want to enjoy my time here because I don't know when I'll come to a place like this again.
"So, Yuri, what do you think of this place?" Soobin breaks the silence, trying to spark a conversation.
I glance around, taking in the delicate decor. "It's... beautiful. Really fancy, though. I'm not used to places like this."
Soobin chuckles, "Yeah, I thought it might be a bit much. But I wanted to take you somewhere special."
I force a smile, appreciating the effort but unable to shake off the uneasy feeling in my chest. "I appreciate it, Soobin. It's just a bit overwhelming."
As we wait for our drinks, my mind drifts back to that sarcastic comment Yeonjun made. Why did he care? And why did I care so much about his reaction?
Soobin senses my distraction. "Is everything okay, Yuri? You seem a bit off."
I hesitate, unsure of how much to share. "Just... some drama at school. Nothing important."
Soobin leans in, concern etched on his face. "You can talk to me about it, you know. I'm here for you."
I manage a small smile, appreciating his kindness. "Thanks, Soobin. It's just... complicated."
"Here's the cake you ordered" The waiter places a silver dome in front of me and I look quizically at Soobin. We did not order any food yet.
Before I can correct the waiter that he probably got the order wrong, Soobin thanks the waiter and he sets off.
"Soobin, I think they got the tables mixed up. We did not order anything yet" I whisper at him for no reason at all.
He chuckles and encourages me to open it.
Hesitantly I agree and lift the silver cover to reveal a small pink bento cake with red icing on the borders and sorry written in the middle.
I look up at Soobin quizzically and find him holding a box of chocolates. Or at least I assume it is chocolate because the entire box is gold in color.
"Soobin, what is all this?" I ask him and he has a remorseful expression on his face.
"I had a conversation with Beomgyu. He told me what happened between you and Taehyun" he looks at me, assessing my reaction and I sigh.
Is this why he wanted to take me out? Because he felt guilty for what Taehyun said to me? And here I was thinking so much, and reading too much into this.
"Soobin, I don't want you to defend Taehyun. I told the same to Beomgyu as well. I was angry and harsh on Beomgyu and I apologized to him later on but I am telling you the same thing - You don't have to defend Taehyun."
Soobin opens his mouth to say something but I interject. "He is mature enough and God knows he is smart enough to know what he is saying. I know he is your friend and you've known him for longer and what not but it was not his place to make those statements"
"I know and that is why I am sorry you had to endure that. It's..." He gets up from his seat opposite to me and drags the seat right next to me.
Soobin takes both my hands in his and I try not to go rigid from surprise at the close proximity.
"I am genuinely sorry" He has his head down and I can see the length of his eyelashes. Why does he have such long lashes?
He looks up at me and there is uncertainty in his eyes. "I - There are things I - it is tough to explain" he signs in defeat.
"Well, I am here, aren't I? I can wait till you find what you want to say. Not that you owe me any explanation or anything. That is not the case. Just want that to be clear" I defend as soon as I realize my first sentence sounded like a demand.
I want a lot of answers from him but it is not my place to demand those answers and Soobin does not owe me anything.
If he wants to tell me something, I am all ears but if it is all just an elaborate explanation to defend Taehyun's action then Soobin has another thing coming.
"Yuri, you know my parents, right?" he asks, my hands still in his. I reply with a small nod. I knew of them. And I have had one or two encounters with his mother but that is only because she is the principal and had a role in my scholarship.
"And you know my family?" he asks and I reply with another nod.
I don't understand where this conversation is headed but I give him time to speak
"The four of us, Beomgyu, Kai, Taehyun, and I, we've known each other since we were born. Our parents have known each other since they were born and their parents -"
"I understand. You guys have known each other for eternity. Where are you heading with this?" I ask, sighing because it feels like a repeat of what Beomgyu told me.
"Yes. Since we've known each other for so long and given the history, we're all a little protective of each other. Whenever one thinks the other person is a threat, they act without thinking because they want to protect us"
"Don't you think you being here with me kind of defeats that purpose? Because according to Taehyun, I am a threat to you. And Yeonjun" I bite back irritated and Soobin winces at my tone.
He sighs again and is quiet for a few minutes.
It feels like we're at the end of our conversation.
The waiter announces himself and places my green tea and some milkshake with lots of whipped cream in front of both of us.
"You are not a threat. That is where Taehyun is wrong. I have made it clear to him and he will never say something like that ever again" I turn away from Soobin because I feel like I am talking to a wall and I don't want to raise my voice at him when we are around so many people.
"I can't explain to you but the four of us grew up very different. We were exposed to the harsh reality of life very early on and that takes a toll on people" I glance at him and look so honest. He looks like he is trying to tell me something but I am too caught up in my own emotions.
"Yuri, you have to believe me when I say neither of us thinks of you in any other way than a beautiful smart woman who always holds her ground and has no ulterior motives. But you also have to understand that we've had to go through a lot of people who were with us because they benefited from us"
I try to understand him but Taehyun's words, San's warnings, Yeonjun's comments, everyone's stare, it is all muddling in my head.
"I cannot tell you all the instances where we've been used for our names, our family's names. All four of us. So please, I request that you cut Taehyun some slack and I will assure you that he will formally apologize to you" he folds his hands in front of me.
"And I feel really guilty that you had to hear those words because of me. I never want to be a nuisance in your life or interfere with your everyday" He sounds earnest.
But his earnest answer hurts a different part of my ego this time.
"Did you bring me here in the name of a date because you felt guilty for what Taehyun said to me?" I ask. I want his honest answer.
Here I was contemplating so much about him and how this entire 'date' would go or even what a 'date' was supposed to be. I was right to think that Soobin did not think much of this because to him this was a pity date.
I try to keep my breathing under control but it is hard and I feel the tears starting to burn my eyes because I refuse to let them fall.
I feel so dumb right now.
I can't even imagine why I agreed to this in the first place.
"I think we're done here, thank you for this cake" I get up from my seat, followed by Soobin.
Soobin grabs a hold of my hand "Yuri-"
"Please don't" I yank my hand out of his grip.
Soobin looks genuinely remorseful, but I can't bring myself to stay and hear more. The weight of the situation is suffocating, and I just need some space.
"I appreciate your honesty, Soobin, but I need some time alone," I mutter, avoiding eye contact as I make my way towards the exit.
The delicate ambiance of the cafe feels oppressive now, and I crave the fresh air outside.
Once on the sidewalk, I take a deep breath, trying to clear my mind.
Why did everything have to be so complicated?
I feel a mix of frustration, disappointment, and confusion swirling inside me.
I didn't want a pity date, and I certainly didn't want to be caught up in the drama of someone else's friendships.
As I walk away from the cafe, my phone buzzes with a message. I glance at it, half-expecting it to be from Soobin, but it's actually from San.
A sob finally breaks out of me and I realize how much I have been hurting because of the strained relationship between him and me for the past couple of weeks.
"Can we talk? I miss our banter," the message reads.
A/n: Happy New Year! I hope you all have a wonderful new year and I wish 2024 brings all of us lots of happy memories and abundance.