I adjusted my bag on my shoulder as I walked toward the student activity center, nerves coiling in my stomach. Yeonjun's text had been brief: Meet me after school. The blind spot.
I knew the place he meant.
At last I made a memory that I'll never forget starting at that spot. Maybe I should give that spot a little more credit because I feel like that is the night we really connected past the superficial level.
That might have been the catalyst for what we are today.
Things were hot and cold between us and it was making me a little worried.
After that night at Hive, we haven't had a chance to meet, let alone spend some time together and after the argument we had I didn't know whether he wanted to spend time with me.
It didn't take much for me to know something was wrong. He'd been distant the past few days, and every interaction between us felt laced with tension.
I spotted him before he noticed me, leaning against a tree, his arms crossed over his chest. His uniform looked perfectly crisp, all in glory with his leather jacket, but it couldn't hide how tired he looked.
His shoulders slumped slightly, and his posture lacked its usual confidence. He looked like he had a lot on his mind.
"Hey," I greeted softly as I approached.
Yeonjun glanced up, his dark eyes meeting mine. For a moment, his expression softened, but the weariness was still there, etched into his face like he hadn't slept in days.
"Hey" He didn't reach for me, didn't smile, and that alone sent warning bells ringing in my head.
"You look... off," I said hesitantly, studying his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned for him. His cheeks looked sunken in and his eyes had purple bruises of dark circles under them.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, hesitating before answering.
"It's just... stuff with my dad. Work. Soobin. Everything" he said dejectedly.
"Tell me what's going on"Â I stepped closer, lowering my voice.
For a second, I thought he was going to brush me off. Then, he exhaled sharply and leaned back against the fence.
"My dad's piling more responsibility on me again. He wants me to take over the textile division sooner than I thought. And then there is the whole arrangement with Hyejin -" he stopped himself short before completing the sentence.
He didn't need to finish it. I knew what the end of that sentence was. The whole arrange marriage his family proposed to Hyejin's family.
It was fucked up, and straight out of a K-drama but it was happening in front of me, to the boy I loved.
But did I really have the right to love him when he was spoken for already?
Like that didn't add onto the list of why I didn't feel comfortable letting other people know about us.
"And there's this party coming upâsome big announcement he's planning to make about me stepping into the company" he swiftly changed the line of conversation, no doubt noticing the frown etching my face.
My chest tightened.
"But you don't even want to be part of the company. And you don't want Hyejin, right?" I asked in a small voice.
Every time I imagined her, a small niggling part of my brain taunted me about how she was a better match for him any way.
What did I have to offer that she didn't?
It's not like Yeonjun could introduce me to his family by simply saying that my parents owned a small noodle shop. They would either faint at the disbelief or scrunch their nose up at me.
At least from everything I have heard of his father and conversation I heard between him and his stepmother, I knew accepting me or even acknowledging me was out of question.
"Of course I don't want either of it," he said bitterly, his hands clenching into fists.
"But it doesn't matter what I want. To him, I'm just the heir, the next Choi to carry the family name. I can't even talk to him about it without him shutting me down. It is so damn frustrating" he growled and I gunuinely understood how worked up he was over it.
"I'm sorry, Yeonjun. That's so unfair"Â I reached out, touching his arm gently.
"Yeah, and it doesn't help that Soobin's been acting weird lately," he muttered.
"He's always hated how much attention I get from my dad, but now? He's... off. Suspicious. And after everything that happened with you two..."
I stiffened at the mention of Soobin, guilt immediately washing over me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Yeonjun's eyes narrowed slightly, and I could see the frustration bubbling beneath the surface.
"You know what I mean, Yuri. You told me he confessed to you. I am surprised you didn't tell me about it" he said a little hurt, a little angry.
I wanted to tell him. I had planned on it the night he came to Hive but things didn't go as we planned. That conversation took a whole different turn before I could mention it.
"He didn't confess," I said quickly, trying to calm him down.
"Not really. He just... said that if we weren't together, he'd try to sway me. That's it." he had to believe me that I had not deliberately decided not to tell him.
"And you don't think that's a problem?"Â Yeonjun's jaw tightened as if he was holding himself back from saying something else.
"Of course it's a problem," I said defensively.
"But it's not like I encouraged him. I shut it down." I said the truth.
"Did you?" His voice rose slightly, his tone sharper than I'd ever heard it.
"Because it doesn't feel like it. He's still hanging around you, still acting like he has a chance." his accusatory tone made me back up a little.
"Yeonjun, that's not fair," I said, my own frustration bubbling to the surface.
"You know how complicated this is. He's my friendâ" I couldn't finish.
"He's not your friend," Yeonjun snapped, cutting me off.
"He wants more, and you're just letting him linger around like that's okay." he was mad and I got where his feelings sprouted from but blaming me this was not okay.
"That's not true!" I protested.
"I've done nothing to make him think he has a chance. And I don't appreciate your tone" I said defensively.
"But you haven't told him about us," Yeonjun shot back.
"You haven't told anyone. And that's the problem, Yuri. Keeping us a secret is what's giving him hope." he didn't point a finger at me literally but it definitely felt like I was to blame for all of this.
His words hit me like a punch to the gut.
"Do you think I want to keep us a secret?" I said, my voice trembling.
"Do you think I enjoy sneaking around and lying to my friends?"
"Then why are we still hiding?" he demanded, stepping closer.
"Why can't we just tell everyone and be done with it?" he lowered his voice and reached his hand out to touch me but I backed a step again and he dropped his hand by his side.
"Because it's not that simple!" I shouted, my emotions finally spilling over.
"Hyejin and you are already supposed to be together. One day there is a rumor of you two breaking up and the net day thew rumor is you guys are back together. It's not like your parent would readily swap me with Hyejin if you tell them to. And, San and Saehi already feel like I'm pulling away from them. If I tell them I've been lying to them this whole time, they'll hate me!"
"And what about me? You mentioned reasons about everyone but me" Yeonjun's voice cracked, the vulnerability in his tone making my chest tighten.
"Do you know how it feels to be hidden like this? Like I'm some kind of secret you're ashamed of?" his hurt broke me and things were spiraling out of control and I wasn't sure where we were headed.
I froze, his words cutting deeper than I expected.
"Yeonjun, that's notâ" I tried to say but he cut in again.
"Isn't it?" he interrupted, his eyes flashing.
"Because that's how it feels, Yuri. Like you're embarrassed to be with me."
"I'm not embarrassed," I said fiercely, my hands shaking. " I'm just... scared. It always feels like the odds are against us" I sighed.
"I am scared of everything!" I admitted, my voice breaking.
"Of losing my friends, of people judging us, of messing this up. I'm terrified, Yeonjun. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you." I tried to convey my feelings the best I could.
He stared at me, his expression softening for just a moment before the frustration returned.
"You have to make a choice, Yuri," he said quietly, his voice laced with exhaustion.
"Because I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't know if I can keep pretending that it doesn't hurt every time you push me away." his tone held finality.
"And what about Hyejin? You are so quick to put it all on me that you don't even see how your life plays a big part in this!" my voice was more bitter than I had intended it to be and he flinched back like I had slapped him.
I was tired of having this same conversation again and again and taking the blame but he didn't even realize why I was afraid. It's like he didn't even try to understand from my point of view.
"I'm not saying it to hurt you, I'm saying it because it's the truth."Â I said, my tone raw.
For a long moment, neither of us said anything. The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, and I didn't know how to respond.
Finally, Yeonjun let out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair.
"You know what? Maybe we should keep this a secret a little longer."
"What?" I blinked, stunned.
"I know what I said before," he spoke, his voice tight.
"But I can't deal with everything right now. Not with Soobin, not with my dad, not with..." He trailed off, looking away.
"Not with me?" I finished, my voice barely above a whisper.
"That's not what I meant," he said quickly, his gaze snapping back to mine. But he didn't look like the guy who fell in love with over the course of months. He looked like the pink haired cuy with a coldness in his eyes and it made me take another step back.
"Yuri, everything feels like it's falling apart, and I don't know how to fix it."
"Neither do I" I swallowed hard, my throat aching.
For a moment, we just stood there, the silence between us heavy and suffocating.
I didn't even say goodbye to him as I turned my back to him and started walking away. There was nothing to be said anyway.
He agreed we should keep a secret. It was funny how quickly he agreed when I called him out on his part.
I didn't even realize I had tears streaking down my face until I bumped into someone and they helped me so that I didn't fall back on my ass.
"Yuri, what happened?" the voice was familiar enough that I didn't need clear vision to know who he was.
Soobin.
A/N: hellowww lovely people! I am back again. This chapter was drafted during November 30 but I made a lot of changes. And I mean A LOOOOOOOTTT of changes. In the intial draft Yuri agrees to Yeonjun but I kinda felt like that didn't look as natural. I mean why should our girl always be the one to blame. Our boy definitely have things that he needs to be held accountable for and I wanted Yuri to stand up for herself.
Anywaayyyy. How are you guys? I know I have been inactive lately and I keep making false promises about being regular with the updates but please bear with me. I am really trying to do my best. I recently got promoted at my job and it came with a hefty amount of work so juggling all my work and wattpad is becoming a little difficult but I would never abandon this story. SO best be known, even if the updates are a little slower (or a lot slower compared to before) I will keep uploading and I will also focus more energy on A God Named Sin. It is my fantasy dystopian novel. It will have slightly more mature theme but I hope you like it. Give it a read and let me know you thoughts on that.
Love you all! ð