It took me a second to orientate myself the next morning. When my eyes adjusted and I realised where I was, who I was next to, my face broke into a smile. Mason's arms held me against his body; his legs tangled in mine. Weak, early morning sunshine spilled inside from the open curtains and cast a square of light onto the wall in front of me.
For a moment I just stared at it, allowing the previous twelve hours to seep into my memory. My stomach jumbled together in a mess of emotions, most of them turning my body warm and fuzzy. The ones that threatened to sour my blissful start to the day I banished to the back of my head, where I could deal with them once I was out of Mason's bed.
Mason!
My smile broadened. An intense wave of affection washed over me, followed by the need to set my eyes on him, just to make sure I wasn't still dreaming. I was about to turn around, but shyness stopped me. I knew that I couldn't look as bad as I imagined, but still the thought of Mason seeing my first-thing-in-the-morning look still forced me to pause.
Behind me, Mason let out a long sigh. His breath tickled the back of my neck and sent shivers down my arms. I pushed the self consciousness away, too; how bad could I look in comparison to how I looked after a tough ninety minutes of football, anyway? As I was about to turn around, Mason's arm tightened around my stomach.
"Beck? You awake?"
The croak in his voice made my heart clench. Rolling over, it almost came to a stop as I set my eyes on him.
Sleepy, slightly puffy eyes stared back at me, golden in the early light. A lazy grin inched across his lips, crinkling the corners of his eyes. His hair, usually styled up so perfectly, fell across his forehead and for some reason this brought the most tenderness to my chest.
"Morning," he murmured. The arm that encircled my shoulders squeezed them.
"Hi," I replied, my cheeks heating up.
I tried to picture myself the way he presumably saw me now: wild, flyaway baby hairs, drowsy eyes, smudged mascara that I didn't remove the previous night. Was he taking me in the same way I took him in? Was he trying to freeze the image in his head like I was? I watched his eyes flick from my left eye, to my right, down to my lips, and back to my eyes.
Unable to fight the urge any longer, I reached out my hand and brushed the hair from his face, combing my fingers through it and all the way to the back of his head. Mason inhaled deeply and his eyelids hovered, almost shut. The softness of hair was interspersed with sticky, dried bits of hair product, but I repeated the action anyway. My left wrist ached, but I ignored it, too absorbed in the feel of his hair, the freedom I had to touch it.
"You okay?" Mason asked softly, his eyes open and unsure. "Aboutâ" I finished his question in my head as he hesitated. "Last night?"
Another bout of affection spread across my body, overwhelming the small ball of doubt that knocked at the back of my mind. "Yeah, I am." I cupped the side of his face, taking a break from stroking his hair. "Are you?"
He breathed out a chuckle. "Yeah, of course."
I tried to mimic his grin, but the ball was growing. Mason's free hand slipped under the hoodie he'd given me last night. Warm, sure fingers spread across my bare back. My stomach leapt again, but to ignore the nagging feeling in my head wouldn't be fair to Mason.
"Just, um," I started. Panic clouded my head. "Can we maybe, just..." Mason's eyebrows raised, his eyes turned anxious. "Can we, like, not tell anyone that this happened? The team, I mean. At least not straight away?"
My heart pounded as I watched the words process in Mason's mind. Just as quickly as I'd spat them out, Mason smiled. His thumb traced a line over my side and I resisted the urge to squirm under it.
"Beck, I won't tell a soul if you don't want me to," he said, still grinning.
His arms pulled me closer so that, by the time our faces were inches apart, I was grinning, too. I shut my eyes, anticipating the feel of his lips against mine again, but it didn't come. Before I could react, I realised the reason for his pause.
At the knock on the door, my eyes shot open. Kyle. Terror flashed through me as I met Mason's eyes â irritatingly still at ease â and I froze, as if keeping still would prevent Kyle from ever knowing I was here.
"Mason? Yo, you alive in there?"
I squeezed Mason's shoulder, unnerved adrenalin numbing the pain in my wrist. Mason just grinned.
"Yeah, I'm just getting changed!" he called back, his arms pulling me against his body. For half a second, I allowed myself to savour his closeness. "Be down in a bit!"
"Do you want coffee? Nat's making," Kyle replied, voice muffled through the door.
"Yeah, please."
Kyle slapped the door a couple of times, and for a good while both Mason and I kept silent. Eventually, though, he broke out into a giggle.
"Might be a bit hard to keep it from him now."
Despite the panic that had stunned me moments ago, I let out a chuckle, too. "Fucking Kyle."
"Ruins everything," Mason agreed.
I met his eyes, which still shone, and felt my stress melt away. Now, Mason did kiss me: slowly, delicately. I savoured it for the seconds it lasted, but Mason pulled away too soon. His hands slipped off my body and the warmth from his disappeared as he climbed out of the bed. Before I had time to relish the sight, he stepped into his walk-in closet.
"Want me to kick them out?" I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "Then they don't have to know anything."
I stayed silent. My right hand twirled Mason's hoodie strings as I thought about it. By the time Mason reappeared â dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt â I sat up.
"It's okay," I replied. "It's just Kyle, right?"
Mason came to my side of the bed. My cheeks flushed as he sat down on the edge of it and his hand found my thigh. He met my gaze, his eyes more alert than minutes before.
"You sure?" My toes curled as he squeezed my leg.
I nodded. "Yeah, it's okay. I'll come down soon."
Mason nodded and stood up. Before he left, he leant down and placed a kiss on my forehead. My head still spun as he exited the room and shut the door behind him.
For a while I remained sitting there, allowing myself to feel whatever appeared in my head. I looked down to my right, to the ruffled sheets where Mason had been, and fondness threw out everything else.
When my stomach started to growl, I decided to get up, too. My dress lay in a green pile halfway to the door, and the thought of putting it back on made me pull a face. Instead, I ventured into Mason's closet and fished out a pair of sweatpants that looked a reasonable size. I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror there and, true to my prediction, black makeup smudged underneath my eyes. I went to the bathroom and splashed my face a few times, which took care of the smears and washed away the last of my sleepiness.
Kyle's voice hit me as soon as I stepped out onto the landing. I paused at the top of the stairs, wondering if I should just escape back to Mason's room and wait until the couple left. A sick feeling hit my stomach as I replayed that morning outside Cobham a few days ago. Kyle hadn't exactly shown much support then. But, I reminded myself, that was before either of us knew about Liv.
Almost at the bottom of the stairs, I haltered again. Kyle's voice reached me as clearly as if I was stood in the kitchen next to him. With it, the tempting smell of coffee wafted into my nose.
"Fran already messaged me, too," he was saying. Mason mumbled a reply, but what Kyle said next sent my heart racing. "Also, I would stay off Twitter if I was you. I was on it for about five minutes earlier and every second post was about you guys."
About me and Beck?" Mason's voice said, louder than previously.
"Yeah! All those pictures from last night have people talking, you know."
"People on my timeline are even convinced," Natalie added.
I rested a hand against the entranceway wall, my head spiralling. God, I knew that was a bad idea. As a reflex, I felt my pockets for my phone. With a sinking heart, I realised it was still in the pocket of Mason's jacket, which was probably still lying on the counter in the kitchen.
"You don't look too fussed, Mitch," Nat spoke up, breaking my train of thought. "Anything you want to tell us?"
"Yeah, did Beck get a little goodbye kiss last night?" Kyle cooed. My cheeks flushed as Mason laughed. "He's not denying it; look at him!"
"Okay, okay, enough," Mason said, but I heard the smile through his words.
I took the lull that followed Kyle and Natalie's laughter as my chance to enter. My stomach churned with nerves, but if I didn't step into the kitchen now, I knew I would run away back upstairs. Taking a deep breath, I stepped around the wall, fearing the worst reaction from Kyle.
I'd taken a few steps closer by the time he looked up and saw me. He stood leaning against the counter where Mason had been the previous night. Natalie sat behind him, her arm wrapped around his torso as she looked at her phone. Both of them looked surprisingly fresh; they were even dressed in clean clothes. For once, it seemed, I was the last one awake. Kyle's eyebrows shot up and his jaw dropped as he met my gaze.
"Holy shit," he said. "Look who it is."
Natalie's head lifted, and she too widened her eyes. Mason, who sat at the island with his back to me, spun around in his chair and his face broke out into a smile.
"Morning," I said, tearing my eyes away from Mason and back to Kyle's shocked face.
Natalie broke into giggles and poked Kyle in the belly. "You owe me twenty quid," she practically sang.
I stopped beside Mason, waiting for Kyle to say something. My stomach turned; my cheeks burned. He looked between me and Mason, eyes narrowed, but eventually grinned.
"So, Twitter was right," he joked.
"Twitter and me," Natalie added.
I rolled my eyes as the pair tittered. Something caught my attention in the corner of my eye, and I looked down to see Mason sliding his cup of coffee towards me. I shot him a smile and lifted it up, the bitter taste distracting me from my embarrassment.
"Well, were they right?" Kyle asked. "I mean, this did happen, yeah? Because Nat and I checked the other rooms this morning and you weren't there, so..."
He trailed off and looked between us with raised eyebrows. I didn't want to be the one to confirm it, but based on the feel of Mason's stare on me, he must have wanted to leave it up to me. I lowered his mug back to the counter and shrugged.
"Look, can you not tell anyone? Please?" I mumbled. A cheeky grin appeared on Kyle's face in an instant, but Mason took over.
"Seriously, bro. Not Fran or Abby or anyone." Affection spouted in my chest again.
"Cross my heart," he said, doing the gesture as he spoke. His lips wobbled with the threat of a grin, but he kept a straight face. "This stays between us, got it."
Worry gnawed at my mind as he stared us down. At the same time, I felt a familiar sense of appreciation for Kyle. He wasn't one to go against his word, and I could assume this time would be no different. And he hadn't even questioned why we didn't want this getting out.
Still, though, I longed to find my phone and look through Twitter at the posts Kyle and Nat alluded to earlier, to see how the rest of the world reacted to this possibility. Were people negative? Were they critical? Were they supportive? Or, like Abby had said, did they even really care?
"Beck, want some coffee?" Nat asked, breaking the silence I was barely aware of.
"Uh, yeah, thanks," I replied.
Mason's hand touched mine, nearly making me jump. His eyes were fill of concern, so I flashed him a smile to calm it down. There would be time for me to dwell on everything later that day, I thought again. For now, I'd just allow myself some time to revel in what had happened. I entwined my fingers with his and slipped into the stool next to him.
"You guys are welcome to make some breakfast," Mason said. "I have eggs and bacon and stuff."
Nat sighed from where she poured me freshly made percolator coffee. "We actually need to get going soon, Mase."
"Yeah, we're meeting Nat's parents for brunch," Kyle added with a shake of his head. "Great day for it."
"You wanted to do it on your off day," Natalie grumbled, shooting her boyfriend a steely look.
A moment later she placed a steaming mug of coffee on the island in front of me, and I released Mason's hand to take a sip. Kyle murmured that they needed to gather their things, and the pair took off upstairs, leaving Mason and I alone in the kitchen again.
"What time does Pippa get here?" I asked, spinning my chair to face Mason.
"You think she would ever take the train?" He laughed. "I'm driving down for lunch and then she'll come back up with me this evening." His eyes turned vulnerable for a second before he looked down at his mug with a frown. "You can come with, if you want."
I blinked at him for a moment, speechless. My mind blanked, clearing of everything except for the image of me with Mason's family, laughing over a day-late Sunday roast, avoiding questions about us â our relationship â, driving back up to the city with his little sister in the back seat. My heart twisted. Better than any day I could imagine with my immediate family.
"My parents wouldn't mind," Mason continued. "The more the merrier and all that."
He chuckled awkwardly, and the noise somehow sparked my brain back to life. With a sinking feeling in my chest, I sighed.
"I can't, Mase," I mumbled. Mason's face fell as I realised the implication behind my words.
"Yeah, okay. I get it."
"No, no, I really can't," I insisted, reaching out and laying my hand over his. "Drew asked me to do some media thing with him this afternoon and we're going for lunch before."
"Oh, right." The disappointment remained in Mason's eyes, but he nodded. I heard Kyle coming down the stairs, making a comment about needing his keys. "How about dinner tomorrow night with Pippa then?"
I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could, Kyle called for Mason in the entranceway. He stared at me for a beat longer before rolling his eyes and standing up. I turned the idea of a dinner with Mason and Pippa over in my head as I followed his lead. The picturesque scene I expected to come didn't, though. Instead, I just heard that well-known voice in the back of my head.
This feels serious. Are you sure you're ready for this?
I swallowed back my unease and faced Natalie in the entrance. She gave me a hug, wished me a good day, and then stepped to the side to do the same to Mason. Then Kyle faced me, his cheek in full display.
"Goodbye, Becky," he joked, pulling me into a hug before I could refuse it. "Hope you and Mitch have a nice day." I rolled my eyes as he turned to Mason. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, yeah?"
I shook my head and Mason let out a sigh. From the front door, Mase and I stood and watched the couple descend the front steps. It felt like minutes ago since I'd been ascending them last night, my mind awash with the possibilities of what lay at the top. Now, as Mason wrapped an arm around my shoulders, I couldn't stop thinking about how different things would be when I walked back down them again.
"So, how about some eggs?" Mason asked.
I felt his eyes on the side of my head, but for the first time all morning I couldn't shake the stress from my mind. God, I hadn't even thought about the consequences last night. Or maybe I had, and just chosen to ignore them. But now, they flooded my mind. What about the team? What about Frank? What about England? What about our careers? What aboutâ
"Hey, Hart, you alright?" Mason's voice dragged me from my rabbit hole. I blinked a couple of times before facing him. His eyes brimmed with confusion. "Let's go inside."
His arm slipped from my shoulders. I spun to enter his house, the gears in my head whirling like crazy. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Mason, and I knew turning away and leaving now would do exactly that. But, at the same time, I didn't know how else to sort out my racing thoughts.
Inside, I faced Mason timidly. "I should probably go home, too," I murmured, coiling my fingers around Mason's hoodie strings. "I need to shower and do some stuff before lunch."
"Uh, okay," he replied, his posture straightening. The hurt I'd expected flashed across his eyes, despite his attempt to hide it.
"I'm sorry, Mase." My throat tightened. "Look, I know I said I was okay with last night and I am, but now I'm just..." I trailed off and shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I just need toâ"
"Think about things?" Mason finished for me. He gave me a small smile, and surprised left me wordless for a moment. "It's okay, Beck. I get it."
He stared at me, looking just as conflicted as I felt. I nodded, suddenly feeling entirely exposed. With an even more surprising chuckle, Mason stepped forwards. He pulled me by my shoulders into an embrace. I shut my eyes against his chest, instantly feeling some of the tension building up in my neck relax.
"I'll take you home, yeah?"
He stoked a hand over my back, and for a moment I wanted to refuse his offer and just stay where we were for the rest of the day.
"I can get an Uber," I replied, my voice stifled.
"There's no way you're getting a taxi home, Beck."
I pulled away enough to look at Mason's face. Warmth spread across my body at the caring expression in his eyes. Not for the first time, I wished there was a way to expel the stupid worries that knocked on my consciousness.
"Not looking like that, anyway," he added, a grin spreading across his face.
I laughed and shoved him away. "I hope you're insulting your hoodie and not me."
"Hate to break it to you, but that's my favourite hoodie." He grinned as I just shook my head at him.
"Why would you give me your favourite hoodie?" I asked.
Mason shrugged and moved forwards again, until he was stood right in front of me. Gently, he raised a hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My breath hitched as his fingers brushed across my cheek.
"What else was I going to give you?" he asked softly.
Unable to think up a reply, I just took him in for a moment. A strange calmness came over me, the complete opposite to what I'd felt just moments before.
Maybe this will be fine.
The thought snuck up on me, but once it entered my brain I found it hard to shake out. Because if this tiny gesture of Mason offering me his favourite hoodie made me feel like this, then how much did everything else really matter? The thought lingered on my mind and flooded my chest with an unexpected mix of emotions. Fear? Acceptance? Apprehension? Confusion?
Love...?
"Want to go get your things?" Mason asked, oblivious to the shaking of my knees and the pounding of my heart and the constriction of my chest and the way my world had just been completely rocked.
With no way to explain it to him in that moment, I just nodded.
"Yeah, let's get going."