it's times like this i think about all that's inside me. all that i am and maybe all I'll ever be.
i want so bad to be good, pure almost. to be seen in such a light that even stripped nothing terrible could ever come close.
i lay back and i imagine all I've ever read or written because if i can take such grotesque thinking and make it beautiful then maybe it's not so bad, maybe it's even worth it.
but hurting myself is not beautiful and no matter how much i struggle and imagine the relief, it never will be.
so I'll stay here, I'll wait for a better time. I'll think about all the bad and I'll turn it into something so beautiful i can almost accept it.