A/N: THANK YOU FOR THE 1K VIEWS! HERE'S A SPECIAL CHAPTER FOR ALL YOU LOVELY FOLKS!
-A word with Enigma-chan and the chaotic crew.
---
"...Adding up with all of the expenses, the fee for my fourth wall is nearly 10k. Pay up." Enigma said, spinning her chair to face the team and held out a neat bill.
"HOW THE HELL IS IT SO EXPENSIVE!?" Ratchet yelled, crumpling up the bill and threw it back to the writer's face.
"Hey! I needed that!" Enigma huffed, bending down to pick it up. Lightblade was by the side of her table, swinging her legs as she smirked at the writer.
"Come on! Breaking the fourth wall is fun! You're interacting even deeper with the reader!" Lightblade chuckled, tugging down Enigma's jacket.
"Hey, knock it off!" she hissed, swatting the medic's hand away. Ioa rolled her eyes and but decided to not disturb her anymore. Miko spoke up, yanking the poor writer off from her seat.
"ENIGMAAAA!!! WRITE ANOTHER NEW FANFIC!!!" Miko yelled at the top of her lungs. Jack and Raf had to cover their ears at the sheer volume, eliciting a growl from the Cons and Ratchet.
"Tone it down, will ya?"
"Shush!" Miko waved them off, pulling the small femme off the chair.
"A-Ah!" Enigma dropped with a thud onto the ground, face-planting.
"Opps." Miko chuckled and ran off, not bothered to pick the emotionally exhausted writer from the floor. Soundwave helped the little one up, gently setting her back on the chair.
"Statement: Is Enigma-chan alright?" he asked, displaying a question mark on his visor. Enigma sighed, nodding and gave the adorable mech a smile.
"Thanks, sweetspark." She said before glaring holes at a certain Japanese girl hiding behind the peds of Bulkhead. Airachnid came forward, picking Enigma off the seat.
"OI! PUT ME DOWN!" Enigma snapped, fighting to get away from the Con's grip. Airachnid gave her a look before smirking.
"Not until you give me a proper chapter."
"Not my fault in the first place! I'm just going with the storyboard!"
"Which happens to be altered by you, genius." Airachnid hissed. Arcee rolled her optics and snatched Enigma from the bounty hunter, setting her in the palms of the Prime.
"I didn't sign up for this..." Enigma groaned, regretting her life's decision. Optimus gently nudged the tired femme and set her back onto her workspace.
"You'll be fine, little one." Optimus said. Ioa came to the writer's side and spoke up, once again ruining the fourth wall.
"So...this chapter is a 1K special-"
"DAMN IT IOA!" Enigma whined, hearing a large rupture to the fourth wall. The reader is currently lying down on their bed, scrolling their phone when they paused and stared back awkwardly at the writer.
"Hi. Bye." Enigma waved her hands, closing back the wall with magic, because she can.
"Hey, the wall was already broken the minute you wrote this chapter, so that's bullshit! Besides, you don't have powers in real life Enigma...or should I say, Anna?" Ioa snickered, earning a groan from the writer. The cheeky femme continued to play with fire and teased the young human. "I mean, why didn't you use another name for the other sparkling book you've made? Dude! Just pick one, it ain't hard!" Ioa rolled her eyes.
"What's wrong with using my name?" Enigma whined, staring at her original character with sadness.
"Hmm...it's kinda awkward... is it not?"
"Hey!" Enigma pouted, standing up from the chair and went towards the Prime.
"OPTIMUSSSSS!!" Enigma cried, climbing onto the Prime's legs. Optimus picked the sobbing femme and gave the OC a look.
"Light...was that necessary?"
"This chapter was supposed to be us thanking the readers for 1K views, not making the kid cry!" Megatron chipped in, passing a packet of tissue to the weeping femme.
"Oh scrap! Okay-Okay! Sorry Enigma...come on, don't cry now...?" Lightblade sweatdropped, raising her hands in surrender.
"Hmph!" Enigma jumped down from the Prime's servos and ran back to her seat. Taking out her pen, Enigma scribbled something down and Ioa realised she had just fucked up. BAD.
'And so with a heavy heart, I am killing off Ioa-'
"NO WAIT, I'M SORRY!!!!!"
---
-Chaotic scenes: Autobots X Human! Reader
"(Y/N)! (Y/N)!" Smokescreen yelled, calling my name for the last umpteenth time. I sighed, putting down the Harry Potter novel I was reading oh-so peacefully to face the rookie.
"Yes?" I said flatly.
"Pepsi or Cola?" he asked, holding up the two bottles.
"...Neither. I want Sprite." I said, returning back to my quiet time. Smokescreen rolled his eyes and snagged the book away.
Big mistake.
Loud paper-tearing sound echoed the whole base, effective silencing everyone. Hell, even Ultra Magnus stop his briefing to see what the hell was going on.
"Oh scrap..." Smokescreen said, holding up the now-torn book awkwardly, dangling the damaged book in the air.
"Uh-Uh...I-I can explain!" He said, backing away slowly. I smiled and stood up.
"Oh, it's okay. You didn't mean it." I said, smile still ever present on my face. Smokescreen relaxed his frame, laughing a little.
"Right, thanks-"
"I'M GOING TO MELT YOUR FRAME DOWN IN THIS INSTANCE!" I roared, jumping up and diving towards the rookie. He ducked and ran, deactivating his holoform as he tried to get away from a certain femme human.
"GET BACK HERE!" I yelled, grabbing a baseball bat as I hunted the idiot down. I was at the exciting part of the book when that bastard RIPPED IT IN HALF!!
"I'LL KILL YOU!" I seethed, pitching my bat onto the terrified mech. Smokescreen ducked, letting the bat smack right into the wall. Ultra Magnus spoke up, irritated with the disturbance.
"(Y/N), can't you see we're having a meeting-"
WHACK!
Ultra Magnus's words were halted by my hands slamming down harshly on his peds. He howled in pain and backed away, cradling his injured peds in agony.
"WHAT IN PRIMUS-ARGHHH!!" He hollered, stumbling back. My hands ached like hell but I didn't give a damn, I have a Smokescreen to murder.
HE's SOOO GOING TO BE HANGED TONIGHT!!
"GET BACK HERE, YOU FRAGGING MORONIC GLITCH- SON OF A BITCH! YOU FUCKING BASTARD I'LL KILL THE SLAG OUT OF YOU AND HANG ALL OF YOUR CYBERTRONIAN ORGANS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE, PRIMUS DAMN YOU!" I jumped onto the large table, running over massive datapads in quest to take down Smokescreen.
"I'M SORRRYYYY!!"
"GET BACK HERE! I BOUGHT THAT SHIT YESTERDAY!" I roared, backflipping onto the ground and continue the game of tag with the doomed rookie. Everyone went quiet as they heard clanking and yelps from a helpless Smokescreen.
"Well then, may his spark rest in peace..." Ratchet muttered, quietly looking back at the datapad. Optimus furrowed his optics, making his best friend look at him with worry.
"What's wrong, Optimus?" Ratchet asked. Optimus turned towards the medic with tears welled up in his optics and replied, sniffling a little.
"(Y/N) had just cursed!" He said, tremendously sparkbroken. Ratchet gave the Prime a dumbfounded look before sighing, patting his back.
"It's okay Optimus, you've heard nothing." Ratchet said, rubbing circles on the traumatised innocent mech. Poor Optimus, his clean and pure audials has heard words not suitable for the bot and it has scarred the fellow!
"Ugh...I'm too old for this." Ratchet muttered, still comforting his shocked friend.
---
-Chaotic Scene: Decepticon X Human! Reader
"(Y/N)! I want more of this treat in this instance!" Megatron demanded, slamming his fist down on the table. The evil group were having a day-off, activating their holoforms to enjoy your cooking.
This happens every Sunday, which means that you had to deal with the crazy team's bullshit EVERY. FRAGGING. SUNDAY.
"(Y/N)! I WANT MORE STEAKKKK!!" Starscream whined, clinking his cutleries on the plate annoyingly. Knockout spoke up too, adding to your ever-pilling frustrations.
"Where's my share of baked potatoes!? I want them now!" he huffed, elbows on the table along with the rest of the crew. Breakdown was stuffing his face messily with mashed potatoes, getting it EVERYWHERE. Airachnid was playing with her food, prodding around the roast turkey and scowled.
"Why am I eating this? I want something else." She said, tipping her red wine into her mouth. That glitch SPECIFICALLY asked for a damn roasted turkey leg yesterday!
"Shockwave demands a proper meal in this instance! This is illogical! I wish to have a normal meal NOW!" the crazy scientist said, pointing a finger at me. The fucking slagger wanted POPTARTS as his dinner!
Normal my fragging ass!
Predaking slammed his hands onto the table too, raising a fork threateningly at your face and demanded another ludicrous request.
"I want the roast pork!" he said.
The fucking pig was down to the bones, no thanks to you lots.
"The soup is too salty." Dreadwing added his two-cents worth, which was NOT HELPFUL AT ALL. That dumb shit added TWO tablespoons on salt into his bowl and NOW he's complaining.
What the fuck?
Soundwave was so far, the sanest. The quiet bot was happily eating his grapes and recording the whole scene. My patience snapped when Starscream threw a cherry tomato at my face, snickering as the red juice splattered onto my (f/c) apron.
"Bullseye!" he cheered, tipping the chair back.
I HAD ENOUGH.
Coming closer to the team, I remain my brief smile and stabbed a large kitchen knife onto the table before slamming down the cleaver onto the other side, smiling coldly at the now silent group of fragged up Bots.
"YOU FUCKING DONKEYS ARE THE ONES I SHALL BE HAVING FOR DINNER!" I yelled, waving my hands at the team. They gulped, backing away.
"H-Hey! W-We're you superiors!" Starscream chuckled nervously. His petty remark ended up with a harsh slam to the face with a porcelain plate, rendering the seeker unconscious.
Growling, I turned back to the terrified team, holding my butcher's knife dangerously close to my face as I glowered dangerously at them.
"Now, the next time you good-for-nothing slaggers bitch on me again, I'll chop your fingers off." I warned, slamming the cleaver down to make my statement clear. The group instinctively retracted their hands back, afraid of losing their precious appendage.
Turning towards MY leader, I smiled sickly sweet at the silver-haired man, sending shivers down his spine.
"Now, what was it that you requested for again, Lord Megatron?" I beamed; eyes closed.
"M-May I h-have some c-caramel puddings...P-Please!?" he stuttered, nearly forgetting his Ps. Taking out the insanely large and sweet treat, I gently plopped it down the table before glancing back to my leader.
"Now, my liege," I began, emphasizing on his name. "This is the LAST one. Are we clear, sweetspark?" I said, giggling a little at the end. Megatron winced, not at all liking my tone.
"U-Uh yeah s-sure, t-thank you!" he muttered, hesitantly taking over the sugary pudding. Looking towards Knockout next, the medic immediately sat down straight, hands still away from the table.
"Ah, I see you're finally up to date with TABLE MANNERS. Baked potatoes, was it? Here." I said, sliding the platter to the scared medic.
"Enjoy~" I sing-songed, adding another layer of fear to the cherry red haired mech. He suddenly decided that he was done eating and got up.
"U-Uh- T-Thank Y-You!!" Knockout said.
Bad call.
I sped-walked towards his chair and slammed him back to his seat, smiling down at him as I calmly spoke.
"Sweetheart, dinner's ready. EAT." I said, gripping tightly onto his shoulders. Nodding frantically, the man grabbed the cutleries shakily and ate his potatoes like a good boy that he was. Turning towards Airachnid, I took her plate and brought it close to her face as I whispered into her ears.
Definitely not threatening at all.
"My dear, you SPECIFICALLY asked for this. Have your taste CHANGED last minute, hmm?" I said raspily, breathing down her neck. The femme took the plate back and ate silently, not making eye contact with me.
"Atta girl." I chuckled, making my next to Shockwave. But before that, I gave Breakdown a glance and eyed on his plate. The bulky guy got the message and wiped his face clean, eating his remainder food properly.
Smart boy.
"Now, Shocky..." I said, tracing my fingers as I pulled the scientist towards me. "Pop tarts aren't healthy, my dear scientist. I'm sure you can have them later as snack...when you're DONE with your dinner. How's that sounds?" I smiled, gripping his collar.
"Y-Yes! Th-That's l-logical! As y-you wish!"
"Wise choice, my smart mech~" I winked, setting down a new plate of food in front of him. Predaking's dragon ears drooped, the beast cowering from my gaze.
"Aww, my precious dragon baby..." I said, leaning close to the mech. Picking up the empty plate, I showed the Predacon and spoke.
"See? It's CLEAN. Unfortunately, you CAN'T have more roast pork. Though, you could be a dear and finish the venison for me, will you?" I said, glowering down at the long- haired man. He nodded eagerly, leaning back and away from me.
"T-Thank y-you!!" he said, taking over the deer meat and ate it. It was Dreadwing's turn now and he knew it, sitting up straight as he stared back at me, terrified.
"M-Ma'am! I-I-"
"Ah! Dready~" I cooed, pulling him close. Tipping his head up, I smiled.
"I see you've added TOO MUCH salt into your bowl of soup! It must have been an ACCIDENT, has it not?" I opened my eyes and stared into his very spark. He nodded, going along with my words.
"Y-Yes! E-Entirely my f-fault in t-this!" he surrendered, shivering from my touch. Smiling I brought out another bowl of mushroom soup for him. Setting it down in front of him, I gave the lieutenant a kiss on the cheek and whispered into his ears, making his hair stand on edge.
"Now, do us all a favour and have caution with the amount of salt, ALRIGHT?" I chuckled.
"Y-YES MA'AM!" he obeyed, drinking his soup immediately. The idiot burned his tongue but he held it in, choosing to drink the hot liquid than to face me.
Huffing in satisfaction, I finally sat down on the table and BEGAN eating, my stomach growling in hunger as I chomped down a roast lamb's leg, barehanded. No one challenged me nor said a word, quietly eating their food.
Starscream was still unconscious, oh well. I'll save some for him later, let him lie there to reflect for a moment.
Sighing, my anger dissipated as I quelled my hunger. Chugging down a large mug of Cola, I burped and slammed my hands down on the table and spoke up, effectively scaring the shit out of the team, again.
"FRAG!" I yelled. Everyone sat up straight, glancing at me.
"What- oh! Sorry! âno wait, I'm not sorry. I'll have y'all know that you may be bigger than me but I ain't some kid to mess with when it comes to food! I'll slice your forms down and cook it, don't fucking mess with me." I said, wiping my face with a napkin. Giving the team a sweeping glance, I broke out into a smile and spoke up.
"Now, why can't we always have dinner like this? It's way better than the fragging mess y'all made EVERY TIME you guys use your holoform."