"I'm happy for you."
I wanted to practice saying it in the mirror as many times as I could but I didn't know how I could mean it anymore.
Roman had always wanted to join the AAP. And now he was in it and I wanted to be happy for him and I was at first but now I was watching him work closely with Tristan and I didn't know how to be okay with that.
My phone beeped and I looked down at it where it sat on the bed.
I walked over.
I had a new message from an unknown number.
Outback. You have 5min.
I immediately knew who it was.
I sighed. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time before turning to rush out the room lest his royal highness chew me out for wasting his precious 'royal' time.
"Crystal! Come colour with me!" Parker called when he saw me rush past the dining room.
I paused briefly.
Aunt Helen, who was seated at the table with her son going through some papers looked up at me above her glasses curiously.
"Uhm, in a minute, bud, I'm just gonna take out the trash!"
"You're not in trash duty today." Aunt Helen spoke.
I shrugged. "Thought I'd give Kat a break." I lied, already backing away hoping she wouldn't get too suspicious about my behaviour.
I grabbed the black bag and lifted it out the house.
I stepped off the porch walking around the house to the back.
Silvercrest had more wood than actual liveable areas. I don't think many humans would be able to live in such a place. Almost every house was in the middle trees and forestry.
The only places in proper view were the main town areas and the school.
I dropped the trash bag in the main bin before rushing towards the back forest where the trees got thicker as you went deeper.
The Benson house lay in a pretty central area but that didn't mean there was much around us.
Our closest neighbours were still a few miles apart.
The main road was about ten minutes away.
I walked deeper quietly and slowly when I realised it was too silent.
I tried to use my enhanced hearing to detect anything. Birds, small animals... him...
But it was quite but for the wind blowing at the trees.
And then I heard it, a loud thud and feet landing on the ground.
I gasped and spun around.
Tristan stood before me in a navy blue t shirt and grey shorts.
I told myself to calm down as he straightened.
I folded my arms across my chest. "You hide in trees now?"
Tristan didn't look the slightest but amused. He stared at me blankly.
"Why'd you call me?" He asked.
I shifted slightly.
I rubbed my arm with the other one.
Right. Rejected mate = awkwardness.
Of course I hadn't spoken to Tristan in a while. We weren't even supposed to be talking but for some reason I always seemed to have a reason to call on him. And I just know he was getting tired of getting new burner phones.
I sucked in a deep breath.
"I wanted to talk."
Tristan looked at me looking mildly... disgusted?
Could I blame him?
This series of us always establishing it would be the last time we communicated and me always calling him back because I still had something to say would be annoying enough for anyone.
"You look... nice." I spoke.
Honestly, I was just trying to play nice and be friendly. I still didn't know the proper way to address or talk to Tristan.
Would this be our life now?
Him looking at me like a stranger. Would we pretend to be strangers until it became true?
Isn't that what I had wanted?
I did reject the bond after all.
But it's not like it made anything easier.
Tristan had no sign of emotion on his face but his voice clearly told me that his patience was wearing thin.
"Now I know you did not call me all the way here to tell me that." He sounded slightly angry.
"N-no." I sucked in a deep breath. "No." I spoke firmly remembering exactly why I had contacted him.
And if anything, he didn't have the right to be mad.
"What are you doing, Tristan?" I asked letting out a breath.
He raised his brows at me expecting me to elaborate.
"Roman, the AAP. Why are you being so mean to him?" I asked.
Tristan let out a hearty breath. It took a few seconds for me to realise he was chuckling. A hollow, sarcastic chuckle.
He looked up at me, shaking his head. "You've got to be kidding me, that's why I'm here."
I felt mad. He was laughing? I was serious and he found it funny.
"Well yeah! He keeps talking about how 'the alpha' is always on him and giving him a hard time." I spoke defensively.
Roman wasn't one to complain. He had long since accepted that his Silvercrest life wouldn't be one filled with the luxury of fairness. But when he spoke about his treatment from Tristan, it made me sad that he felt victimised and bullied by someone who was supposed to be our leader.
Someone who was supposed to be my mate.
I know we weren't together and I definitely didn't know how the mating bond was even decided by nature or whatever. But still, I felt responsible for it.
Especially since I believed the only reason Roman was getting this treatment was because of me.
"Well it's a hard programme, he shouldn't have applied if he knew he wouldn't be able to handle the pressure." Tristan spoke lazily.
I narrowed my eyes at him. Why was he being so casual and nonchalant?
"Roman can handle it." I snapped back. "But it's no secret that you're being too hard on him and singling him out. Honestly Tristan! Could you be any more obvious? Don't you think people will get suspicious of our secret?"
"Your secret." Tristan spoke quietly. "I'm not hiding anything."
He looked up at me, right into my eyes and it felt like his green orbs were trying to piece mine with guilt.
I shifted uncomfortably.
"And I'm not singling out your little boyfriend. Maybe if he stopped being so emotional and did the work -"
"Oh my gosh Tristan, stop it!" I yelled in frustration.
That was an obvious lie.
"All I'm asking is that you stop bullying Roman, that's all!"
Tristan shook his head. He looked like he was trying to gather up patience. "I'm not bullying anyone." He spoke more angrily.
"Yes you are." I argued in frustration.
"What makes you think that?"
"Roman told me!" I replied.
Tristan let out another humourless and hollow laugh. "Why would I bully him? Huh, Crystal? What do I have to prove?"
I opened my mouth but then closed it again.
What was I gonna say? Because of me?
I balled up my fists and urged myself to remain calm. "Just... knock it off, okay? I'm not gonna say it again."
To my surprise, Tristan grinned lazily. He walked towards me, slowly, deliberately. He stopped a few feet in front of me and folded his arms across his check, accentuating his biceps.
"Or. What?" He asked, mocking me, challenging me.
I could feel my blood boiling as I glared at him.
"You're unbelievable!" I yelled before turning to leave.
Tristan quickly caught up with me and took my hand in his, stopping me.
I quickly looked down at the contact. I was alarmed by the sensation. It felt like I was burning just by him touching me.
I don't know if he felt it too but he quickly let go.
He looked away from me.
"I'm not bullying your baby boyfriend." He spoke gruffly.
I swallowed.
"He seems to think so." I spoke in a low voice.
Roman wouldn't just complain about Tristan if there was nothing to complain about.
Tristan let out a huff. "Listen, if you want me to back off, I will. But I don't treat Roman any differently from everyone else. The AAP is supposed to be tough."
"Like everything else here?" I snapped.
Tristan was quiet. It's only when I looked up at him that I saw him watching me.
"What do you mean by that?" He asked, his tone not angry or sarcastic or anything but serious.
I could say a lot about how I had been bullied, about how the curriculum was so different or how I had been put in a baby PE class.
I was an athlete by any means but come on!
I was so frustrated by everything that was going on.
"A lot has changed for me since I moved here, okay?" I spoke in a whisper. "It's a lot different from living with humans."
Tristan's face seemed to soften.
He looked at the ground. "If you want - I - I can talk to headmaster Forbes. He can talk to the teachers. They can take it easy on you or give you some extra lessons if you want."
I looked up at Tristan and blinked. It never really occurred to me that my 'mate' was basically the mayor or president around here.
My 'soulmate' was the most powerful guy around these parts. The only power my last boyfriend ever had was that he got free tickets at the movie theatre he worked at.
I could probably get anything I wanted for free if I just asked.
And once again, when I looked at Tristan, I wondered why I had been chosen for him.
"I - no." I spoke. "I can work harder to bring up my grades." I spoke.
I couldn't do much to change my physical inability but studying. I could study.
"A few months ago, I didn't even know this place existed." I muttered as I looked around.
Tristan nodded slowly.
He placed a hand in his pocket. "Maybe if you did..." he trailed off not finishing his sentence.
He then cleared his throat and straightened.
"If that's all, I should go."
I looked at him, his mood had clearly changed.
He turned to start walking away.
Maybe if I had known... maybe if I had known, we would have had a chance.
"Arg!" I yelled in frustration before getting to my feet.
I ran my a hand through my hair as I started pacing.
"She failed. Again." Bridget spoke sounding extremely unimpressed.
She sat on a chair on the other side of Tristan's room. Jasmine stood beside her watching me.
She had a slight frown on her face and I couldn't tell if it was sympathy for me. Or if she just thought I was extremely pathetic.
I stopped and looked at Bridget. "One more try." I pleaded.
Bridget leaned over in the chair, putting her head in her hand.
She had gotten really good at not flinching every time she did that. Which I found extremely impressive considering she wasn't starting to look any better.
If anything, she was looking worse.
"Maybe we should take a break. Get some rest?" Jasmine suggested.
"Every minute we spend not trying to contact Tristan is a minute more Ornyx could be torturing or hurting him." I spoke.
Bridget reached out for Jasmine to help her get to her feet.
She had been practicing walking on her own but I knew it was coming with a lot of pain.
So as long as people outside the immediate circle weren't around, she asked for help.
Jasmine helped her to her feet.
Bridget looked at me.
"And ever minute I spend watching all your failed attempts to contact him is time I could be spending preparing my pack for war. Which is what's going on in case I have to remind you."
I deflated.
I turned to look at the spot on the carpet I had been sitting and trying to meditate to see if I could open my mind to Tristan.
It was supposed to be nearly impossible. But not for mates. Especially if those mates were the alpha and Luna.
"I have a meeting with my army commanders." Bridget spoke gruffly. "You can stay here and keep trying."
I had been trying.
But I didn't even know the first thing to do.
I had heard about opening your mind to someone and forming a mind link but I had never really thought about ever doing it myself.
Not even with Roman even though there were many times I wished I could read his mind.
I knew the link required a certain level of intimacy and I was starting to fear that I just never truly established that with Tristan.
"I'm just trying to help and do my part." I called after Bridget.
Her and Jasmine stopped.
Jasmine turned to me.
I could tell she was tired as well. She was working just as hard as Bridget to make sure the chaos that was about to hit wouldn't be too hard.
When I saw Jasmine and Peter and Bridget, I was filled with a kind of admiration.
They all seemed so wired and joined in all this. Even though Bridget had Peter taking on a different role from what he wanted, I could tell they were all working so hard to avoid what Tristan had always dreaded the most.
He wasn't here yet they were working like they got orders from him directly. And that kind of friendship is something I never really noticed Tristan had.
All this time when I would think about Tristan, I pictured an elusive guy. Some 'king' in a castle that I wasn't allowed into. He had always seemed so... unattainable.
That even when I felt the bond for the first time, I had believed that it was some kind of scam that couldn't be true.
Until we kissed...
Tristan had been within arms reach all this time but only had been in my arms for a short while.
I hadn't truly gotten to love him the way I had feared and now I was beginning to think I might never.
"Well it's too bad the whole pack hates you." Bridget spoke.
Ouch.
"Bridge!" Jasmine scolded.
I should have been more hurt but it's not like that wasn't something I didn't already know.
Bridget sighed. "I just mean Ornyx sent an entire video announcing you as his kin. You already have a bad track record with Roman and now... Tristan's gone." She paused.
"The waters are still now but you should keep your head low and not stir anything up lest we have a riot."
"I'm not stirring anything up." I argued. "I just want to help."
Bridget rolled her eyes. "What are you gonna do, Crystal?"
I couldn't say anything and she knew it.
Because really there was nothing I could do. I didn't have their training. I had grown up around humans. It was a different ball game all together.
The one thing I could do wasn't working.
I felt so useless in all this.
But I just wanted to find him. I just wanted him back.
"I thought so." Bridget spoke.
Jasmine gave me a sympathetic look before turning to leave with Bridget.
I sighed and sunk down onto the carpet. I buried my face into my hands.
All I wanted to do was scream out in frustration. But that wouldn't do anything to help.
I looked up when I heard the door creak open.
I saw Nana Francesca walk in.
I couldn't hide my shock upon seeing her.
I quickly scrambled to my feet.
I knew that Bridget had ordered her transfer back to the manor for safety reasons but I guess I hadn't expected her to seek me out.
I didn't know where I stood with Lady Melrose since the night of the ball when it was revealed that Tristan and I hadn't actually been true mates.
I could imagine that kind of lie hadn't exactly given me points in her books. Which I hated to be honest because Lady Melrose was one of the few people who had been on my team.
"Uhm, lady Melrose - hi."
I didn't know what else to say in the moment.
The elderly lady looked around my room as if scrutinising it.
It's not like I had done much or anything actually to change it since I moved in.
She then turned back to me dnd pursed her lips.
"They're two things I absolutely cannot stand in this life, Crystal." She started sternly.
I flinched even though she hadn't even said anything damaging yet. Her tone itself spoke volumes.
"That's liars and traitors." She stepped up to me, her form seemed stiff and her demeanour unforgiving.
I wanted to open my mouth and say something but I realised that this would go a lot better if I didn't and just let her get whatever it was off her chest.
"I seem to be surrounded by both lately." She continued.
I sucked in a deep breath and looked at the ground as I waited for the final blow.
"Captain Park was one of my oldest friends." She spoke.
I looked back up at Lady Melrose.
Huh?
She walked over and sat down on my bed. It's then that I realised that for the first time in my life, I was seeing Lady Melrose not put together.
Her usually shiny hair looked dry and was let loose to her shoulders, reminding me that the silver in her hair represented so many years that she had been on this earth.
Her face seemed droopy and tired.
I studied the woman, for the first time truly acknowledging that she had lost a husband, a daughter and now possibly a grandson to Ornyx.
"Back then a lot of people didn't believe a woman should head security, I vouched for her. Freaking traitor. I got her to where she was. I made sure she was respected in my husband's regime."
I watched Lady Melrose not knowing if I should say anything.
The elderly woman didn't even seem to be talking to me per say. If anything, it felt like she was just trying to sort out her thoughts and I just happened to be there.
"I've never been one to trust easily." She continued. "But I trusted her."
It was so clear that she was beyond hurt by this betrayal.
I didn't know where to move closer to offer comfort or not.
In the end, I decided to stay put.
"Do you - do you know why she could have done it?"
Captain Park was a decorated army general. She had been beside three generations of alphas. Why she had chosen to be disloyal now boggled my mind and I could tell it had left a lot of Tristan's people just as shocked.
Lady Melrose looked me right in the eye and shrugged.
"I don't know. Power, I suppose. Greediness is the most poisonous thing you come across when you want to get to the top. Trust me, I was Luna, I saw it all the time around the men and women who surrounded my husband."
She paused a bit.
"Is that why you pretended to love my grandson, Crystal?" She asked.
I was taken aback by the question. She didn't even seem mad. If anything, the question was so monotonous it carried no emotion.
This time I did move forward.
"Lady Melrose. I - I wasn't pretending to -" I sucked in a deep breath.
She had been there when I had said this in the meeting to elect the new alpha but I guess I hadn't told the whole story.
"It was pretend at first. Tristan claimed me to protect me. But I promise." I walked up to her and surprised even myself by getting on my knees so that I could look her in the eye. I didn't care what majority of Woodfell thought.
But I cared what she did. She had accepted me from the beginning. Halfling and all. She had vouched and rooted for me.
It's only now that I realised I had been very wrong in not giving her of all people an explanation.
"I didn't realise how much I did love Tristan. I don't know, maybe it was because Roman was in the picture or because of the necklace of because- because I was scared but I spent a long time fighting and resisting the bond. Time I truly regret. But I promise you, I have never had any bad intentions when it came to being close to Tristan."
Lady Melrose was quiet.
She stared blankly at me and for a moment I wondered if she had even heard me.
"I know." She finally spoke.
I looked up at her.
She knew?
Well then why was I on my knees?
"Please child, you really think you could have fooled me? You're as cunning as a cow. I would have seen you coming a mile away."
I looked at her not knowing whether to be offended or not.
Lady Melrose lifted her head and I once again remembered that even though she wasn't her usual put together self, she was still Silvercrest royalty.
"Get up." She tugged on my hands bringing me up from the floor to sit beside her.
I looked at her but she was still looking straight ahead as if I wasn't there.
"Everyone thinks I'm old and weak now. Jean had guards tailing me all the time. Tristan too. They both always wanted me supervised and watched like some fragile old lady."
"Tristan just wanted you safe." I spoke.
I couldn't speak for his mother but I knew how much Tristan cared about his family.
Lady Melrose scoffed. "Tristan and his mother were both self righteous fools. They both had this inbred need to save the world. Thinking it was their destiny. What crap."
I had long since thought I had gotten over getting shocked by what lady Melrose said. But apparently not.
"They didn't get it from me, I'll tell you that." She spoke. "If I hadn't married Trevor and become Luna, believe me, I would still be able to afford a yacht and private jet out there."
Wait, Silvercrest had yachts and private jets?
Lady Melrose suddenly became sad. "But my mate just had to turn out to be the hero type. I told Trevor when Lucien murdered all those alphas that he didn't have to continue fighting. That he didn't need to be brave and stupid." She sighed. "But I should have known he'd never listen. He formed the union instead. He started this whole chain. The van Cliffes versus the Melroses. If he hadn't blatantly stood against them, he wouldn't have been such a huge target."
"But if he hadn't done what he had done, the Silvercrest pack probably wouldn't exist." I spoke. "None of the other union packs would have existed. The van Cliffes would have won."
"Or maybe some other unfortunate block would have decided to play the hero." Lady Melrose spoke. "Maybe someone else would have risen up, ever think of that? There's an abundance of good in the world, Crystal. Maybe some other sucker would have led the revolution, the Calhouns and their lazy butts maybe. My husband wouldn't have had to die a martyr. My daughter wouldn't have felt the obligation to honour him and suffer the same fate, my grandson -" she chocked on her words.
I put my hand on her shoulder feeling like it was the right thing to do.
"We'll get Tristan back."
I didn't know whether to believe my words. But I just didn't know what would become of me if I didn't.
"How?" She snapped at me. "How are you bloody going to do that?"
I tried not to be offended by her outburst. Nana Francesca was hurting.
"I don't know." I admitted.
Bridget's words echoed in my head. What could I do?
"But I won't stop trying." I promised her.
Lady Melrose stood up. She smoothed over her blouse.
"You better hope so, dear." She spoke seeming more composed. "The first time I met you, I told you that these people couldn't touch you because you where their queen. Well, that's not going to be the case when they realise their alpha might not be coming back."
She turned away without another word leaving me feeling more exposed than I had before.
The nightmare this time was more gruesome than before.
This time I saw Ornyx and he was in a dark room with Tristan. He morphed into a huge scary beast and devoured him right before my eyes.
I shot up in a cold sweat breathing heavily.
When I looked out the window, I realised it was raining. I rushed towards the open window and shut it, locking it in the process.
My heart was still trying to remember how to beat properly when I got back into bed.
I looked at the digital clock beside me.
It was two in the morning.
I tossed and turned in bed.
I heard thunder and the rain become harsher as the drops beat against the window.
I had never really minded storms.
Hazel did though. Whenever the weather was this harsh especially at night, she would make excuses to sleep in mine and Kat's room.
Kat would always get irritated but I guess I had never really minded.
Before the Benson's, I had been an only child. Having three new siblings wasn't exactly something I had been opposed too.
Even if sharing a bed with Hazel meant no personal space whatsoever.
I sighed as I thought about the Bensons. In a lot of ways, they were my adoptive family. And they had taken me I. When they hadn't needed to.
Not only that, they had welcomed me with open arms.
I only came to realise how much I had taken that for granted as I lay in this bed alone. No Hazel to knock in the middle of the night and ask if she could join. Or Aunt Sarah peaking in to see if Kat and I were warm enough.
I got out of bed, my feet guiding me more than my mind.
I wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried.
Not with all the nightmares my mind seemed to have in store.
My feet guided me to Tristan's room.
It might have been creepy but all I wanted to do was be close to something that reminded me of him. Just being around his scent would be enough.
When I got to the door of his room, I wasn't expecting to find it already open.
My steps slowed when I heard the unmistakable sound of quiet sobbing.
I walked to the edge of the door. I peeked in and saw a head of blonde hair seated on the bed hunched over something.
It was obvious it was Bridget.
She held something in her hands but I couldn't make out what it was.
I don't think I'd be able to anyway. My mind was too busy processing that the all mighty and powerful Bridget was bawling her eyes out.
If this had been any other situation, I would have sworn it must have been some freak blip in the universe's order.
Bridget could not have tears or be capable of shedding them if anything.
I could think of all the reasons why this sight before me defied nature in so many ways. But to be honest, all I wanted to do was walk into the room and sob with her.
I tore my eyes away from Bridget before I indeed begun bawling.
I wandered down the hallway fighting back my own tears.
I didn't know why but I found myself getting furious at Bridget.
Why was she crying?
Why was she crying?
Was she giving up?
Tristan wasn't dead.
We were going to save him. We had to...
So why was she crying?
I found myself in the hallway that held the different framed photographs of Tristan and his family.
My eyes fixed on a younger Tristan in his mother's arms.
"You're not dead." I whispered to myself. "I'm not gonna let that happen. I promise."