Do you remember the first time you fell in love?
I do.
His name was Roman and I'm pretty sure I fell head first.
Roman was everything I needed in a time when I felt like everything was slipping away.
I had moved to a new town, without either of the people I had spent my entire life with. Forced to live this new life with family I had just met, in a world I didn't understand.
Let me tell you something about love, it's supposed to be gentle, it's supposed to be kind.
You're supposed to feel at home, at peace in that person's arms even though chaos may surround you.
I loved Roman. Maybe that love made me overlook all the red flags but I definitely did love him.
But here's the thing, I met Tristan. And the idea of a 'soulmate' would have been enchanting before everything that happened. Before I had been dumped in Woodfell, I would have probably embraced the idea and accepted it with open arms.
But how do you just suddenly fall in love with someone you just met?
I met Tristan after things had begun with Roman. With Roman, it took some time to establish trust and safety. I was skeptical of new people in this new place. And especially this handsome man who seemed so taken with me. I didn't think I deserved that love and attention. But I opened myself to it, because honestly, I needed it.
When I met Tristan that day in the woods, I immediately felt like I had my person. I immediately felt like I could be safe.
Keep in mind that I met this man in all his nudity and still, some part of me was certain that he wouldn't hurt me. Ever.
And that terrified the hell out of me. I already had a boyfriend, maybe that's why I spent so many years resisting the bond, resisting Tristan.
Or maybe it was fear. The feeling I got when I met Tristan that first time was too good to be true. And I definitely didn't feel like I deserved that.
"Hey." I looked up and saw Kat walking up to me.
I was seated on the steps of the back porch, watching Aunt Sarah give Hazel the customary 'shifting' talk.
"It's almost time." She announced, nodding up at the hill Hazel and Aunt Sarah stood on.
I got up and stared at the moon.
Tristan would probably be starting the ceremony soon.
"I'm ready." I told Kat.
Since Hazel wouldn't be able to have her first shift with the other wolves her age, we decided us girls would do it together right here.
We obviously wouldn't be able to get far with the circumstances of the safe house. But there was enough wood area that I'm sure she would still be able to enjoy.
"Great. Hazel is a bit nervous and it probably didn't help that I lied to her about her ears getting bigger once she completely shifts for the first time." Kat spoke with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"You're terrible."
"I know." Kat shrugged.
Kat walked up to stand beside me.
She looked up at the moon with me.
"What happened?" She asked.
I looked at her wondering if she was doing that annoying cousin thing where she read my mind.
"With alpha Tristan. He seemed mad when he left." She elaborated.
I frowned thinking back to what had transpired just hours ago."He was."
I felt tears prick at my eyes.
" I kissed him." I whispered.
Kat's head shot to look at me.
"Wh-hat?"
I sighed. "I probably shouldn't have."
Kat turned so that she was facing me completely now. "Let me get this straight. You kissed our alpha, your mate... and he was... mad?"
I guess it did sound kind of confusing.
"I don't know, Kat, I guess it was the timing? The reason?"
"What do you mean - the reason?" Kat still looked confused.
I sucked in a deep breath.
"We were talking... I was pleading with him not to challenge Ornyx. And - I don't know, I guess he saw the kiss as a form of manipulation."
Kat looked thoughtful. "Was it?"
I stared at her inoffence. "No! Of course it wasn't."
She shifted.
"I don't know, Crystal. Your entire relationship with Tristan seems to be based on you needing things from him and him instantly jumping to do your will."
"What? No, it's never been like that." I spoke defensively.
"You asking him to help find your parents after you rejected him?"
"T-that wasn't like that - I just -"
"He had to train your boyfriend in his AAP and pretend like everything was okay... He declared you as his mate to protect you from the aforementioned boyfriend. He endured a fake relationship even though it hurt him and you still lied to him about -"
"Stop it!" I snapped. "I'm not using Tristan. I-it's never been my intention for any of this to happen."
"But it did, Crissy." Kat spoke gently. "I get why he would be mad after that kiss, after all that, it's hard to believe that it would be genuine."
"But it was!" I yelled. Tears started streaming down my face. "It was! I mean it is - I mean I-I do."
Kat remained serious, her face stern. "You do, what?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest.
"I do care about him. I do love him." I was sobbing now. Everything I had been holding in came rushing out and I couldn't control it.
Kat wrapped me in her arms.
I buried my head in her chest.
"Then why'd it take so long for you to admit that to yourself?" She whispered.
I was still sniffling when I pulled away from her.
"I don't know." I admitted.
"Crissy," she put her hand on my shoulder. "You know of all people how life can change in a blink of an eye. We can't afford to not be honest with the people we love. Because one minute they're there and the next -"
Kat sighed. "Things happen."
"I don't know if he even wants me anymore... not after everything that has happened." I told her.
I had put Tristan through so much and there was no denying that.
I had taken him down a rollercoaster of emotions and I didn't know if he even saw the same girl he had wanted as a mate.
"Well you'll never know if you never try." Kat shrugged.
I thought about her words. I thought about how everything I seemed to be slipping away from me and I really didn't want Tristan to be one of those things.
"H-how will I even get him to speak to me again?" I asked.
He had seemed absolutely done with me when he had left. How was I going to come back from that.
Kat smirked. "Cousin, it's the full moon, every werewolf is at their peak. Hormones are all over there damn place. You only need to whisper and he'll pick up on it."
Kat was right about us being at our peak during the full moon. The question was if Tristan would even come if I called.
He always did but would it be the same this time?
"There was a time... after I met Tristan... when all I could do was think about him. Even when I was with Ro... and - I just didn't know what to do with that, Kat. I wasn't obsessed with him. It was more like I was enchanted by him. A-and I felt so guilty about it."
"Because of Roman?" Kat asked.
I sighed. "No." I admitted already feeling bad about my answer. "Because for the first time since my mother left me here, there was no part of me that wanted to leave Tristan and go back home."
Kat tucked her hair behind her ear not seeming to judge in the least.
"That's the mating bond, cuz. Dad describes it the same way. He picked up on mum's scent and suddenly, there was nothing in this world that could keep him from her. Not even the thought of leaving his own sister terrified him. Or entering the territory of a pack that had been his own's enemy for decades."
"You can fight it all you want but deep down, it will always find you." Kat spoke. "I'm not saying you have to be with him. That's always been a misconception of the bond. He doesn't own you, neither do you own him. It's just a bond unlike any other meant exclusively for the two of you. Sure in the olden days it was a sign that you were supposed to pop out that person's babies but now... you get to decide what that relationship will mean for you. Closing each other out? That's only gonna hurt you for the rest of your lives."
I thought about my back and forths with Tristan. How no matter how hard I tried, I found myself with him.
Whether it was the universe or ourselves bringing each other together, I didn't know.
"Hey ladies!" Aunt Sarah called out. I could see her waving at us in the distance. "She's ready!"
"Coming mum!" Kat called back.
She then turned to look at me. "You know, I could always tell mum that you had somewhere to be."
I knew what Kat wanted me to do. Call Tristan. Tell him the truth about the feelings I had been suppressing for God knows how long.
Heck. That's what I wanted to do as well.
But there had been too much damage done. Too many opportunities missed.
So much messing up on my part.
"No." I said out loud.
I saw Kat's face drop. "Let's go be there for Hazel."
I stepped down the stairs of the porch feeling Kat's disappointed gaze.
I didn't turn back because I was afraid that she would see my tears.
"That was awesome!" Hazel squealed.
She was covered in a towel.
We had roamed the woods as best as we could in our wolf forms.
I had the entire eastern woods to roam when I shifted so I felt really bad about Hazel having to go around in circles around these back woods on her first shift.
But none the less, my ever bubbly cousin was glowing. Her honey highlighted curls lay curly and wet from the shower she just had.
"Glad the nerves wore off, we were wondering if you would keep us waiting all night." Kat responded as she walked into the room in a t - shirt and sweats, also straight out of the shower.
Hazel stuck her tongue out at Kat.
Aunt Sarah shook her head at her oldest daughter. "Katherine."
Katherine rolled her eyes. "I'm just kidding, congratulations on your first shift, sis." She spoke as she walked over to wrap Hazel in a hug.
I smiled at the sight. Hazel
had been nervous about the shift so it took a lot of patience and encouragement from us to get her to finally do it.
I got up and walked over to hug Hazel as well and place a kiss on top of her head.
"You were perfect."
"Thanks Crystal." She beamed at me. She plopped down on the love seat in the foyer.
The boys were fast asleep by the time we got back, I guess we had been out longer than I had thought.
"Can we do it again?" Hazel asked, all bubbly.
Aunt Sarah's eyes widened she walked over to Hazel and wrapped her in her arms.
"Aren't you exhausted, sweetie?"
"No!" Hazel responded.
I laughed. I could only imagine how much adrenaline she had. Being in your wolf form for the first time was an exhilarating feeling.
"Okay, maybe next time, then, sweetie. We're still in hiding. We can't really risk roaming around every single day." Aunt Sarah told her.
Hazel's face dropped.
I couldn't believe I was taking this away from her as well.
Just like I had taken away the families chance to celebrate the full moon festival with their pack.
"Hey Crissy." Kat called.
I didn't realise that I had been lost in thought.
"How'd it feel?" Kat asked.
I didn't realise what she was talking about until I dig into my pocket and took out my necklace.
I ran my thumb over the Crystal.
"Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders." I admitted.
I didn't realise how much I struggled with shifting until I took the necklace off for the first time since my mother had given it to me.
My heart ached all the more. This small token was a reminder that everything I had known was a lie.
What mother would give her daughter poison?
"I'm so proud of you, baby." Aunt Sarah walked over and wrapped me in a hug.
"We all are." Hazel chirped running up to hug me as well.
" I guess we're doing this whole group hugging thing." Kat sighed but joined us anyway.
I embraced all three girls.
My mum might have let me down but I knew they never would. They were here. And I appreciated it so much.
We heard the doorbell and that's what caused us to pull away from each other.
My eyes and Aunt Sarah's were watery.
"Probably one of the guards." She spoke.
I saw her wipe away a quick tear before she walked away.
"So, what should we do now?" Hazel chirped. It was well past midnight but I was also still very much awake.
"How about-"
"Crystal." Aunt Sarah came back in.
She looked nervous.
"Tristan is outside."
I shared a nervous look with Kat but she just nodded.
My heart raced.
He was here? Why was he here?
Surely he wasn't mad again.
Some part of me didn't even care. I was just glad that he was here.
"I'll be back." I told everyone before heading out the door.
As I walked past Aunt Sarah, she held on to my hand.
She looked me right in the eye.
"Please, Crystal, no more impulsive and dangerous decisions."
I knew that she was talking about my decision to leave with Jasmine and go see Meggy.
I nodded. "Okay."
I stepped out the door and headed for the front door.
My palms were getting sweaty and I tried to remember a time I was this nervous to see Tristan.
Probably the first few weeks after I had rejected him.
When I opened the door, Tristan was leaning against the pillar at the end of the porch.
I didn't see any car and I wondered if he had gotten here in his wolf form.
My suspicions gained momentum when I saw how stuffy he looked. His hair, his wrinkled t shirt and shorts like they had been picked from God knows where and just thrown on.
"Hi." I couldn't express how relived I was to see him.
Questions ran through my mind. Had he left the festival? He was the alpha. The festival ran until the moon disappeared and he was obligated to be there the entire time.
Why was he here? Had something happened?
Had Meggy spoken?
Tristan just stared at me and I wondered if he was still mad.
There were no guards in sight like they usually were and I wondered if he had asked them to give us privacy. The thought scared me.
Tristan pushed himself off the pillar.
"Did I wake you?" He asked. His voice monotone.
He was mad.
It took some time for me to find my words.
"N-no."
His eyes drifted to my neck. He furrowed his brows. "Where's your necklace?" He asked seeming concerned.
I looked down, my hand rising to my bare upper chest. I had on a PJ top and matching shorts.
" I took it off." I responded after clearing my throat.
Tristan was silent. He then took a step forward. Then another.
I grew all the more nervous.
Something had shifted. I could tell.
No, I could feel it.
His hands traced my neck.
I immediately felt goosebumps at his touch and I wondered if Tristan had ever touched me. If he had. It had never been like this.
It had never felt like this.
"Finally." He whispered.
His voice was a whisper and I could feel his cool breath on my face.
He dropped his hands and I immediately felt the absence. Even if his touch had been light, my skin felt like it was burning.
Tristan looked up at me. He looked into my eyes and I saw it.
Hunger.
I felt it.
The full moon was out and the bond had never felt so real.
Maybe it was the absence of the necklace finally letting me be my full self. Or maybe it was the acceptance but I wanted him.
The attraction was primal, it was raw, it was natural.
"One of your rules." Tristan begun, his voice low.
It was the most attractive thing I had ever heard in the moment. "Was that I should never have to tell you what to do." He spoke.
I gulped.
It felt like every single fibre in me was igniting.
"So, I'll just have to ask nicely." He spoke.
He appeared to be desperately fighting something back.
I appeared to be desperately hiding something back.
My breath hitched. I couldn't find the words to speak.
"You kissed me earlier." Tristan stated matter of factly. "That wasn't fair."
He raised a hand and it looked like he wanted to caress my face but he quickly dropped it before he could.
I felt a rush of disappointment.
" I don't want to kiss you and have it not be real, Crystal. I never want to kiss you and not have it be real."
"I - it - it was real." I stammered out.
Tristan took a step back.
I felt myself deflate.
"You don't seem sure." I heard the disappointment in his voice.
"I am!" I choked out.
I would break down if he didn't believe me. I desperately wanted him to see that I was telling the truth.
Tristan took two more steps back then stood still.
Every step made my heart ache. Would I be rejected once again?
"Prove it."
I almost missed the words.
But once they registered, I didn't let anything stop me.
I rushed up to Tristan and nothing was keeping me away from him this time.
I jumped into his arms. We were so close that I felt like I could feel everything that was happening within him.
His heart beat against mine. It was exhilarating and all so sensual.
At first he simply cupped my face, caressing it and stared into my eyes.
The look in his eyes was of pure want. Of pure savouring.
"Never again." He whispered.
I didn't know what he meant but before I could ask, he pressed his lips against mine.
The kiss was of total depravity. Something that should have happened years ago and was finally here.
I came up for air reluctantly each time. I wanted to breath in his air.
I wanted him. I wanted him.
His hands moved to my waist as he pulled me in closer if that was even possible.
"I love you." I said the words hastily but coherently.
Tristan froze. He looked into my eyes and didn't say anything.
I felt myself start to panic.
"He's here." He spoke.
He suddenly pulled away from me.
I desperately wanted to pull him back but he was quick, swift even.
He turned around and quickly jumped off the rail of the terrace.
I didn't get what was happening until I saw the shadow.
A huge black wolf appeared. It's eyes gleaming.
My eyes widened.
Roman.
The wolf was basically blending into the shadows. It would have been easy to miss anywhere.
Tristan stared at it and I heard a low growl leave Roman.
The wolf looked at me and I wondered which emotion was stronger. Hate for Tristan or hurt by me.
I suddenly felt the impulse to wipe Tristan off of me.
"You thought you were clever, Roman Desiree." Tristan spoke.
The wolf simply growled threateningly. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to get in between them.
This wouldn't end well. Someone would die.
"I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away from her." Tristan spoke in a level tone. "You never have."
He walked around Roman. Keeping his distance. "I always suspected you had your ways of sneaking into my territory."
"All this time, you've been slipping in from right underneath me and I've been missing it." Tristan spoke.
I felt the tension rising.
"Tristan, he's mad. Stop it." I spoke, walking down the stairs.
I didn't trust that Tristan would be able to shift quickly enough before Roman decided to attack. And we all know who would have the upper hand here.
"I'm not afraid of him." Tristan spoke. Staring directly at Roman.
I saw the movement, Roman was about to pounce.
I ran into the space between them before he could.
"Please, don't." I begged the brown eyed wolf.
"Move, Crystal." Tristan ordered.
"No." I yelled at him.
I turned back to look at Roman.
He looked murderous.
"Don't." I whispered. "Please."
I didn't know if I was making things worse by pleading for Tristan.
"Crystal." Tristan barked.
I heard footsteps but I didn't turn to see who had come to the door.
I wasn't going to let anyone get hurt. Not Tristan, not Roman and not my family.
"Ro, look at me. Plea-"
I heard it.
The trigger, Roman falling to the ground.
I screamed as one of the soldiers emerged from a tree.
Roman was on the ground.
I knew that I was screaming but I couldn't even hear myself or anyone else.
I wanted to rush to his body but I felt strong arms hold me back.
"No, no, no!" I screamed.
Roman twitched on the ground as the guards I had assumed Tristan had sent away slowly emerged one by one.
"Ro! Ro!" I felt tears steaming down my face.
"Let go of me!" I screamed as I watched them come to pick up his fallen form.
A/N
I was playing 'Get you the moon' by Kina and it put me in Crystal and Roman feels. Arg!
Thank you to anyone who is still reading. ð¥º
I really appreciate you sticking by this story.
Please tell me what you think.
I finally have a course on how this story will end.