When I made the decision to jump, time froze. My hands grasped onto the cold rail that rested against my back, and I chose to leave everything my parents ever said in the stands. When my feet hit the field, I was going to be the real me. There was no reason to hide behind the façade anymore.
I had already broken the rules by talking to Daxson anyway. Why not be a little more rebellious?
The air swirled around me as I released the rail. The thrill of the fall was short-lived as I prepared for the impact with the ground, but to my surprise there was no impact at all.
The touch of Daxson's strong, slender fingers against my waist forced a soft squeak from my lips. I threw my arms around his neck instinctively, not even acknowledging the thick plastic pads beneath his jersey. Any evidence of sweat from the game was hidden by his intoxicating earthy scent that reminded me so much of home. The addicting static between our bodies only made me cling to him more.
Daxson pried my hands from around his neck and placed me on the ground. He captured my gaze, looking at me like the fire in his eyes had been dowsed with ice water. His features were tense as he put space between us.
Did I do something wrong? Was he disappointed I'd decided to jump? If that was the case, he should have saved himself the trouble and let me hit the ground.
My eyes fell to my shoes. The thought of disappointing him allowed the guilt to surface, but I wouldn't let it get the better of me, not in front of him. "Thanks for uh, catching me. It made the landing much softer."
"I'm honestly surprised you jumped."
"Why?"
The warmth in his deep voice didn't match the distant look in his eyes. "I didn't know if you trusted me enough."
I laughed, not at his words, but because I was surprised with myself for taking the risk to jump. It was nice to make my own decisions instead of being my mother's perfect little puppet.
"I mean, you're right, I probably shouldn't trust someone I barely know, but I feel obligated to trust the guy who saved my life and helped my little brother." I sucked in a breath to work up the courage to look at him again.
"You have a point." He chuckled. "Your brother seems like a great kid."
No matter how many people thought Caleb was a great kid, my mother couldn't see past his flaws. In her eyes, he'd always be a disappointment to the family, and a part of me resented her for that.
I tore my eyes from the blades of grass beneath my feet at the sound of his laugh. "He is a great kid. Extremely smart too."
Daxson rested his fingers beneath the pads on his chest and focused on me. "I can tell you love him a lot. You almost got hit by a car last night, but the only thing you talked about when I carried you to your dorm was him."
"I do love him a lot. Being here, away from him, has been hard on me." My fingers played with the sleeves of my jersey. Tears threatened to flood my cheeks, but I wiped them away with the back of my hand.
"I bet it's been hard on him, too."
I glanced at him. "Do you have siblings?"
Daxson nodded, but the question seemed to catch him off guard. He glanced down the field to the opposite end zone. "I have three. Two brothers and a sister. I'm the oldest."
"You have a big family."
I focused on Daxson's football helmet that sat on the field between us. The red was littered with small specks that sparkled beneath the stadium lights. The silence between us chilled me, and the longer it went on the more I wondered if I'd made a mistake.
"Why did you tell me to come down here?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to break the silence.
Daxson must have noticed me staring at his helmet because he snatched it from the ground. "You ask a lot of questions."
"You don't give a lot of answers."
He held the helmet out to me. "I told you. I wanted to get to know you."
Raising my eyebrow, I took the helmet from his outstretched hand.
"There isn't much to know. I'm really not that special." I inspected the inside of the helmet to make sure it wasn't dirty before sliding it onto my head.
Amusement overwhelmed Daxson's features as I caught him trying to hide a smile. He reached to secure the chinstrap to the side of the helmet.
"I think you should let me be the judge of that."
The heavy helmet secured my head, but it restricted my vision as well. "I don't know how you make some of the catches you do with this thing on your head."
"Practice makes perfect."
The fire burned inside his golden eyes again. When the distance between us seemed to close, I took a step back. One wrong word, and that distant look could return to his face. It would be best if we kept the conversation light.
"You want to hear something funny?" I gathered my hair to one side of my neck.
He flashed his bright smile. "Sure."
"When I was little, my dream was to become a professional football player. I loved throwing the football with my dad."
Daxson folded his arms across his chest. "Why is that funny?"
"Come on, everyone knows girls don't play football." My fingers twirled my dark hair that rested against my shoulder.
Surely he was just acting oblivious.
"I've seen female kickers. They've never made it to the league, but it could happen. There's also that girl who plays safety. I can't remember her name, but she became the first girl to get a scholarship to a four year university," he challenged.
"Well, my mother wouldn't let me try out for a pee-wee team. She said football was a man's sport." I shrugged. "I ended up joining the snotty cheerleaders."
"Your mom sounds like a dream crusher."
He had no idea. My mother was the champion of crushing dreams.
When I wanted to play professional football, my mother told me that only little boys played football and signed me up for cheer. If I wanted to ride horses at the Olympics, she'd say it was too dangerous and put me in dance. She forced me to enter beauty pageants because she said it was the only way I'd earn money for college. My mother made sure to tell me I wasn't smart enough to get a scholarship.
"You could say that." I unsnapped the chinstrap and pulled the helmet off my head.
Daxson's eyebrows crashed together, but his eyes focused on something behind me. He held his hands up.
I raised an eyebrow.
"I'll be right back." He jogged past me to the team bench..
His athletic form mesmerized me. Twining cords of muscle were visible beneath his caramel skin and shaped his entire body beneath his pads; strong arms and bold thighs and calves. Daxson bent behind the bench and rummaged through a small bag. He tossed a football into the air and caught it before making his way back to me.
I held his helmet by my side and narrowed my eyes. "What's that for?"
"We're going to make your dream come true." Daxson grinned at me.
"But Daxsâ" I started.
"Come on, Ally. Put the helmet back on." He gripped the laces of the ball with his large hand and held it between us.
"Are you serious?" My fingers fumbled along the face mask on his helmet as I slid it back onto my head.
He lowered the ball so I could see his face. A bright teasing smile made its home along his lips as he flicked the ball to me.
"Yeah, I mean, it's not professional, but you're on the field of one of the best college football teams in the country." He held his hands out to gesture around the stadium.
I caught the ball in my hands and glanced around to take in the view. The shining silver seats were empty except for wads of trash and empty cups left from fans. A few stragglers waited near the exits for the crowd outside to clear. The scoreboard still showed Alabama's first winning score of the new season. Other than a few workers cleaning, Daxson and I were alone on the field. It was truly breathtaking.
The thought of thousands of people watching my every move made my hands sweat. I'd never be able to understand how Daxson was able to remain so calm under the constant pressure. My eyes followed his form as he backed a few yards away from me. The distance between us made me squirm.
"Show me what you got," he challenged.
Challenge accepted.
My father had taught me to throw the football before I could walk. It was our one activity that he wouldn't let my mother ban. I got into position with my right fingers spread across the laces of the football. When I swung my arm, I snapped my wrist and released the ball at its peak. It flew in a perfect spiral as it headed straight for Daxson. He easily jumped, snagging it out of the air and laughing as he tucked the ball to run a few yards up the field.
"You've got an arm on you!" He threw the ball back to me.
I followed the ball through the air and let it fall into my chest. It knocked the breath from my lungs when I caught it, but excitement filled me. I held the ball above my head with a smile.
"Did you see that?"
"Yeah, you're not a bad little player. Can you hit me in route?" He took a few side steps before accelerating into a slant route.
I took a deep breath as I watched him run and threw the ball when I saw him look back at me. The second throw disappointed me because it wobbled through the air and never reached a true spiral. My father always told me that the release determined the accuracy of the throw, and obviously my release needed some work.
Daxson slowed his pace to catch the ball and jogged back over to me. "I'm impressed."
I shrugged as I pulled his helmet from my head. "I screwed up the last throw."
Daxson's jaw locked as he narrowed his eyes. "You need to have more confidence in yourself. I don't know many girls who can correctly throw a football, let alone pass it to a receiver in route." He held the ball out to me again.
"I just know I could've been better." My fingers wrapped around the leather ball and picked at the laces.
Daxson pulled his pads over his head and tossed them to the ground, leaving him in a white, fitted undershirt. "You seem like a perfectionist." He dropped onto the ground and stretched out his legs.
The fact he was able to read me so easily made me uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I'm always hard on myself."
If I wasn't perfect, Caleb gets blamed for holding the family back, and he shouldn't have to carry that burden.
Daxson patted the grass beside him before he leaned back onto his hands. "Why?"
My jaw locked, and I kept my expression blank. I wasn't about to turn this into a pity party. He didn't need to hear my whole miserable life story. I remained silent as I fell onto the grass beside him, making sure to leave plenty of space between us. His mood changed the last time we touched, so I wanted to avoid that at all costs. I picked at my nails in my lap.
"It's something I don't like to talk about."
Daxson shifted beside me. "Then we don't have to talk about it."
It made me feel oddly secure when he didn't pressure me further. He wasn't digging deep into my life like most people tried to do. I reached for his helmet and admired all the stickers stuck to the back of it.
"You've accomplished a lot playing football. I'm assuming you have plans to go to the NFL?"
Daxson stretched to grab his toes and sighed. "Yeah, I'll go play in the league."
"You don't seem very excited about it."
"The NFL is a big accomplishment, I know." He glanced up at me. "I just know this can be a dangerous game. Players get injured all the time. I just don't want to play so long that I hurt myself."
I nodded. "You want to have a future after football as well. No brain problems or other injuries."
Daxson tried to hide the smile by wiping the side of his face against his jersey. "Exactly. So, I'll play a couple years to earn some money. Then, I'll use that money to build my mom a new house."
His words warmed my heart and goosebumps covered the skin along my arms. The only impression I had of Daxson Winters before I came to school was based on the interviews I had seen on T.V. He put on his cocky smile and charming personality for the cameras, but the Daxson sitting with me now was humble and down-to-earth. This wasn't the person he showed to the rest of the world.
"That's sweet of you. She's lucky to have such a loving son."
Daxson sighed beside me as he released his toes. "I'm lucky to have her. She's my rock. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. She deserves to have something nice in life. She's been through a lot." He hung his head.
As I looked closer, I could see the pretense crumbling down and raw emotions taking over his features. Guilt was an emotion I was all too familiar with. I wanted to help him, to take away his pain, but I was incapable of taking away my own pain.
Why did I think I could help him?
"So, if you'll only play for a few years, what will you do after you quit?"
Daxson lifted his eyes to meet mine. "Get a job as a teacher, or a coach. I'd love to help influence the next generation."
"Teaching requires a lot of patience."
He laughed from beside me. "You learn a lot of patience growing up with three younger siblings. Why do you think I was able to talk your brother down last night?"
I shifted my body toward him and placed his helmet in my lap. "I never got to tell you thank you."
"For what?" He questioned.
I brushed my hair behind my ears. "For saving my life and helping my brother. We've talked about it a few times now, but I never actually said thank you."
Daxson fought a smile as he leaned back on his hands again. "You're welcome."
"But don't ever call my brother again."
He chuckled. "Yes ma'am."
I smiled.
Daxson's eyes shifted from his cleats to me. "What do you plan to study while you're here?"
"Well, chemistry is my major."
It had been so hard to talk my mother into letting me pursue a chemistry degree. She wanted me to do something easy like communications or fine arts, but those were subjects I had no interest in. I wanted to pursue a career in something that could help people, people of all races.
A grin twisted onto his face as he studied me. "Oh, so you're a nerd."
I smacked his leg hard, but the plastic pad caused my hand to sting.
"I'm not a nerd. I'm just getting my masters in chemistry before I try a professional program. Maybe a doctor or a pharmacist."
"So, you're a super nerd."
I rolled my eyes and pushed his helmet from my lap. My arms wrapped around my knees as I turned my body away from him.
"Hey." He poked my back with one of his fingers.
I refused to turn around.
"Ally, you know I was just kidding." His fingers played with the ends of my hair.
A shiver rushed down my spine which forced me to look over my shoulder. Daxson was stretched out on his side to reach me.
"I actually find intelligent women extremely attractive." He winked at me from his spot on the ground.
The blood rushed to my skin, turning my cheeks and neck a light shade of red. He was doing this to me on purpose, but I didn't know how to counter it. His words had such an effect on me.
"Hey! You two get off the field. We're about to shut off the lights!" A voice yelled from the stands. We looked up to see an old man standing behind the silver rail with his hands on his hips.
That old man was my savior.
Daxson turned his head in the direction of the man. He cupped one of his hands to his mouth. "Alright, Jeff! No need to yell. We'll get out of your hair."
"You have five minutes, Winters, or you'll be wandering around here in the dark." Jeff hunched his back and continued to carry a bag of trash down the bleachers.
Daxson lazily stumbled to his feet as a yawn escaped his lips. He offered his hand to me, and there was no hesitation as I slipped mine in his.
He released my hand after I was on my feet and grabbed his helmet and pads. We walked shoulder-to-shoulder toward the tunnel that held the Tide's locker room. The massive arch encircled us as we got closer and blocked the view of the stadium. The bright lights were replaced by small, dim emergency lights that lined the tunnel.
Daxson was silent beside me, but I continuously snuck glances at him out of the corner of my eye. He seemed to be thinking about something as we came to a stop by a door with an exit sign above it.
"I had a good time tonight." I clenched my fists until my nails dug into the palm of my hand, but I barely noticed.
My thoughts were a mess. I couldn't decide if this was a 'kiss moment.' It would be awkward if I made the first move, right? His mood was always so up and down, I wasn't even sure how he felt about me. My stomach churned as the anxiety built like sparks ready to explode. If we did kiss, my parents could never find out.
"I learned a lot about you," Daxson responded.
I laughed. "I told you I wasn't that interesting."
He lifted his hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "And I told you to let me be the judge of that." His fingers hesitated against my cheek before he dropped his hand.
The gentle gesture took my breath away. My eyes remained locked on his until they dropped to his smooth lips. The urge to kiss him compelled me to lean forward, and my eyes fluttered closed.
I wanted to feel the heat of his body again. He'd made me feel so safe and secure.
My thoughts were interrupted when his firm hand grabbed my shoulder. My eyes flashed open. His brow furrowed as he rubbed his temple with his free hand.
"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice.
Daxson shook his head and sighed heavily. "Allyson, I need to tell you something."
My eyebrows pushed together. Oh god, he had a girlfriend. Stupid move, Allyson.
I let out a shaky breath. "What?"
"I don't really know how to tell you this..." Daxson rubbed the back of his neck as his golden eyes studied me. The look in his eyes mirrored the look I saw at the beginning of the night.
"Tell me what, Daxson?"
"This isn't going anywhere between us." He dropped his free hand to his side, and it curled into a fist. He wore a blank expression on his face. "The only reason we hung out tonight is because my therapist made it a goal in my therapy session this week."
"Oh, uh, why?"
Daxson never looked at me. "I don't want to talk about it."
He shut me out.
The disappointment covered me like mosquitos in the summer. Negative feelings buzzed around me and waited for the chance to eat away at my insides. I had this delusion that Daxson Winters wanted to spend time with me, but he was actually a puppet master who pulled on my strings and manipulated me to get what he wanted.
My mother had always told me black boys were dangerous and would take advantage of you. I hated the fact that in this moment, she was right. When the guilt came it took me down an old familiar path.
I wanted to refuse to walk it, but I wasn't strong enough anymore.
"Well, I'm glad I could help you complete your goal." I forced the words from my lips as I pushed the side door open. A cool breeze whipped through the crack and blew my hair around my face.
"Ally, listen to me."
My feet froze in the door. "I'm listening."
Daxson didn't move from his position a few feet away. "Things are a little complicated for me right now, but I'm working on it. It might not go exactly how you were thinking it would, but I'm not against having friends."
His explanation eased the guilt swirling in the pit of my stomach. My mother wasn't right. It wasn't a mistake that I hung out with him tonight.
The corners of my mouth lifted into a smile. "Then we're friends."
Daxson smiled through the darkness as the door closed behind me. I exhaled a deep breath as I started the trek back to my dorm. The cool, fall air nipped at my exposed skin and chilled me to my bones. Cheers and screams echoed in the air. Some fans still tailgated beneath their tents as they waited for the traffic to clear. I turned to look over my shoulder as the stadium lights flicked off. Saturday night had come to an end.
The crunch of colorful leaves beneath my feet made me smile. The fall season had arrived on campus, and with it, it brought the thrill of football season. Daxson and I had a whole season to build on our new friendship, and I hoped he would eventually tell me why our interaction was so important to his therapy.
For now, I wasn't sure what the future held, but I knew it was the start of something new.