AN: Play song for the chapter:) ALSO don't forget to vote (EVEN YOU MY SILENT READERS) because I'm sure this book didn't get to 14K reads by the 6 people who actually commentðâ¤ï¸â¤ï¸â¤ï¸â¤ï¸ I would love to know who you all are :)
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Annabelle came exactly at 6 a.m. I had already packed my bags -whatever I had left anyway- without anyone noticing anything.
I looked at Brenda and Sabrina, feeling like trash for leaving them in the dark.
The girls who stood up for me on endless occasions.
The girls who made a girl's night just because I was sick and couldn't come to school.
The girls who made me feel welcomed when it was only my first day.
I love these girls with all my heart. But now I'm leaving them. I'm leaving all of them.
There goes a huge piece of my heart.
I lightly opened a room I assumed would be Jace's because his snore has its own ringtone. It's like a pipe blowing steam then stopping suddenly only to pick up again. I took one last at his innocent, drool filled face and quietly shut the door.
My heart hurt more than I could handle because I promised Jace that he'll always have me.
I guess some promises are supposed to be broken.
There goes another piece of me.
I tiptoed down the carpeted stairs, greeted by a symphony of snores. Jaycee, Ashton and Aaron all slept in the living room because I assume they were too lazy to go upstairs.
I went over to them. Aaron and Ashton slept on the floor, with big cushions as pillow and a rug for a pillow. God they're going to wake up with a terrible rash. Idiots I swear. But they're my idiots, and I loved them with all my heart.
But you're leaving them said my inner voice.
Inner demon? I said.
Yes?
Shut up please.
I just said goodbye to them in my head, hoping that they wouldn't wake up just yet.
Ashton and I aren't exactly close, but he was still there for me. Whenever he sensed that I was upset he would crack up the most silliest of jokes just so I could laugh. He would always find a way to make me smile, and I'm going to miss him so damn much.
Don't cry.
Aaron on the other hand has always been the voice of reason. He would always give me advice on things I couldn't understand and I don't even know where he got all that wisdom from. Maybe that's why I can't seem to find sense in all this, because my voice of reason would be left behind.
Goodbye Ash. Bye Ronny.
There goes another piece of my heart.
Now came the hardest part of all; the love of my existence. I had to exhale and inhale for a whole minute before I could actually look at him.
When I opened my eyes, I saw him laying on the couch where we sat last night talking until midnight. His face looked so peaceful; so angelic. The only boy I ever loved. The only boy I'll ever love.
My heart- what's left of it anyways - has completely shattered. Seeing him so peaceful and oblivious pained me to no extent. We finally found each other, finally found our other half; and now I'm tearing it apart for him.
I'm tearing him apart.
How do other people do that? Turn around and walk away like it's nothing? How can someone leave someone they loved? I need an answer universe because I can't do this. I can't say goodbye to the person who gave me life. I can't say goodbye to the person who loved me despite my endless flaws. I can't say goodbye to him. I love him. I'll always love him and I can't do this! I can't willingly and singlehandedly ruin his life.
I can't.
But I have to.
I can't put him in anymore danger. I can't risk losing him again. If his safety means taking away my happiness then so be it. I will sacrifice my whole world just to see him safe; and that's what I'll do.
I put my hand through his hair one last time, before I whispered 'I'm so sorry' in his ear. I felt a tear escape the tsunami that threatened to fall once I leave everything I love behind.
"I love you" was the last thing I said before I opened the door to leave; leaving behind my whole world.
Annabelle had her car parked right outside the door. She was facing my and as soon as I opened the door, she let out a breath of relief; as if she thought that I wasn't going to come.
When I saw her, I had this overwhelming urge to break down and cry. I hugged her so tight and she hugged me back even tighter.
"Should we go pumpkin?" She said.
"Yeah. Let's go." I said as I took a final glance at the house before I got in the car.
The car ride was very quiet. Annabelle could see that I was distraught and I was very grateful that she never said anything. She only asked how I was doing and we had a small and short conversation and it went back to a comforting silence.
We were currently on our way to the airport where our private jet is usually kept. From Jace's house, it took us approximately two hours to reach.
Since none of us spoke, my mind couldn't but help to think of the events of last night.
"Jaycee this song is everything. Literally." I said as I gave him the headphones, wiping a tear that accidentally slid down.
"I'm glad you liked it. Kind of sums up my heart." He chuckled, looking straight to my soul.
"What made you think that you'll never fall in love though? You're pretty adorable." I said as I pinched his cheeks.
"No Pierce don't call me adorable. I'm macho to the extreme. And as for your question, I've never been the type to of person to have anything to do with love or all the mushy icky nonsense. My friends and I have known each other since we were kids so they were like family to me. The the girls in school, on the other hand, liked me for the way I looked which is just a waste of time. Apart from that, people found me kind of intimidating, and there was a rumour around school that I was a heartbreaking bad boy. If anyone liked me, it was from afar and I liked it that way. That is, until a certain girl caught my attention the first day she came." He said, smiling fondly at the memory of our first encounter.
"I don't understand what you find remotely interesting in me though. I'm not pretty, nowhere near funny, I'm weird, extremely random and just... plain." I said, for a lack of a better word.
"No Lexa, don't say that. You're anything but. You taught me how to be humble, how to be nicer to people and not result to my notorious, bad boy ways of scaring people. You're extremely beautiful, you're heartbreakingly nice and sweet and you're so damn brave. And most of all, you're the reason I learned how to love and the reason I learned to trust again. So, tell me what about all that do you find 'plain'? He said, cocking his eyebrow.
I sat up straight, because I intended to ask him something I've been dying to ask.
"If you trust me then why would you lie to me?" I whispered out.
He tensed, clearly realizing what I meant by that.
"When did I lie to you?" He asked, sitting upright and facing me.
"You told me that my parents are fine. But Annabelle called me and they're far from fine. Why would you give me a lifeline just to yank it away from me?"
He opened his mouth to answer, but he closed it again; not knowing what to say. He sighed, finally finding the words and the ability to speak again.
"I was looking for a good time. I was going to tell you when I could see that you were getting better. I don't know if you've noticed Alexis but you've been through a really hard time the past few weeks and I wasn't about to add another burden for you to carry. I tried telling you but I couldn't do that to you. That's how much I care about you sweetheart. I didn't lie to give you fake joy, I did it to protect you until you were a little stronger to face it." He said, his eyes holding the love of the world.
"I love you too much to let you suffer like that." He whispered as he bowed his head in shame.
I just sat there like the dimwit that I was, trying hard to take in everything he just said.
"But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Having your very close friend lie to you over something as colossal as this. It doesn't make it any better Jaycee; especially if it comes from you." I said, on the verge of tears. He flinched at the word 'friend'.
Why am I so damn weak. Holy crap I need to man up! No actually woman up. Whatever 'up' I need, it needs to come fast!
"I know and I'm so sorry. But put yourself in my shoes Lexi, I would never want to hurt you. I don't want you to suffer, not when I have a say in it. And I know you, you'll blame yourself for everything and I won't let you do that."
I just stared at his face for what seemed like ages.
"Thank you." I whispered as I got up to join the girls who were probably wondering where I went.
He held my arm as I tried to pass him.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you Alexis. I really didn't mean it. Believe me. But I'd rather take you being mad at me than you blaming yourself and beating yourself up over this." He said, remorse evident in his eyes.
"I know that. Goodnight." I said, partly relieved for coming out in the open with him.
"Goodnight love." He said as he kissed my knuckles.
I took a few steps before I stopped to face him again.
"Jay?" I said, barely above a whisper.
"Hmm?"
"I love you. You know that right?" I asked, kind of unsure.
"of course." He said, scrunching his eyebrows as if he doesn't understand why I would randomly say that.
"I love you very much." I repeated, every bone in my body aching from this pain.
What I'm doing, or going to do, is definitely some form of betrayal.
But I don't have a choice, right?
He needs to understand that I don't have a choice.
Or do I?
"I do too. But...Why are you saying it like that?" He asked, feeling a little anxious.
"Like what?" I replied, praying to dear God he doesn't say something that'll make me cry.
"Like you're saying goodbye."
Maybe because I am saying goodbye replied my inner voice demon.
"Alexis, what is on your mind." He asked, standing up and walking towards me.
"Nothing. Nothing is on my mind. I need to go sleep now. Goodnight." I said in a hurry as I ran towards the door, practically running from him before he reached me.
I would've broken down in his arms if he would've come any closer.
I couldn't do it, so I ran.
I ran away from my comfort.
I ran away from my heart. My life.
I ran away for good.
Not before I heard him say "Goodnight beautiful, see you in the morning."
If only you knew Jay. If only.
"We're fifty minutes away from the airport sweetie, are you sure that you're ready for this?" Asked Annabelle.
"I'm sure." I confirmed, not knowing that this was the day that everything would change.
The day I gained nothing. Instead, it's the day that I lost all the foundations that were and still are keeping my world together.
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AN: NEXT UP IS A JAYCEE POV!!
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