Chapter 33: ❝ we always find our way back ❞

(unedited)

We are the kings and queens,

Of hearts that break.

We may fall in between the cracks,

Living life like it's just a game of blackjack.

I don't know how,

But we always find our way back.

"We are Stars" –Virginia to Vegas (ft. Alyssa Reid)

"You know where we should go?" Vanessa asked, clapping her hands together excitedly. "La Perla."

I stared at her. "For you, right?"

She grinned and half-shrugged, half-shook her head. "You should get some stuff too."

I wasn't sure how I had gotten here. No, actually I was. Vanessa had said we should hang out today, and I had asked her if we could go to the mall, since I had to finish Christmas shopping. I hadn't expected this, though, when I had suggested the idea.

"Why?" I asked, gaping at her.

"For Ashton." She paused. "Or Jacen."

"What?" I sputtered. "There's nothing going on with him! Either of them!"

She raised an eyebrow. "You paused before 'either of them'. So who is there something going on with?" She bumped me in the shoulder lightly and wiggled her eyebrows. I flushed and ignored her, turning into a small boutique instead. I hadn't meant to say it like that and I definitely hadn't expected Vanessa to pick up on it, as mean as that might be.

"Or," Vanessa started, following me through the shelves of fancy, scented lotions and perfumes in glitter bottles. "Is it both of them?"

I choked.

What?

She continued, oblivious to my reaction. "I didn't think you were that kind of person, but you know, I won't judge."

I shook my head quickly. "No, no, no, definitely not," I told her.

"That was a quick denial," she said, raising an eyebrow. I whipped around to stare at her. She raised her arms in surrender, blinking at me innocently. "It was just a fact."

I shook my head again and lifted a small, light blue bottle with a seashell cap from the shelf. I already had most of my presents for everyone, except for Raine. I only had a small part of her gift. I had found an exclusive copy of the first movie she had been in on Amazon last week. Call Me Cupid, it was apparently the movie that had brought her and Kaden back together, one that Kallie and Brett had directed. We had a copy of it, of course, but the edition I had found included a lot of extras, like gag reels, and commentary.

I knew Raine liked organic things, and stuff that reminded her of summer.

Her and Kaden have a serious obsession over that season.

I grabbed the opened, tester bottle and sprayed a little on a small strip of paper from the pile set out on the top shelf. It was definitely summer, I think it was meant to smell like the ocean, but they had overdone it a touch. But it was still pretty good, nice and warm. I checked the label. Nope, not organic. I set the bottle back down and continued looking around.

"What are you looking for?" Vanessa asked.

I shrugged. "Something organic and summer-y."

"Oh," she said. "I know a brand that specializes in organic things." She took my arm and led me to a section at the back of the store. There was a light pink panel with the words 'Ayala Moriel' at the top. I glanced at the rows of simplistic bottles and picked one of the open, 'Try Me' bottles of lower shelf.

Tamya, the label said. It was a muted, gold-y yellow colour.

"I used to get these for my mom all the time," Vanessa remarked.

I glanced at her. "Used to?"

She shrugged. "I don't think she has much use for them now."

"What do you mean?" I asked, as I uncapped the bottle and sniffed. It was nice, sort of warm, and sweet, and tropical. Like how it smelled after a heavy rainstorm in the summer. Yeah, Raine would probably like it.

"She passed away," Vanessa said quietly.

What?

"I'm sorry," I told her.

I had never given much thought to the Elite's families. I had never met them, only heard about them through TV or seen them in magazines. Thinking about it now, I had seen Mr. Merrick a fair amount of times, but not Vanessa's mom.

I hadn't really thought anything of it, though, just chalking it up to her not being talked about as much, and me missing it when she did. TV and magazines weren't really my thing, so it had only been brief occasions where I heard about them, like when Kaden had the news on during breakfast or when they were on the front page of magazines at the supermarket with some big flashy headline.

Vanessa shrugged. "It was a while ago."

I didn't say anything about it, but I had a feeling that wasn't exactly the case. It had been five years since the accident and I still missed Blake and Avril. I even missed Hayley and Jared a bit, despite how little I remembered about them.

"So is that the one you're getting?" Vanessa asked.

Her sudden change of subject made my head spin for a second, before I recovered. I glanced down at bottle in my hands. "Yeah, I think she'll like it," I said, trading the test bottle for a new, unopened one.

I glanced at Vanessa as we walked back to the front of the store, where the registers were, but she looked fine. Like talking about her mother hadn't bothered her. The Elite could lie, I knew that firsthand, but Vanessa had never acted anything like Ashton, or Jacen, or Keira.

The cashier scanned the bottle, the total coming up to a hundred and eighty dollars.

"You carry that much cash with you?" Vanessa asked, eyes wide as I pulled out two hundred dollar bills.

I glanced at her. "I have a credit card, but it'd be kind of pointless if I used the money Raine and Kaden gave me to buy their presents," I explained. I took the bad and change from the cashier and thanked her, then followed Vanessa out of the store.

She waited for me to catch up so I was walking beside her. "Where's the money from then?"

I shrugged. "Holiday gifts from relatives, summer jobs, a little babysitting."

"I used to babysit my neighbor's daughter when I was younger." She paused. "Though she was only a year younger than me."

"What happened to her?" I asked, noticing the slight sad note in her tone.

"They moved away," she replied with a shrug. She glanced around, then stopped suddenly, causing me to almost bump into her. She grabbed my arm and started dragging me through the crowd. "There's this shop I really want to go to."

I glanced up at where she was taking me, then dug my heels into the ground, even though my shoes didn't find any purchase in the smooth tile flooring. "No."

Vanessa glanced at me and pouted. "Why not?"

"It's a lingerie store!" I exclaimed.

She raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"Why would we need to go into a lingerie store for Christmas shopping?" Did people usually get other people underwear for Christmas? Other than as a joke gift or between two people who were dating or married, that is.

She shrugged. "I still need to get Skylar's Christmas present."

"And you want to get her lingerie?"

Apparently people did get other people underwear for Christmas.

"I'm keeping my options open," she said, holding her hands up.

"I'll wait outside," I told her. "Lingerie shopping isn't my thing." At all. Call me weird, but I always felt awkward in an underwear shop. Especially with company. I preferred going alone, even if I wasn't going to buy, or try anything on.

"I need your help though." She pouted. "You're about the same size as Skylar, same-ish skin tone and you both have blonde hair."

It took me a moment to get what she was saying. "No. I'm sorry, but no." I felt even more awkward with people watching me try stuff on.

She frowned. "Please, Elena? It's all I have left to get," she said. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Please," she continued. "You know I won't stop until you agree."

Unfortunately, I did know that. I had found out in the month and a half I had spent with the Elite that Vanessa could be very, very persistent in getting what she wanted.

I sighed. "Fine."

"Yay!" Vanessa cheered, looping her arm through mine and dragging me towards the store.

I had never been inside La Perla, despite passing it many times. I had been inside lingerie shops like La Senza and Victoria's Secret, where it had been dark, and a bit cluttered, with loud music and a lot of pink. La Perla was pretty much the opposite. It was spacious, and everything was widely spread out, to the point where I believed there was more empty space than racks of clothing. It was clean, simple, and very, very white.

The walls were white. The ceiling was white. The floor was white. There were plastic models dressed in bra and underwear, along with large panels and even a chandelier. It started with a bit of clothing at the front, but as we moved farther back it changed to bras and underwear, sheer lace and other things I couldn't identify.

I felt increasingly more uncomfortable by the second.

"I bet this would look good on you," Vanessa said, stopping at a scrap of fabric that had more see-through parts than actual fabric. It was black, with a lot of straps, and sort of formed like a corset. But there were enough holes that I wasn't sure it would cover anything it should've. "You should get it."

"For what?" I asked."

"You could," she said, "get it for Ashton."

What?

I stared at her. "Why would I do that?"

She blinked. "You know why."

"Does he have some kind of fetish with lingerie?" I asked. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised. Someone in the Elite wasn't mentally sane and liked to kill people, what was one strange, slightly creepy fetish on top of that?

"No." She rolled her eyes, then paused. "Well, I wouldn't know, but what I meant was, wear it for him."

"Why would I do that?" I repeated, eyes wide. There was no way I'd ever do that. Be in a room with Ashton while being practically naked? Definitely not happening. We'd probably both be dead by the end of it, me from awkward humiliation and him from Kaden, because Kaden was bound to find out with his freaky all-knowing abilities.

Not to mention if I sleep with him three times, I definitely won't be waking up. Ever.

I shook my head. "I'm not- No."

"I think you both want to-" she started with a giggle.

I shook my head again, cutting her off. "No. There's also the sleeping rule, remember. I fuck him three times and I'm done, as Jace had put it so eloquently."

"You don't have to do it three-" She paused. "Or maybe..."

I glanced at her. "What?"

She shrugged. "I think he really likes you."

"I think he really doesn't."

She was silent for a moment. "Or it could for Jace."

What?

"I mean," she continued, "I kept saying Ashton, but if you want to do it for Jace, that works too, I shouldn't make assumptions."

I shook my head for what seemed like the millionth time in ten minutes. "No. Definitely not. Not either of them."

She glanced at me, then back at the outfit.

Time for a change of subject.

"I thought we were getting something for Skylar," I reminded her.

"Yeah, we are," she said. She turned to me. "What's your cup size?"

I stared at her. "Isn't it for Skylar?"

"Yeah, and you guys are probably similar sizes," she replied in a 'well, duh' tone.

I sighed. "34B."

She shifted through the rack then pulled out one of the scraps of fabric, presumably in my/Skylar's assumed size. "Alright," she said, turning to me. "Let's go." She made her way to the check-out, black lace in hand.

"Do you guys exchange gifts at the cottage?" I asked, as I watched the woman scan the lingerie.

She nodded. "Yeah, we spend Christmas with just our families."

So I still had to get the Elite gifts as well. What could I possibly give them that they didn't have already, or could get themselves? You're dead body. I shoved the thought out of my mind. I really shouldn't make jokes about my own potential murder.

Raine had always said that homemade gifts, or personal gifts with some kind of meaning behind them were the best kind. Except, I didn't really know any of the Elite well enough to be able to find something that could be personal. Sure, there were little inside jokes and stuff that had happened, but those didn't hold enough meaning for a gift.

That left more general stuff, like gift cards, or jewellery, or clothes. Yet, there wasn't anything I could give them like that. They probably already had everything they wanted.

"Or sometimes I spend it with the Sinclairs," Vanessa said, almost absentmindedly, taking the bag containing her purchase from the cashier.

"The Sinclairs?" I repeated as we left the store. "Why?"

She paused, looking sad. "It depends on whether Daddy decides to come home."

"I'm sorry," I told her.

Vanessa shook her head and have me a slight smile. "I'm kinda used to it."

And in that moment, I knew I had both misjudged and underestimated Vanessa Merrick. Which made me wonder, if I had underestimated her, and believed she was something she wasn't...

Who else in the Elite do I believe is someone they aren't?

-- ♡ --

Teaser: I looked between them. What the hell could be on that paper? A cancer report? Divorce contract?

QotC: Thoughts on Vanessa? Like, her, hate her, trust her, not? And, Elena's question... Who do you think isn't as they seem?

PS. Summer Rain fans... Brace yourselves. x3

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