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Ivy
I didn't want to feel intimidated. I honestly tried my best to put up a strong front like I always do, but-- it was impossible, seeing as she was literally how every girl like me, dreamed to look like.
She was beautiful, her fair pale skin had the perfect tone, her hair was long and black... It wasn't curly, it was straight, and it looked really soft, her eyes were graced with long lashes, and the deep brown could suck you in with just a glance. Her face was perfect, long pointed nose, small pouty mouth and a heart shaped face that made her jaw look like those beautiful models you see on the runway. My eyes involuntary travelled down her frame, she was slim, that kind of figure you go out to the gym every damn day to get.
I swallowed, cold seeping through Ethan's hoodie, as my gaze wandered back to her perfect face.
She didn't have chubby unattractive cheeks like mine, she was perfect! Everything I once wished I was...
"So... you're the infamous Outsider, Ivy Fisher, is it?" She asked, a perfect brow raised in a way to state clearly that she didn't like what she saw.
I gulped, raising my head high. "And you're just Michelle."
She gave a light chuckle, the amusement fading from her face in an instant. "The one and only, chubby cheeks." She mocked. "You're one of those girls who monitor their boyfriends?" She asked with distaste coating her tone. "Does Eeth know you're here?" She asked sweetly?
Eeth?
"I suppose not," she answered the question herself. "Don't worry, I'll keep your secret. But, I have to warn you, Ethan doesn't like nosy girls."
"I wasn't- I wasn't following him around, I- I just wanted to come here."
"He hates liars too." She smiled. "But don't worry," she said, moving around me like she was inspecting every part of my body. "If there's one person who knows that guy more than he does himself, it's me... I can tell you what he likes."
"I don't really wish to stand here and listen to-"
"He likes beautiful girls, girls who are smart, and not slow that they stutter and sound like there's hot food in their mouths. He likes girls who can challenge him, and keep him on his toes, not wanna be losers who try to act like they're everything, when really they're not... He also likes girls who are submissive, girls with extremely great talent in bed, that'd keep him wondering, what next? Girls who can satisfy him in every way... In more clearer words, girls like me."
I felt my confidence begin to shatter into thousands of unfixable pieces.
She was back in front of me, a smirk on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head to the side. "This makes me wonder... The fuck did he see in you? I mean, you're so- just- not... You're not someone I see him sleeping with... Or falling in love with." She said. "You're just not his type, I'm pretty sure you both haven't had sex yet."
I frowned. "Not that it's any of your business, but not everything is about sex or physical contact-"
"Oh hush... Only girls like you would say that. So I was right? You both haven't?"
"I didn't come here to listen to bullshit." I said, making an attempt to turn when she spoke, halting my movement.
"You didn't deny it." She smiled sweetly, her eyes sparkling with ill intentions. "I'm sorry but," her gaze swept from my head to my toe, then back to my face. "I see why." She said with utter distaste.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She took a step closer to me, the smile never leaving her face. "You're not his taste, and he's probably with you out of pity, I heard what happened with your family, sad. I know Ethan, he probably thinks he's responsible, and has to make it up to you by pretending that he likes you." She said.
My heart skipped at her words.
"But I'll tell you something, Outsider... Ethan doesn't like you, and neither would any other guy... Do you know why? Number one, you're a wanna be, going around chanting Rebel-lions like it's actually going to change anything. If I were you, I'd do myself a favour by stopping the spread of false hope. Number two, you're fat, and ugly and irritating to look at, everything about you is distasteful, your face, your voice, your body, even hidden under Eeths' favourite hoodie, still manages to pop out."
I felt tears build up in my eyes, and with a blink, I knew they'd come falling down my cheek.
"You're weak, boring and tiring to look at. Plus, if Ethan really did like you, you both would have gone through second base." She smiled. "So, my dear, if you think you and Ethan have forever together, think again, cause the only girl he'll ever love, is me, not some ugly Outsider who thinks she can save the world... Not some wannabe hero who can't even watch her weight."
She took a step closer. "If you know what is good for you, you'd do yourself a favour by backing off, cause he's mine, and he'll always be mine... When he's finally bored and tired of you, he'll come crawling back to me and you, you'll be nothing but a broken girl."
I blinked, the tears falling from my eyes, refilling in an instant.
She seemed satisfied as her eyes hardened. "Stay away from Ethan, or I'm gonna make your ugly face even more uglier, a troll would be proud to stand beside you."
She took two steps back, giving me space to breathe once more.
A sweet smile met her lips. "I'm glad we had this talk, Ivy. I hope you listen to me, so I won't have to result to drastic measures. Have a nice night." She waved softly, making her way back into Renegades.
I stood there, my heart hitting my chest in a way that sent cold chills down my spine.
I rushed to my car, pulling open the door and getting in before allowing the sobs escape me.
My eyes burned, my heart ached, I felt sick to my stomach.
I didn't want to believe her, but I couldn't help but find some truth in what she said... Compared to her, no one would dare associate my name and pretty in one sentence.
I never really did find confidence in my looks or my body, but I'd always believed to be average when it comes to good looks... I wasn't as pretty as Michelle, but I wasn't ugly... I believed there's no such thing as an ugly person... But-
The way she said it just-- think Ivy, look at Ethan, and take a look at yourself... He's too good for you, what the hell does he even see in me... Did he really mean it when he told me he loved me? Or did he say it out of pity?
Tears poured down my burning eyes, my breaths coming out short whenever I tried to breathe in.
She was right... Maybe one day he's going to get tired of me, and leave me...
Was that why he refused me yesterday? Because I'm unattractive and fat? Am I fat? I don't feel fat... I don't look fat...
My palms covered my face as I sobbed, willing myself to stop, but I couldn't... It was one of those moments where you want to stop crying so badly, but you can't, seeing as your insecurity refuses to stop hitting you in the head.
I swallowed, managing to wipe my tears as I brought my car back to life, driving back to Base 1.
___
The growing chatters in the cafeteria merely bothered me, as I sucked on the straw of the best pink drink I've ever tasted, my eyes moving around as people began to pile into the cafeteria, taking tables and setting down their food.
I'd decided to skip the period before lunch, seeing as I wasn't in the best mood to talk to anyone. I'd been quiet all morning, Michelles' word replaying over and over in my head.
I honestly tried to move past it, but I couldn't...
Even last night, when Ethan came back in, I pretended to be asleep... When it was five in the morning, I left, dropping a small see you at school note.
He had called but I didn't pick up... It was safe to say I was ignoring him, because whenever I did see him in school, I'd try to hide until he was out of sight.
Scared, I was scared because that morning, when I looked in the mirror, I was back to seeing nothing, and I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin... I felt insecure because I didn't know what went through his mind whenever he saw me.
Did he see me as a bother? Does he just want to throw up and run back to Michelle? Does the sight of me irritate him?
The funniest part was, it wasn't just him... Every glance I get from people around me, I wondered what they thought, I wondered what my presence really did mean to them.
I shrunk back into the grey hoodie I found amongst my new clothes, dropping the half empty pink drink cup.
Will I ever stop feeling this way? What the hell has Michelle done to me?
"I'm beginning to think Inc High is becoming a bad influence on you." Romans voice snapped me out of my thoughts, as he took a sit opposite me.
Unlike me, he looked brighter, his eyes were wide with excitement.
"Why would you think that?" I asked softly, my gaze leaving his.
"You skipped the period before lunch... And by the looks of it, you've been here since then."
I picked up the cup, taking the straw in my mouth as I nodded.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
I looked up at him, my gaze meeting his concerned one. "Yes." I said, focusing back on my drink.
"Well, you don't sound and look okay... Did something happen?"
I shook my head. "No Roman, I'm good... How was your date?" I asked, hoping for a little less attention.
He grinned. "It was awesome... I had a lot of fun, Lulu's friends are extremely crazy, they have ways to just make you forget about things... Honestly, I haven't really felt as good as I do now, in days... It's like, I wasn't living, but now I am."
I nodded. "I'm glad you had fun. You needed the break."
"I did, we're going out tonight again, and that's the only thing I can think about." he shot me a grin.
I managed a smile at him.
It was that moment I felt it, encasing me in a sweet embrace... his warmth. "Ethan's coming over, right?" I asked.
Roman looked up, his eyes stopping at a spot behind me. "Yup." He nodded.
My heart skipped a beat.
"Hey Roman." I heard his voice, before he took the spot beside me. "Ivy."
"Hey." Roman greeted, taking a sandwich from his backpack, his other hand on his phone. His attention, completely leaving us.
"Did you lose your phone?" Ethan asked, his eyes falling on the side of my face.
I shook my head, not answering.
"So you were ignoring me on purpose?" He asked, sounding confused.
"No, did you call?" I asked, making the mistake of looking up at him.
His emerald green pools showed nothing but love, concern and worry, making me wonder why I'd spent the whole of last night thinking he was only with me because he pitied me.
I gulped.
"Yes I did, countless times." He answered as his eyes searched mine. "Are you okay?" He asked softly, reaching to remove the hoodie from my head, almost as if it was stopping him from seeing my whole face.
I looked away from him immediately. "Yes, I'm okay." I said, picking up the cup again.
He placed his hand on my chin, forcing my gaze back to his. "What happened?" He asked, seriousness lacing his tone.
"I'm okay, nothing happened." I moved from his hold. "My phone's probably on silent, that's why I didn't hear it ring." I said, my gaze leaving his.
I could still feel his eyes burning a hole at the side of my face. "Why did you leave earlier today?" He asked, an innocence to his voice that had my heart racing.
"No reason." I said, putting the straw back in my mouth.
Roman glanced up at us before his attention fell back to his phone.
"No reason?" Ethan asked, confusion clear in his tone.
I sighed, dropping the cup. "Yes." I answered, getting to my feet. "I'll be heading to my next class."
Roman looked up at me with a frown. "Lunch period just started." He pointed out.
"I lost my appetite." I said, picking up my bag and making my way out of the cafeteria without a backward glance.
My heart was racing as I practically rushed towards the direction of my next class.
I should have known I wouldn't get far because his warmth never left me. I felt his hand wrap around my arm, pulling me back into him.
It happened in a swift movement, one second a door was opening and the next it was closing, my back colliding against it, and his frame covering mine, one hand at the side of my head. "What happened." He demanded, his Emerald eyes staring intently into mine.
I gulped. "I said it was nothing." I stated, trying to sound convincing but I failed miserably.
By the looks of it, we were in an empty classroom, but he made the whole classroom look small.
"First you leave without telling me, then you ignore my calls, and now you're obviously acting like you can't stand my presence. That's not nothing."
I swallowed... I didn't want him to think I couldn't stand his presence... I was afraid he couldn't stand mine...
Yet here he is.
I looked down, unable to stand the torment his eyes were giving me. "Nothing happened Ethan, I'm fine." I let out, my voice small.
Sofly, he placed his hand beneath my chin, bringing my gaze back to his. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked, his voice pulling at my heart strings... I've never heard him sound so- so- vulnerable.
In his eyes, was an emotion, greater than my little brain could comprehend. "Tell me what I did wrong." He stated.
"You didn't do anything wrong." I said quickly.
"Okay... What did you hear about me?" He asked.
"Nothing."
Confusion pulled down his brows. "Nothing? So why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"Why are you ignoring me and acting like I'm some kind of pest, bugging your face." He asked. "Am I being too clingy? Are you getting tired of me? Am I-"
"Whoa whoa, what are you talking about." I chuckled. "Why would you even think that?"
He shrugged. "What was I supposed to think? You didn't want to talk to me."
This had me really confused... He isn't acting like Michelle said... He wants to be with me... He doesn't look like he'll ever get tired of me... If anything, he was worried that I would get tired of him...
But...
"I guess I was just having a bad day, it happens." I said with a small shrug.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded. "I am, I could never get tired of you." I said pulling him into a hug. Letting out a breath when he wrapped his arms around me. "I love you." I whispered.
He pulled away softly. "There's something I gotta tell you." He stated, nervousness filling his voice. "When I woke up, it was the first thing I wanted to tell you, but you weren't there, so I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up."
My brows furrowed. "What is it?"
He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair before swallowing, his eyes leaving mine. "Um, I don't know how to put this- but... I want you to hear it from me before you hear it from anyone else. I don't want any secrets between us."
I stopped to think. Was he about to tell me about his connection with the Lithians?
"I'm listening."
He let out a deep breath. "You know, before I came to the Outside, I really didn't hold a good image at the Inc, I wasn't exactly how I am now... I've- I've done unspeakable things to innocent people, and if there's anyway I can turn back time, I would take it all back, and do things differently."
I smiled softly, motioning him to continue.
"I'm sure you've heard rumors about a dangerous gang called, The Lithains?"
I nodded.
"Well, I- I kind of- I kind of ow-"
"I know." I stopped him.
He frowned, his eyes holding questions. "Y-you know?"
"Yeah."
"How?" He asked.
"Word travels fast, and- uh you know how curious I am." I said, leaving out the part about following him.
I didn't want him to get irritated, seeing as, according to Michelle, he hated nosy girls... But then again, ever since we met, I didn't hide my curiosity behavior, and yet, he's still here.
This is so confusing.
He blinked. "Why didn't you say anything? Wait-- is that the reason why you were avoiding me?"
I shook my head. "No Ethan, I told you I was having the normal bad day. Besides. I don't care if you own a dangerous gang... I know you, and I know you're good person inside."
I saw his shoulder fall in a manner to show me how much my words meant to him.
"As long as you're careful and you don't do anything stupid anymore; and if ever you wanna leave the gang, and they're making it difficult, let me know, we'll figure something out together, okay?"
He just stared at me, almost as if he was seeing me for the first time.
I smiled, my cheeks hitting up. "What?"
He gulped. "I just realized that I'm undeserving of you. I don't deserve you, Ivy."
"Don't say that," I said, pulling him to me, "what did you think, that I'd hate you cause you were in some stupid gang? If anything, I think it completes the circle... The bad boy with leather jackets, rides a powerful power bike, and is the leader of a notorious gang... I'm getting what I ordered, Trev-"
His lips claimed mine, cutting me off and giving my heart a new reason to beat for him.
He cupped both side of my face, his lips dancing a slow passionate dance against mine, causing flips after flips. My heart tugged at how passionate he kissed me, I could literally feel every single emotion erupting from him. It surrounded us like a cloak, sending a rush through my veins.
I felt drunk.
He pulled away softly, as we both took in harsh breaths, still reeling from the moment.
"I honestly thought you were gonna leave me... I didn't think for a second that you'd want to be close to me after I told you." He said, sincerity dancing in his eyes.
"I wouldn't do that... And thank you for telling me before I had to ask, I never thought you would." I smiled.
He placed his forehead atop mine. "I don't want secrets between us Ivy, it almost destroyed us the last time, I don't want that to happen again."
I gulped.
"Me too." I whispered.
Guilt rushed through me...
He was sharing everything with me, he trusted me... But-- here I am, keeping the truth about his relationship with Glory from him.
I know I have to tell him... And I will, I will as soon as I've gathered enough information about it.
As soon as I'm sure he was ready to hear it.
___
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