Ethan
I paid no attention to the music or the people around me. I just stood at the other side of Janie's home, with a bottle of beer on my grip as I stared towards Ivy's direction.
I watched how easily she conversed with Janie, Fiona and some girls around them. I guess they were all arguing about something, apparently, cause Ivy looked so into it.
With another swig of my beer, I shifted my position, but my eyes didn't shift from Ivy.
Her hair bobbed with her head as she talked, she finally let them rest on her shoulders, probably because I made it my new mission to call her PT any chance I got.
Unintentionally, I smiled to myself.
She was different indeed, nothing like the girls from my Inc. she was innocent, intelligent and dare I say, too cute for her own good.
The mission was to be her boyfriend, honestly it was crazy at first but the idea just got to me, and ever since I used LT wipe on her, I'd never been able to fight off the guilt, if I had known she'd still find out even after I used it on her, I wouldn't have even called Fiona.
Ivy was as smart as she was gullible, but that was who she was... I wouldn't try to change her, I'd just keep my eyes on her, always.
Protecting her came first and honestly, that was Fiona's job but I just- I felt the need to shield her from the prying eyes of Caramel who in turn, was always watching.
Two years ago, I wasn't able to stop the Facility from taking Lacy, the only girl I'd ever actually dated and cared for. After they took her, I didn't even dare to put anyone in her place cause I was scared, I was scared they'd get hurt and I wouldn't be able to protect them just like I wasn't able to protect Lacy.
She was counting on me, but I failed her, I hurt her and I left her. Why? Because I was a coward, I was a freaking coward. I just stood there and did nothing.
They took her and I watched.
I guess I felt the urge to protect Ivy because I didn't want her to get hurt like Lacy did.
Ivy was too innocent for my Inc's business. She had no idea what the Inc is all about and how strict they were with the code breaking thing.
If they knew that Ivy Fisher knows about me being human or even my real name, they'd kill her. It was certain.
It wasn't the first time it had happened, and something told me it wouldn't be the last.
Now all I had to do was trust her.
I believed her and I held on to her promise.
That might be a mistake, but she deserved the benefit of the doubt so...
I took another swig of my beer.
She was definitely pretty with her hair down, that was a fact. But I still preferred the ponytail cause it just had a way of popping out her beauty.
I know, most guys just have that hair down fetish... I did too, but in Ivy Fisher's case, it was different.
Both hairstyles suited her.
Wait wait- how did my thoughts go from Lacy to Ivy's hair? Why the hell am I even thinking of Ivy's hair?
I shook my head off the thoughts, feeling so stupid.
When was the last time I spent most of my time thinking of a girl's hair? I mean, I don't even do that.
As weird as it might sound, Ivy Fisher was growing on me... Sometimes, I'd stare at her without even noticing I was staring. There was just this peaceful and Interesting aura to her that got me.
Take for example, this morning. I couldn't stop staring at her and she noticed, she even called me out of it but I kept staring like a total love sick idiot. She just looked so different and I was trying to figure out the difference and I got lost.
It was crazy, and at the same time, scary.
The last time I ever did get lost, staring at a girl was with Lacy.
I was so taken by that girl that I even started to like sports.
Lacy loved sports and she loved watching me play. And just that reason alone, made me join the basketball team back at Inc high.
I'd have done everything to impress her.
Ivy laughed at something one of the girls had said, and just like that, I was zapped out of my thoughts.
Ivy was carefree when it came to her laughter. She didn't care who watched or who thought of it as unladylike. She did what she knew was what she liked.
It was an admirable fact about her.
And I honestly hadn't been lying when I told her I liked spending time with her. Even if I was indeed trying to keep an eye on her, I still liked spending time with her.
Her talks never did tire me out like any other random girl's would, and it was crazy cause, I disliked lousy people.
Ivy struck me in a different way and I was so damn curious to figure out why?
What was so special about her? She was pretty, yeah-
Ethan... Snap out of it! She's literally few feet away from you and here you are, thinking about her?
I looked away, feeling like my head was about to explode.
"I'm the one who's supposed to come into her life, not the other way around. She's a mission Ethan, you can't be attracted to your mission or it would get compromised, haven't you learnt anything from the mission class? Act out your role, don't play it out for real cause if you do-"
"Who're you talking to?"
I jumped at the sound of Fiona's voice. Real voice, not the other girly pretend one.
I looked around. Great Ethan, state your thoughts!
"No one." I muttered.
"I could have sworn I heard you talking... You were like, she's your mission, you can't be blah blah blah."
"It's rude to eavesdrop on people's self monologue." I said.
She scoffed. "Wouldn't be the first time, Ethan. I've got ears like a bat, and whatever it is you were saying, caught my attention so... Why not?"
I rolled my eyes.
"So, what's up with you and the monologue? By mission I'm guessing you meant Ivy right?"
I looked away, not wanting to act like I really did care.
"No way." She said, her voice filled with amusement.
I raised an uninterested brow at her. "What?"
"You're going all coocoo on Ivy Fisher, aren't you?"
"What?" I asked incredulously. "Of course not."
"Don't deny it, it's like, written all over your face, dude."
I still gave her the confused look. "You sure you're not seeing things?"
"I'm not... You don't 'monologue' unless you're frustrated. I've known you since you were ten Ethan. You like Ivy Fisher?"
I shook my head at her, ignoring her question.
"I knew it... The Ethan I knew would never attend parties, even if I did the puppy dog face thingy just to persuade him... He'd always say no. Whenever Lacy asked you to accompany her to parties, you'd always find a way to ease yourself out of it. Even Edith begged you like a hundred times, but you always said no which she still hates you for by the way, cause Malcolm would never allow her attend any parties without you there."
"What's your point exactly?" I asked.
"Well, obviously? You've been on the outside for like what, almost a month now and here you are, attending your second highschool party! And Ivy didn't even have to do much."
I sighed. "Can you listen to yourself, Fi? She's my mission, I can't exactly say no to her."
"Still..."
"There's no still about it."
"So why did you keep staring at her like that?"
"I was keeping an eye on her."
"That's my job." She countered back.
I stole a glance at her direction, to see her looking over at Janie's phone. I tore my eyes from her again. "I don't want to feel useless. Caramel was right, I wasn't able to protect Lacy... I don't want history to repeat itself."
Fiona's eyes softened. "You honestly need to stop blaming yourself for that. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped it even if you wanted to. Whatever goes in the Facility-"
"Stays in the Facility, I know that." I completed for her. "I just want to protect her. She's so deep into the Inc's business and I think she told Roman again, even after she promised she wouldn't."
"What? What does she know?"
"That I'm human, and that my real name's Ethan."
Fiona's eyes widened. "How the hell does she know that?"
I sighed. "She's way too smart Fiona. And I took her to the Inc and Jeremy sorta said my name and I couldn't think of a lie, so-"
"Wa-wa-wait- what? You took her to the Inc? Have you lost your mind Ethan?"
"I thought it was the only way to protect her."
"By exposing her to the Inc? Just tell me you took her to the purest sector."
"Where else would I take her? I just thought that she'd stop asking questions and trying to figure out things but I was wrong. Last night she was in my room, looking for the grey pill."
"Are you kidding me? How the hell does she know about the grey pill? You told her?"
I shook my head.
"After her memory got wiped, she had the after effects of the drug, if I hadn't given her the pill to calm down, she'd have found the Inc already. You know how it works."
Fiona sighed in frustration. "If she was indeed looking for the pill, then she knows how to get to the inc."
"She won't go." I said.
"What? How can you be so sure?"
"I trust her. She gave me her word."
"She's a human, Ethan. Humans lie." Fiona pointed out.
"I gave her my trust and she gave me hers, that's enough for me to know she wouldn't do it. She promised me."
"You and your laws." Fiona said. "If things get out of hand, I'll get another LT wipe, just in case."
"I'm not doing that to her again, Fiona." I blurted out.
She raised a brow at me. "Even if it meant saving her life?"
"It won't come to that."
Fiona nodded.
I wanted to believe it wouldn't come to that, but something told me that I was wrong. But I'd make sure it never happened again.
"It's okay to like her." Fiona said out of no where."
"What?" I asked.
"Ivy Fisher, it's okay to like her... She's nice. And also has a major crush on you as you do on her, so- it's okay."
I frowned. "I don't crush on people, never ever use that word again. I find her interesting, and honestly I don't know why but I seem to care about her, a lot and I guess it's because she's my mission and-"
"And you have a crush on her." Fiona said, smiling sweetly at me. "I mean, why else would you trust her... You don't even trust me and we've known each other for years. Think about it." She said with a sly smile, walking back to the group.
She was right, I didn't trust her, so why the hell do I have so much trust in Ivy Fisher?
Hold on... Is it me or does it really feel like my mission is about to get totally compromised.
"Okay guys! Gather round for a truth or dare! Anyone who's interested!" Janie yelled to no one in particular.
I just stood there dumbfounded as my head sorted out reasons as to why I was feeling this way.
Could it be-
"Hey! What are you standing there for?" Ivy's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, I looked down at her as she smiled up at me, her smile was so easy and soft. It was the kind of smile you'd never ever get tired of seeing.
What?
I knew myself, I knew how easy it was for me to get attached to someone, it was actually something I avoided because I wouldn't know when and how it would happen, it would just happen. So suddenly that I myself wouldn't be able to comprehend, just like right now.
I felt her hand encircle around my wrist, and just like a sudden heat wave, my heart reacted to that, causing a light vibration in my chip. Normally, the chip became hyper active whenever the heart rate changed abruptly, it was programmed that way. "Come, on, let's join them. You've been standing here since we arrived."
When I didn't reply to her, her well carved brows furrowed in a frown. "Ethan," she whispered my name. "Are you okay?"
Remind me never to ever ponder on Fiona's stupid observation sense, it just messes me up! And right now, I was between denial and acceptance.
When I didn't answer her, her hands left my wrist aiming to touch my face. "Eth-" on reflex, I held her wrist before she could reach my cheek.
She gasped in shock at my sudden reaction to that.
"I need some air." I heard myself say. "I'll join you inside in a few minute."
I let go of her wrist and walked past her without waiting for a reply.
It was the number one rule we were taught. 'Never get attached to your mission, or it would get compromised'
That was a rule I couldn't follow because I never know when it would hit me with full freaking force. In my case, it'd start small, I'd grow attached to her without even knowing, I'd think it was 'part' of the mission but I wouldn't know it wasn't.
First, I wiped her memories because she knew too much and all I could think about was protecting her, but what I thought I was doing was protecting the Inc's secrecy. Secondly, I gave her the grey pill because I felt so guilty about what I did and I just wanted her to feel better, but I thought I was doing it from keeping her from the inc.
Thirdly, I basically told her I was human because I didn't want her to think a guy like me wouldn't actually like a girl like her, but I thought I was doing it to protect her from the inc.
Fourthly, I took her to the Inc, because I wanted to stop her from digging deep into the issue and eventually, drawing Caramel's attention towards her.
I swore secrecy to the Inc and I exposed her to it because I cared about her. Because I actually really honestly, did care about her.
Did I forget to mention that I beat up a human without being cautious of my chip creating more damage, because he simply showed interest in Ivy? Because he simply said something about me not deserving her?
How the hell did I not catch up to this?
It certainly wasn't the first time.
God I should have known... I acted without thinking. I didn't use my mind but my heart, a mistake I had once made before.
I have to stop.
I have to relax and get my head right, cause the last time I felt like this, it didn't end well.
It didn't.
__
Vote and Comment:-)
What do you think of Ethan's feelings?
What do you think of Ethan and Fiona's relationship?
Nora.