*Geek Boy*
Five days earlier
Nerves. They were all I could feel as I stood in the hallway, my eyes fixed on the closed door. I dragged in a breath, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.
I felt a squeeze on my shoulder. I looked up at Jed, standing to my right, a gentle smile on his face.
"Don't worry," he said.
I nodded, dragging in another breath. I didn't know how Jed always managed to stay calm. How he always managed to stay strong. Like the sea could swallow all of us, and he would still remain strady, calmly rescuing everyone.
I related more with mom. She wasn't relaxed in the least. She stood to my left, one hand squeezing the life out of her opposing wrist, her eyes wide and fearful.
She'd been shifting slowly over the last two months, becoming different. Who she used to be before was a far off image compared to who she was now. And I knew that she would never be that person again. But she was trying. Trying to be someone new. And that was enough.
We were all trying to fix things.
Which was why we were here.
In five minutes, James and dad would be walking through that door.
I'd been trying to convince myself that it wasn't that big of a deal. I'd talked to dad on the phone over the last few weeks. And it wasn't like we hadn't seen each other recently. We'd been skyping over the last monthâall of us, together sometimes. But seeing them in person...
It was an entirely different beast.
The bell rang.
Make that thirty seconds.
My heartbeat plunged into overdrive. Mom's eyes widened. She took a step back. Jed paled.
I blinked, surprised. Maybe he wasn't calm. Maybe he was just as terrified as mom and I were.
Maybe strength was just putting on a brave face, stepping forward even if you were scared.
I walked forward and opened the door.
*
Present
"And then, dad was like, it must be the bandwidth," James said, lowering his voice to imitate dad's rasp, "and we just stared at him, like what?"
Jed laughed. James's eyes lit up, his grin widening.
Dad shook his head. "I told you I didn't get all that tech stuff."
Mom rolled her eyes, smiling, "You never have."
There was a paused as dad smiled back at her. Everyone was quiet.
Then mom broke his gaze, standing. "You two should be heading back to the hotel," she said as she began clearing away takeaway bags. "Your flight's tomorrow."
Dad blinked, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess we should." He started to stand. "Let me helpâ"
"It's fine," mom said sharply. "You're a guest."
The way dad recoiled was almost audible. The entire room winced. Mom grimaced. She parted her lips to say something, then pressed them shut and continued clearing the table.
Jed stood, patting dad's shoulder. "Don't worry dad, I'll help. We all know you hate chores."
Dad laughed, but the sound was rough. "You caught me."
James joined in the laughter, a little too enthusiastic to be believable.
And, just like that, the tension defused. At least on the surface.
It had worked out better than I'd expectedâthe family stuff. The first night had been awkward, but then James's enthusiasm had kicked everything off, and Jed had eventually calmed enough to return to his charismatic self. After that, everything had gone smoothly enough.
I'd been worried about how James and Jed would get along. They'd become closer through the skyping, but I thought seeing James in person might break Jed. In the end, it had turned out okay. James and Jed got along like a house on fire. Whenever Jed laughed at one of his jokes, James lit up. I was starting to suspect Jed had noticed this, and was purposely laughing harder than normal.
James looked at Jed like he was staring at a myth come to life. Jed tried to look normal, but I could tell how much he wanted James to like him. And, though he hid them well, I'd seen the glimpses of guilt in Jed's eyes whenever he looked at James's wheelchair.
I didn't blame him. If his guilt was anything like mine, it was always there, hovering.
This new version of our family was no where near perfect.
The fractures were too obvious. Mom and dad's conversations were stilted. Whenever they softened, mom would remember herself and withdraw. She'd find something she needed to clear up.
As for mom and James's interactionsâthey were still awkward at best.
And being here, in this room, with the members of what used to make up our family, just made it that much more apparent how different we all were. How much we'd changed. It was like trying to put together shards of glass. There were too many missing pieces.
But at least we were trying.
James chattered to Jed and dad as Jed cleared the table. Mom started on the dishes.
I watched, feeling like I was sitting in front of a television, watching an alternate reality.
It was a weird feelingâlike my body was here, but I wasn't. My thoughts started to the drift, but I pulled them back before they could go to the one person that was always on my mind.
Part of thinking about her was that, even when it was painful, the thought of her still brought me comfort. It was easier to think about her than anything else.
We saw them off at the door.
Jed was crouched in front of James, talking to him about something I couldn't hear, large grins on their faces. Mom was still tidying up the living room.
Dad touched my shoulder. "Will."
I turned to him.
Dad had looked almost unfamiliar when he'd walked into this house. He'd aged, with hair that was more grey than brown, and a thick beard. The only thing I'd recognised was his glasses, and his eyes. Though, now, even his eyes looked differentâweary.
I still felt like I was looking at a stranger.
He smiled. "I wanted to talk to youâyour mother mentioned that you've finished your studies?"
I nodded. I'd graduated early. There'd been no ceremony. Just forms and certificated. After what I'd... There'd been no point going to school any longer.
Dad shifted, and I finally noticed the nervous look on his face.
My brows furrowed. "What's wrong?"
Dad steered me away from the others. "WellâI..." he cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you'd come with us to Spain."
I stared at him.
"I know you probably have plans for university, or for your career," he rushed out, "but I thought it would be nice if you came to live with us, for a little whileâor for longerâif you want. We bought an extra ticketâ" he faltered. "I meanânot that you should feel pressured or anything. That's not whyâ" he stopped. "It's just, James would love it if you lived with us." He swallowed. His voice lowered, "I would love it if you lived with us."
A lump swelled in my throat.
Dad cleared his throat again. "Anyway, just think about it." Then, shockingly, he hugged me. "I love you son."
He pulled away, nodded, then headed to the door. I rubbed my eyes.
James looked up as he approached, beaming. Then he looked at me and his smile widened.
My eyes started to burn.
"Did he ask you?"
I nearly jumped. Jed was standing beside me. I hadn't seen him move,
"About what?" My voice came out as a croak. I cleared my throat.
Jed's expression softened. He looked...different. Before, I'd thought he was always calm. But now, I realised that it had been a mask, that there'd been tension in his demeanour. The tension was gone now.
Jed smiled at me. "Spain. Dad said he was going to ask you."
I nodded, my throat tightening. "Yeah."
"Are you going?"
I stared at dad and James. James was grinning up at dad, recounting a story with elaborate gestures. Dad laughed.
"I don't know."
I could go to Spain. Stay with James and dad. I could take James to school. We could eat dinner together, go out on the weekends.
I could start a life.
What did I have to stay for?
A thought swelled in my mind, but I forced myself to ignore it.
Jed studied me, his smile fading. "Will..." he hesitated. Then he squeezed my shoulder. "Just make sure that, if you leave, you leave without regrets."
Then he strode towards dad and James, hugging dad as he finished putting his coat on.
Then everyone was saying their goodbyes, with hugs and laughter.
James was sniffling, his eyes wet with tears, when I hugged him.
"I love you Will," he said as I pulled away.
I ruffled his hair, "I love you too kid." I could barely get the words out around the lump in my throat.
James rubbed his eyes, then grinned up at me.
Mom hugged dad briefly. He stared after her when she pulled away, his feelings obvious on his face, but she kept her gaze firmly averted from his.
And then it hit me. I'd thought it was resentment that made her act cold when she spoke to dad. But she wasn't angry.
Maybe she was scared.
I couldn't get that realization out of my head as we waved them off, as their car pulled out of the driveway, then as they drove down the street.
She was pushing him away, even though it was clear he loved her, because she was scared.
She was pushing away her chance at happiness because she was scared.
Losing her chance at happiness because she was scared.
Catherine had said that the reason I picked Ellie was because I knew she would break my heart. She'd said that I'd chosen someone unattainable so I wouldn't have to open up to anyone.
But she'd been wrong.
I'd had a crush on Ellie Kent because she was amazing.
I'd fallen in love with her because she was more than amazing.
But, the last seven years, I'd been scared.
Scared she would reject me. Scared she didn't like me. Then scared she would lose interest. That she would realise how much better she was than me. How much better she deserved.
I wanted to believe it was compassion that made me break up with her. That I was saving her.
But the only person I'd saved was myself.
I'd had a crush on Ellie Kent because she was amazing.
I'd fallen in love with her because she was more than amazing.
And I'd broken up with her because I was scared.
In less than a minute, I was holding my keys, racing out of the house, my heart beating way too fast.
There was a school game tonight.
If this was the last night I spent here, then I was going to tell Ellie the truth.
I was done being scared.
***
Darlings, there's only about nine chapters of BATGB left O_O. If time permits, updates will be weekly from here till the end.
If the chapter is late, please don't comment for updates. Anytime I don't update BATGB is because (for some reason or the other) I can't. I'm not going to abandon this story, no matter how late the update is, so please be patient.
God bless
xxx
Yemi Everest