*Geek Boy*
"Dad?"
I could hear my heartbeat pounding, so loud that I wondered if it was audible over the phone.
I heard a short gasp, followed by a crashâlike something had fallen down. "Will?" his voice was more alert, more awake. "Will, is that you?"
The lump in my throat swelled. I nodded, then remembered that he couldn't see me. "Yes," I rasped.
There was a choking noise. "Iâ" he cleared his throat. "How are you?" he decided, his voice rough.
My eyes started to burn.
Ask him what to do about mom.
"Why did you leave me?"
The question came out without my permission.
"Iâ" his voice cracked. "I'm sorry Will."
I squeezed my eyes shut, dragging in a breath.
"Mom's upset," I said quickly, changing the subject. "Jed's not here and I don't know what to do."
"Ohâok." His voice steadied. "What is she doing right now?"
I glanced into the living room. My shoulders slumped. She wasn't crying anymore. She'd fallen asleep on the sofa.
"She fell asleep," I said.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
My throat tightened. "Sheâshe doesn't like my girlfriend."
I couldn't say anymore.
"Why?" he asked, confusion seeping into his tone.
"She reminds her of Aubrey," I whispered.
There was a beat of silence. "Oh." He paused. "Maybeâmaybe you should stop seeing this girl. For your mom's sake."
*
I cleaned up the living room, putting everything back into its proper place.
It was as I was cleaning that I found the picture.
It was beneath one of the sofas.
A framed photograph of our family before the accident. I couldn't breathe as I stared at it. The faces in the image grinned at me. Mom's face was captured mid-laugh. Dad's arm was wrapped around her. James clung to her legs, giggling. Jed carried me on his shoulders.
We looked so happy.
My eyes started to burn.
Was this what she'd been looking for?
She'd erased them so completely from our lives. I didn't even know that she had this picture. That any pictures of our family had been brought here.
Did she look at this picture and think about how destroyed our family was?
I resisted the urge to keep it. I placed it gently on the coffee table, for her to find when she woke up.
I glanced at her, still asleep on the couch.
Her features were softened by sleep, harsh lines settling into exhausted wrinkles. She looked so youngâand so tired.
I hesitated, then I strode to a cabinet, retrieving a blanket and covering her with it.
Then, quietly, I left. I tried to keep my mind empty as I made my way to my room.
The curtains were open. Outside, the sun was beginning to set, the sky a grey-blue.
Maybe you should stop seeing this girl.
The words still made my lungs constrict, so tightly that I thought I would never be able to breathe again.
My father and I had finished our phone call hours ago. It had been a short conversation. After he'd suggested I break up with Ellie, it had been hard to hear anything else. He'd asked me to call him again. I couldn't remember my response.
It wasn't fair.
After everything, after coming here, I'd finally found somewhere I belonged. With Ellie.
And now they wanted to take that away too.
Dad had apologised after the words. He'd said he wasn't asking me to do anything. He said that mom had been through a lot. More than any of us.
When he'd said that, all I could think about was whether that was the reason he'd let her take me away.
He was right that she'd been through more than any of us. She'd lost a child, and everything that had happened afterwardsâit had broken her.
But Ellie wasn't Aubrey. Mom's fear was irrational. It made no sense.
It's causing her emotional distress.
I remembered her crying. I'd never seen her like that.l Not since before the accident.
She was crumbling. And it was my fault.
I lay down on the bed, shutting my eyes.
It was my fault that the accident happened in the first place.
And now it was my fault that she was in pain all over again.
My selfishness was to blame for all of it.
My eyes started to water.
Yet, I couldn't do it.
I didn't want to break up with Ellie Kent.
*
I didn't go to school the next day.
Jed hadn't come home yet, and I didn't want to leave mom alone.
I'd found a voicemail from Jed. It had been delivered yesterday. He would be out of town for a day or two.
Mentally, I was begging him to come back sooner. To come back now.
Mom was disturbingly quiet. Her hair was still down, her appearance still slightly dishevelled. She didn't comment on me missing school.
I lingered in the living room, keeping an eye on her. I watched her stare blankly at the television for hours, her face pale and drawn. The sight made my lungs constrict.
When she finally fell asleep in the afternoon, I retreated to my room.
I turned on my phone, staring at the message Ellie had sent me yesterday.
I hadn't replied yet.
I needed to see her.
I knew that by now it was after school. And it was a Friday, which meant Ellie had practice today.
My heart picked up speed. Hurriedly, I left the room.
Everything would be fine once I saw Ellie.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I froze.
Instead of sleeping, mom was sitting up. Her eyes fixed on me.
She blinked quickly, standing. "Will? Can I talk to you for a moment?"
I hesitated, my gaze flickering back to the door. Dread sunk in my stomach. I couldn't imagine this conversation being anything but uncomfortable.
I swallowed. Reluctantly, I nodded, then shuffled towards her.
Her gaze fell to her hands. She sat. She looked so small, and fragileâher shoulders hunched, her skin ashen and her hair dishevelled. Seeing her like this was disturbing.
I shifted on my feet, my gaze flickering back to the door.
I wished I knew what to say, what to do. But it had been seven years since I'd had a real conversation with my mother. I'd lost the ability to talk to her the way I used to. When I tried to speak, I could summon no words. It was like trying to talk to a stranger.
Her voice was quiet, "After the accident, I changed."
I stiffened, my eyes snapping back to her.
Not once had she ever brought up the accident. It was a forbidden topic. Erased. Something that hung on the periphery of our lives. Like dad, James and Jed. She pretended that it didn't exist.
"Everything changed." Her hand reached towards the coffee table. Lying on it was the picture of our family, the grins within mocking us. Her fingers floated over the picture before her hand fell to her side. "But I..."
She squeezed her hands together, inhaling a breath.
"Losing a child," she whispered, "is one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person."
I flinched.
"And all I could think," she rasped, "was that it wasn't fair. I was so angryâso angry. After it happened, I didn't believe it. How could I? Our lives were so perfectâso happy. Something so tragic couldn't possibly happen to us. We didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair. But I've known tragedy. I've seen people I care about die, so I knew it was real. I knew it was only fair that the world would screw up my life again."
Her hands were trembling as she covered her face. Her breath was ragged.
"When Isabella died," she croaked, "I died to."
My knees weakened. I sat down, unable to peel my eyes away. I didn't know this person. Even before the accident, I'd never met this person.
"I haven't been alive for the last seven years. I spent the last seven years pretending that the accident never happened. That I never lost anything. Because I knew, I knew, that if I acknowledged it, I would break. And I've been through enough that I refused to break. And what was worseâ" Her voice choked off. "What was worse, was that I knew that it was my fault. That my own son was dying, that Jed was suffering, and I didn't notice. I didn't notice because I was so intent on believing my life was perfect. He was a teenager, a child, my child, and I didn't notice."
I stared.
Jed had done the same thing. He'd blamed himself.
It was my fault.
"Your father regrets saying it now, but he was right when he asked me how I didn't notice. How I didn't notice that Jed wasn't sober when he got behind the wheel. How I let my children get into that car that day. How I let my baby die. How I let my sons suffer. How I let Jamesâ" The trembling of her hands worsened. "I failed all of you."
Her hands lowered from her face. My breath caught when I saw she was crying, streaks staining her pale skin.
"I thought I was avoiding the pain by pretending, but I've been grieving for the last seven years. And I didn't noticeâI didn't careâthat those seven years, you were growing up here. Without your father, without your brothers." Her face crumpled. "And without your mother." Her eyes lifted to mine. "And for that Will. For all of it, I am so so sorry."
*
Hello wonderfuls :) Hope you liked the chapter!
Also, I think BATGB was featured in October! I got a message about it two months ago, but I wasn't sure which story of mine was being featured. I think it was BATGB though, since this one has the most readers. So thank you all for all your votes and comments, BATGB couldn't have done it without you :D
On other topics, I want to change the actress for Ellie, does anyone have any ideas???
God bless
xxx
Yemi Everest