Beep...beep...beep...beep
I pushed against the black fog clouding my vision. I pushed hard trying to ground myself. Attach myself to anything that would pull me out.
I couldn't quite distinguish what I could hear over the white noise of my brain and the pounding in my head. There was definite beeping of machines. The odd thump which was maybe a footstep? Then suddenly there was a voice. One I didn't recognise.
"Speak to her" the voice offered.
"Can she hear me?" My heart squeezed at the familiar northern drawl.
"Definitely" The female answered enthusiastically. "She might not be able to respond but she can definitely hear you"
Respond. That's all I had to do to let Harry know I could hear him. I tried to move my hand but my whole body was like a dead weight. Like I was lying under a thick heavy blanket that was stopping me from moving.
"Hi baby girl" His voice was softer, but louder as if he was leaning in to my ear so only I could hear his precious words. He sounded so tired and in that second all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around his shoulders and tell him it would all be okay. All I had to do was squeeze his hand to let him know. I willed my fingers to move, I tried to flex even a little to let him know I could hear.
But I couldn't. And in the exertion to show him I could feel the black fog falling. Taking me elsewhere.
*
The room felt brighter than it had before. Like the lights were on or it was daylight. The rhythmic beeping of the machines lulled me out of my catatonic state. Enough that I could hear the room around me again. There were no footsteps, but definite breathing. I couldn't tell how many people were in the room but I couldn't definitely hear someone breathing close by.
"This can't be normal. To stay like this for days...What if this is it? What if she's always like this and she never wakes up?" Harry's voice was choked and I could tell he was crying. My stomach dropped at his unspoken helplessness. I'd never heard him so heartbroken and I knew I was the cause.
I willed myself to open my eyes. Even just one, so I could see him. Let him know I would come back to him when I was ready. But my body wouldn't play along.
I assumed he'd be talking to his mum, or even mine but I was surprised to hear Jeff's voice, full of sympathy and concern as I floated back out.
"You can't think like that, mate. She's strong. She'll make it"
*
I could hear the same familiar beeping but everything else was quiet as the fog started to lift. I tried to concentrate on the steady beeping. Allow it to pull me further to.. consciousness? I didn't know what this weird state of fog was. It was like my brain was waking up but my body wasn't yet ready.
I heard the door open quietly and the soft footfalls of someone coming closer. The sound of paperwork being shuffled. And then the soft familiar grunt of Harry.
"You should go home and get some rest" A feminine voice came from one side of the room. I didn't recognise the voice. Maybe she was a nurse.
"Nah, I'm fine, thanks. I want to be here when she wakes up" Harry's voice was gravely like he'd just woken up. Maybe it was night time. It felt dark, but then again it often felt dark. I hoped he was taking care of himself and he wasn't making himself ill staying in the hospital with me. I'd wake up eventually. I hoped. Then darkness fell.
*
There was more noise than usual when the fog lifted again. Immediately I could hear the sweet sounds of my daughter. She was babbling away somewhere in the room. I could hear the door open and close and always the familiar beeping.
"Oh, there's my beautiful girl" Anne's voice floated across the room from the far side. She must have just entered.
"Hi Judy. How's she doing?" Anne's voice floated as she crossed the room.
Judy? Oh my mum must be here already with Avery.
"Fine" my mum answered as I heard some cheek kisses being exchanged.
"No change" My mums voice sounded dejected and I tried with all my might to open my mouth. Even to say anything to reassure them I was here.
I heard a chair being scraped across the floor.
"Where's Harry?" Anne asked.
"The consultant convinced him to go home for a shower and a change of clothes. I don't think he'd left in 3 days"
Shit, if been out for 3 days? Jesus, if only this darkness would lift for long enough to tell them I was here. I could hear them. I was going to get better.
"Hopefully he has a sleep while he's away. The boys going to make himself ill if he doesn't take care of himself" My mum sounded concerned.
"He doesn't want to leave her side" I felt a warm hand slide in to mine and my mum's voice was closer this time.
"He's dedicated, that's for sure" My mum said.
"I don't know what he'll do if he loses her, Judy" Anne's voice cracked at the end and I could hear her soft sobs. I wanted to scream and shout and tell them I'd be fine. I didn't want Harry to worry. I didn't want anyone to worry.
I tried to quieten the constant white noise in my brain. I could feel my mum's hand in mine. All I had to do was move a finger. My index finger. That was all I had to do.
"What was that?" My mum gasped suddenly.
"What? What was it?"
"I felt something. Her hand moved. I'm sure it did" Another hand was added to my hand as I tried to do it again.
"Again. She did it again. Nora? Nor, Sweetheart? Can you hear me?" My mum's voice was closer to my ear and I could feel a hand on my head.
"I'll get a nurse" Anne's voice got further away and her hand was replaced by another.
The door opened and closed quickly.
"Avery, you speak to Mummy, maybe she can wake up for you. Can you say 'hello Mummy'?" My mum sounded desperate and my heart ached that I was causing this upset for my family.
I could hear Avery being shifted around and then her sweet mumblings were beside my head.
"Careful" My mum mumbled
"Maaamama" Her voice was like a balm to all my injuries. The more noise she made the further I was drawn to her. The fog was rolling further and further away.
"Oh Nora, please wake up" My mum begged desperately.
"Ave.... Avery" I croaked. Jesus my throat was like sandpaper and my mouth was like cotton wool.
"Oh thank god" I could hear my Mum sob as I tried to blink open an eye.
"She's here Nora. Avery's right here. Look Avery, can you say hello to Mummy?"
The next thing I felt was her clammy little hand bating against my upturned palm. I cracked an eyelid but immediately closed it again. My vision was blurry as hell and my head was pounding.
"Nora, Anne's gone to get a doctor. You're ok, you're in the hospital. Try not to move, Sweetheart" My mum sobbed, her hand running over my hair.
I tried again to open my eyes slowly. I blinked again and again, waiting for my vision to clear.
"Mum?" I croaked out, fighting against the dryness in my throat.
"Oh Nora, thankgoodness" I turned my head as much as I could but it felt like a ton weight. "Don't move sweetheart. Wait on the doctor. God, you've been through the wars. How're you feeling?"
"Sore" I croaked out, attempting to turn my head again and I was greeted by the beautiful sight of my baby girl.
"Ave's" I cooed but my voice was barely above a whisper.
Suddenly the door opened and in bustled a few bodies.
"Nora, you decided to join us?" A familiar voice belonging to a man I didn't recognise, bentdown towards my bed. He was wearing a friendly smile as well as a lab coat and scrubs.
"Do you know where you are?... Here I'll get you a drink" He stretched up out of my direct line of sight then came back with a cup and a straw.
"Take little sips" He instructed
I did as I was told. The water was like honey as it soothed my parched throat.
"Do you know where you are, Nora?" He asked again.
I nodded again. "Hospital" I croaked out a little stronger than before.
"And do you know what year it is?"
"2019"
"And do you know who this is?" He pointed a finger at Avery who was still sitting on my mums lap watching the whole scene unfold with a bewildered look on her face.
"My daughter. Avery Styles" I answered.
A smile spread across the doctors face. "Good, all correct! Now, you've been in a pretty bad car accident Nora. My names Dr Bell and I've been your consultant since you came in 5 days ago"
"5 days? I've been out for 5 days?" My eyebrows rose instinctively in surprise but I immediately stopped as pain shot across my skin. I reached a hand up to touch the area but it had a bandage on it.
"Yes. Your bodies been through a lot and with the extent of your injuries it's not uncommon to stay unconscious for this length of time. The little bit of down time has given your body a head start in its healing. You've suffered a fair few injuries. You've had 2 separate surgeries. One to pin your femur and shoulder which were both shattered in the crash. And another to sort some internal bleeding"
I nodded along as he rhymed off more of my injuries. I had three broken ribs on one side, 2 fractured on the other. I had a punctured lung which was most likely caused by one of the broken ribs. I had fractured my foot and my ankle on my right side, the opposite from where it'd had my femur pinned. I had severe cuts to my chest, mostly caused by glass from the back windshield.
"What about Avery?" I asked looking over at my daughter who apart from white plasters, she looked in a lot better shape than I imagined I looked in that second.
"It seems like you saved your daughter from sustaining any major injuries. Her cuts are all superficial and she was discharged once her dad got here after the accident"
"Harry" I gasped suddenly. "Where's Harry?"
"I've left a message with him. He should be on his way soon"
"He didn't answer?"
"No, I hope it's because he's sleeping" Anne offered. I laughed at the irony. What was it about Harry and not answering his phone when I was in the hospital.
"You don't even know the half of it" Jeff chuckled as he popped his head through the door. "Hey Nora, you doing ok?" His eyes scanned the room of all the people that were here then zeroed in on me. And for once I thought Jeff looked tired. That maybe even this whole situation was taking it out of him too.
"Fine thanks, Jeff" I smiled as he hesitated in the doorway but it stung on multiple areas of my face. So instead I just jerked my head, beckoning him in to the room, but it sent shooting pains through my neck and my shoulder that was heavily bandaged. So I gave up but he came in anyway.
"Is Harry okay?" I asked as he bent down to give me a gentle kiss on the cheek.
"You've had him through the ringer, but he's fine. He'll be even happier when he knows you're ok"
Dr Bell cleared his throat and all eyes turned to him. "I'll leave you to catch up with your family, Nora. Please take it easy and I'll send a nurse in shortly to check your stats"
"Thank you" I mumbled at the same time almost everyone in the room did. It was like a chorus of thanks.
I took the lull to assess my injuries. My left leg was in a cast while my right ankle was in some sort of boot. My shoulder was heavily bandaged, gingerly I lifted my right hand to my face, there was a bandage across my right eyebrow and the rest of my face just felt bruised.
My mum brought Avery closer again so I could have a few minutes of babbling nonsense to her while Anne and Jeff tried to get a hold of Harry. My heart sank as it became obvious he wasn't answering his phone. Part of me was glad he was clearly getting a good sleep, the other part of my wanted to cry because he wasn't here. I missed him so badly, and through everything, I just wanted him. He was the one that made everything better, everything was less scary when Harry was here.
I could feel my eyes sting on top of every other part of my body that ached. Suddenly I had the over powering urge to sleep. But the room was too noisy, there were too many voices and I couldn't ask anyone to leave because I'd been the selfish one unconscious for days and they were all just concerned for me, happy to know I was all right. Now that I knew Avery was ok all I wanted was Harry.
Suddenly I could hear a commotion at my door then it crashed open and the curly headed, love of my life stood at the door.
"Oh thank god" He breathed a sigh of relief as his long strides carried him across the room to me. Jeff hopped out of his way. There were questions thrown across the room about where he'd been and sighs of relief that he was finally here but I didn't hear any of it. All I could see was his shining green eyes, his rumpled hair and his creased T-shirt. The red shine on his cheeks and the way his chests was heaving told me he'd been running.
Gingerly his hands reached for my cheeks as a tear fell, his thumb wiped it away from my cheek, where his had fell.
"Thank god" He mumbled again as he leant in and placed a light kiss on the side of my forehead that wasn't covered in gauze.
"I'm ok, Harry" I whispered as he peppered kisses all over my face.
"Jesus, I was so scared" His voice cracked with emotion as he held my head delicately in his hands.
"Me too. I'm just glad you're here now" He used his thumbs to wipe away the tears on my cheeks.
"I'm not going anywhere now. I promise, I'll never leave you, ever again" I smiled at Harry's words.
"You think I'm joking?" He smiled through his own tears. "You pair are never leaving my sight, ever again" He placed a soft kiss to my lips as the door opened again and in came a nurse, looking slightly peeved at the amount of bodies in my room.
"Ok, everyone out please" Despite the smile on her face, her voice was stern, she was not to be disobeyed. "Nora needs her rest. You can come back at dinner time once she's had a sleep"
Immediately everyone sprung into action. I said goodbye to everyone who each told me they'd be back later. I spent an extra minute giving Avery cuddles and kisses before my mum scooped her up and took her back to Harry's along with Anne.
The nurse eyed Harry as he stood beside my bed.
He huffed out a laugh. "Forget it, I'm not going anywhere"
"Fine, you can stay but you need to let her sleep" The nurse smiled as she started unwrapping the blood pressure cuff in preparation for checking my vitals.
"Promise, you'll not even know I'm here" Harry held his hands up in surrender.
"I missed you" I whispered once the nurse had left, with clear instructions that I needed to rest.
"Fuck, Nora. You have no idea" Harry choked. He perched himself on the side of the bed. One hand on the bed beside my hip so his large body was almost touching my chest. His other hand gently laced in to my hair. "I thought I could lose you"
"Unfortunately you're stuck with me" I tried to smile through the tears. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and hold him close to me.
"Just as well I want to be stuck with you, forever" He whispered.
I smiled against his lips.
"Seriously Nora..." His breath tickled my lips and I might not be able to wrap myself up in him but I was surrounded my his scent which was almost as good.
"This whole thing has made me realise that I don't want to live without you. Ever. You've become everything to me, the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I close my eyes at night wherever I am in the world. You've given me the family I didn't think I'd ever have" He stopped to compose himself and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I licked my top lip as another tear fell.
"You've given me the kind of relationship I thought I'd only ever dream about. You trust me, you support me, you keep me grounded, you inspire me." He took a deep breath.
His hand disappeared from my head as it went in to his back pocket and he produced a small black, velvet box. All the air left my lungs.
"I know we haven't done things in the most conventional order so far but I don't want to live one more second of my life without you. You've given me so much already but please give me this one last thing and I promise I'll spend the rest of my life giving you the world. Nora, will you marry me?"
"Yes" I whispered before he'd even opened the box.
**********