"I'm kinda nervous" I admit to Harry as we sit up front in the sleek Audi Harry rented while we are in Scotland. We're leaving the airport and heading to my parents house, my childhood home, the house I grew up in. Avery's safely tucked up in the back and for the first time in what feels like a lifetime it is just the three of us for a whole 24 hours. Our little unit. No Jeff, no security, no band. Just me, Harry and our daughter and I kinda love it.
Things haven't changed much since Harry officially asked me to be his 'girlfriend', though I don't suppose there was much to change. We'd been going through the motions for a while, I guess now it was official and the rest of the world could stop assuming.
But the prospect of going home for the first time in over a year was scaring the shit out of me.
"Why?" Harry asked, wrapping his hand around mine and resting them on my lap while he kept his other hand clenched around the steering wheel. I took my spare hand and started tracing the small cross tattoo on the skin between his thumb and forefinger. I didn't know how to easily explain what I was feeling. Growing up, through high school and university I'd had boyfriends. I'd brought a couple of them back to 'meet my parents' and those relationships had been a lot more volatile and a lot less stable than this one. My parents had already met Harry, a fair few times, before he was my boyfriend and I knew they both liked him, so what was the big deal?
"This is just such a big change since the last time I was here. It's not like I've just not been home in a long time, I'm coming home with a baby and mega famous boyfriend in tow" I shrugged, focusing all my attention on his hand. I was too embarrassed to look up.
Eventually, when he didn't answer me, I forced myself to glance up and I could see the sharp edge of his jaw was clenched tight. I could tell by the movement of his jaw he was grinding his teeth. 99% of the time Harry was like a big cuddly teddy bear. He liked making people laugh, he was kind and approachable and if there was a joke to be made, he'd make it. But there was the odd 1% when he was more like a grizzly bear: intimidating, formidable, he could huff as good as I could and got seriously pissed off, and it was usually when I said dumb shit like that.
"I'm sorry" I whispered. "I know you don't like that and you know I don't see you like that but..."
"... Everyone else will" He laughed sardonically.
"Not everyone" I offered. I watched as his eye lashes fluttered closed over his cheeks, he shook his head then opened them again, focussing intently on the road. Silence filled the car and I wished I could take my words back.
"Would it be easier to pretend we're not together?" He bit out like the words tasted sour on his tongue.
I looked up in surprise. "No!" I forced out angrily. My anger must have taken him by surprise because his head swivelled to look at me.
"Why would you think that?" I frowned, watching Harry as his eyes darted from me back to the road then back to me.
"Because you're getting bothered by what people will think!" His eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
"Because it's a bloody big deal. In fact it would be a big deal if you were Joe Bloggs that worked in the local chippy. The fact that everyone knows who you are just puts a bit extra pressure on us. God, Harry" I sighed in exasperation. "I'm voicing my concern. Im telling you I'm nervous! It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. It just means I'm a bit fucking scared about taking my boyfriend home to meet my family"
"Ok, I'm sorry" He admitted after a beat. His shoulders sagged and I watched as he rolled his aching jaw.
"You're a twat" I stated, turning back in my seat to stare out the window, reacquainting myself with the countryside that was passing us by as we got closer to my parents.
"I know. But you love me?" I could feel his eyes on me. I knew he needed the reassurance and I wasn't cruel enough that I wanted to keep it from him.
I smirked and shrugged. "I guess" I tried to feign indifference but it didn't last long as I turned to look at him and I couldn't help but smile at his pleading eyes.
"Fine. I love you" I pretended to huff.
"I love you too, baby girl"
*
"God it's good to be here, Glasgow" The crowd went wild at the mention of their city. I watched intently as a smirk played across Harry's face. He waited patiently for the screaming to die down before he spoke again. It took a while. As I looked out across the dark arena, everyone was focussed intently on Harry, hanging on his every word.
"Tonight's a special one for me! Tonight's sort of a family show..." He grinned as the crowd went wild waiting for him to finish one of his silly catchphrases. He pulled the microphone from its stand and he swished his kilt as he crossed the stage.
Each night, he'd keep his outfits a secret, even from me. I was a real part of the fan base as the screen rose at the beginning of each show to reveal Harry in whatever suit he'd chosen for that night. But tonight he'd went above and beyond. When the screen rose the audience were treated to the sight of Harry in a traditional kilt. Obviously Harry didn't do things by half. His Black Isle tartan kilt was complete with black sporran, white knee high socks and a black Prince Charlie jacket on top of a black shirt. The crowd went wild as the screen rose and inch by inch they got a better of view of him. He looked incredible and I stood in our box at the back of the arena stunned by my reaction: I want to marry him in a kilt. I almost wept at the sight of him but Allison nudged me to stem the tears and bring me back to reality before I totally lost it.
"No, really it is" He joked. "My actual family is here tonight" I glanced over my shoulder to see Anne smiling down at me as she stood at the back of the box with my parents. She'd flown up specially for this show. Gemma was here too, along with Allison, my aunt and uncle and Samantha, Sarah and Jen, my best friends since primary school.
"Somewhere over there..." He pointed in our direction and I felt my heart leap as the crowd went crazy. It suddenly felt like all eyes were on us, even though in reality maybe only about 20 people had actually spotted us so far.
"...are the two most important women in my life. My beautiful girlfriend..."
I thought I was about to burst an eardrum as the crowd lost it, yelling and screaming, stamping and clapping at Harry's admission. And if I thought that was loud it only got louder when he added
"... and my precious daughter"
Harry beamed as the crowd continued the cacophony. My eyes darted to Avery who was lying, sleeping soundly in my dad's arms. He smiled down at me as he stood at the back of the box, gently saying from side to side. God knows how Avery manages to sleep with those ear defenders on, but somehow she was doing it like a pro.
Harry stood in the middle of the wide stage a grin stretching from ear to ear as he basked in the adoration of the crowd.
"Seeing as it's a home crowd of sorts..." He had to pause again as the crowd cheered. "...You'll adopt me as one of your own, won't you? Seeing as my daughters half Scottish!"
Even from the other side of the arena I could see the glint in Harry's eye. He knew how to wind this crowd up. He had them exactly where he wanted them and they were eating out the palm of his hand.
Once they'd calmed down a little he moved back to put his microphone back in its stand.
"So seeing as it's a special one for me tonight I thought I'd add an extra song in tonight if you don't mind?" He smiled for a moment, he waited as the 12,000 strong crowd cheered in appreciation at getting an extra song.
"This is a song I wrote very recently..." Harry paused, his eyes suddenly cast on the floor in front of him. His hand was gripping the neck of his acoustic guitar like it was his lifeline. He took a deep breath before looking up. In that moment I wanted to rush to him and hug him, kiss him, anything to quell the nerves I could see he was feeling in that second. Then he said the last thing I was expecting.
"Nora this one's for you"
My whole world stilled in that second. The crowd erupted but I couldn't hear them. He'd written a song for me? My wide eyes shot to Allison who was standing beside me grinning. My head swivelled back to the stage as a lone spotlight shone down on Harry and he began strumming his guitar. You could hear a pin drop, a silence fell over the crowd as they waited for him to begin.
"If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you,
I think I might give up everything, just ask me to,
Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down,
Right now I'm completely defenceless"
I struggled to breath as I gulped for air. I was so transfixed by Harry that I didnt realise my mum had appeared and was shoving a tissue in to my hand to try and mop up some of the tears that were cascading down my face.
For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart
For when you're lonely and forget who you are
I'm missing half of me when we're apart
Now you know me, for your eyes only
For your eyes only
I needed to get to him.
I've got scars even though they can't always be seen
And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing
Pay attention...."
In an instant I bolted for the door of our box.
"Nora? What are...?" Allison's voice trailed away as I broke out into the bright corridor. I didn't give myself any time to adjust to the bright lights of the corridor. I was consumed by my need to get to him.
I waved my lanyard at the security guard as I burst through another door and back in to the arena. The arena was in darkness but the spotlight on Harry gave the room a romantic glow. My breathing was erratic but the sound of Harry's voice, still singing away, singing to me, calmed me enough to kick me into action. I had to be near him. There was too much emotion in my heart to stand still for too long. I placed my hand on my chest, holding my lanyard and necklaces down and took off towards the stage.
It was like he knew exactly how I was feeling and he'd written it in a song, for me.
"I can feel your heart inside of mine, I feel it, I feel it
I've been going out of my mind, I feel it, I feel it
Know that I'm just wasting time
And I hope that you don't run from me"
I was just glad this stupid lanyard around my neck gave me immunity in the arena, no one stopped me as I raced down the aisle, through the crowd. Every fan was too transfixed on Harry to notice me and every security guard was happy to ignore me, despite my erratic behaviour, because of the VIP sign round my neck. I didn't even have a game plan, I just knew I was in the middle of an arena, transfixed by the man on the stage and I had to get to him. I eventually got closer to the barrier but the crowd was at least 8 deep. There was no way I could get round. I moved to the side of the stage where the crowd thinned.
I looked up and for a second forgot what I was trying to achieve as Harry continued to sing. The lyrics made me choke up but suddenly I could see Jeff in his plaid shirt, standing at the edge of the stage with his back to me. A position I had given up in favour of being in the box with our friends and family. I regretted that decision heavily right now.
"JEFF" I yelled jumped up and down waving my hands. Clueless, Jeff continued to watch Harry, his arms folder across his chest.
"Fuck! JEFF!" I screamed as loud as my lungs would let me, and somehow it must have registered with Jeff because his head swung around and saw me, waving from the arena floor.
"What the fuck?" I watched him mouth as he came to the edge of the stage. There was a curtain separating him, a lot of tech equipment and instruments from the front of the stage, but thankfully the side was clear for him to see me.
"I need to get up there" I pointed from me to him. There was a massive metal barrier separating me from the edge of the stage and the stage was at least 7 foot above the ground.
"You'll need to jump it" Jeff yelled pointing at the barrier that came up to just under my boobs.
"In this dress?" I pointed to my simple, charcoal T-shirt dress and my bare legs. The dress was not indecently short but not the kind of outfit you go around jumping barriers in. Jeff just shrugged with a stupid smile on his dopey face.
My eyes darted to the security guard that was standing closest to us, in front of the stage. He watched on in humour and just waved at me to continue.
"Oh Jesus" I huffed as I placed my hands on the barrier and pulled myself up, swinging my legs over. I was just glad I had bikers boots on or I'd be breaking my ankle for sure. I landed on the other side with very little grace but my dress didn't get caught on the barrier so that was a win. "Nice" I mumbled to myself as I made sure my dress was still covering everything it needed to be.
"Give me your hand" Jeff laughed as he knelt on the edge of the stage.
"Is there not stairs?" I shouted
"Not if you want to get up here now"
"Fucking hell" I huffed, clearly I hadn't thought this through enough.
I wrapped my hand around his bicep as he tucked his hand under my arm, using my free hand for leverage he hoisted my up enough that I could climb up the rest of the stage.
"Thank Christ this sides in darkness, they'll have a field day with that" Jeff yelled in my ear as he nodded to the fans in the tiered seats. Most of them were transfixed by Harry on stage but some of them had clearly spotted my Bear Grylls moves up the stage. I decided not to focus on how many times I might have flashed them my pants and focus on what I actually came to do. I ran my hand across my hair to make sure it was still pulled up in its messy bun and hadn't gone too haywire. I was pleased to feel everything seemed to still be in place.
"Thanks, Azoff" I patted him on the shoulder then darted round him to get to the side of the stage. To get to Harry.
"Watch your feet! God, you're mental, Nora" He yelled, laughing.
My timing was perfect. As Harry finished playing the lights dimmed and he stood for a moment in total darkness, basking in the sound of adoration flowing from the crowd in waves. I stood in awe, watching as he woke himself from his trance and crossed the stage towards me. Passing his guitar to his tech, I couldn't contain myself as I barrelled into him at a million miles an hour.
"Oooof" Harry let out a breath as I jumped in to his arms. There was a dim light on somewhere behind us that gave just enough light for Harry to see it was me.
"Hey, what's going on?" Harry looked bewildered as he wrapped his arms around me. I could barely hear him as the crowd were still going wild.
"I love you" I whispered as my hands came up to cup his face. I pressed a kiss against his lips. His body was warm and I could feel the sweat gathering on the back of his neck as I clasped my hands around his hair line.
"I love you so much, Harry" I pressed another kiss to his lips. I had no idea if he could hear me above the crowd but I felt better knowing I'd said it out loud.
He pulled back to get a better look at my face. His hands were spread wide across my back, holding me in place. His eyes were locked on mine. "I love you too, Nora"
I let out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding as my head fell forward against his chest. His arms tightened around my body as he held me.
"Jesus, how did you get up here, I thought you were in the box?" His voice was against my ear, his head bent so I could hear him.
"It doesn't matter, I just had to tell you" I laughed and looked up as we both straightened.
"Right now?" The smile on his face was almost too much to take. The dimple was out in full force and he looked like the cat that got the cream, or the boy that had just been told his girl was in love with him.
"Right now" I nodded. My cheeks aching from the smile that was spread across my face.
"You're mental" He laughed as he pulled me flush to his body. I inhaled his sweet scent and revelled in the heat from his body. He must be able to feel my heart beat thumping in my chest, his body was so close.
"Funny, Jeff just told me the same thing" I said into the crook of his neck.
"Stay here for the rest of the show?" His hands slipped in to mine and his eyes were pleading.
I nodded in agreement. He pressed another kiss to my lips and whispered 'I love you' against them before running back out on to the stage. He took his position in the dead centre. He looked at the ground with a huge smile on his face. He tilted his head and spotted me in the exact same position as he'd left me.
"I love you" He mouthed before stepping forwards to the microphone.
*
AN: I know If I Could Fly was written in 2015 and not written solely by Harry, but to help with the story line I used some artistic license. I love the song too much and I couldn't not use it in this scenario ð¤