"We have been invited to a party" Harry declares as he walks into the kitchen just as I'm plating up dinner.
"We have? Or you have and you're extending it to me?" I cock an eyebrow at him as I give him an extra few spoonfuls of carbonara. It's a simple dish of mine but one Harry seems to love.
"We. You and me. Both of us, together" I feel the heat from his body as he sidles up behind me and steals a price of garlic bread from the plate in front of me. My heart flutters at his sudden proximity.
"This tastes so good" He moans as he takes another large bite of his garlic bread.
"That's great but instead of stealing it all take the bloody plate to the table" I chastised sounding awfully like my mother as I grab the dinner plates and dutifully he takes the other plate and follows me to the table.
I eye Avery's monitor that's perched behind me on the kitchen island as I place Harry's plate at the head of the table and mine to his right.
"Now the big question is, will she stay asleep and let us eat a full, hot meal in peace" Harry smirked as he poured us both a glass of water.
"Doubtful" I rolled my eyes as I helped myself to a large spoon full of Parmesan and offered the bowl to Harry. I felt a shiver run through my arm as his fingers grazed mine. I almost dropped the bowl but Harry's cat-like reflexes caught it just in time. He quirked a questioning brow at me and I just smiled feigning clumsiness.
"So a party hu?"
"Yeah, a birthday party for a friend, you fancy it?" Harry asks casually.
"Am I invited or...?" I ask, twirling my fork around my plate more than is necessary. I look up the see Harry, tilting his head and watching me with curious eye.
"I mean, I'm inviting you... is that not enough?"
"Yes, I just mean, was I invited or are you..." dragging me a long because you feel obliged to is how I was going to finish that but saying those words allowed is just too embarrassing.
"Am I what?" Harry asks not allowing me to wriggle out of this one. I shovel a large forkful of spaghetti into my mouth to give me a few seconds grace before I need to form a sentence, one that won't embarrass me but will also stop him asking any more questions.
"I don't know, inviting me out of pity?"
"You think I'm inviting you because I feel sorry for you? What exactly is there to feel sorry about?" Harry's brows are furrowed so deep I want to stretch over and rub out the crease with the pad of my thumb. I don't. I sit on my hands to suppress the urge. I shrug unsure what to say. Part of me does think he's inviting me out of pity. Because other than Allison my social life and friendship circle is pretty non-existent. If it doesn't involve Avery these days then it's pretty much guaranteed that I don't have the energy to care. Which is pretty selfish I guess but I just don't get enough sleep to care about anyone's trivial drama. It's difficult keeping in touch with friend groups when your priorities have drastically changed to keeping a tiny human alive.
I tug at the hem of my oversized grey knit jumper trying to form a sentence in my head that isn't self deprivation.
"No" I finally managed to drag my eyes up to his moss green gaze. "I just wonder if you want me there or you're inviting me because you feel you have to"
If it was possible Harry draws his eyebrows even further together but eventually he sighs and evens out his expression. "We were both invited and I'm telling you because, I would like it if you'd come with me" I expect him to drop my gaze but he doesn't. Instead he watches my reaction. Probably trying to gauge wether I believe him or not.
"Ok, when is this party?" I decided to be uncomplicated about this. If he was asking me to go then I'd go. The reasoning didn't matter.
"Tomorrow night" I could feel the tightening in my lower tummy as his unwavering gaze failed to leave mine. He was testing me. Daring me to freak out. Daring me to chicken out and declare I wasn't going.
"And is there a dress code? Bare in mind my wardrobe does not consist of many garments appropriate for accompanying Harry Styles to a party"
I watched the corner of his mouth quirk up as if he wants to laugh, but that isn't part of this strange little game we are playing. Testing each other. Who is going to break first. It won't be me. I could be this person. This bright, confident person that could attend swanky parties on the arm of a rock star. Harry had barely seen that side of me. The pre-baby Nora. But she did exist. Somewhere, I hadn't lost her completely to new-mummy Nora. And I could bring her out to play.
*
And that is how I found myself, on Saturday morning, walking around a department store in London that I didn't even know existed, in a part of North London I'd never even been to before, Harry trailing behind me with Avery wrapped up in her pram as I fingered racks of clothes I couldn't afford. I'd protested enough to Harry that I didn't need something expensive and I didn't want him to pay for a thing, but he informed he didn't care what I thought, this was his treat.
"Harry, I don't know about this" I looked at him over my shoulder as I looked at the price tag on another gorgeous dress that's price tag is more than double a months rent on my flat.
"Stop looking at the price tags and just pick some dresses to try on" I look back at the gorgeous dress in my hands and fight with my subconscious. The dress is a gorgeous, soft, black velvet covered in beautiful silver embellishment giving it a celestial feel. I pull the dress from the rack and instantly fall in love. It's short but not too short that I would feel uncomfortable, it looks mysterious and edgy without trying too hard and if you took the last 2 zero's off the price tag I wouldn't even hesitate but £4,300 for a dress? I don't care how much money Harry earns, that's a preposterous amount of money to spend on a single item of clothing. Jesus, I could buy a whole new wardrobe for less than this.
"Stop it, Nora" Harry gives me a fright as his voice comes over my shoulder, a lot closer than I thought he was. I feel a shiver run through my body as his breath whispers across my cheek. "Just try it on"
"But Harry look at the..." He cuts me off feigning annoyance.
"Price? We've been through this before, I thought we'd come to an agreement, it's my money to spend how I see fit. If I want to buy you a dress which..." He picks up the price tag. "... isn't even that expensive. Then that's what I'll do"
"Yeah that's fine when it comes to Avery. She's as much yours to spoil as she is mine..."
"Thanks" he mumbles.
I roll my eyes and it charms a small grin from him. "... I'm not yours to spoil. The money's not mine, it's yours. I'm not yours to spoil. It's just you wasting your money"
Harry scowls as he gently pushes Avery's pram back and forth beside him. "You're not mine to spoil? What does that even mean Nora?"
When he repeats my words back to me I realise how little sense it made and draws further attention to our un-labelled relationship. Something we need to talk about but I'm too bloody scared to.
"I just mean. It's your money. Not mine. I have my own money and it doesn't stretch to buying dresses like this"
"It's my money, to do what I want with. I can be that dick that tells you how much money I earn in a minute or a day or whatever puts it in to perspective for you. If I want to buy you a dress and shoes then just let me. Why does it have to be a big deal?"
"Because it makes me feel cheap, Harry" I know this isn't a conversation we should be having in the middle of a department store but it's quiet enough with only a few sales assistants mulling about so I pray to god no one over hears us.
"Nora, please" Harry begs
"No, Harry. This might not be a big deal to you but it is to me. You might not understand because it's your money and you're used to it so it's not a big thing. But it is to me. Because I had your baby that means I should have things bought for me and all this money thrown at me? I don't pay rent, I don't pay for groceries, hell I barely paid for anything to do with our daughter, I didn't buy that pram..." I toss a glance at the expensive pram our daughter is currently wrapped in, sleeping soundly, totally oblivious to my meltdown.
"You're forgetting that I haven't always had it, Nora. See that feeling of not deserving it, how do you think I feel? I've grown to be a millionaire, why? Because some people decided I have a nice voice? That's as hard to justify as anything. People live in poverty, there's kids around here that will never have half the things I've just been handed on a plate. It's taken me a long to time to come to terms with it, and I appreciate it takes a bit to get your head around, but it's my money to do what I want with. And right now, I want to buy you this dress, or that dress, or those trousers over there, whatever you want. I want to buy it for you"
I blink a couple of times to try and get rid of tears that I don't really understand.
"Ok" I whisper after a deep sigh looking down at the dress in my hands. "I'd like to try this one on"
"Great" Harry gives me a brilliant smile that makes conceding to his wishes worth it.
*
I stare at my reflection in the full length mirror in Harry's room. I almost don't look like myself, in the same breath I am still unmistakably me. I blow dried my hair into bouncy waves, I had taken a little extra care with my make up and had achieved a pretty decent 'natural' look. On top of the embellished Balmain dress, Harry had bought me the most gorgeous pair of black Gucci sandals with a cute heel and ankle strap. The heel was thick enough that the height wouldn't be an issue for me and they were surprisingly comfy though I should hope so, they cost enough. But I was trying my hardest not to dwell on that.
If I was being honest with myself I felt pretty decent. I was wearing a decent pair of Spanx so that all the wobbly bits were staying pretty well concealed tonight. The woman staring back at me in the mirror was someone I wouldn't double take at if I saw her on the front of cover of a magazine, hanging off the arm of Harry Styles.
"Nora! Are you ready?" I hear Harry's muffled voice come from somewhere down the stairs. I take a deep breath as the nerves jump through my body, I grabbed my phone from my bedside table and give myself one last spritz of perfume before making my way down the stairs.
"Holy fuck" I hear Harry breath as I carefully descended the stairs.
"Harry!" Anne chastises from the doorway to the kitchen where she stands rocking Avery. "That's no way to compliment a woman!" She turns her attention to me, "Nora, you look stunning, that dress fits you like a glove"
"It's not too tight is it?" I spin round, letting Anne see it from the side.
"Oh no! Honestly Nora, you look out of this world!" I look up to her beaming smile and it fills me with a strange sense of contentment. Anne and I have grown closer over the past few weeks and her support has been invaluable since my parents went home.
"Thank you" I smile before turning to Harry who was still staring.
"Money well spent?" I joke giving him a twirl.
"That's the best 5 grand I've ever spent" He breathed. I could feel the blush creep over my chest as Harry admitted how much the outfit was in front of his mum. I didn't want her to think I'd asked him to pay for it, or even demanded that he had. I snuck a quick glance her way but she still had the same unassuming, beautiful smile that she always wore. I had to believe this truly wasn't a big deal.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked Harry who was still unmoving, keys in hand, eyes fixed on me.
"Oh yeah. Let's go" He shook his head slightly before looking at his mum. "I've got the car so if you need us home, just phone me and we'll be straight home, okay?"
"There should be enough milk in the fridge if she need more bottles. There's more in the freezer if you need it" I add
"Just go, the pair of you. We'll manage just fine won't we, Darling" She pulls Avery up on to her chest.
"Ok, bye Angel" I smile bending in to give Avery a kiss goodbye. Harry follows suit quickly before Anne tries to push us out the door.
"She'll be alright, won't she?" I ask warily as we pull out of Harry's driveway.
"She'll be fine! She raised two kids of her own and look how I turned out" He turns confidently and fixes me with his cocky big grin.
"Exactly" I roll my eyes but I can't hide the smile on my face.
I'd been so caught up in how I looked I hadn't taken the time to really appreciate what Harry was wearing tonight. His outfit was so simple, a loose, black shirt with a fair few buttons undone around the neck and fitted black pants. It was so effortlessly sexy. Coupled with his silver rings it actually went pretty well with my dress. We almost looked like a couple who had been dressed together. His hair was tousled in that 'just fucked' way of his and it made me want to run my hands through it. I almost had to sit on my hands to stop myself.
"What's going to be the deal tonight, with like pictures and stuff?" I asked warily, unsure if I really wanted to ask these questions. These kind of conversations never ended well between us.
"What do you mean?"
"Will there be photographers?" I asked casually. Trying to hide my nerves by straightening my purse on my lap.
"It's just a small party, there won't be any photographers, it's not that kind of event" Harry laughs.
"It's Rita Ora's birthday party, how was I to know" I ask sullenly
"I know, Angel just relax. It's going to be fine" His deep honey voice was like a balm to my nerves.
"Easy for you to say, you know people, these are your friends. I'm the nobody here" I wiped my sweaty palms across my bare thighs.
"You're not nobody. You're special to me. Which means you're special to them. This isn't some staged party where people go to get papped. This is just a genuine birthday party for one of my friends." Harry's warm hand wraps around mine. The back of his hand sitting a top my thigh. It does a little to calm my nerves but also helps the butterfly's take flight in my stomach.
"A little birthday party that I'm wearing a five thousand pound dress to?" I asked, eyeing him from the corner of my eye.
"Exactly. And in case you didn't catch the message back there... You look stunning" His eyes flash to me before they return back to the road. But for the moment they were on me, I saw the sincerity in his words.
*
It was a flurry of action from the moment we entered the luxury, London townhouse. I was passed from person to person, being introduced to everyone. Some faces I recognised and others I didn't. It was a haze of activity but Harry didn't let go of my hand once. He carefully avoided giving away any information on our relationship by simply introducing me as Nora, either people had been pre-warned or were just savvy enough not to ask but no one seemed perturbed by Harry's lack of information.
"Your home is beautiful" I tried my hardest to sound sincere when I was finally introduced to the birthday girl herself. And her home was incredible. It had high, vaulted ceilings. The crown mouldings were exquisite and the detail around the ceiling fittings were out of this world. It was all open plan and the decor was minimalist and bright, white. It sorted of reminded me of my own flat but on a much larger and grander scale.
"Oh thank you" Rita gushed. "But this place is boring compared to that little bundle of joy! How is Avery? When can I finally get to meet her? You've been hiding her from us" She playfully nudged Harry's shoulder.
"She's wonderful, thank you. We're up for visitors any time" I smile.
"Give me a second..." Harry interrupted, placing his hand on the small of my back. "I just see... I'll be back in a second. Look after her" He gave Rita a pointed look before disappearing into the crowd. My eyes grew round as I watched him get swallowed up by the crowd around us.
"Don't worry" Came Rita's melodic voice."I won't leave you, now show me some pictures of that beautiful baby"
It turns out showing pictures of babies attracts quite a crowd. Before I know it I'm surrounded, mostly by women oohing and aahing politely over pictures of Avery. Rita doesn't leave my side as we sit on a couch in the living room and I share stories with other mums on feeding schedules and bedtime routines. No ones judging me, no ones acting like I don't belong, like I'm an imposter in their world. They're acting like I'm just another mum at a party, missing their baby and filling that void by showing pictures of said baby.
Harry still hadn't returned from wherever he had disappeared too and while I was quite happy with my surrounding company, I kind of missed him. While it was great having people fawn of pictures and tell me how beautiful Avery was it would have been nice to have Harry by my side taking the praise too because after all I didn't make her alone.
When he did return to the room it didn't take me long to notice. I could sense the moment he stepped back through the wide entry way. The air felt different, more charged. Like there was a buzz of electricity that only I could feel. Instinctively I looked to the door way, he was leaning his broad shoulder on the door frame and his eyes were locked on me.
I excused myself from the conversation and before I knew it was making my way over to him.
"Hey you" He smiled gently as I came to a stop before him. He reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair back behind my ear. The contact gave me a shiver as the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
"Hi" I smiled shyly. We were standing toe to toe and I could feel the warmth radiating from his muscular chest. "I missed you" I told him instinctively.
"Missed you too" He smiled down at me. Even with the heels on I still only come up to Harry's chin. The urge to wrap my arms around his waist was almost too much. I wanted to feel the weight of his body against mine. I was only slightly conscious of the other bodies milling around us. There was music playing in another room but I couldn't concentrate long enough to tell you if I knew the song or not. All I could focus on was the man in front of me.
"Where did you disappear to?" I ask. My hands hang limply by my side and I feel a jolt as he slides his hands into mine, intertwining our fingers. It suddenly makes this moment a lot more intimate.
"Just went to see a man about a dog" I roll my eyes at the old saying but pretended to chastise him as if I don't get the joke.
"We don't need a dog, Harry"
"Are you sure?" His eye twinkle with humour.
"Pretty certain. You missed everyone fawning over how beautiful our daughter is" I'm conscious of how breathy my voice sounds and I know it's because of Harry's close proximity.
"Well no wonder. Have you seen her mother? Hot stuff, that one!"
I giggle as I rest my forehead against Harry's chest to hide the blush sweeping across my cheeks. I hear Harry's matching giggle before he places a soft kiss against the top of my head. Slowly I lift my head and gently Harry pulls me even closer, my breast now pressed against his chest. I'm sure he must be able to hear my whild, erratic heartbeat trying to escape from my chest. My breath catches in my throat as his head lowers towards mine.
"Harry, there's people" I whisper, scared of where this is going.
"So?" His lips are so close I can feel his breath mix with mine as I take a deep breath.
I lift my shoulders in a shrug and it gives Harry the permission he needs. Suddenly his lips ghost over mine and immediately it's not enough for me. I push myself forward so his lips fall on mine again and this time he deepens the kiss. I tighten my fingers in his as he presses himself against me. His lips move slowly, his tongue running along my bottom lip, a move that sends my heart into over drive. Before I can open my mouth to let him in he pulls away from me.
"Let's get out of here" He mumbles against my lips.
"But we just got here" I voice is a barely there whisper.
He pulls his head back, so he can get a better look at me. "You really want to stay?"
I shake my head and suddenly Harry's pulling me out of the room and towards the door.
"We didn't even say goodbye" I giggle as I follow Harry down the street towards his car. It's darker outside on the quiet leafy street. I must have spent longer talking about Avery than I thought and for a second I'm reminded of Harry's odd disappearing act.
"Doesn't matter. Rita will understand"
"Understand what?" I giggle as we get to the car and instead of getting inside Harry pulls me into his body as he leans his back against the passenger side door. His eyes are alight with mischief and I love this lighter, playful side of Harry. I have to stand on my tip toes to keep myself from falling over. Harry's eyes dart up and then down the street to check were alone and finally his arms wrap around my waist and I steady myself by placing my hands on his chest.
"That I need you all to myself for a little while" And suddenly his lips are back on mine.
"Harry" I giggle against his lips. "Anyone could see us"
"Shut up and just kiss me for a minute" He smiles
So I do. I shut up and I just kiss him.