"Well this is nice" Allison smiled over the top of her wine glass.
"It is, isn't it" I mused as my eyes scanned the bar for the umpteenth time. You know the feeling of being watched? Yeah, I had that but every time I looked around there seemed to be nobody paying me any attention.
When Allison had begged me for a night out Harry had all but pushed me out the door, telling me I deserved a break and he'd cope just fine on his own, for one night. So I'd pumped like a milking machine for the last few days to make sure Harry had plenty of milk in the fridge and I found myself in a trendy bar in North London, sipping a crisp white wine while Allison talked my ear off like she hadn't just visited Avery and I at Harry's a couple of days ago.
I had already finished my first glass of wine and I had given myself a 2 glass limit because of the breastfeeding and this was the first time I'd drank in almost 11 months and I didn't want to get inebriated. Heaven knows what Harry would say if I came home completely legless and the media would have a field day. If they saw me. I wasn't convinced people would even know who I was if I wasn't with Harry. Harry on the other hand was sure they would. I was surprised he hadn't given me a lecture before I left on how to behave when under public scrutiny. Or worse, made Jeff do it. He'd simply told me to 'be mindful' whatever the fuck that meant.
The bar was busy for a Wednesday evening but it had a cool vibe. The walls were a dark cream and the bar and the tables were a deep mahogany which gave it a cosy vibe. Allison had found us a table in a booth in the corner giving us a clear view of the rest of the room. The clientele were mostly business men and woman, in for a drink on their way home from work or friends, like us, meeting for a catch up. I felt like I fitted in with my plum pencil skirt, admittedly I was wearing a Blondie T-shirt that belonged to Harry , but I felt it looked like more of a fashion statement than me pulling the first clean T-shirt out of the pile of ironing I'd done that afternoon.
Despite how much I loved my daughter and as much as I adored my new role as her mother it was nice to get out of the house. Although Harry had been around constantly for the last few weeks it was nice to have some adult conversation that didn't involve sore boobs and baby poo. Who knew my life would turn into lengthy discussions on the colour of poo.
"So tell me, now that Harry isn't here to overhear: what's it really like living with the delicious Harry Styles?" Leaning in close to the table Allison grinned her megawatt smile as a blush crept over my cheeks. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, like she'd just rolled out of bed but her crisp white shirt, black skinny jeans and heels gave her the effortlessly classy look she always seemed to exude.
"Probably the same as living with Michael" I shrugged. Allison had moved in to Michael's place only 3 months ago and she was loving every minute of it.
"He's a man, he needs to learn to pick his socks up off the floor and close the toilet seat" I dragged my finger through the condensation that has gathered on the wine glass, suddenly, talking about Harry, made me miss him like crazy and I'd only been away from his for a couple of hours. I wish he was here.
Allison laughed at my pathetic answer that I knew wasn't the real answer she was looking for, I didn't know if I wanted to give her the real answer. "Yeah, but how are things between the two of you. Have things progressed any?"
I took a deep sigh. "Not really. I mean, before Avery was born I thought there was... potential? For something to happen between us, again, but now she's here.... I don't know"
"You're being cock-blocked by your own baby. I get it" Allison laughed
"No! It's not like that" I giggled, the wine was clearly going to my head. My cheeks felt warm and my gums were starting to feel numb. "There's no cock to be blocking" I stage whispered across the table. "I don't know, it's like he doesn't see me in that light anymore. To be fair he has seen me at my worst since Ave's been born, I wouldn't be surprised if he's gone off me. Not that he was ever on me, ye know, he probably just felt sorry for me, or kissed me because I was there..." I trail off with a shrug vowing not to say any more on the matter. What an overshare.
"Nora, do you not see the way that guy looks at you, there is no way he isn't in to you. You've just had a kid, he's probably trying to give you space before he makes his move again"
"Nah, I'm not so sure" I shook my head trying to dampen the flutter of butterflies in my tummy at the thought of Harry making a move. Jesus, it would complicate things so much but I couldn't deny that I'd be interested in him making another move.
I jumped as someone suddenly made contact with my shoulder "Ladies, I can see your drinks are getting a bit low, may I get you both a drink?"
I looked up at the guy in the suit jacket that was now clearly invading my personal space as he manoeuvred his way between the tables to get closer to us. He had messy blonde hair and he looked well dressed but he looked too much like a preppy 'pretty boy' to do anything for me. Clearly I preferred the rough and ready rockstar.
Allison smiled politely but turned him down. Which he was not pleased with. I don't know if he was acting up in front of a group of friends and he didn't want to go back to his table empty handed but he suddenly became pretty insistent.
"Aw go on ladies, I just want to buy two beautiful women a drink, can I not do that?" He turned his blue gaze towards me. He wasn't unattractive. He was tall but he lacked a bit of muscles around his shoulders for me. His sandy blonde hair that was cut pretty close to his skull for my liking. A shaggy head of chestnut brown curls came to mind as I dismissed the man for a second time. His inability to take rejection was beginning to make me uncomfortable.
"One drink?" He smiled down at me, before looking at Allison. "I'm not a creep, I promise"
"Usually when you have to justify that, you kind of are" I grimaced as I picked up my purse, drained what was left in my glass and pulled my leather jacket off the back of my chair. "Thanks for the offer but we were just leaving anyway" I forced a smile and eyed Allison following suit and gathering her belongings, I turned and walked out of the bar.
"Jesus, he was persistent" Allison giggled as she linked her arm through mines as she stumbled down the road beside me. The interaction with that guy had kind of sobered me up a bit but the fresh air was clearly intoxicating Allison further.
"Home time?" I asked as I looked down the street then over my shoulder at the traffic, looking for an available black cab.
"Aww, I wanted another drink!" Allison smiled. "One more and then we'll hit the road, there's another bar just down here" Allison waved haphazardly down the road.
"Ok, one more" I agreed, fishing out my phone and shooting a quick text to Harry to let him know where we were going.
Why the change of bar? X
Creeps in the last one not taking the hint. All good now though x
ð Ok, text me if you need me x
I smiled and tucked my phone back in my pocket as we arrived at our second destination. Not quite as classy as the first bar, there was a younger crowd in here and it was a bit busier. As we stood at the bar, Allison ordering another round of drinks, I looked around at the bar. This looked like somewhere I was more likely to be recognised, the younger clientele were more likely to read the gossip rags where my picture frequented along with non-stories about my non-relationship with Harry. I saw a few groups glance our way and immediately I could feel the apprehension creep up my spine.
"People are staring" I whispered at Allison as we found a table.
"Probably because you look so goddamn hot!" Allisons voice had reached the drunk volume that was just a little louder than it needed to be.
"Shhh" I chastised. "You shouting that, won't help!"
"Sorry" She stage whispered attempting to look contrite but instead just smiling wider. "You do look hot though. I hope when I have kids I look that good 3 months later"
"Stop it" I could feel the blush creeping over my cheeks. Before Avery I would have said I was a pretty body confident person. I knew what my attractive qualities were. But post baby, I wasn't so sure. My once long, toned legs were a little less toned and a lot more bruised from blindly bumping in to furniture in the middle of the night when blundering through the living room, running on very little sleep. My once small, lean stomach was all shot to hell. The skin had sagged and was now stripped with silvery stretch marks. And it was a difficult internal war to win. On one hand I wasn't happy with how my body looked, I felt frumpy when I'd once felt sexy. I had lost a lot of confidence in the way my body looked. But holy shit I'd gained so much confidence in the ability of my body. I'd grown a tiny human for 8 and a half months. I'd recovered from major surgery to bring her in to the world and I was caring for a newborn baby. My body did all that. How could I ever hate it?
If I wasn't looking at my body, I loved it. If I looked at... not so much.
"Oh fucking hell" I murmured as the group of men in suits, from the last bar, pushed through the door, loud and rowdy, being lead by the persistent blonde.
"I hope they didn't follow us here" Allison grumbled, following my line of sight.
"Surely not. We only spoke to him for 2 seconds. It must be coincidence, just... don't look at them, they won't see us"
But as I lifted my eyes from Allison, I could see I was wrong. Another member of the group, a shorter guy with dark hair and a ruddy complexion was pointing us out to the tall blonde we'd turned down. I watched as a grin spread across his face.
I sighed heavily at Allison as he began weaving his way through the tables as his friends made for the bar.
"Fancy meeting you beautiful ladies here, seeing as you've just arrived and can't be leaving anytime soon, hows about I get you that drink?" His eyes were glassy and I could smell the whiskey on his breath and it was turning my stomach the more he lingered by our table.
I decided to take the bull by the horns and set the guy straight.
"Look, were not interested" I tried to keep my voice and face neutral even if that wasn't how I was feeling. The guy gave me the creeps and I didn't like the idea of annoying him, he didn't seem the type who took rejection well, and by the looks of things he'd already followed us from one bar, what was to stop him from following us when we left here? "We both have boyfriends so... it's just not going to happen" my voice grew quieter hoping that was enough to get rid of him.
"Aw sweetheart..." He placed his slightly sweaty palm on my shoulder and leaned in, encroaching further on my personal space. "... I won't tell if you won't" the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, I could see Allison watching helplessly from the other side of the table. Suddenly a shadow loomed over the table and the guy was hauled from me. As the guy fell into another table I caught the sight of Harry's dark brown hair, the thunderous look on his face and his strong shoulders that were exuding rage.
"If a women tells you no, you stay the fuck away from her" Harry seethed loooming over the guy as he got to his feet. He held his hands up in surrender.
"Shit, sorry mate. I didn't know this was your girl. I'm sorry" Suddenly his friends were crowding round him and for a second I thought one of them might try and stick up for his friend and my heart lurched at the thought of any harm coming to Harry. Clearly they all had enough sense to leave it and they quickly scrambled for the door. A couple of the bar staff appeared as the group were rushing out the door.
"Sorry for the disruption" Harry apologied to the young couple at the table who had just had their drinks spilled by the guy Harry had just chucked across the room. Harry turned to the bar staff and handed over a massive wad of notes he plucked from his wallet.
"Next rounds on me" Harry told one of the barmen, who nodded and headed back to the bar with Harry's money.
"Please, your next rounds on me" Harry nodded towards the bar as he smiled to the slightly stunned couple then he finally turned to me.
"Time to go?" I could tell it was more of a statement than a question. I don't know how he'd gotten here or why he was here but he looked like he'd left the house and came straight here. He was dressed in his black Nike hoodie and matching tracksuit trousers. He looked very little like the rockstar anyone in the bar was used to seeing but he was unmistakably Harry Styles and I knew the longer he stood here the more chance there was that people would start taking pictures.
I nodded and quickly leapt from my seat, desperate to get out of the bar and away from every set of eyes that was still on us. Allison followed suit, grabbing her stuff. Harry turned to leave the bar, not before taking my hand and leading me out.
It wasn't until we were outside that I really considered what this meant. "Where's Avery?" I asked as I almost jogged to keep up with Harry's long strides,I could hear Allison's heels quickly clicking along the pavement beside me.
"My mum has her, she came over after you left"
"Why did you come?" He slowed down a little to let me catch up instead of just dropping my hand.
"I didn't like the sound of your texts so I came to get you, and it's just as well I did" He stopped abruptly, at what I suddenly realised was his Range Rover by the side of the road, opening the passenger door he nodded for me to get in. He then opened the back door and helped Allison in.
"Jeez" Allison mumbled once Harry had shut her door and was moving round to the drivers door.
"Shhh" I mumbled quickly before Harry got back in to the car. He eyed me, looking pissed off, but he didn't say a word. Instead he started the car and pulled in to the traffic, heading for Allison's house.
*
"Thanks for the lift" Allison spoke as Harry pulled up outside her house a short while later. She patted Harry on the arm affectionately. He smiled over his shoulder as Allison wiggled her way out of the car.
"Love you" She called before slamming the door behind her. Harry waited while she made her way up the short path that lead to Michael's quaint two-bedroom townhouse. We watched quietly as she unlocked the door and disappeared into the darkness. The silence seemed to intensify as Harry moved away from the kerb and back in the direction of his own house.
Eventually it felt suffocating and I couldn't take the silence any longer. "I'm sorry that you had to waste your evening coming to get us"
"Waste my evening? I'm not bothered that I had to come and get you Nora"
"Then why are you so angry?" I asked quietly
I could see his hands tighten around the steering wheel. "Because one minute you're telling me about creeps not taking the hint and the next minute I'm watching more creeps hound you in bars"
"It was the same creep" I tell him quietly.
"Great!" He laughed humourlessly. "The same fucking creep following you around London, just great"
"I didn't encourage him" I protest
"I don't for a second think you did Nora, but I can't stand the thought of some guy..." his voice pales away. "You know I'm never letting you out alone ever again" Finally he looks at me and I know he's joking but there's something in his eyes that tell me if it was a feasible option, he might insist on accompanying me every time I leave the house.
We drove on in silence for another bit before he spoke quietly. "You called me your boyfriend"
The quiet hum of the car engine and the sway of the vehicle was lulling me in to a sleepy state and in that second I understand why Avery always falls asleep in the car. "Hmmm?" I ask in confusion.
"In the bar, you told that tool you had a boyfriend"
I looked over at the small smile that played across his lips. It wasn't enough to make his dimple pop but it was enough to make his eyes crease and light up.
"I kind of liked the sound of that"
"Me too" I sighed contently in my sleepy state.