Ian took me home after that. Darius had stormed towards the dungeons in frustration and Ian pulled me out of there as quickly as he could. I could tell he was stunned as well as bewildered that I had chosen to make that choice. The entire car ride was quiet and it wasn't until we got to the front of my house that I felt my emotions begin to crack.
I made sure to keep a tight leash on them while I was at Darius' place. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to see me break down but it was getting harder to keep a hold on them. I tried to open the door but my hands wouldn't stop shaking. Ian noticed and when he leaned over, I thought he was going to open the door but instead, he locked it. I turned to him in confusion but he kept his eyes fixated in front of him.
"Thank you for today," he began slowly. "It must have taken immense bravery for you to face him soon after what happened. You didn't show an ounce of fear and if I didn't know any better, I would have said it didn't affect you."
"You're welcome, can I go now?"
"Darius is a very logical person. He doesn't like to search for things. He takes whatever you give him at a surface level which sometimes pisses me off to no end." I didn't know why he was telling me that but I listened. "If you don't tell Darius that something hurts, he wouldn't know and it isn't because he doesn't care but because he doesn't know how to find it."
"Nothing hurts."
"Everything hurts, Leindra. I'm not Darius, I can see it. It is my job to see the things he doesn't. That is how an Alpha and Beta relationship works. He is practical and efficient while I am sentimental and feeling. I can see that you're hurting but he cannot and unless you let him in, there is no way for him to help you."
"I don't want him to help me."
"I thought there was no one as stubborn as Darius but clearly, you can give him a run for his money," he ran his fingers through his hair. "It wouldn't kill you to have someone who takes care of you or at least wants to do it. The least you could do is give the guy a chance."
Without another word, he leaned over and opened my door. My legs were shaky but I forced them to move. When I got out, I stumbled over my own feet and would have face-planted if Ian hadn't leaned over and grabbed the collar of my shirt to keep me standing Lcouldn't form the words to thank him so Lshowed him.with. mv.eves. He nodded to tell me he understood and I rushed into my house.
Grandma and Chris were around when I got back and they looked relieved to see me. I had barely taken two steps before I collapsed into Grandma's arms. Ian was right about one thing, I needed people to take care of me but I already had them. I had my grandmother and I had my brother, I did not need or want anyone else.
I allowed them to lead me towards the couch, I allowed them to fret over me and make sure I was okay but I never told them what was wrong. How could I? How could I look them in the eye and tell them I had killed a man? He may have been a bad guy but I shouldn't have killed him. I should have never taken matters into my own hands.
I didn't know when I fell asleep but I was awoken by a rustling by my window. I opened my mouth to scream but before I could, I inhaled the scent of the person and I let out a sigh of relief. I hated the way my body always seemed to relax whenever Darius was around. I had no reason to be calm around him when all he had previously said regarding me was how he owned me.
I did not want to be owned.
Darius was dressed in black jeans and a fitted black shirt. His hands were scrubbed clean of blood but there was still a haunted look in his eyes. Due to the precision on Liam's body, I knew that he wasn't the first man that Darius killed so I didn't know why he still had that haunted look.
"It never gets easier," he answered my unasked question. "I cannot read your mind but I can feel some of your heightened emotions and your emotions are plastered all over your face."
"No, they're not," I mumbled as I crossed my arms over my chest.
Darius made his way into the room and although my room was big, when he stood in it, he managed to make the place look small. He completely dominated the space and I had to swallow a knot in my throat. He made his way over to the bed and although he sat on the edge, he may as well have sat directly in front of me because I felt suffocated by his presence- not in a bad way.
"Why are you here?"
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"Contrary to what you think, I'm not the bad guy," I scoffed and turned away from him. "I wasn't upset because you killed Liam. I was upset because YOU killed him. I have been fighting for my life since I was born and it never gets easier to take a man's life. That was not something I wanted you to experience."
"It isn't your job to protect me."
"Why are you more open to the idea of a stranger protecting you than me? You walked right into Liam's arms after knowing him for one day but I am your mate and you won't even talk to me."
"You treat me like a child," I whisper-yelled. "You treat me like a burden. You act like I'm this thing you have to worry about but you would rather not. Yes, I walked right into Liam's arms and I would all over again because he at least treated me like a person he wanted and not a chore due to some stupid moon goddess."
He was taken aback by the force of my words and so was I. I had never expected to lash out at him like that and I felt guilty that I did. The last thing I wanted to do was tell him how I actually felt. It made me feel weak and vulnerable in a way that I hated. "Please go, Darius," I mumbled softly. "I really don't want you here right now." "Leindra-"
"Just go, I'll see you at work tomorrow."
He hesitated almost as if he wanted to say something but at the last minute, he nodded. He stood to his feet and instead of walking straight to the window, he came over to my side. He stooped directly in front of me and leaned down so his lips were brushing my ear.
"You aren't a burden," he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead and before I could blink, he had disappeared.
I could still feel the warmth of his lips on my skin and as much as I tried to ignore it, it still sent shivers down my body right up until the moment I fell asleep.
I woke up early the next morning from a nightmare but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I dreamt about Liam and his blood coating my skin. I may have not been the one to use the knife but I gave it to him therefore I was responsible for his death. The guilt gnawed away at me and I couldn't bring myself to face anyone until absolutely necessary.
By the time I was getting dressed for work, I had to use makeup to hide the small bags under my eyes. I knew they would only get worse and I was determined to hide it from everyone for as long as possible. I didn't realize how much I had missed work until I got to the front door of the bar. It smelled the same and it felt like a relief to be back in my element.
I was knocked off my feet by a hug from Serena. I tried to remind her that we were in front of customers but she didn't care. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and squeezed until I couldn't breathe.
"I'm so glad you're okay," she said once she had pulled away. "You have to tell me everything that happened."
During our shift, I made sure not to leave a single detail out. Her eyes widened with each word that left my mouth and I knew that at the end of the night, she would bombard me with a million questions. We were laughing when the door to the bar opened and a stunning woman walked in.
She was tall with chestnut brown hair that cascaded to the middle of her back in curls and beautiful amber eyes. She wore a pair of skinny jeans that accentuated her long legs, a wrap top and silver pumps. She looked very out of place in the bar but she made her way directly over to us.
"Hi," she said softly. "I was wondering if you could take me to Darius. He's expecting me."