Chapter 45: Chapter 44

Sloan's POV

Okay. This is it. My time to make a decision. Time to grow up. It couldn't have been that hard for Megan. I mean she was straight all her life until my sister came along. So, maybe that's how it is for me. Maybe I found the one person who could make me feel so much, that it didn't matter what their sex was. Maybe it was time for me to stop being such a pussy about it. But all the while, I don't want to hurt Chase. But, im not happy with him.

Thats it. No more trying to talk myself out of this. Im doing it, and that is final. But I will be bringing Megan along just in case it doesn't go as planned and I need a support system. Aka, my best friend.

Dragging Megan by her hand out of Skyes room, I purposely ignored her calls of 'what the hell?' And 'what's going on? ' Instead I just walked her out to mu car, told her to get in, and drove off. I know, she must be looking at me like im a pychopath, thinking I've gone crazy, and am about to go on a murdering rampage and decided to drag her along to witness it. But no, sadly that would be easier to do than what I'm actually doing. Considering there's already so many  people I already want to kill.

"Okay, Sloan," Megan started calmly. "What the hell is going on?" I sighed, knowing she wouldn't stop until I've answered her questions.

"I fell for someone." I said.

"You mean Chase right?" She asked, but when I didn't answer, she just nodded her head. "Okay, so you fell for another guy. What's his name?"

I just shook my head and continued driving. Staring at the road, gripping the wheel so tightly. I feel like this is the way she must have felt when she was trying to tell me about her and Skye. A mixture of scared, nervous, and anxious. Only it feels a lot like my heart is beating out of my chest. The pure thought of this all is like a dream to me. I feel like if I pinch mysefl hard enough ill jolt awake and this all eould have been a crazy dream. An illusion. Which, to me, would be pretty sick. My brain and subconscious would have really fucked me over. Because this is the most I've ever felt in my life. So I'm really hoping that this isn't just a dream. That I wasmt imagining things.

"Sloan, come on. Just tell me. What the hell is going on?" Megan asked. Her voice was low but I could tell she was getting impatient. She wanted her answers. I understand that.

"Okay...... it all started a while back. You know. When I first became cheer captain. It was a lot to handle. You know?" I started to at least try to explain the crazyness that has been my life for the past few months. "Long meetings, extra things to organize. Events to plan. Sponsors to sign. Fundraisers to apply for. You know, you would expect for the team to at least try and help with it all, but they didn't. Well, most of them anyways."

"Yeah, I know, you would always ask me to help you with things." Megan said. She was adjusting herself in my passenger seat so she could face me.

"Yeah, I know. Thats what gave me the idea to elect an official co-captain. Like, our coach said we could at the beginning of the season, its just that we never got around to it." I explained, checking the rear-view mirror before glancing at her. "Because before, I thought that I could manage all of it on my own. But then I realized I couldnt."

"Thats when you elected Marci as your co-captain?" Megan asked. She already knew the answer to that. And I feel like she already knows where this is going, she just wants me to say it before she says anything about it.

"Exactly." I continued. "Anyways, we started spending a lot of time together. At first it was different because I didn't really know her. Because she was a tranfer student you know? The team didn't really know her either, but they still voted her in as co-captain." I explained, slowing the car to a stop a few houses down from chases.

"So, you both spent a lot of time together?" Megan said slowly. Watching me for a reaction. I know she'll be surprised by this, but she's my best friend, so I hope she won't be too shocked. I hope she'll understand.

"Yeah, we did. You know all those late meetings we had?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, seventy-five percent of the time, it was late because Marci and I stayed after to get some extra work done. You know? Paint a few posters, draw out a few ideas for flyers. Plan out different events. It was more detailed having two brains on it at once.".

"It was like yall were working in tandom." Megan said. Looking down the street. Following her glance, I figured it was only a matter of time before chase came out to talk to me. I knew he would've seen my car from his bedroom window. And I felt so bad seeing the big as day smile on his face, kmowing what I was about to do next.

Rolling down the window, I turned my head slightly as he popped his head in to give me a kiss. His lips planted on my cheek instead. I could see in his eyes that he knew something was up, but he still tried to hide it.

"Hey beautiful, I didn't think you would be stopping by today." He greeted me. His eyes still shone brightly as he looked at me. "Hey Megan, what's up?"

"Not much Chase. Just came along for the ride I suppose." She looked around, then hopped out of the car, motioning for Chase to come sit in the passenger seat. "Im gonna go chill at the park for a few minutes, text me if you need me." She looked at me, then at Chase, then started walking away.

Getting into the passenger side seat, Chase settled himself beside me. "What's going on Sloan?" He asked. Hoe voice was uncertain, definitely not as light-hearted as it was when we  came.

"Listen Chase...."  I started, then looked at him. I felt awful for doing this to him. Its just that I didn't feel anything like that towards him anymore. Not in the way I did towards her.

"You're breaking up with me arent you?" He asked. His voice was low. And his eyes just bore into mine. Shaking his head, he looked away. "Is there someone else?" He asked. "Tell me the truth."

"Yes....." I said lowly. "But I swear I haven't done anything behind your back. I swear I would never do something like that to you."

"But you would do something like this?" He asked cooly.

"It was my intention to hurt you Chase. I swear. I really did love you at first." I said. I was pleading with him to see that I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't the right things for me to do.

"At first?" Nodding his head, he just looked defeated. "I guess I should thank you for sparing my feelings." Je quickly wiped his face. He was crying.

"I really am sorry Chase." I said.

"Its okay. I just hope that whoever this other person is, makes you happy." With that, got out of the car, and slowly walked back towards his house. His shoulders slumped and his feet dragging.

I really did feel bad for doing this to him. He really did love me. And I am greatful to have known him and to have been with him. I just know that it would've hurt him more had I of pretended to be as happy with him now as I was before. But, it did go better than I thought it would. I expected him to be angry, or at least more vocal about it. But, Chase really is a good guy. I just wished I could have loved him. He deserves better.

Driving up to the park, I saw Megan swinging on the swingset. Scrolling through her phone. Hoking my horn, she looked up. Waking up to the car, I saw she was juat playing games. Typical Megan, best way to pass time is her phone. She got that from me honestly.

Getting into the car, I waited for her to buckle her seat belt before driving off again.

"I'm assuming you broke up with him?" She asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I did." I said softly.

"I know that must have been hard for you." Megan said. Putting her hand on my shoulder.

"It was harder for him." I said dejectively. It really was harder for him. Because here I was, the girl he was completely in love with, coming along and smashing his heart into pieces. Which mustve been hard for him.

"I know Sloan. But, its better than faking your feelings. Trust me, I know." She said, playing the radio softly. "So, are you going to continue your story of how you tell for someone else?"

"Right." I said. I almost wanted to laugh hearing that from Megan. "So, as you know, we had to spend a lot of time together. We did a lot of things together. And we didn't just talk about cheer either. She told me her story, and I told her mine. Now at first, I just thought that the feelings I had for her, were admiration. Not once did it cross my mind that I was infatuated with her. You know?"

"Yeah, I went through the same things with Skye. At first I thought I just wanted to get to know her. That I just wanted to spend time with her because she's my best friends sister." Megan explained.

"Right?" I agreed with her. "So, naturally, I just ignored the feelings. I wrote them off as just really liking her for who she is. How she's overcome so much in her lifetime. I really theoughly enjoyed talking to her. So when she told she was gay, it was like no big deal at first." I explained as I merged onto the highway. Heading towards our nexr stop. Marci's house.

"No big deal at first?" Megan asked interested. She was already interesred, she was getting more and more into it than she was at first.

"Yeah, you know. I had a day sister, so I was pretty set with being cool with gay girls. You know? But then, a few weeks after she told me, I found myself watching all the things she did more and mlre closely." Saying that out loud, does honestly make me feel like a creep, but oh well. Its true. "And as I was watching her, I noticed she would go out of her way to do things for me. Like when Skye was in the hospital, I was there with her the whole time. And I was dreading going back to school, because that would mean I had over a hundred posters left to do for the annual car wash. Because as usual, we would make them and post them all over town. Since I had a co-captaim noa, we split the load. She would do a hundred or so, and I would do the same." I explained.

"Yeah, I remember those days. Carwashes always had you stressed." Megan chimed in. Chuckling, I shook my head. Merging into the next lane.

"Well, when I came back, Marci had done all of them. Not just hers, but mine too. Now, I just chalked that up to her wanting to do it for the good of the team. But Nikki, a freshman on the squad, came up to me telling me all these great things Marci was doing while I was gone. And how the whole squad was saying she could just print out the flyers. But she said no."

"Let me guess," Megan chimed in. "It was because you wanted them to be handmade?"

"Yeah, it was actually. And she also filled out all the paperwork for sponsors. Which was a lot. But she waited to turn them in. She wanted to make sure everything was good by me first."  I said.

"Isnt that supposed to be what a co-captain does for the team? How exactly does this lead to you developing feelings for her?" Megan asked, she was curious, but impatient.

"Well, I had sort of a breakdown. And I was just crying and crying in the bathroom." I said, recalling hkw I had out of nowhefe broke down in tears and had to jolt to the bathroom. I think that I had just bottled up so much strsss over exams and someone trting to kill my sister, that it had affected me more than I realized.

"What? Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me?" Megan asked. She was pissed knowing her best friend didn't come to her for help. We always did that, but with everything going on with Skye, I just didn't want to put more pressure on her.

"Im sorry." I said.

"Its okay Sloan, just next time, if you need me, please just tell me."

"Okay, I will." I said. "But, she followed me in there. And we stayed for what felt like hours. We were talking and talking and talking. Finally, she leaned in close, and just pressed her forehead against mine. I can still feel the way it felt to be inveloped in her scent. I can still remember how my body was shaking beneath hers. And how I felt her voice flow through me." I paused for a second, thinking back to that moment we shared in the bathroom.

"Well?" Megan asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. "What did she say?"

"She said, 'there's never been a time where I haven't wanted to kiss you, but I know I'll never get the chance too.... I just wanted you to know, you can count on me. For as long as you need me, im here. '"

"Aweeeeeeeeeee." Megan cooed from beside me. "Thats so cuteee. Whenever yall get together, its gonna be so cute."

"If we get together." I said.

"Why if?"

I just shook my head and focused on the music. I didn't want to admit out loud that I was ashamed of the feelings I had for Marci. The amount of times I thought of it as just a phase. I know that's what most people say when they cant come to grips with the fact that someone they know or love is gay. Oh, you like to fuck girls? Its just a phase honey. You just haven't had any good dick in you to know. Or, you like guys? Its just a phase son, you just haven't found yourself a nice girl. Like, no, I don't think being gay is a phase. I just didn't think it was real for me. Like, im not fully gay. Because I enjoy sexwith men. But, I also enjoy the idea of being with a girl. No. One girl. Marci. So, maybe that makes me bisexual? I don't know for sure.

"Hello? Earth to Sloan? The lights green??" Megan said, tapping me on my shoulder. Sighing, she looked me over. "This girl has really gotten under your skin hasn't she?"

Sighing, I nodded. "She really has."

Pulling into Marci's neighborhood, I drove slowly down to her street, turned, and felt my heart getting faster and faster the closer I got to her house. Finally pulling up to it, my hands were sweaty, and my pulse racing. I almost considerebacking out, until Megan took my keys and motioned for me to follow my gut.

Nodding, I gave her a quick hug, and hopped out of my car. Closing the door behind me. Walking up the pathway to her front door, I realized just how much I have been anticipating this moment, but now that its here, im more scared and anxious than ever. But, I pushed the thoughts of what could happen away and out of my head. I just needed to do this. I can't be afraid.

Raising my shaky hand, I pressed the doorbell. Awaiting anxiously for someone to answer. Its before four, so she should be the only one home. And before long, I saw her fave appear as she opened the door. Her hair hanging loosly in a ponytail. Dressed in sweats and a T-shirt.

Well, here goes nothing.....

To be continued.