Only opening my eyes to the sound of the birds chirping around me, I reluctantly pulled myself up. And over to my car. I have no idea how long I had been here, but, I knew that it was long enough for Megan and Sloan to notice my absence. Which would lead to questions, most of which I would not be able to answer. Not honestly anyways.
Glancing at the clock, I realized I would be in  ore trouble than I had thought. It was now one in the morning. One of three things are going to happen. I walk in, no ones awake, and I slip into my bed peacefully and quietly. Without disruption. Or, I walk in, and both mom and Sloan, possibly Megan are still awake. I get my ass chewed out, and yelled at or whatever. Or, it's just Megan awake. In which case, she'll just sit there and watch me, waiting for me to speak.
Frankly, I was wishing for the first outcome. Or rather the second. I don't really feel like explaining myself to anyone as of now. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely in love with Megan, but there are still things that I am not ready to share with her. Intimate things that I am not ready to share with anyone. I want to share myself with her, but I'm scared.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what I walk in on.
It's a wonder how she's been able to put up with me. I mean, I can see Megan has patience, but god knows how aggravating it is to have someone, and not actually have them. You know? It's like, you now they love you, and trust you, but there's still that wall. It's a weak wall, but it's there. It's probably not going to come down anytime soon. You can tell. Though, she doesn't complain. She sticks with me. She really is the best girlfriend anyone could ask for.
Which, I suppose is why I'm so protective of her. Â Lord knows I wouldn't have stopped beating that kids ass if it weren't for her. She was on my mind. I knew she wouldn't have wanted me to do something that extreme. Or else I would have been the one to get into trouble. Â Neither her nor I would have wanted that.
I decided to just park on the curb. I didn't want the sound of me pulling into the driveway to alert anyone who could potentially awake that I was home. Which to array, proved useless. As Sloan was sitting on the porch. Watching my every move. It was obvious she had been there for a while. She had her blanket, and her mug of coffee.
Sighing, I shook my head gently as I got out of the car. Sloan was always the one to make sure I was okay. Even if we were fighting or whatever it is that sisters do.
"Where'd you go?" She asked, perplexed as I went to sit beside her.
"Out." I replied curtly. She arched her eyebrow a bit, a small face of realization filled her features.
"You went to see her didn't you?" She asked quietly. She knew the answer already. Instead of answering, I grabbed her mug, and sat back. Sitting gently at the warm liquid. Sloan always made her coffee sweet, but, it was black at the moment. Something she does very rarely. I've come to realize that she only really does it when she's having some sort of existential crisis or something. So, I suppose it's a good thing that I came at the time I did. It might be reason enough for her to forget that I had just recently visited the grave of my deceased ex-girlfriend.
"Sloan," I started, but she held her hand up. Signaling me to stop. It seemed as if neither of us were willing to talk. Though, I know both of us are stubborn enough to not let the other leave without spilling what was wrong.
"What made you go?" She asked. Her eyes were focused on mine, Â it I could see that she was somewhere else. Her mind was at least. So, I just stared at her for a moment. Watching her movements. She was thinking about something, as was I, but she was really thinking. It was like this was something that legitimately scarred her. Or confused. I couldn't tell which just yet. "Well, are you going to answer the question?" She asked after I had remained silent for a few minutes.
"If you answer mine. " I objected. She narrowed her eyes at me, and just shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing really made me want to go." I started honestly. "I just thought of her, and I miss her. Plus I hadn't been in a while, so I figured I should go. She shouldn't be left all alone by herself."
Slpan nodded, once again sipping her coffee. I wanted to urge her to talk to me about what was going on, Â but I knew that wouldn't help her with anything. So, I sat. Watching her yet again. This was yet another thing her and I had in common, we don't think our problems are actually problems, so we don't talk about them. Well, Sloan does like gossiping, but I didn't know if that counts or not.
"So, there's this......guy......"She said slowly, as if she were convincing herself. "And, he's, everything I could ever want. Kind, strong. Both emotionally and physically. The most incredible person ever." She said dreamily.
"What about Chase?" I asked, remembering the vague moment where I actually had a conversation with him.
"That's the thing." She said, her shoulders sagging. "He's just as great."
"Who is this other guy?" I was genuinely interested in knowing who it was that made my sister talk this way. She's never really serious about people, but she is with Chase. So, whoever this other person is, they're very special to make her feel this way.
"Just......someone I know." She said smally. Shaking her head. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk about this any further, so I left the topic alone. "Megan....." Sloan said after a moment, "She's asleep in your bed. I told her not to ask a lot of questions, because it's not what you need."
I smiled, bringing her in for a tight side hug. She sighed, watching my back as I left her alone in the porch. Sipping her coffee and staring out to the darkness of the night. Her mind must really be raking with thoughts of this person, so it's best that she process it as best she can alone.
Besides, I have a problem of my own. I'm not sure how to tell Megan, or even if I should. Neither do I know how she'll react. Thankfully, no ones rushing me to tell her. Though, I know I want to. I want to share everything with her. Â She a major part of my life now. And I need to start acting like it.
Bounding up to my room, I opened my door as quietly as I could. Not wanting to disturb  the beauty before me. I could make out her figure in the dark room. Sprawled out in front of me. Crawling gently into my bed, I wrapped my arms her body, pulling her closer to me. Kissing her neck gently through her hair, I allowed myself to fall into a peaceful slumber.
Only to once again be plagued with dreams of my lost first love.