Chapter 45: 42 | commencement

"Is there any way I can persuade you to take this cake off my hands?"

Stood by the ceiling high bookshelf lining one of the walls of the T.H Publishing offices, Avery's lips slip into a smile as she lets her gaze drift from the colorful spines upon the shelves to the kitchenette where her mother and Anna are stood on opposite sides of the counter.

The latter of the two women stares at the pristinely white cakebox before her, the mint green ribbon still neatly wrapped around it. "You'd be doing me a favor, really."

"Is that even a question?" Avery asks, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the spines next to her as she takes notice of the few additions made to the collection since she was last here. "Of course we'll take the cake."

Sarah laughs softly. "I guess we're taking the cake," She says, holding her hands out for the box. "It's not like we're without cause for celebration."

Avery's smile widens at her mother's words. The past weeks have gone by in a blur, June is just around the corner – and so is the day of her graduation.

"Well," Anna grabs her tote, fishing her keys out. Giving the office one last glance for the day as if to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything, she lets her long brown hair out of the clip holding it together at the back of her head. She nods toward the door. "Let's get out of here then."

Since Sarah has her hands fill with the cakebox, Avery grabs her colorful paperback – the book club's pick for the month – for her and follows the other two out the door. Anna gets the lights and locks up behind them before leading the way down the three flights of stairs.

Stepping out into the early evening, they're welcomed by a light blue sky; the sun hasn't quite set yet but it's not shining bright either, it's simply there. A comfortable warmth lingers in the air, faint birdsong melting together with the distant chatter from the outdoor seatings lining the streets of the nearby neighborhoods.

Anna pulls them both into one-armed hugs as she bids them goodbye, about to head in the opposite direction to where her car is parked.

"I'll see you Thursday," She says to Sarah before moving on to Avery, pulling her into her embrace as she beams. "And you too! If not sooner."

Parting ways, Sarah and Avery have only just rounded the corner of the street to head for their Mini Cooper as Sarah glances at her daughter. "Do you want to stop by Beans & Bagels before we go home?"

Though it's nearing dinnertime, Avery's lips slip into a smile at the thought of an iced chai. "Yes. Definitely. To Beans & Bagels it is."

A slight breeze – the ocean reminding them of its presence even through the maze of streets that is the center of town – lifts her hair and flutters the skirt of her blue linen sundress as they cross onto another street, steering their steps toward Main.

Avery relishes in the scent of salt it brings with it, her chest expanding with warmth. This year, the town and its traditions, may have brought along more than a few trials but it's home. And she loves it. Especially when summer is at its doorstep.

Sarah adjusts her grip on the cakebox. "I was thinking carbonara for dinner. And then cake for dessert, apparently."

"I think that sounds great," Avery says, skin prickling comfortably as another ocean breeze passes them by. "I was thinking we could watch 'Legally Blonde' while having said dessert."

"You know, considering these past weeks, I'm beginning to think your choice of films are based on whether or not they include at least one scene featuring a cap and gown."

A silent laugh slips Avery's lips, cheeks flushing ever so slightly. It's not not true. "Well, I'm allowed."

"Yes, you are," Sarah slides the cakebox into one of her hands, holding it tight with the support of her arm as she pulls Avery into a side hug with her other. "You have a few big days ahead of you."

Avery draws in a breath, sensing the anticipation having built up within her these past weeks – months really –, flutter all the way from her stomach into her chest.

She speaks through her exhale. "Yeah."

"You're such an incredible young woman."

"Mom."

"You are!"

"We agreed you wouldn't turn into an emotional mess until Thursday," Avery warns, lips twitching up in a cross of affection and amusement. "Or at all – would be fine by me."

"I know, I know," Sarah clears her throat. "I'm just so proud of you."

"Mom," Sliding her arm around Sarah's waist, Avery returns the hug as they arrive at the coffee shop. "Stop."

Stepping away, her fingers lace around the handle of the door; they're instantly engulfed by the familiar scent of espresso beans and freshly baked pastries as she pulls it open.

"Just one more thing."

A chortled breath leaves Avery's lips as she leads the way into the coffee shop – it's oddly crowded for this hour on a Monday. And it's yet another sign of how close they are to summer, to days lasting long into night and nights preserving the warmth of the day – providing a sense of solace like no other.

"Okay," She says, smiling back at her mother. "What?"

"I know you'll be plenty busy come Thursday, but if you could spare one moment to remind me to wear waterproof mascara I would greatly appreciate it."

"I'll try to remember that," Avery pauses, hooking her arm in Sarah's as they step into the back of the line. "For both our sakes."

♡♡♡

Callie paces back and forth, her heels clicking against the floor of the classroom they're in.

Her palms work at a rapid speed as she fans herself, the skirt of her ivory colored dress swaying with her movements. Three strides toward the window, three strides toward the door, three strides toward the window, three strides toward the door. And then all over again. All while she mumbles incoherent sentences under her breath.

Out of the corner of her eye, Avery notices how Lea turns her gaze from the window, taking her eyes off the crowd making its way across the lawn in groups at this very moment.

The sun beats down on them as they chat away. Some of them carry printed programs in their hand, most are adorned in formal attire fit for the summer weather while others look like they've stepped right out of an office. A man holds a camera high, snapping pictures of everything and everyone around him even though the commencement ceremony's yet to begun.

Lea crosses one leg over the other as she regards Callie, who still hasn't paused for air between her repeated chanting. "Well, now I'm glad I'm not the one holding a speech."

Whirling around her feet, Callie glares her way.

"You'll do great," Luke insists, quick to intercept, and flashes Callie a smile. "You've done these things a ton of times before. This is no different."

Callie seems to struggle to truly let a circle of air pass through her lungs, a ragged exhale escaping her lips. "I've never been this nervous before."

"Keep your eyes on me – or any of us," Avery says, repeating the words they've spoken to each other so many times through the years when faced with the horror that is class presentations. "And it'll be over before you know it."

"No, no. That'll only make me more nervous."

Nic's lips twitch in faint amusement. "Well, then look at anyone but us."

"No. No no no. I can't do that." Another uneven breath leaves Callie as she resumes her pacing, her speech rolling off her tongue at such a rapid speed it's nothing but pure gibberish to Avery's ears.

Exchanging a look, as if wondering if maybe they should put a stop to it, the other four eventually drift back to their own; each of them taking in the last bittersweet moments of being Acebridge West seniors.

Avery's gaze falls to the envelope clutched in her hands, her friends' voices becoming mere background noise.

The fine calligraphy – Ms Vaughn's doing – marks it as hers; the envelopes had been handed to them this morning along complementary hugs of farewell. Her throat tightens as she thinks of it and she makes a mental note not to leave her today until she's given Ms Vaughn yet another hug goodbye, until she's thanked her for these past four years.

Lea leaves the window behind, leaning against the desk Avery's perched upon. She taps a manicured nail to the envelope. "You're not going to open it?"

Shrugging, Avery lets the pad of her fingertip trace the letters spelling out her name as she continues to ponder it over. She's not sure she actually wants to read the letter she wrote herself at the beginning of the year.

She's brought out of her thoughts as two palms slam against the frame of the door, startling all five of them.

Chase is stood in the doorway, grinning from ear to ear. His gown hands unzipped over his shoulders, showing off his dark shirt. "We're supposed to line up."

A strangled breath escapes Callie as she watches the boy disappear out of view and down the hall again. "Oh my God."

Avery jumps off the desk, smoothing a hand down the front of her midi-length dress – its dark blue color and yellow floral pattern melting together perfectly with her gown.

Without sparing it another glance, she throws the letter into the trash bin. She already knows nothing is as she thought it'd be back in August. Though a lot of it is for the better, she would rather not look back. Being able to make such a decision for herself – to truly act on her wishes – is enough to fill her with a small sense of pride.

It seems a fitting sentiment for this day; to look to the future rather than the past.

Nic holds Callie's gown out for her to slip into, smoothing out her honor stole with a reassuring smile. Walking over to them, Avery grabs her friend's hands and gives them a light squeeze.

"Calliope," She says, the upward tilt to her mouth rounding her cheeks. "You're going to be brilliant."

"And once you're done we will embarrass you with loud applause," Nic adds, a hint of a laugh lingered in his tone. "Maybe we'll even sneak in a few 'whoo's' and whistles."

Callie's features relax ever so slightly, a slower exhale escaping her lips with a silent snort.

"Okay then," Lea rolls her lips together, hand coming to the frame of the doorway. "Ready?"

"I'm going to throw up," Callie holds on tight to one of Avery's hands, letting the other go as a mix of anticipation and anxiety crosses her features. "What if we just left?"

Nic laughs, shaking his head as he pushes past Lea and leads the way out of the room.

The last one out, Avery throws a look over her shoulder; she lets her gaze travel over the rows of desks, the whiteboard in dire need of an upgrade and the windows letting in the daylight through their blinds. As if to bid it farewell, her eyes linger on the room a moment more before she too steps out the door.

Her heels click against the floor to the same beat as Callie's as she trails behind her down the hall toward the congregation of students donned in their caps and gowns. Her classmates, about to be graduates, on their way to say goodbye to Acebridge West High School for good.

A flutter of anticipation rises within her at the thought. She's ready and glad to be moving on – away from the traditions so deeply rooted in this school and town, away from the not-so-nice memories of these hallways this past year, onto greater things. But there's a tinge of sadness in her chest too.

They are truly done here now.

Coming to a stop in the midst of it all, Luke reaches out to adjust Lea's cap while Avery gives Callie's hand another gentle squeeze; her fingertips graze her clammy palm as she lets her hand slip out of her grip.

Avery twirls a curl of her hair – the highlights caused by the summer sun already having begun to creep through the darker blonde shades – around her finger, letting it bounce back into place over her shoulder. She twists her hands together as she draws in a deep breath, that anticipation fluttering within her again.

The corners of Callie's lips tug up, equal excitement as nerves to her expression. "Let's graduate then,"

With small smiles and laughs, they drift in different directions in the crowd. Nic and Luke head toward the front of the line having begun to form while Lea and Avery move toward the V's and W's in the back but they all pause as Callie calls out again.

"Wait! Hug."

Lea frowns. "I really don't think that's–"

The audible sigh escaping the girl's lips as she's pulled into a group hug by the others, caught in their embrace, comes out so deep it seems to echo against the walls of the hallway. Avery wouldn't even be surprised if they can hear it all the way over at Ace East – where, typically, another commencement ceremony is taking place in this very moment.

A faint chortle follows Lea's sigh – and even though she feigns annoyance, a smile plays on her lips. "... Necessary."

Callie is the first to take a great step back, shooing them away. "Okay now go or I'll start crying."

♡♡♡

The sun partly hides behind a cloud, shining down upon the gathering in Luke's backyard enough to provide a comfortable warmth without becoming suffocating.

Back here, the ocean breeze barely reaches them. There's a stillness to the air, a few chirps from nearby birds accompanied with the buzz of a bee among the chatter from the crowd sprawled about the green lawn.

Sat cross legged by herself upon the trampoline in the corner of the garden, Avery lets her gaze travel over the partygoers; some have helped themselves to the food being served, Harold has taken it upon himself to never leave the grill unattended to and a few younger kids whirl through the groups stood mingling – caught up in a game of tag. The patio doors are wide open: students, parents and every other person here to celebrate the recent graduates spilling in and out of the house.

Her gaze lingers on her mother where she's stood with Tammy in the doorway, flute glasses clutched in their hands and smiles so bright they're blinding as they laugh.

Avery's chest expands with a small warmth as her lips twitch up, thinking of the overwhelmed mess of snotty tears her mother had been upon watching Avery graduate; she's glad the tears Sarah's wiping from the corner of her eye now are nothing but pure mirth.

Her smile widens, cheeks tightening with another flush of warmth as Ethan steps out the door. As if sensing her eyes on him, he turns around and finds her gaze with a smile of his own. Stepping off the patio, his brows knit together ever so slightly as he walks across the lawn to join her.

The mat of the trampoline shifts beneath her as he climbs onto it, sinking into a seat next to her. He smooths out a crinkle in one of the wide tie-straps of her dress, letting his fingers linger on her shoulder a moment more before twirling a lock of her hair to tuck behind her ear.

"What are you doing over here?"

Shrugging, Avery lets her lungs fill with a deep inhale of air. She casts her eyes away from the crowd, biting down on her lip and Ethan's smile softens into a line as he pulls her into a hug – letting her lean into his side.

Something catches in her throat the gesture and she does her best to blink away the few tears lingering in the corner of her eye. She melts into his embrace as her hand comes up to his hair, absentmindedly sprawling her fingers through the short curls.

Not too long ago, she reached out to her father with an invitation for today. It had been a way of stretching out her hand to him, an opportunity to salvage whatever is left of them.

He didn't show.

Strangely, upon first noticing, she'd been filled with nothing but overwhelming relief. But it hurts too.

She thinks it always will, in a way. Even though her heart seems lighter now than before, those brief tweaks of hurt are unavoidable. If there is anything she has learnt these past months it's that cutting ties with a parent is hard work – even if the aforementioned ties were close to non-existent in the first place.

After an excruciating conversation with her father following that fateful day in March, trying – without much of a successful response – to explain why she needed space, why she felt their current relationship wasn't working out, her sadness has come and gone in waves.

At first, she'd given into the numbness, not really having given into any feelings at all. The pain had followed – sharp, overwhelming, ear-pounding pain – but after a while the pain diminished as well. Now she just is; the hurt isn't as bad, but she's not fully at peace either.

The difficult moments still appear. Moments when she finds herself wishing things could be different, moments where she grows frustrated with herself for yet having come to terms with it. Still, for now, she knows she made the right call. There may be a long road ahead but she's getting there.

Every day, she grows a little bit stronger.

Every day, her heart heals a little bit more.

And despite Robert's lacking presence, she's had a great day. She's having a great day.

Letting her gaze drift across the garden again, it catches on Anna who's stood speaking to Lea's parents. Ella's leant against her mother, eyeing the table of sweets.

Avery's throat clogs once more, heartstrings pulled tight within as her lips purse in concern.

She imagines she's not the only one sensing the shadow of a missing presence on this day, even if Ethan's case is far different from hers.

She lifts her head off his shoulder, inching back to glance up at him. "Are you okay?"

Her thumb finds that crease on his forehead before it has barely appeared, his brows etching together only to smooth out a beat later; realization dawns on his features as he regards her.

Nodding, his lips pull back into a genuine smile. "Yes. More than."

"Good."

She lets her fingers fall from his hair, her palm melting into his.

Intertwining their fingers, the corners of her lips tug up in a smile of her own; her hand fits so well into his, as if it was made to be there. It's strange to think of how at this time last year, she didn't know that yet.

Scooting back against the safety net, she tugs lightly at his hand. They should rejoin the celebrations soon enough but it's nice over here, she enjoys the solace, providing a moment for just the two of them in this whirlwind of a week.

"I just want to sit here for a bit."

Another smile curls on her lips as he complies, scooting back against the net as well.

She tilts her head back against his shoulder as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. "We're not in high school anymore."

A small smile of amusement plays on his lips at her observation. "No, we're not."

"That's so weird."

Falling into a beat of comfortable silence, she smooths her free palm down the skirt of her dress before she lets it fall into his palm, her fingers closing over his knuckles as she intertwines them with his. Her cheeks tighten as her smile widens, relaxing into his embrace as he wraps his arms closer around her, his face falling to the crook of her neck.

Her chest rises and falls in sync with his as she speaks again, words soft-spoken. "You're my favorite person."

He looks up as she turns her head to glance at him, his dark eyes meeting hers. His smile soon crosses into the faintest hint of a teasing smirk. "Well," The left corner of his mouth tugs up and her eyes narrow at the dragged out word. "This is awkward."

"Oh God, I hate–"

Her smile cracks into a grin as his lips come to hers, the last sentence fading away with the kiss.

Pulling her back to his chest, he points his finger into her dimple – her grin growing even bigger, before he brushes a kiss to her temple. "I love you too."

Their moment of solace doesn't last long after that.

Having caught sight of them, Lea climbs onto the trampoline, a plate of sweets in one hand and the skirt of her red dress gathered in the other.

"What are you hiding here for?"

Ethan's hold tightens around Avery, chest rising and falling beneath her with his breath. "We're taking a break."

Nodding, Lea sinks into a seat. "I could use a break," She folds her legs to her side as she offers them the plate of sweets. "It's been a long day."

Avery grabs a cupcake, gaze lingering on the petite edible graduation cap sat upon the white frosting.

Callie appears before them a second later, kicking her heels off before she climbs onto the mat. She, too, reaches for a cupcake – residual nerves from this morning finally having eased. She smashed her speech of course; as they knew she would.

In the blink of an eye, Jake and Nic have joined them too.

There goes their moment of peace and quiet.

Another minute or so passes before Luke pops up, peering in at them through the opening in the safety net, a plate of food in his hand as he speaks through a mouthful. "What are we all doing over here?"

With an upward tilt to her mouth, Avery shoots Ethan an amused glance – her smile only widening as she realizes the look in his eyes mirrors hers.

"Hiding out," She says. "Kind of."

Luke nudges Nic aside with his foot before taking a seat next to Lea who happily leans into his side.

Biting down on the cupcake, Avery lets her gaze travel over her friends where they're sprawled about the mat. Her joy – a radiant warmth – runs through her before touching upon her lips, having her smile etch into her features and rounding her cheeks.

Twisting at the waist, she holds the cupcake out for Ethan to share. A chortled breath leaves her as he presses another kiss to her lips instead. It transcends into genuine laughter – slipping into the air among the chatter, birdsong and buzzing of bees, as their small show of affection is met with a chorus of objection from their friends.

♡♡♡

ONE WEEK LATER

Anna glances up from the screen of her computer as Ella – dressed head to toe in her soccer attire – darts into the main room of the T.H Publishing offices. The girl barely pauses in her step as she yells out a 'hello' in greeting to her mother before continuing around the corner toward the conference rooms.

Rising from her chair, Anna exchanges an amused look with Avery who comes in the door next. Gratitude etch into her features as she walks over to the kitchenette.

"Thank you so much."

Avery smiles as she sets Ella's backpack down on the floor, fingers lacing around the handle of her suitcase where it's stood by the kitchen counter. "Of course."

"What about you?" Anna asks, refilling her cup of coffee. "Will go get to your bus on time?"

"Yes, I have plenty of time," She casts a glance at the clock on the wall. "Mom's meeting me downstairs in a few minutes with Beans & Bagels and then she'll walk me there."

"Good, good," Anna rests her hip against the counter, sipping her coffee with a small smile. "Have you heard from my son lately?"

Avery rolls her lips together as her smile softens, fingertips tapping lightly against the handle of the suitcase. "We spoke this morning,"

She had been on her way out the door for a run when Ethan called her on FaceTime – she never made it further than onto her front lawn, where she'd been sat cross legged in the grass during the hour they spent on the phone. It would've been nice to move her legs before spending hours upon hours sat on buses and airplanes but she hadn't exactly minded the interruption much.

Smoothing a hand over the sleeve of her beige cardigan, she adds, "He does seem really busy though."

"Figured as much – it's all new."

"The next time he wants to talk I'll tell him to call you instead."

Anna's lips twitch in their smile. "He's going to love that," She sets her cup down, pulling Avery into a hug. "Well, I'm not going to keep you here any longer. Have fun – and stay safe."

"Thank you," Avery wraps her arms tight around Anna's frame. "I'll see you when I get back."

"See you when you get back."

Avery calls out a goodbye to Ella and the girl's voice echoes against the walls as she calls out her farewell in return. From across the room Violet salutes her a goodbye and then, making sure she has everything – slightly worn suitcase, Carolina blue shoulder bag, her phone –, Avery hugs Anna once more.

Turning on her heel, she leaves the offices behind, walking down the stairs and out into the warm summer's day.

♡♡♡

Following a lengthy farewell in the park before parting ways with her mother, Avery makes it to the coach stop – a small circular area a stone's throw away from the ice hall – with time to spare.

Lea is the first of her friends to spot her. Perched atop her suitcase in the shade of a few trees, she lifts her hand in a wave as enthusiastic as the wide grin on her lips.

Avery's lips slip into a mirroring smile as she walks over to them, greeting all three – Nic, Callie and even Lea – with warm embraces even though only a few days have passed since they last saw one another.

Returning to separating Lea's dark hair into two braided pigtails, Callie flickers her eyes between her task at hand and Avery. "Can you believe we're actually doing this?"

"No," Avery says through a chortled breath, slurping at what's left of her iced chai – which is mostly melted ice at this point. "Where's Luke?"

There's a hint of an amused smirk to Nic's lips as he looks up from his phone. "Overslept. Idiot."

"It's two in the afternoon."

Lea rolls her eyes, smoothing out the front of her white blouse. "Do you even know Luke? Don't worry, he'll be here on time."

♡♡♡

Luke arrives two minutes before the coach does.

He bounces on his feet as it sidles to a stop beside them, quick to help stack their suitcases into the luggage space before he bounds up the three-step staircase, leading the way into the bus that'll take them from Acebridge to Raleigh-Durham International Airport.

Despite the AC filling the vehicle with chill air, prickling the skin of Avery's arms, the strong warm sunlight spilling through the windows causes the air to feel quite suffocating as they make their way down the aisle. Their voices fill the space, their laughter and words overlapping as they speak over one another.

The bus is almost empty besides the five of them.

An older couple is sat up front. A girl, looking some years older than the five of them, is sat a few rows behind the couple on the opposite side of the aisle – a trademark cabin crew satchel on the seat next to her. A family of four have taken up the row in the very back.

Callie slides into a two-seat for herself. Lea and Avery take the seats behind her, to Avery's pleasant surprise; she had assumed her friend would rather sit with Luke, but instead they leave the boys to fend for themselves.

The slightly worn green fabric of the seat lies warm against her skin, the heat of the sun having shone upon it through the dusty windows.

"I got my pictures developed the other day," Lea announces, digging through her backpack. "Look at this."

She hands over a photo, a glossy sheen to the paper and Avery carefully holds onto its edges. The last thing she wants to do is to smudge it.

The sun casts a faint glow through the window as Avery glances down at the photo in her hands, her cheeks tightening with a smile.

It's them. The seven of them. On the night of their graduation down at the beach, the dark waters of the sea stretching out behind them – their shoes discarded, still in their dresses and button downs from the day, all big smiles and their hair windblown.

Her lips quirk up as she lets her eyes take in every inch of it, realizing neither of them is truly looking at the camera. Her chest expands with warmth, heartbeat quickening as rush of affection fills her from within. She's sure the smile on her lips is as ridiculously big as the ones they sport in the photograph.

She doesn't take her eyes off it until the coach starts to move, catching Nic's gaze from where he's sat across the aisle. His lips split into a grin. "Silves here we come."

Lea makes a soft squealing sound of pure excitement before letting it cross over into a laugh. Sinking back into her seat, she plays with the end of one of her pigtails and sighs of contentment. "Lar doce lar."

Avery glances out the window as they make their way out of town at crawling speed.

The rays of the sun shimmer upon the blue surface of the ocean, the water reaching into infinity. People spill in and out of the B&Bs lining the boardwalk, some in attire fit for a beach day while others haul suitcases and weekender bags behind them. The restaurants along the same street bustle with life, out-of-towners and locals alike enjoying the humid, sunny afternoon.

Next to her, Lea has fished out a granola bar from her backpack. She unwraps it before taking a bite, extending it to Avery. "Want some?"

"No, that's fine. Thanks though."

The water becomes a mere blur in the corner of her eye as the bus kicks up speed, headed for the highway. Pulling her cardigan closer around her, Avery watches the tinge of blue in the horizon as they leave Acebridge behind.

She'll be back again in three weeks. Come August, she's leaving again.

Excitement flutters through her at the thought but there's a slight melancholy feeling residing within her as well. Biting down at her lip, she senses her chest expand with the beat of her heart, palms growing clammy.

Silves first, The University of North Carolina next. Then the rest of her life. That's not daunting at all.

Lea carefully taps her finger to the photograph in Avery's hands, the sweet candy-like scent of her perfume tickling her nose as she leans in closer. "Keep it."

Flickering her eyes away from the view outside the window, Avery looks from the photograph to Lea. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," A soft smile appears on Lea's lips. "It's yours."

Avery's gaze drops to it once more, smile warming her cheeks as she lets her eyes wander over the seven teenagers all about to embark on paths of their own. A chortled breath leaves her as she senses a familiar ache to her jaw – the curl on her lips only widening.

Her eyes linger on Ethan – who's grinning at the Avery in the picture – a moment longer before she tucks the photograph safely between the pages of her paperback.

She cannot wait to see what the future holds for them.