Chapter 51: : Chapter 51

I shove a few belongings into a bag and throw the strap over my shoulder. When I look back at Eli peacefully sleeping in all his naked glory, I can’t help but sneak over to him and bend over to press a kiss to the scar on his eyebrow.

He won’t be waking up for a few hours yet, after the potent sleeping powder I put in his drink, I hate myself for doing it, but I had no other choice. The moment I leave the apartment, he’d be alerted, no matter where he was. This was the only way.

Shakily, I remove the engagement ring and put it on his bedside table. I stare at him longingly from the door, not able to leave yet. It’s the most peaceful I’ve seen him sleep, and I fight my impulses to naturally gravitate to him and tuck myself within his hold.

But this was never going to end well.

I was always disposable; I just never thought I’d remove myself from the situation for his sake.

A sad smile curves the corners of my lips. But I’m grateful for how, in his own twisted way, he forced me to open my eyes and heart to the reality of a family I never knew was possible. I thought after Dad’s passing and my mother’s rejection that staying close to the shadows was best for me. And it still is, especially if it keeps the attention off Eli Monti. I have no doubt someone else will put a hit on this asshole, but at least whoever my anonymous client is will focus on tying up loose ends with me first.

Besides, I can’t lie to his family and walk down that aisle. That should be reserved for the woman who should rightly be by his side. I curl my fingers into my palms, noticing the absence of the ring I’d hated but have come to love.

I leave my yellow car behind, not taking anything with me that might be traceable. I take a cab to the train station, and when I’m there, I grab the few belongings I have and change into a different outfit, including a hoodie. I keep my father’s gun close to me, scared that any moment Eli might appear. I just need to get out of the city and away from this mess.

I switch my phone off, knowing better than to mess with Eli and his connections to people like Will Walker, who could easily trace me.

I don’t like these feelings that he evokes in me; they’re unwanted and unnecessary. And really, it’s unfair. We know so much about each other, even though most of what we learned was from stalking and research, not actually talking to one another. I know that that’s not healthy, but what in my life has ever been healthy? I’m not about to start walking a straight line all of a sudden when I love to jump over the edge. Maybe that was my problem. I saw the risk in him and wanted to jump.

My mind circles with thoughts of Eli, of everything I’m leaving behind, and I hold my bag close to my chest as I wonder if he’ll be furious because his plan didn’t work. I lay my face on the backpack, exhausted. This was always going to be a disaster. And I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.

But I know, without a doubt, I can no longer kill Eli. Perhaps I could’ve once. At the start. But not now. I sigh, exasperated.

It’s the early hours of the morning when the train comes to a stop. I’ve been sitting here for hours, stuck in my own head and trying to work out the best course of action, and I have come up with no resolution whatsoever. Well, nothing past the contingency plan Craig and I have always had if a hit went to shit like this. I just never thought it’d be for these reasons.

I get in the nearest cab and give the address for my destination. It isn’t long before we pull up in front of a familiar house. The front door opens, and I step out of the cab, exhausted. I meet Craig’s gaze. He has a cigarette hanging from his lips, a can of Pepsi in one hand, as he waits for me expectantly. It’s as good as any welcome I’ve ever gotten from him.

I offer a sad smile. It’s been months since I’ve seen him, and he’s technically the only family I have left.

“Jewel.” He shakes his head, and the moment my name leaves his lips, tears spill over my cheeks, and I rush into his embrace. “Oh shit. It’s that bad, huh?” he asks, tucking my head below his chin. I hate that I’m crying. I hate that I could only hold in the tears until now. I didn’t want Craig to see this side of me. The vulnerability and embarrassment of letting someone get into my head and failing at my job.

Maybe I’m not as tough as I thought. I’m a disappointment. I inhale his scent, trying to refamiliarize myself with my old life. But it does nothing to bring me back to that simpler time. When I pull back, he still has the cigarette dangling from his lips.

“So you ran away. I hope that asshole knows what it’s cost you.” And I know he’s not talking about the money. A hitwoman on the run is the worst position to be in. Others will come for me the moment the client knows I took off without completing the job. I can’t return the money, and their fear of being blackmailed is strong, so they’ll just wipe out the problem entirely.

“It would appear I like the asshole,” I say with a sad sob as he leads me into his home. I bite the skin around my nails as I sit down on his couch. I kick my shoes off and tuck my feet under my ass. I know we’ll only have a few hours together at most, and the moment I flee the country, the reality is, we won’t be able to talk for some time. I might not even see him again. That thought rattles me. Am I sure Eli Monti is worth all of this?

“Well, it was bound to happen,” Craig says sympathetically.

“What was?” I ask.

He smiles. “You liking someone,” he jokes, and I laugh at the stupidity of it. “You can’t be lonely like me and your father for the rest of your life. You’re young, meant to fall in love. But, unfortunately, with that, sometimes heartbreak happens, and then you kill some fuckheads to make yourself feel better.”

I laugh because I still wish I saw it in black and white. “I shouldn’t like someone like him. He’s reckless, powerful, egotistical, potentially a psychopath, overbearing and dominating, sadistic, and I think a bit of a masochist, and he sure as shit doesn’t take no for an answer.”

He sighs as he taps his cigarette into an ashtray. “Kiddo, you’re describing yourself in male form.”

“I’m not his kind of powerful,” I reply.

“Bullshit,” he says. “I bet you could take him and all his men out from a mile away. What’s not powerful about that?” He raises a brow and lights another cigarette. “It doesn’t mean that you’re weaker than him for falling for him. I wish I could advise you to kill him instead. But I know your mind is already made up.”

I shake my head because he’s right. Once I’ve made up my mind, I won’t change it. I am a powerful woman. It’s not that I doubted myself in that situation; it’s just that I knew my entanglement with him would ruin me. Even if I were to marry him, I’d still be disposable. And the thought of falling for any of this, and loving him too deeply, then being discarded so effortlessly the moment our contract is over, would destroy me. Maybe I’m a coward for not letting that come to fruition. I’d rather leave him before having him reject me.

“He made it sound like he was serious about the marriage,” I tell him as I tuck myself tighter into a ball.

“Is there a chance he was?” Craig asks. “I know we do things on our own, kiddo, but he is the mafia heir. I’m sure if anyone can make your problems go away, it’s him.”

It goes unsaid that Eli Monti is my biggest problem. And the thought of carrying through with the marriage and then being left behind, after tasting what having a real family is like—no matter how whack they are—is heartbreaking.

“I wouldn’t write it off as a possibility. You are, as the youngsters would say, a catch.”

I chuckle, then say matter-of-factly, “I’m a liability.” He grimaces at that, and I lean over to turn the TV on. I have until the evening before I need to leave.

“Let’s just enjoy today like old times before I have to go, okay?”

Because no matter how tired I am, I want to memorize my family. What’s left of it. Because I’m willing to let it go for another.

Doesn’t that make me a truly stupid girl?