Chapter 49: : Chapter 49

I attempt to glare holes into Hawke and Ford, who are sitting at their usual booth. It’s been four days since Eli dragged me into his “Shootout so I can rule the world” date. He’s been glued to me during the night and fucking me in every hole available ever since. Every time I think about killing him while we fuck, he seems to dominate me even more, as if instinctually sensing the switch within me.

“Is there a reason why they’re coming in every day?” Sage asks as we lean against the counter. After the incident at the Chinese restaurant, I owed her an explanation, not some half-twisted cover-up, because after being in that situation, she deserved to know the truth. That, and I realized during that ordeal how much I valued her as… a friend. I was certainly ready to fight to the death to protect her that night.

And in some ways, I’m grateful for Sage. Coming to this restaurant and talking with her makes things feel normal during the day, as it distracts me from the chaos happening in my life.

I sigh, crossing my ankles. “Because my asshole fiancé told them to watch me every waking hour, I’m not at home.”

“Oh wow. That’s pretty intense. But I guess you are marrying mafia royalty, so it makes sense.”

I give her an unimpressed look. It’s not that I’m offended that Tweedledee and Tweedledumb are following me; it’s more about the fact that they’re not following Eli. I’m certain something has happened between them, but no one will tell me what. I don’t blame them, but it’s irritating. And Eli has been more intense lately. It almost makes me wonder if he knows the final order for the hit has been given. He’s acting abnormally attentive, making it harder for me to believe every sleepless night that this is a game.

I can’t endure the idea of telling him how I feel because I can’t even put it into words. The moment I do, I’ve lost and will most likely be killed. I’ve imagined that he’s finally got me, and when I admit I got the order for the hit, he’ll know his time is up, and he’ll kill me. Then he’ll most likely find another fiancée to replace me and wear the dress, all so he can claim his empire.

Huffing, I walk over to the twins, my hands on my hips.

With the generous tip, they leave every day; my boss doesn’t seem to care much when they sit here all day, leering at anyone who speaks to me. I’m almost certain Eli has bought this run-down restaurant only because I work here.

He tried to persuade me to quit altogether, but I refuse to be owned in any capacity. I don’t need this job, and at this point, I don’t need a cover anymore, either. But I cling to it like it’s my only salvation.

“Do you need a refill?” I ask Hawke, regarding his fourth soda of the day. Ford is taking a sip from his coffee and doesn’t bother to look up. I quite like Ford; he keeps to himself, orders our selection of sweets every day, and reads. If anything, it looks like he’s quite enjoying this change of pace. Hawke, however, is an attention whore, and I think that’s mostly because he’s bored.

“Remind me why you guys aren’t following your boss again?”

“Because he’s not talking to us,” Hawke replies sulkily. They still haven’t told me what happened, but I’m confident it has something to do with the night Eli vanished and came back with the busted lip. And I haven’t seen Dutton since before then, either.

“There you guys are!” Billie yells from the front door. She ignores Sage, who goes to greet them and walks over to us. Behind her are two other women. One is Hope Ivanov, who I officially met at the engagement party, though I knew who she was before that. The other woman I’m not familiar with. She has short blonde hair, blue eyes, and a curvaceous figure.

Hawke looks away as he asks, “Why are you here?”

“Because we haven’t gamed in so long, and you’re avoiding me!” she exclaims. “Hey, Jewels!” She beams as she pulls me in for a hug. “Oh, you know Hope.” She awkwardly waves at her. “And this is Ivy.” She points to the blonde-haired woman who looks to be the same age as the others. “Have you met Will and Alina Walker yet? She’s their daughter.”

“And a pain in the ass,” Hawke says under his breath.

My eyebrows shoot up. Will Walker’s daughter? I give her a quick once over. I knew the infamous tracker had a daughter, but I didn’t know what she looked like or where to find her. Apparently, Will is not only good at finding people but at hiding them too.

“It’s lovely to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you. Apologies. I was in Puerto Rico with my family during your engagement party. Congratulations.”

“Such formal language doesn’t sound right coming from your lips,” Ford says as he turns to the next page.

“Ha. Ha,” she snarks as they cram themselves into the booth.

“What are you doing? No one invited you,” Hawke says as he’s squished against his brother. I inwardly roll my eyes. How did I end up with the majority of the group here?

“Why aren’t Dutton and Eli speaking? Dutton’s been sulking all week,” Billie presses, and Hawke sighs.

He goes to speak but is dissuaded by Ford, who glares at him over his book. “I don’t know. We’re just making sure little miss makes it down the aisle.”

Billie laughs. “I almost feel sorry for you, Jewel. I’ve never seen Eli so possessive.”

I offer an awkward smile. Because the casual way they speak to me is starting to feel too friendly. Too fun. Like I’m part of their world. They don’t know me, and yet they’ve already started hanging out at my place of work. It’s showing me a world and existence that I’ve never known was possible for me. And it’s not right because I don’t belong here. I only have a few more days to deliberate over my decision, but the closer the deadline comes, the more I wonder how I could kill Eli, knowing it would impact all of them.

“Jewels, are you okay?” Ford asks me quietly. The rest stop squabbling between themselves and look at me then. What kind of face was I showing just now?

“Yeah. I’ll just go grab some more menus for you,” I say with a tight smile before I turn and walk straight to the bathroom as an insufferable amount of emotion crashes over me. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack.

I close the bathroom stall and sit on the closed toilet lid. I don’t get anxiety. Well, I’ve never had anxiety before, but right now, I have a disastrous number of feelings that I don’t want to address. That I can’t address because admitting them is going to break me.

One man is breaking me from the inside out, and I don’t know what I should do.

Three days, and then I have to offer his head to my client.

And I’m supposed to marry him in ten days.

Tonight, I’ll lie in bed with him again.

What the fuck am I doing?

I can’t breathe.

I fish out my phone, which is almost dead, and call Craig. He answers on the second ring. “Tell me what to do,” I demand, shocked by the desperation in my voice and how quietly I’m whispering into the phone, paranoid that anyone could hear.

“What’s happened?” Craig asks, and I can tell he’s on his feet already.

My bottom lip wobbles, and suddenly, I’m on the verge of tears.

What?

I try to keep my tone neutral as I consider my next words. “I don’t think I can complete the hit.”

My voice is shaky, and I hate how it sounds. It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. I detest the tear that slides down my cheek as I realize with utter clarity the force of what I feel for Eli Monti, which is exactly why I have to leave New York.

“Your client will put a hit on you if you don’t finish the job. You understand that, right? Is he worth it?” Craig effectively summarizes the situation I’m in without further digging. I’m nodding my head, realizing the gravity of my decision.

I only got one gun back from Eli. I’ll be leaving everything else behind. I wanted all of my father’s guns, but I only have two choices. Put a bullet in Eli’s head or flee with only a fragment of my father and all the new memories of Eli.

I have to leave. I refuse to run the risk of telling Eli about the hit and have him turn on me. I’d rather leave, wondering if what we have between us was ever real, than having him laugh in my face for falling for this orchestrated hoax.

I’ll walk on my own terms instead of giving anyone else that power.

Only I can protect myself, and if I foolishly choose to protect him in the only way I know how, then so be it.

“Yes,” I reply. “I understand,” I admit defeat. I never thought I’d be so weak for a man. Especially one as unhinged as Eli. But it makes me all the more foolish to realize I’ve fallen for a man who probably still has every intention of discarding me.

“Okay then. You know the contingency plan. I’ll take care of the rest. But Jewel, are you sure about this? It’ll ruin everything you’ve built.”

I let out a shaky breath in disbelief that I’ve been careless enough to let myself get caught up in this. I look at the ring on my finger. I don’t have a right to it. As much as I love it and the fact that his mother gave it to me, I have no right to this ring or claim to the man.

I fell for our lie, and I can’t leave anything else to chance.

I’ll leave alone, slipping into the shadows I was so used to before.

At least there, I was safe from these emotions.

I try not to cry as I think about my mother’s disgusted face as she realized I was different and then turned her back on us. She had the same expression of contempt at my father’s funeral when she learned it was Craig who took me in.

My father always said it’d just be us. And then he left, too.

A tear slides down my cheek as, one more time, I try to steel myself to say goodbye.

No one can love me, but it’s okay if I love them…

Just this once.

Only once more.

But I’m not brave enough to face the reality if Eli decides to walk away from me, too, so I’ll walk away from him first, even when it will cost me my reputation, career, and safety.

I agree with all of this, and I pray silently that all of this pain just goes away.

With years of feeling no emotion, I don’t know how to handle its might.

I close my eyes and clear my throat, pushing it all back down.

I just have to keep moving forward.

I feel the lid seal back over those emotions.

“I understand. I’ll leave tonight,” I promise.