Chapter 3: Chapter 3: I'll Never Go Home

He jerked back as if I’d slapped him and my chest tightened. I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but it was too late. I couldn’t take the words back.

It was a horrible way to find out that you’re no longer alive.

I felt bad, but instead of saying sorry, I buried my head in my arms again and let the tears fall.

He’d just ruined everything.

Mrs Carpenter’s gentle voice cut through the silence. “Maddie dear, what’s happened?”

I couldn’t answer.

There was a sharp intake of breath, then Mr Newbie’s voice. “You can see me? I… I don’t understand.”

“You must be new, dear,” Mrs C said.

“She… told me I’m dead, but you can see me.”

“Yes. Spirits can see each other. Normal humans can’t see us, but very young children and those with the gift of Sight can.”

I kept my head down and spoke quietly. “Gift? It’s a curse. It has completely ruined my life.”

I felt Mrs C’s cool hand on my back. “It is a gift, you mark my words. It may not feel like it now, but you’ll see soon enough.”

There was more silence as all the arguments against that flashed through my brain. I needed to tell her how wrong she was.

Mr Jones’s voice startled me. “Tell us what happened, dear.”

Mrs C’s hand rubbed small circles on my back, but I didn’t answer. “It couldn’t have gone well, Fred — she’s crying.”

“I can see that, woman.”

“Tell us what’s wrong, Maddie.”

I still couldn’t talk.

“I’m sorry,” Mr Newbie said quietly. “It’s my fault. I didn’t know.”

“What did you do, son?” Mr J asked.

“I was scared because no one could see or hear me, and when I realized that she was the only one who could, I tried everything to get her to acknowledge me. I didn’t know what was happening and when she finally did talk to me…”

“The doctor now thinks she’s seeing things again,” Mrs C finished for him.

I looked up. “I will never get out of here now.”

Mr J leaned down toward me. “Don’t give up. We’ll work something out.”

“But they’ll never believe anything I tell them now. Janice already said she thought I was just telling them what they wanted to hear, even before I proved to them that she’s right and I’m delusional. I’m stuck here. I think I might really go crazy if I have to stay here any longer.”

Not because of the people in here — although Nurse Sourpuss Janice was hard to deal with — it was just that I didn’t belong and I’d tried so hard for so long to convince them that I was a normal eighteen-year-old and that I didn’t have this curse of being able to see every spirit that walked my way. I just wanted my life back.

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I stood. I needed some space and I didn’t want the new guy to be looking down at me. I walked away from my hiding spot, but he followed me. Of course.

My life had been fine until the accident. Everything was normal. Then after I’d come out of an induced coma, I could see people all over the hospital that no one else could see.

Mr Newbie ran a hand through his hair and I couldn’t help thinking he looked like Johnny Depp’s doppelgänger. “I want to help you.”

I started to tell him to go away and realized that Nurse Holly was out on the back verandah talking to Jim. I walked casually back behind the bushes and the new guy followed close behind.

I looked up into those deep brown eyes with the thick, dark lashes that most women would kill for and scowled. “You’ve done enough. There’s nothing you could possibly do to help me now.”

His eyebrows shot up. “But I didn’t know what my actions would cause. I want to make things right. We can fix this.”

“Weren’t you listening?” I whisper-yelled. “This can’t be fixed. Everyone thinks I’m crazy and that I’m in the right place where I can get some help — even my own mother!” I clenched my fists. “I have to pretend to take the pills they give me so I won’t be walking around in a daze twenty-four seven. I have to talk about my feelings with the doctor and pretend I’m fine. I was supposed to be going home to my mother. You destroyed my chances and there’s nothing anyone can do to fix it. Just go away and leave me alone. You’ve completely ruined the rest of my life.”

Several leaves were blown around the small clearing by a sudden gust of wind as I said those last words and I tensed.

He opened his mouth, closed it, then turned on his heel and stalked off.

Mrs C shook her head. “That wasn’t nice, Maddelyn.”

“I don’t care. He just ensured that I’ll never go home.”

She tried to explain how desperate he must have felt when no one could see him and every word had the guilt eating at my insides, but it was drowned out by the heat surging through my veins.

The wind picked up again and panic shot through me. I clamped down on my temper. I had to get this under control. Sometimes when I was angry, strange things happened around me. Things that were hard to explain. Sudden gusts of wind. Things falling to the floor. Once, I’d even popped a light globe.

I hadn’t told anyone about this. Not even Mum.

I took some deep breaths and tried to listen to Mrs C’s calming voice. The wind died down and I relaxed a bit.

I peeked through the bushes and watched Nurse Holly and Jim. “I shouldn’t even bother hiding to talk to you guys anymore.”

Mr J stepped forward. “That’s not a good idea, Lass.”

I turned to him. “There’s no point pretending anymore. They know. I might as well enjoy your company wherever I am.”

“No,” they both said at once.

Mrs C put a hand on my arm. “Maddelyn, we’ll figure out a way for you to get out of here. There’ll be a way to fix it. But don’t you go making it impossible. You keep pretending you can’t see us, you hear me?”

I sighed. “Yes, okay.”

We were quiet for a long time and I laid back in the grass, closed my eyes and soaked up the sun while a magpie sang a happy song nearby.

A shadow fell against my eyelids and my eyes sprang open. I jerked away from Nurse Janice’s smirking face, which morphed into a condescending smile.

“What do you do all day out here in the garden?”

I sat up. “Enjoy the peace and quiet and the song of the birds.” And get away from you.

“Yeah, right. Who were you talking to?”

“No one. I wasn’t talking just now.” I narrowed my eyes. “You know I wasn’t.”

Her smile faltered a little. “I don’t believe what the doctor says. I know that you belong in here.”

Here we go again. I’d had enough of her attitude.

I got to my feet so she wouldn’t be towering over me and bit back all the things I wanted to say to her. I didn’t need more trouble right now. Then one of them slipped out. “Why do you hate me?”

Her eyes narrowed, and she didn’t deny it. Of course. “You think you’re better than me. You think you’re better than all of us. Well, you’re not. None of you are.”

None of you?

The heat returned to my veins. I had no idea what she was talking about, but her behaviour had to stop. “No. I don’t think I’m better than you, but if you don’t back off, I’m going to report you to Doctor Calthorpe. I’ve seen how you treat the other patients and it’s not right.”

That smile was back and I so wanted to smack it off her face. “I can do what I want.” She stepped into my personal space, her grey eyes boring into mine. “You’re just another loony. No one will believe you.” She grabbed my upper arms and my chest clenched. “I have all the power here. No one will take your word over mine. Do you understand?”

Leaves blew around our feet as I fought for control. “I understand perfectly. You don’t like this job and you want me to tell Doctor Calthorpe so he’ll sack you.”

My hair flew around my face as the wind picked up.

Her fingers dug into my flesh, but I didn’t back down.

“Shut up! You will not tell him anything. I can make your life hell in here, so you will listen to me and do as you’re told. Do you understand?”