not a trigger warning, but a life warning: people are not as kind as we depict them to be. stay safe, let somone know where you are, and fuck- know self-defense, because i will remind you in case you forgot:
boys ain't shit.
girls ain't shit.
***
I'm not sure how I got here to be honest- I walked through the door super confidently, all by my lonesome- there was no way in heck I was letting my fourteen-year-old sister attend a Ryder Thompson party with me.
That being said, I was completely out of my element.
The party- was a rager to say the least. The house was packed, which I expected; Ryder threw the best parties in our small little town, and typically, everyone attended them, no matter who you were.
Ryder had the uncanny ability to make everyone feel welcome, and at one of his parties, everyone was welcome, even more they felt welcomed too.
I wasn't so sure that applied to me as well. I moved in the crowds, regretting my decision more and more, passing groping couples and awkward teenagers, rank with the stench of alcohol that honestly caused bile to rise up in my throat.
I supposed, it wasn't the stench of all the alcohol, it was the amber liquid that I saw a few people had in their glasses, the drink my father tended to have every day, after every long day. I grimaced, tugging my black cardigan tighter around my body, aimlessly looking for Ryder.
He found me. I felt the gentle tap on my shoulder and turned to see him, beaming. "I knew you'd come." He stood close to me, the beer bottle in his hand glistening with condensation.
I gave him a small smile, "I had no tutoring sessions today since all my kids are here at the party, so I thought, what the heck? Why not come," I confessed.
"Aw," he pouted, "I thought you came because you wanted to party with me," His arm came to rest on the wall above me, his subtle cologne overcoming me. A silver cross necklace that hung around his neck glinted in the low lights, floating above his tanned skin revealed by his cotton button down.
"Well now you're just quoting my list," I said teasingly, leaning back against the smooth white wall and crossing my arms against my chest.
Ryder beamed down at me, "C'mon Alice," he pushed off against the wall and offered me a hand, "let me show you what makes my parties the best."
I put my hand in his hand and his large hand enveloped mine. He pulled me off the wall, leading me through the maze of people, coming to stop at the kitchen, where the majority of the alcohol was located. He grabbed a glass bottle that held a pinkish liquid.
"I suppose everyone likes my parties because I'm always loaded with booze," he thought out loud, offering me the bottle.
I shifted on my feet uncomfortably, I had never had alcohol, the effects it had on my father terrified me from ever wanting it.
Ryder noticed my discomfort and placed it on the granite countertop beside us. "That's called a wine cooler," he tapped the top of the bottle, "barely any alcohol in there, won't get you fucked up if you stick to them, but they can aid if you were planning on getting tipsy."
I remained silent.
He sighed, and went to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of coke. He looked at me with a pointed gaze and I nodded slightly. He walked over to me, grabbing a red cup and poured some of it in the cup. "Don't leave your cup unattended, if you do, get a new one. I know it's a small town Alice, but date rape drugs are a thing, and there's no way in hell I'm letting that happen to you."
Date rape drugs? We literally knew everyone here at this party- I highly doubted any of them had plans to assault someone, but then again, who knows? It is a dangerous world after all.
I accepted the cup from Ryder, nervously grinning. "Thank you Ryder," I took a drink of the dark liquid. Angelica and I hadn't bought soda in years, and it tasted weird, and the bubbles confused my throat.
He grabbed his bottle of beer, grabbing my hand again, leading me out of the kitchen, through the crowds again and outside, to the deck where Eros and I had a moment neither of us expected to have.
"Alice?" I turned my head, facing the voice while my hand was still attached to Ryder's. This was Drew, a boy I had tutored last year, and one of Ryder's good friends, "I didn't think I'd see you here," he gave me a polite smile.
He was tall, brown haired and green-eyed, quite a catch, and even I crushed on him a little sophomore year, and then I tutored him.
And I swore I'd never talk to him again- Jesus he really was annoying.
His dark skin melted into the night, and I caught my breath, because dang, I forgot how beautiful he was. The lights illuminated him, his marbleized skin, white, wide grin.
I felt Ryder's presence come up behind me. "Hey Drew!" He said cheerily, putting out his other hand to shake Drew's. Drew gave Ryder a polite smile, before turning his attention back to me, waiting for my answer.
"Free will is a thing isn't it Drew? I can go to parties if I'd like." I responded, my body slightly tilted back, surrounded by the protection of Ryder.
He chuckled, "I suppose, but I never thought I'd see you here, and looking so..." he trailed off, shamelessly eyeing me up and down. "Ravishing."
I swallowed audibly, my fingers clumsily smoothing down the skirt I was wearing that hadn't seen the light of day in at least a year. "Oh," I said softly.
"Would you like to dance?" He asked, extending his hand. "With Ryder's blessing of course," he winked at Ryder, obviously taking note to our interlocked fingers.
"We aren't dating," The words tumbled from my lips, and Ryder even gave me an encouraging shove to Drew, letting go of my hand.
I looked back at Ryder helplessly, and his eyebrow rose, "Have fun kiddo."
Drew clasped my hand in his, leading us to the group of people on the cement that were swaying and grinding and dancing to the music, sexy and sensual, everything I wasn't. I tucked my hair behind my ear, avoiding Drew's gaze as his hands came to rest on my hips, dangerously low to my bottom, my hands relaxing on his shoulders awkwardly.
"Relax," he whispered in my ear, hands running up and down my back in a soothing pattern. "I'll take care of you baby."
I felt myself shudder under his touch, I didn't like what he was telling me and I didn't like how he was touching me. I retracted from his touch, giving him an apologetic smile, "We all know I'm not like this, I'm just going to get another drink," I stepped back.
He gave me a sad smile, shaking his head, "One day Alice, you'll break out of that shell, and I'll be waiting for that dance."
I gave him one last smile before turning away, lost once again, it seemed Ryder disappeared as did the last glimpses of sunlight. Now, the backyard was illuminated with the string lights hung around the perimeter of the yard, porch lights shedding light on the darkest parts of the area.
Keeping my eyes trained on the cooler I saw a few feet away, I avoided all other people, my eyes lifting once when I saw Eros, at the edge of the party, leaning against the outermost gate of the yard that overlooked the rest of the city, and beyond, the ocean.
"Alice!" I lifted my head from the cooler, my hand freezing from the icy waters. Luna stood above me, holding a red cup. "Didn't think I'd see you here!"
I feigned a smile, opting to pick up the pink bottle Ryder offered me inside. It was worth a shot. "Everyone's surprised to see me here," I said, more to myself than her, but still she laughed at my words.
"It's a good thing Alice, I swear," she smiled warmly at me. "It's nice to see some fresh parties at these parties," she regarded the party with a frown, "everyone's practically hooked up with everyone already, minus Eros of course."
Unconsciously, my eyes wandered to the spot I saw him, but it was empty now. "Are you saying I'm the fresh prey? I've tutored almost everyone here, and I have no intentions of hooking up with most."
She laughed and took a drink from her cup. I copied her mannerism, popping the top off of my bottle and taking a swig. It tasted fruity- nothing like what I expected it to taste like. "You're not fresh prey exactly, but I wouldn't be shocked if a few more people tried to get into your pants tonight."
"Great," I frowned.
She tilted her head to the side, "Don't worry about it too much, just, let loose and have fun and don't give any fucks to anyone who doesn't deserve it." She saw my expression of shock and resolved her words, "What I mean is, this isn't a serious party. Talk to anyone and they'll welcome you in. I think you're forgetting we all grew up together," she pulled a tight grimace.
"I'm just not used to this environment that's all," I shook out my hands, yearning to be where Eros had stood, alone, with the night, peaceful.
She squinted at me, "I can see the restlessness in your eyes Alice, you don't want to talk right now, you're just too polite to say otherwise," she patted my shoulder. "If you need some company, I'll be with Claire and her new boyfriend, Issac," she pointed to the small group of people by the pool, and walked away.
I watched her figure become smaller and breathed a sigh of relief. I was feeling a little overwhelmed, I couldn't lie. My feet carried me to the edge of the yard, the edge of the perfectly tended lawn that ended under the gate, the gate that prevented someone from falling off the cliff. Ryder's house was placed precariously atop of one the many hills in our city, the city surrounded by trees, fifty miles from civilization, and only two miles from the ocean.
It was easy to see why Eros preferred this spot, the lights illuminating downtown, the vague forest to the right, the dark sea that could barely be seen.
"And here I thought no one else would want to stand at the edge of the party," Eros' tone was sarcastic but still dull. I spun around to face him.
I stared at him, half in disbelief, half in annoyance I was being bothered again. "I can see why you'd want to stay away," I answered honestly. He cocked his head, his silver-ringed fingers tapping on a beer bottle.
He stared back, his tall figure giving him a haunting demeanor.
I bit my lip. I was never a self-conscious girl. I knew I was pretty, and it took me years of self-pity and hate for me to realize that. I also knew there were many more girls prettier than me, but I was never bothered by that; I was comfortable in my own skin.
But as Eros' eyes traveled the length of my body, I was self-conscious. He made me self-conscious. His unnerving gaze studied me, pondered my appearance, gave me the time of day I never thought he'd give me.
I didn't know what I expected of Eros. For me, he was just the uber hot guy that sat beside me in Calculus. The blonde, blue-eyed boy that was always head to toe in black, ink staining his hands, rings covering his long fingers, dominant and scary. He was the boy all the girls wanted, but none got.
"Are you done checking me out?" I surprised myself with my boldness and I crossed my arms defensively over my body, covering the slight amount of cleavage that I allowed to be on show tonight.
His eyes connected with mine, and I, I lost myself in his. A deep sea blue, the color of our ocean on a stormy day, surrounded by flecks of flecks of gold; it was mesmerizing.
"I wasn't checking you out." His gaze was neither judgmental or cold, just impassive.
"Didn't seem like that," I countered, leaning against the rickety fence that if we were being honest, I probably shouldn't have been leaning on.
He remained silent, turning to face the view, breath in the salty ocean air, mixed with the odd scent of the party.
"I noticed you don't like the party, why did you come?" I asked, probing him.
Shoot me; I was the kindest girl on the block, and dang-it, I was going to show him human interaction wasn't that bad if it were the last thing I did.
He spared me a fruitless glance, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't particularly like you."
I pursed my lips. "You don't particularly like anyone so that doesn't really bother me that much."
"Yeah, well, you're more annoying than the others, so, it should hurt," he placed the bottle on the ground, and reached into his back pocket, retrieving a cigarette and a lighter, puffing smoke quickly.
"It hurts knowing that you don't value your own life Eros."
"What?" He turned his head so quickly to face me.
I gestured to the killing-stick. "That kills you, you know."
He groaned, "You know what else kills you Alice? Starvation, crazy people, disease, fuck, I think a bad enough cold can kill you."
He took another draw and I wrinkled my nose, reaching over and grabbing it, smashing it under my shoe.
He laughed sarcastically, tipping his head back, grabbing the fence with both hands. "They call you the kindest girl on the block, when really they should call you the most annoying girl on the block."
"Ouch. I'm hurt Eros, truly," I placed a hand on my heart before continuing, "they call you the unattainable God, when they should call you the biggest butthole in all of Monte Verde."
He turned to me, his all black attire making his pale skin seem even more pale in the little light provided at the edge of the party. "Butthole? Mine was funnier."
I frowned. "Is that why I'm annoying?" I asked, "Because I'm not funny?"
And then, he did something I never expected him to do- he smiled.
It was like a sudden light came on, and all the dark features of his stance became light, happy, welcoming. I found myself leaning forward, toward him, craving that light he suddenly shed.
"Well Alice, that is certainly one of the reasons. We'll see, maybe I'm wrong and you are less annoying that I think."