He unexpectedly picked me up later three days after our fight. It was four in the morning, and my phone buzzed irritably for five minutes or so before I gathered the strength to rise from the fluffy comforter and see the three missed calls and the two texts from Eros.
Eros Zane:
I'm outside. Let's go.
I was slightly peeved reading this, did he expect me to just leave the house, at four in the freaking morning, especially since we weren't even on the best of terms now?
I hadn't apologized to Eros when I saw him that next day at school, he pissed me off too much. I was pissed that he was right- my dad could've killed someone, he could've killed himself. I didn't tell Eros that when the police found my dad's car, it was parked at a Hampton Inn and supposedly, he had bought a room for himself.
He got there safely, without any disturbances, any deaths, any accidents.
We ignored each other for three days, and those three days were almost normal, if it weren't for the awkward silences that lapsed between Ryder, Eros, and I.
Deciding against my better judgement, I texted Eros back.
Alice Black:
Uh. I didn't realize we had plansâ at four in the morning.
Eros Zane:
Now Alice.
Alice Black:
It's four in the morning Eros.
Eros Zane:
I will drag your body from your bed missy, don't tempt me.
I pursed my lips at my phone. My surprise I felt then, wasn't misplaced by the confusion I also felt. Eros, wanted to hang out with me- at four in the morning, three hours before we'd have to awaken for school, which hinted at the idea of being a booty call, which was ridiculous under the circumstances, Eros and I were not like that, far from that actually.
So I let myself believe that it was that: the surprise and confusion that led me to sneaking down the stairs in the early morning curious on what Eros wanted. I refused to believe that it was the excitement that Eros actually sought me out that led to my actions.
Outside, he sat in his gray car, his body slightly illuminated from the light that was cast in the car, a vast difference to the darkened sky that didn't even have a hint of a sun yet. He saw me and unlocked the car, even though he seemed a bit more nervous than usual.
I learned up against the banister of my house, watching him carefully. Eros was a flawed character, that I had no doubt, but what could've it been that he seemed me out at 4 in the morning?
His arm reached over across the console and he pushed my door open calling, "Are you coming or what?"
I bit my lip and took a deep breath.
Four words played over and over in my head: don't fuck it up.
My body clumsily slid into the car. "What's up?" I asked, although it was obstructed by the wide yawn that escaped my lips, "sorry," I apologized sheepishly.
His hands rested on the steering wheel and he refused to look at me, "I want to take you somewhere," without further information, he shifted the gears in the car and began to back out of my driveway.
The streetlights gave an orangey glow to Eros' body, he was wearing pajama's as well, a plain gray t-shirt and black sweatpants, he sat relaxed in his seat, a telltale sign that this was not the first time Eros was up this early taking this drive.
"Where?"
He finally glanced at me, a quick three seconds of scrutiny before his eyes were fixated on the road, but those three seconds were all I needed to see that he was really excited about this.
This was baffling of course, because when was Eros ever excited.
"We are going to my sanctuary, my safe place," he supplied.
I pondered those words, not sure of their relevance to me. "Why?"
Ever so slightly, his grip tightened around the wheel, and he responded with definitive and nippy words, "Stop asking questions Alice."
My stomach dropped and I shifted uncomfortably in his car. The silence then that had lapsed between us was tense, he wanted the quietness, but I wanted answers. I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.
"Alice, this was meant to beneficial for you, don't fuck it up."
The words echoed in my mind: Don't fuck it up.
I knew it wasn't a coincidence that, that phrase had replayed in my mind prior to this, I knew Eros' expectations for me, I know he didn't want me to fuck up, but often times, I did. I hoped this would be the exception.
The remainder of the car ride was silent, I leaned my head up against the slightly frosty window, watching us travel up a winding road that I had no clue would take us, my eyes drooping with heaviness.
The car stopped suddenly, without warning, Eros shifted the car into park and enabled the parking brake, a light eyebrow raised in my direction. I had jumped at little at the cease of movement in the car; the fatigue and drowsiness I had due to not sleeping enough caused me to doze off in the last few minutes of the ride.
He didn't wait for me, he was already out and closing the door by the time I unbuckled my seat belt.
But this was Eros and I didn't expect it any other way, he was my friend and I accepted him for the person he was.
I stumbled clumsily from the car, wrapping my hoodie tight around me, a strong, cold breeze whistling past us, the sound of the crashing waves in my ears. We were at the side of the road, near the tall trees that protected the coastline North of our city.
It wasn't often visited, the North was largely unpopulated due to the fact that trees practically owned this area.
Eros knew where he was going, he weaved through the dense tangle of trunks, his fingers brushing the dark wood as he passed silently. I followed suit, and we soon came to a clearing of the trees, and Eros said, "This is my safe place Alice," he crouched on the damp earth, running his long fingers in the wet grass and sat near the edge, back to me as he breathed deeply.
The sky was now streaked with slight orange and purple, the thick clouds painted with more saturated, deep reds and blues. "Come sit," he gestured for me to join him, patting the space behind him.
Despite the brittle air, I felt almost serene, at peace and at calm, watching partly terrified as the deep dark blue water crashed against the cliff we were now sitting on, frothing white foam that favored the sides of the cliff. "Why is this your safe place?" I asked.
He tapped a rhythmic pattern on the grass under us, his eyes trained firmly on the colorful sky above us, "When we moved here, I was beyond pissed. I never wanted to move here- to the hometown of my mother, where the people didn't even remember her, her husband, or their child. I hated everyone here. And sometimes, when things got too much for me to handle, I'd trek out to this spot, this spot where my grandmother once brought my mother to have picnics. This spot where I feel safe." He admitted and lifted his tear-filled eyes to me.
"This can be your safe spot too Alice, when your father becomes too much."
I watched him, half-curious, half-worried, my hair whirling all around me, sweeping fresh and crisp morning air into my nostrils, the earth firm under my hands, the sounds of the waves pushing and pulling back.
When your dad becomes too much.
My cheeks were flushed from the cold, but I supposed they deepened more by this. I hadn't thought about having a safe place often, I was too busy to even give thoughts into my feelings, but this, this made it definitive. It supplied a place to accept what I was feeling and make sense of my life and to feel safe.
This was kind. This was something I didn't expect from Eros, but I'm so thankful he did. "Thank you Eros," I whispered to him, barely audible above the hiss of the wind, my hand finding his through the mud and I held it tightly, a vain attempt to show him how much this meant to me.
This place was calm and serene but wild and crazy. It held the equality and the unity of two, it was a place for thinking, it was Eros' place, and now, now it could be mine too. We understood each other, better than we'd like to admit perhaps, and this place was much more than what I thought it would be.
He said this was his safe place, this sanctuary from the world. It struck me then, he cared. Not just beside the caring whether or not I died, but, he took the time to realize the struggles in my life and the necessity I had to have a sanctuary, and despite our fight that caused unnecessary tension between us, we were in fact, friends, whether he liked it or not.
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i love love love my baby eros, idc what anyone else says about him- he seems like an innocent puppers, but he's not sometimes, but idk that's how all the males i end up writing turn out.
LET A GIRL KNOW IF YOU'RE READY TO GET TO KNOW EROS BEFORE MONTE VERDE BC HEHE he's a wild little 15 year old.
all my love you hoes.
also i visited stanford this weekend and i wanted to cry it was so fucking pretty.