The rain puttered and pattered on the ground, collecting into deep puddles on the cement, the wind whipping it into my face, making the porch useless- it was supposed to protect me from the rain.
He came to stand beside me, staring at the now empty parking space where my father's car should've been.
"I hope he get's pulled over for drunk driving," I fumed.
"You better hope he checks into a hotel tonight," He replied cooly.
I turned to him, eyes narrowed, "What's your problem?"
Eros was leaning against the doorframe of my house, arms crossed, his features scrunched up at me, "He's drunk, he needs to get somewhere quickly before he kills someone."
"Are you telling me I should call the police?" I asked, though I was nervous to do this. Calling the police would entail that I would have to tell them why he was drinking and why he was like this.
"That's precisely what I'm telling you," he stood straight, walking to the porch, pulling his phone from his pocket and placing it on the beam of the porch.
I stared at it. Never in my wildest dreams would I have even thought of calling the police on my father.
"No," I began, "I can't."
He raised an eyebrow at me, so I continued, "He's drinking because of our mom because she's not here- it's hard for him."
"So?" He probed.
I sighed in irritation, "You just don't understand," this was partly true, if we were being honest I didn't much understand either, but calling the police on my father seemed wrong.
He laughed sarcastically, "Please Alice, enlighten me on why this is such a difficult decision!"
There was a pause between his words and mine, as I carefully chose my next words, the lame attempt to convey why and how I was feeling this way, "Eros, Eros, you had your mom. You had your dad. You got to spend those important days with them. Angelica and I," I turned my head to give the house an exasperated look, as if she'd be standing there, edging me on.
She wasn't of course.
"We didn't have that. We don't even know what having a mom feels like and the only type of fatherly bond we know is the one we were given. We aren't thriving, but we aren't dying as well. I need you to understand that despite what my father is like, we need him just as much as he needs us."
We were a troubled and almost malignant family, but we were much better off than many.
Eros didn't like my words that I had so carefully thought out, and countered them swiftly, "Alice, that's fucking bullshit," he ran a hand through his hair, that now stood on end, pointing in different directions, "you have your dad Alice and you deeply discredit him and what he's worth. You need him a lot more than you're saying."
"I never said I was ungrateful for my father."
He sneered at me and pushed off of the wood, taking one quick stride so he towered over me. "It sure as hell sounded like it Alice, you know he's trying."
I remained silent at this. It was true that yes, he was a terrible father in the perspective of what I expected, what I wanted, but all things considered, no one really had an exceptional father.
Ryder rarely saw his parents.
Eros didn't have a dad.
My father, he tried, which I knew was so difficult for him.
But it was never enough.
"I'm going to need you to leave," His fists clenched and unclenched, and when I looked up at him, he was fuming.
"My fucking pleasure," he spat, "let your dad kill someone, see if I care," he snatched up his phone from the porch and stomped out into the rain, his once drying clothes quickly soaking again.
I watched him, just as fuming as he was, feeling slight pride in the way he slammed his car door and sped off with speed.
Taking a deep breath after Eros left, I climbed the stairs of the house slowly, attempting to clear my brain of the conversation before so I could give all my attention to Angelica.
My poor, little sister, that blamed herself for the death of our mother.
It wasn't fair.
She was in my room, completely swallowed in the blankets, a small lump I quickly identified as her body. Ryder sat at the foot of my bed, stroking her back as she shook with her heavy sobs.
"Hi Angel," I whispered softly, using a nickname that I hadn't used in years, pulling back the blanket to see my small, vulnerable sister.
I wiped her tears from her face, gently and carefully, as to not upset her. When she didn't protest to this, I climbed on the bed with her, lifting her hand and then placing it on my outstretched legs, combing her hair with my fingers. "Dad left," I said, as if that would make her feel any better.
She ignored this instead saying, "He's right you know- I did kill her."
I frowned down at me sister, she truly believed she killed our mother, and that tore me apart. I pressed a finger against her lips and shook my head, my fingers slightly more rougher than before, "You did not Angelica, she died of natural causes."
She sneered at me, "Natural causes my ass, she just couldn't stop bleeding because I was too fucking big," she cursed, a sob coming up in her, and she lifted her hands to rub furiously against her eyes.
"That's not the reason and you know it," I chided her with a bit more attitude than I probably should've given her.
"You just don't understand Alice," She cried, a sudden energy passing through her, "You had a year with her, a full year and then some."
I sighed in irritation, "Yeah Angelica, I have a year I don't even remember!"
"That year still exists though, it's there, she loved you for an entire year, I was loved for 3 fucking hours," The wetness on her face was now overwhelming, and it just kept on growing.
My hands slowed on her hair. I was sad for her. I wanted to tell her things would get better soon, but truthfully they probably wouldn't. "You were just as loved as I was."
"No," Her protest was short, and sounded defeated. "You don't understand," she repeated.
You don't understand.
I had the sudden realization that this was almost exactly the same conversation with Eros, except, I had been on the other side, and now, I understood perfectly.
I did understand.
I opened my mouth to say this exact thing, but Ryder's hand wrapped around my ankle and he shook his head at me, so I instead opted for softer words, words that clung to the idea that tomorrow would be better.
"We have the house to ourselves tonight, how about you open my present, we order some Chinese food, and we watch Sixteen Candles- gives you something to look forward to next year," I poked her hopefully.
She didn't respond for a while, simply attempting to control her sobs.
"I just want to go to sleep," She finally said tiredly.
My fingers soothingly stroked her hair, "Okay Angel, do you want to sleep in here?"
She nodded, her fingers reaching out to the brown blanket and tightly wrapping herself in in, "Stay with me," She murmured softly, turning her head so the tears leaked onto my jeans.
Ryder stood up, taking this as a moment to leave, kissing my forehead lightly, and giving Angelica's shoulder a small squeeze, "I will see you tomorrow."
I slid out from under Angelica's head, "I have to make a call," I said quietly to her, and followed Ryder out the door.
"Thank you for staying," I mentioned to him, though truthfully I wouldn't have ever wanted to let anyone see my family like this, not on this day, not on our worst day.
He shrugged, opening the front door to reveal a wet world, "This is how friendship is defined Alice; Friendship is staying and loving even when things are difficult. You'd do the same for me," He gave me one last smile before leaving, the door easing shut faintly.
Friendship. Ryder was my first friend, my truest friend, this was what it was like? Could it be possible I was discovering what was entailed in being a friend? Caring for another? My thoughts flitted to Eros again and I couldn't help but wonder if our argument was an act of friendship.
The phone was clutched in my hands, the keypad open. I rested my head against the door, my fingers hesitantly typing out the three numbers. I had to do this, it was the right thing, but losing my father, despite all his flaws, which were many, seemed scary.
The green call button glowed somewhat brighter then, and my eyes were trained on it, my finger not on it just yet.
I had to do this. My father was insane. There was a good chance he'd kill someone.
Eros was right.
I pressed call.
*
ladies and gents, we are so damn close to my favorite chapter- after we get over this whole depressing birthday thing heheeh!
i love my bb eros so fucken much, he's the most precious thing in the god damn world and he needs to be protected at all costs :')
i hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving if you celebrate, and i am thankful for all of you! all my silent readers, the ones who vote and comment, every single one of u <3 you guys make my heart hurt
all my love