I showered very quickly, but unfortunately Julia is already out of the bedroom when I come back. When I have just dressed I hear the shower in Julia's bathroom turn on. I grab a notepad and pen from the nightstand and sit on the bed. That's where I start writing.
Dear Julia,
Thank you for coming into my life. I was lost. I couldn't see the nice things anymore and didn't know how to enjoy life anymore. All I did was focus on my work. At least I could switch off my own feeling in that. It's been over a year now since we first met. From that very first day you already know how to put a smile on my face. You make me live again. You show me that there are so many beautiful things. I can enjoy the smallest things again.
I really don't understand how we've been so blind. I am so happy that I can now completely be myself to you without having to put my feelings aside, because that has been difficult at times. Not to tell you that you are my dream woman. That I'm totally in love with you, from the very first moment. I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe just the touch of a hand. Thinking out loud, remember that was the song we first danced to? The first time I held your hand, when we introduced ourselves, I didn't want to let go of your hand. Now I know things I should have told you much sooner that I am madly in love with you. But I still can't believe I'm lucky that a woman like you, so beautiful inside and out, sees it in me. The only thing I have to watch out for now is that I don't go too fast. We've been close for so long and my feeling for you has been there all along. That feeling is already so strong that I want to say certain words, but I'm afraid that if I say them I will push you away from me again. That's the last thing I want. That's why I want to ask you to please tell me when I'm going too fast, something doesn't feel right or you don't want something. I will never blame you for that. All that matters to me is that you and Sem are happy. I will try to do that with everything I have in me.
Lots of love,
Your Sunshine
I can still hear the shower. I quickly run downstairs. "I'll be right back. I have to do something," I say to Silvia. She's sitting at the kitchen table. Looks like a whole breakfast is already waiting for us. I quickly grab a scissor from the drawer. Then I go into the garden to find the most beautiful rose. Then I quickly go upstairs again. This time I'm not going through the kitchen, because I don't have time for Silvia's comments right now. Once upstairs I no longer hear the shower. I quickly grab the letter and put it together with the rose in front of Julia's bedroom door. "Julia are you coming downstairs? Breakfast is ready," I shout after knocking on her door. "Yes, I'm almost done. Be there in five minutes," she yells back.
In the kitchen I sit across from Silvia at the table. "What? " I ask if she keeps looking at me with a smile. "You and Julia really found each other again, didn't you? ". I nod. "Since when was the extra step taken? ". I look at her questioningly. "What do you mean? ". I try to say it as innocently as possible. Silvia starts laughing loudly. "You may be blind, but I am not. I'm not deaf at all. You may think I was already asleep, but I have heard those smacking lips." I just look at her with a smile and a red head. "Have you finally had the guts? ". I shake my head. "Julia took the first step yesterday". Silvia looks at me a bit surprised. "Nice, I honestly didn't expect that. If I had known that I might have given her hints sooner, maybe she would have got it." I smile. "I've been stupid, haven't I? ". She shakes her head. "Not stupid, but blind. How did she handle it? ". I grab my phone and hand it to Silvia. "Read yesterday's conversation". Silvia starts laughing out loud again after looking at my phone for a while. "I can't believe you didn't realize it then. Was that when you walked out of the living room? ". I nod. "Yep. Julia was able to explain it to me in the hallway, " I say with a big smile on my face. "That completely explains why you were so happy afterwards. Why didn't you say anything? ". I shrug. "I had to realize it myself without comment". Silvia nods in understanding. "I can get there. Does Sem already know? ". I nod. "After I asked you to go downstairs yesterday, Julia and I talked. She was afraid that Sem might not support it. During that conversation, Sem called. Julia tried to hide her tears from him, but Sem realized right away that she had been crying. After finding out Julia and I had been talking he asked if we had finally told each other we like each other and if we are dating now." Silvia has a big smile on her face. "I knew he was okay with it. Sem and I have often laugh about the two of you. I think we're both going to miss that twisting around of you guys. But did anything else exciting happen upstairs? ". I shake my head with a smile. "Are you sure? Since you glo so. I don't want to know what it's like if it does happen." I feel my head turning red. "Yeah Sil, I'm very sure. I did ask her to take a shower this morning, but Julia wants it to happen spontaneously. And I actually agree with that". Silvia then looks at me seriously. "This tells me more than enough about how you feel about Julia. I already saw it, but this confirms it. Be honest, if someone else from the past had said that, would you have agreed? I don't mean to say that you would impose yourself, but you wouldn't have liked it". I shake my head. "Julia is not someone to have fun with. Sil I love her". Silvia nods. "I know. I can tell you it's mutual. How long has it been since you last had fun? I heard that before, but I haven't heard from you in so long." I sigh. "I can't even remember the last time. After Vincent passed away, there has been no form of intimacy anymore." As I say that, Julia just walks into the kitchen.
Julia walks straight to me. She takes my hand. "Good morning Silvia. Sorry, but I just need this one here for a few seconds." Without waiting for an answer, Julia leads me out of the kitchen by her hand. As soon as we're out of the kitchen she turns around. She grabs my face with both hands. She looks deep into my eyes for a while. "Thank you for your letter. You don't go too fast, because I feel the same. Kimberly I love you". I get a big smile on my face. "I love you too ". Then our lips meet.
"Now let's go have breakfast. I've kept you waiting long enough," says Julia with a big smile on her face after we stop the kiss after a long time. "Good idea. By the way, Sil knows." Julia looks at me with a smile. "That doesn't surprise me. What were you talking about anyway? I only got what you said". Meanwhile, we walk back into the kitchen and sit next to each other at the kitchen table. "I asked when she last had fun." I shake my head at Silvia with a smile. "And thank you. I thought this conversation was confidential, but apparently not. Then you can now also tell when your last time was. You always want to know from me, but you never say anything yourself". Silvia starts laughing. "Don't blame me. You always start it yourself. I asked now because I hadn't heard from you about it in so long. But before I answer I want to know if there was never even a kiss at a party or something? Or am I not allowed to ask that anymore? ". I sigh. "It's okay to ask. I've already given you the answer. I said no intimacy of any kind. Except for a kiss in Italy ". I wink at Julia. Which earns me a kiss from her. Then I look seriously at Silvia. "I never told you, but after Vincent's death I couldn't think about it anymore. I really didn't feel anything anymore, until a certain person came into my life". I can see from Silvia's face that she is shocked by what I say. I never told her, because it would let her know that I was even worse than she always thought. I feel Julia's hand against my cheek. She turns my face to her. "I love you," she says softly before kissing me. "But now you have your answer, so bring on yours." I look at Silvia. She continues to look at me for a moment. I shake my head when I notice she wants to say something other than an answer. Because I feel my tears burning and I don't feel like breaking down now. "Okay, if that's what you want to know. You know I had that party three weeks ago, right? ". I nod. "I didn't go home alone. I will answer your follow-up question right away. He was hot, but definitely not relationship material. It was a one-time thing". I start laughing loudly. "Was he that bad? ". Silvia shakes her head. "Absolutely not. But it takes more than that and I really don't see that in him". I nod understandingly. "And now there's another one we don't know about," says Silvia addressing Julia. "What do you want to know? When was the last time I had fun or when was the last time I had sex". I look at Julia questioningly. "Is there a difference? ". As soon as I say that I see that Silvia looks at me seriously and shakes her head. When I look at Julia again I see that the expression on her face has changed. Silvia reaches across the table and grabs Julia's hands, when she remains silent. "Was it Twan or someone else"? she asks calmly. I know there's something on, but I can't quite understand it yet. Julia looks at Silvia. "The last time I had fun was at least eight years ago. Is that enough answer? " . Silvia nods. Julia gets up. "I'm going outside for a while". She gives me a quick kiss and then walks out. "What am I missing here? ". Silvia looks at me seriously. "Please promise me you'll be careful with her and remember, no is no." I nod. I'm finally starting to understand what's going on. I only realize that my tears are flowing when Silvia comes to give me a hug. "How can she smile like that every day. She has been living in hell since she was fourteen". Silvia grabs my face with both hands. "Julia is a strong woman. She proves that time and time again. She's got something to fight for, Sem, which is her everything. I'm also sure that the smile she has on her face you are a big cause of that. It is now your job to give her the love she deserves. I know you can". I look at her with a small smile. "I'm going to do everything I can to make sure of that."
Silviaand I talked some more. I'm on my way to Julia now. It takes me a while to findher. After a while I see her lying on the bench at the beach. "Can I join you?". She nods. "Yes please ". I lift her head slightly. I sit down andput her head on my lap. "Sorry, did I scare you? ". She looks at me with asmall smile. "A little. I didn't hear you coming". In the meantime I pullsome hairs out of her face. We stare at each other for a while until Julia sitsup straight. She crosses her legs over mine, rests her head in the crook of myneck and wraps her arms around my waist. I put an arm around her and gentlycaress her leg. "Are you alright? ". Julia nods. "I'm just disappointedthat he still has his influence. I thought I was rid of him, but he stillchanges my mood." I kiss her on the head. "Do you want to talk about it? ".Julia looks at me for a moment and then puts her head back. "In recent years,sex has not been fun. It happened when he felt like it. In the beginning Iresisted, but then he would hit me. So I just lay down, closed my eyes and letit happen, then I got off easier." I hug her tight when she says that. "How didyou manage to keep it up with him for so long? He really put you through hell".She shrugs. "I often ask myself that too". It then falls silent for a while."May I ask you if that was also a reason not to take a shower with me? " I aska bit unsure. Julia lets go of me. She shifts her seat on the bench so she canlook at me. I also turn to her. "Sure you can ask. I think it's nice that we can discuss itand no that was not a reason". She starts to laugh a bit. "What? ". Julia buriedher face in her hands. "I feel like a teenager again." I smile too. "Whythat? ". She removes her hands from her face. I see her blush. "You don't wantto know how much I would have liked to go with you, but I get so nervous just thinkingabout it. It is unknown territory for me. It feels like I'm still a virgin. I'mso afraid of doing it wrong. I do not want to disappoint you ". I grab herface and give her a long kiss. "I'd like to teach you." Julia laughs."Oh yeah, I already assumed that". I look into her eyes. "But seriously now.You don't have to worry about what I think. I know it's all new to you. Myexperience is that you have to go by your gut. After all, you know what a womanlikes. Where necessary I will point you in the right direction, but my feelingis that it will not be necessary. And don't feel obligated to anything at all.We'll do it at your pace and if that pace is that I have to wait another yearthen I'll wait another year". Julia kisses me. "Do not be afraid. I reallywon't keep you waiting for a year, I can't handle that myself," she says whenshe stops the kiss for a moment, and then finds my lips again.