Chapter 7: chapter 7

SHIVAI scroll through the Instagram feed. All I see are posts and photos of her and her new boyfriend. I have a sudden urge to throw my phone and break it into pieces so that I will never know what is ever happening in my ex’s life. I change my mind realizing that throwing an iPhone over my ex is not worth it. Yet, I couldn’t understand the inner war of thoughts that frustrate me. I feel empty and hollow inside though I have accomplished many things most people in their twenties would only wish.  On a whim, I delete my Instagram account vowing to never care about what happens in her life.  Then I open my mom’s WhatsApp chat where she had sent me the details of the girl whom I am going to marry. What is her name again? Something starting with a G.“Gowri,” I hear the receptionist call to someone. I look up from my mobile to find a slender woman who is five feet six or seven inches with black hair reaching her waist styled in a neat braid standing before the reception table.  The receptionist tells her something and motions toward me.The woman turns and our eyes meet. I expect my heart to flip, breathe hitch or anything of that sort but no nothing happens. The woman narrows her eyes like she is trying to place me in her life. I see the exact moment she recognizes me as her eyes go wide and she takes a deep breath.Aravind was wrong. I don’t see the colours rise in her cheek. Nor does she break my eye contact.She walks in confident strides towards me.“You are Shiva, right?” she asks still looking me in the eye.Well, again my bestie is wrong. She has no qualms about addressing me using my name.I nod my head and give her a small smile. She returns my smile. “If you can spare a few minutes from work, I have to talk to you,” I tell. Yes, I am at her office. I should have probably gone to her home in the evening or should have given her a call letting her know that I am going to meet her but I did neither of those and just showed up at her work. Crazy right? I know but after seeing my ex's development in her life, I am doing things on a whim.“Ok, just give me a couple of minutes,” she replies and walks to the reception desk. I scrutinize her and compare her with my ex. I know I shouldn’t compare but I couldn’t stop. I could feel the disappointment rise as I see this woman is every bit different from my ex. This woman doesn’t have fair skin. She doesn’t wear makeup. Her hair is not straight and let loose. She is not short and she doesn’t have a melodic voice. 🍀🍀🍀🍀A few minutes later, we are in the café that is nearby to her office. Gowri. Yes, that is her name. Gowri seems a little nervous but not all giggles and clumsy and cute like Aravind told. She doesn’t even try to impress me or initiate a small conversation. Neither do I. Not until the coffee arrives.“Have you ever been in a relationship?” I ask when the waiter serves us coffee.Yes, I am not heeding my bestie's advice. I am going to pry about her past relationships.“No,” she replies taking her cup. “Why?” I ask. She looks surprised like that is the first time someone asks her that. “I don’t want to be committed in a relationship and fight with the other person,” she replies. A counsellor. That is what was written on her biodata. I stay silent waiting for her to ask me the same question I asked her but no, she is busy savouring her coffee. “I get will straight to the point,” I say raking a hand through my hair. She gives me a curious glance as I continue, “I was and maybe am still in love with a girl from my college. We were in a relationship but we broke up due to some misunderstandings. After her, I don’t think I will ever fall in love again. I agreed to this marriage to make my mother happy. You will never find happiness with me. I would make a lousy husband because I don’t care about you. So, let's call off this marriage.”On my way here, I gave a lot of thought about this marriage and finally decided that  I will not be able to fulfil my duties as a husband to this woman. Even if I do it would only be half-hearted. That will only create more problems.I am prepared for her reaction. I expect her to shout at me or cry or even throw the coffee on my face but she does none of those. The only indication she gives that shows she is shocked is the widening of her eyes. She appraises me silently as I wait for her to say something.“What exactly do you want me to do?” she asks after what felt like a century.“Stop this marriage. Tell your parents that this will not work out between us. Or something.”I reckoned she would throw a tantrum and create a big fuss or assure me that we will lead a happy life but no she is cool as a cucumber. My initial assumptions are correct. She agreed to this marriage because of my money and doesn't give a thing about me.I know this is utter stupidity to ask her to call off the wedding but I am desperate. So desperate and messed up. I don't think I will fall in love with this woman. I don't even feel the butterflies towards this woman like I felt with my ex.“You could do that yourself. You could tell your mother that and call off this wedding instead of asking me to do it,” she tells. “That is where the problem lies. I promised my mother that I will marry you and promises in my family are sacred and we can’t break them. It may sound old school to you but that is how I am. I don’t break a promise. Besides my mother doesn’t know about my love and I never want her to know it. Can you please call off this wedding without telling everyone the truth?”I am not sure why I believe this woman will keep my secret. There is a ninty percent chance that she might tell her parents the truth and her parents would contact my mother and that would lead to further problems. Yet, I am looking at the woman hopeful that she might call off the marriage without any drama. I wait for her answer as she silently considers me. Five minutes pass but she is still quiet. When I am sure that she is going to refuse my request she opens her mouth.“Ok!”“Huh? Ok?” I ask blinking at her.She nods her head and continues, “I will try calling it off.”“You will not tell anyone about my love failure or what I told now.”She nods.“Thank you,” I tell feeling relieved that she didn’t create any scene about this.🍀🍀🍀🍀