Chapter 24: chapter 24

CHAPTER-9SHIVA“So, how is married life?” inquires Aravind.“Good,” I lie concentrating on the game I am playing on his mobile. My friend doesn’t know about my divorce plans and he is still thinking that Gowri and I have a normal husband and wife relationship.“So, did it happen?” he ask dropping his voice to a whisper.“Did what happen?” I ask not getting him and busy shooting my enemies in the game.“That,” he tells rolling his eyes at me.“What?” I ask looking up from the phone.He sighs and does a funny action of cuddling and kissing. I understand what he is trying to say.“You mean to kiss or se-” He silences me with his finger and tells a dramatic ‘shh’ like telling that word would somehow pollute the area.“I mean physical relationship in bed,” he tells.I chuckle and say, “That is what we call s-” I start again but he again shuts me with a big and frustrated ‘shh’ and I resume playing the game.I don’t know why he is so tabooed against that word. But I am in the mode of playing the game, so I let it slide.“So?” he asks again.I rake a hand through my hair and sigh. I don’t think I can escape this conversation.“Why are you suddenly interested in my se- alright, marriage life?”“I am just curious to know if you have fallen for your wife?”In other words, he meant if I had gotten over my ex. “With my tight business schedule the last thing in my mind is lovemaking with my wife,” I tell the partial truth. No, I don’t have a tight business schedule but believe me the thought of having a physical relationship with Gowri had never crossed my mind though we both live in the same house and are married. “You are boring,” he tells but I get distracted by a notification on his phone.I try to ignore the notification by sliding it to the side but like many times the phone misunderstands my touch and it takes me to a Whatsapp group chat.“Why didn't I know about the college group chat?” I ask Aravind looking at the name of the group. I scroll through the chat reading messages. A smile appears on my face and I feel nostalgic.“You were added to that group but you left of your own will. Remember?” I have a vague memory of it. At that time all my friends and acquaintances were curious to know what went down between me and my ex. We were like a model couple. Our breakup was a piece of big news to them. Many kept calling me to ask what happened and texting me random advice. I was fed up with those. So, I stopped having contact with anyone from college except for Aravind and Dharshana.“Shiva,” Aravind hesitates and I know what he is going to ask me.What happened between me and my ex?I never told anyone about it. Not even my best friend though he had asked me many times about it. “You know it is been years but you are still tight-lipped about your breakup? I thought you both were good for each other and didn't have any problems. Hell, you didn't even have arguments like me and Dharshana. Then why did you both break up?”I sigh and look at him. It is tempting. I want to tell him the whole story. But at the same time, my pride wouldn't allow it. I don't want to be an incapable person before him or before anyone. I don't want to have his judging looks.“Maybe someday,” I promise not meaning it.He huffs in frustration. Aravind is my first real best friend and I don't want him to judge me. If I had been the Shiva before my breakup then I wouldn't have had any problem about confiding to Aravind but after my breakup, everything changed. I am still not sure whom to trust and to what extent.“Shiva, you are tell-” he is saying but my mind comes to a halt at one messageHOLY HELL!WHY DID I SCROLL THE CHAT? I SHOULDN'T HAVE SEEN IT.The photo message is from an abroad number. My ex's number. She is standing in the photo with her right hand raised to her face level and there on her finger is a freaking ring. The caption reads, ‘Engaged to the love of my life.’I should exit the app but my curiosity gets the better of me and I scroll further. There are congratulations wishes for her. Happy Engagement!Glad to see that you have moved on.May you be together forever!You both look like a match made in heaven.Aravind had wished her too.Happy for you Riya!I know that shouldn't bother me but it does. My friend has every right to wish her but my mind is spinning and I feel stupid, betrayed and angry. I quickly exit the app and run to my car. I hear Aravind calling my name.“I will meet you soon. Got an important work,” I yell as I start and back away my car from his house. Driving usually gets my mind off things and I usually enjoy it but today nothing can help me get my mind off the photo. I drive fast. But that picture and the wishes keep flashing in my mind making it difficult for me to focus on the road. Breathe Shiva. This is nothing. It is okay. She is your ex.I feel like a piece of waste. Tears threaten to come and I refuse to let it out on someone who left.  We were in a three years relationship but not even once did she acknowledge me as her love of life. But now it has been only two or three months with this boyfriend of hers and she is already engaged to him. Why? Why am I like this? Why should fate punish me like this? I genuinely loved her and wanted to be with her but why did fate take her away? It gave her someone else instead of me but what about me? How could she move on and get engaged easily when I am still stuck in the past wishing after wish that she hadn’t broken up with me? 🍀🍀🍀🍀