I stared, dumbfounded, at Alex, contemplating my next move. Did I deny it and risk him telling Jason? Or did I play it cool and act like it was no big deal?
"I beg your pardon?" I asked, choosing the safe option instead; confusion.
"Sorry," he stated. "I can be rather abrupt sometimes."
You don't say!
"You're not particularly good at hiding your feelings. You look longingly towards him and seemed awfully pleased when he remembered your pizza order."
"And that's what you're basing this off?" I questioned, almost amused. "The fact that I offer my roommate eye contact and smile when he remembers what my favourite pizza is. We're friends. Simple."
"Yet you want more?" he pushed, certainly not letting the matter drop.
Ugh!!
"Look, Alex..."
"You can't even bring yourself to lie, can you?"
A deep blush creeped up my face, mocking in its arrival. If it wasn't obvious before, it most certainly was now. I never was any good at lying. My damn morals would never allow for such a thing.
"I can't- you can't-"
"Pizza is ordered!" announced Jason, re-entering the kitchen. "Anna is on her way over too. I figured you guys could meet."
Alex had to physically pry his eyes away from me, struggling to let go of our intensity.
"Awesome," he replied, still holding on to our previous conversation. "Can't wait."
****
I avoided all eye contact for the time it took our pizza and Anna to arrive. I couldn't look in Jason's direction without blushing and as for Alex...well.
"Everything okay, Ebony? You're very quiet tonight." asked Anna, stealing another slice of Jason's meat feast.
He kissed her on the forehead and pulled her closer to him. The action was subtle, yet it stabbed me hard in the gut. I wanted that.
"I guess I'm just tired," I lied, pulling my brunette locks into a messy bun.
Is it just me or is it hot in here?
It didn't help that I could feel a certain pair of eyes fixated on mine. The intensity in which Alex was staring at me proved almost too much. Why was he torturing me? Couldn't he see I was a nervous wreck?
"Monday's are your busy days, aren't they?" she asked, sympathetic as ever.
I simply nodded.
"What are you studying?" enquired Alex, seemingly interested.
"Elementary education," I prided, noticing straight away his delight.
"You liking it?"
"Loving it," I replied, truly meaning it.
He smiled in response.
"I personally don't see why anyone would wanna teach kiddies!" stated Jason, physically cringing at the thought. "Snot, tears and attitude! That's what you'll be faced with on a daily basis."
"Those snot-dripping, tear-streaming, attitude-giving 'kiddies' are our future," I protested, feeling very strongly about this. "If humanity is going to survive, we need to educate future generations."
"But snot, Ebony. SNOT!" he insisted, making me smile.
Alex interrupted. "I'll argue that by the time children reach elementary level, they've learned to combat their bodily fluids."
"True!" I delighted, glad to have someone on side.
Even though Alex had uncovered my deepest secret, I still liked that he understood my passion for teaching.
"I still couldn't do it," replied Jason, suddenly standing from the sofa. "Ready for bed, babe?"
Anna nodded and stood, joining him by flinging an arm around his neck. "You bet."
"Spare bedding is in the cupboard, bro," he informed. "Night, Ebony."
"Night!"
The two disappeared, once again leaving Alex and I alone.
"So, Jason tells me you're a lawyer?" I asked, desperate to keep conversation firmly off me and my apparent feelings for his brother.
Alex nodded. "Yeah, family law."
"Liking it?"
He smirked. "Loving it."
I couldn't help but smile, secretly enjoying the admiration he held for his job. It was nice to meet someone who not only liked their work but cared about it deeply.
"I won't tell him, Ebony," he randomly shared, offering me stern eye contact. "You know that, right?"
I shook my head. "I would never act upon my feelings. He's happy with Anna."
"They do appear to be infatuated," he agreed, looking towards were the two had been sat only moments ago.
I followed his gaze, feeling a slimmer of sadness. I would never be on the receiving end of Jason's infatuation and that hurt. It hurt bad.
"I appreciate you not saying anything. It would make living with him awkward," I admitted, clearing away the empty pizza boxes.
He followed me into the kitchen.
"How so?"
I paused, confused. "Well, when he rejects me..."
"Why do you assume he would reject you?"
I didn't know how to answer that.
"Don't sell yourself short, Ebony. I've known you less than twenty-four hours and already know you're intelligent, funny and gorgeous."
Wow!
"Oh?"
He laughed at my evident shock. "You weren't expecting me to say that, were you?"
"Not at all ," I confessed, feeling a little embarrassed.
He offered me a reassuring smile in response. "I get the feeling you don't hear compliments nearly as often as you should?"
I shook my head, trying to remember the last time someone paid me one.
"Well, that's just inexcusable," he said.
I laughed. "Thanks."
We both stared at each other a moment, taking to the idea of becoming lost. I found myself wanting to break passed the barriers in his mind and find out what he was truly thinking. Did he think I was pathetic for pining after a guy who clearly wasn't interested in me? Did he pity me?
"Ebony?"
"Yeah?"
He inched forward, offering me a delightful helping of his cologne. It was a pleasant smell; not too overpowering. I detected expensive body spray mixed in with hints of his natural scentâheavenly.
"Every lady deserves to be told she's beautiful," he whispered, sternly enforcing his opinion.
"I agree. As should every man."
He cracked a smile. "You're beautiful."
On it's own accord, my heart soared.
"So are you, Alex," I replied, slowly heading towards my bedroom, for I could no longer look at him and not blush bright red. "Goodnight."
I closed the door in his face but not before catching him mid-smirk. The dimples I had seen earlier on came hurtling back, crying for attention. How I was going to survive these next few weeks was beyond me. Alex was older than Jason. Cheekier than Jason. More in tune than Jason.
Stop it, Ebony!
Comparing them was unfair and certainly not beneficial to my situation.
Lord, give me strength!
I had a feeling I'd need it.
****
Oh, Ebony...
Stay strong, girl!
(Or not)
;)