Surrounded by tissues, chocolate and an endless supply of ice cream, Jez and Cordelia tried their hardest to cheer me up. To initiate energy into my lifeless soul.
"He'll be back once he's calmed down. It was probably just a shock seeing you kiss Jason."
"I didn't kiss him," I insisted, tired of having to repeat myself. "He kissed me."
"Right," replied Jez. "But you have to admit it doesn't look good, given you once had feelings for him."
I huffed, burying my head into my pillow. "Fuck off, Jez!"
"I'm not deliberately being a dick," he defended.
"Just unintentionally then?" I snapped. "I had feelings for Jason but don't sit there and accuse me of cheating on Alex. I know you all think I did it in a moment of weakness but I didn't. I wouldn't! Aside from no longer having those feelings for Jason, I love Alex. I'm in love with Alex. Not Jason!"
I suddenly broke down, crying into my hands. Jez quickly ran to my aid and scooped me up, holding me as I wept.
"Shit, Ebony, I wasn't saying you cheated. I'm just saying you have to give him time," he soothed, rocking me back and forth against his chest. "I know you love him. He loves you too so stop panicking. You haven't ruined anything."
I wiped away my tears and looked up at him, desperate for validation.
"Then why do I feel like I've lost him for good?"
****
After two long days of no contact, Alex finally reached out. He wanted me to meet him at Coffee-To-Go and like the desperate person I was, I agreed. I nervously sipped on my tea in a bid to distract my mind and almost chocked when I saw him enter. He spotted me straight away and came over, not bothering to ordering.
"Hi," I offered, unsure as to whether I should stand.
In the end, I remained seated.
"Hey. How've you been?" he asked, pulling out the chair opposite.
I watched his every move.
"Not good," I answered, truthfully. "You?"
"Pretty shit," he replied.
A surge of nausea tore through my stomach.
"Alex, you know I didn't kiss him, right?" I all but pleaded, needing him to know.
He nodded. "Yeah, I know."
Relief hit me square in the face.
"But I can't be your boyfriend, Ebony."
What?
"Why?" I asked, voice wavering.
He dragged a hand through his hair, agonisingly slow.
"I'm not over it," he shared, looking pained. "Teddy. I thought I was but I was wrong. I'm still grieving the loss and I can't be in a relationship whilst doing that."
What the fuck was I supposed to say back to that?
"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked, unable to stop a few tears from spilling out.
He frowned upon seeing me cry and instantly reached out to hold my cheeks.
"I wish I wasn't," he began, making me cry harder. "But you deserve better, Ebony."
No, no, no!
"I deserve you," I replied, holding onto his hand pressed against my cheek. "Let me help you grieve. I don't want you to leave me. I want you to love me."
"I do love you," he insisted, joining me on the bench as to be closer. "So, so much. But this is something I have to do on my own, darling. I can't drag you down with me."
I took a moment before I replied, wanting to think through my response first. What he was saying broke my heart but I couldn't deny him. If he needed to do this alone, I couldn't stop him. After all, I wanted Alex to be happy. Whether that was with or without me was redundant.
"Fine," I whispered, unprepared to elaborate beyond that.
He nodded, accepting my hostility for what it was. A true representation of my pain.
"Do you hate me?"
"Right now I do," informed.
He shot me a small smile and tried going in for a hug.
"Don't."
He flinched. "I'm sorry."
"I just-" I couldn't even bring myself to explain. "I need to be alone.
I picked up my belongings and stood, ready to leave.
"Good luck, Alex," I finalised, truly meaning that. "I hope you find the closure you need."
He hung his head and nodded, meekly meeting my eye.
"I really am sorry, Ebony."
"Me too," I responded, walking away.
The anger currently pumping through my veins was dangerous. Threatening to unleash at any moment. I wasn't angry at Alex per say but more so his actions. He was hurting but what he didn't realise was that he was hurting me too. Gutting me even.
"Ebony!"
I heard him calling out but ignored his efforts. I was moments away from crying and I didn't want him to see me like this. Besides, I was pissed. Pissed that he would allow me to get this invested.
Pissed that he'd broken my heart.
****
Guyyyyys, I left you waiting for two weeks. Forgive me.
And forgive me for breaking Ebony's heart.
What do you think will happen next?