I walked into the bathroom, my breathing becoming more natural and even as I calmed down. Placing my hands onto the marble counter, I welcomed the harsh coldness that practically radiated from the counter. I focused on the welcoming numbness that had practically raised me like a child.
As my breathing finally regulated, I felt everything inside of myself shut down. It was as if I had flicked a switch off, and effectively turned off my emotions without a second thought.
Because for this, I didn't need one.
Being emotionless Evelyn was right, not only for me but for the gang.
If this is what Sebastian wanted, then it's what he is going to get.
+++++
We stood at the entrance of the club, the deafening music sending vibrations through our bodies.
I could feel Sebastian's warmth radiating from him onto me, and I couldn't help but shift uncomfortably, easily catching Sebastian's attention.
>>
I smirked as Sebastian narrowed his eyes at me and roughly grabbed my arm and led me into the club and towards the upstairs bar. In order to not draw attention to us, I allowed him to drag me, though it was growing increasingly hard to not turn around a punch him.
A pained gasp left my lips as he pushed me against the railing, trapping me in place with his hands on either side of me.
From where we stood, and how we stood, anyone would have thought that we were a young couple, enjoying our blooming romance and youth. But the harsh bite of the railing against my stomach and Sebastian's unmoving body pinning me to the spot was a harsh slap of reality.
he whispered in my ear, >
I was unable to hold back the gasp of surprise that left my lips as he leaned further into me while I processed his words. I felt my stomach tighten and a satisfied smirk crossed my lips.
> I said, twisting my body so that I was now facing him. I ignored the feeling of the railing digging into my lower back, and I felt my eyes darken with a mischievous look.
Sebastian looked slightly taken aback by the new look in my eyes, one he hadn't seen for quite a while.
he said in a warning tone.
In a teasing manner, I cocked my head to the side and deepened my smirk. There was an icy feeling in my chest, something I hadn't felt in a while, yet it was something I had felt ever since I started working for London's Eyes.
I wasn't sure whether I should be happy or sad, that the numbness was returning. It brought out the worst in me, but sometimes I thought that it might be for the best.
The gang life, as utterly stupid as it sounds, was far from easy.
It's for that reason, that I never understood why families participated in gangs. I remember how confused I was when I was younger, unable to understand the full concept of gangs. It was then that I realized how bad gangs were- how they could, and eventually would, tear families apart.
Being numb and emotionless was so much better than feeling the pain.
>
I rolled my eyes at his words, yet there was the nagging reminder of Eric's words that still haunted me.
I wasn't sure if I should tell Sebastian what Eric had said, because deep down, I was determined that if I didn't say it aloud, it wouldn't be really.
> I said stiffly, the sarcastic edge now long gone as a bitter tone settled in as a replacement.
Sebastian's eyes narrowed at my change in attitude and sent me a harsh glare before continuing to speak. >
> I had a hard edge to my voice, and my look was hateful.
« For fuck's sake Evie, » Sebastian muttered, rubbing his forehead. He grinded his hips down on mine, causing a flare of heat to spread throughout my lower stomach.
I glared up at him, remembering the way he insulted me, mocking my 'emotional breakdowns' as he so politely and kindly called them. Nevertheless, I've always been one to hold grudges.
> I hissed out, slapping his hands away.
I walked quickly away from him, relieved that he hadn't chosen to follow me. I felt as though a thick, overheated blanket had been lifted from my body, sending a wave of chilling freedom over my entire being.
I let out a breath as I relaxed, smirking to myself as the crowd of people parted like the red sea as I made my way to the bar.
I quickly ordered myself a beer, unable to stand some fruity drink at the moment. My eyes scanned my surroundings as the bartender placed an opened bottle of beer in front of me.
My eyes stopped when I noticed Mason talking to the same brunette I had seen him talking to previously, and a frown crossed my expression.
His eyes shone brightly as he spoke animatedly to her, and I felt a twinge of jealousy burst through my veins.
Okay, okay, more than a twinge.
But then I remembered.
I remembered that I wasn't allowed to feel this way, because love was stupid. It was reckless and careless, and guaranteed pain.
My frown twisted into a grimace, and I rolled my eyes at the sight before me.
You're only going to get hurt, I warned him as I took a swig of my beer, downing nearly a fourth of the bottle.