Following Johnny's advice was probably the worst thing he could ever do, and he knew it. Yet, he did it.
Just this once. One last time, I swear.
'You're so stressed, Jisung. You've been starving for the past days, maybe you should give in to your cravings for once and it'll help you feel better.'
That was what the pure blooded had told him, so he was now determined to give in to his cravings.
And what was his craving?
He jumped from one roof to another like his life depended on it. His muscles were screaming at him for behaving like an animal without having drunk a single drop of blood in the past days.
He arrived at his desired destination, clinging to the edge of the window and opening it from the outside. He knew that window almost by heart. He silently jumped in, making sure not to make any noise. He turned around to close the window and when he faced the bed again he heard a sound.
He froze. Did he get caught?
Sniffle.
Someone was crying in the room, and Jisung could guess pretty well who it was. He approached the bundle covered in a blanket that was on the bed, not really knowing what to do.
Do I run away?
Ugh... fuck it.
He softly uncovered the body under the blanket, and he saw that person he'd been craving for the past days.
He was ready to just blurt out any kind of excuse and run away from the room, but a hand got a hold of his wrist and stopped him from doing so.
'Don't leave. D-don't leave me again...'
They stayed in silence for a while, until the human spoke again.
'Jisung... W-why did you let me go?'
'I... I thought that was what you wanted...' Silence. 'You... you said you hated me, so I figured you would want to go back to the humans and-'
'Yukhei will die...'
'What?'
'Y-yukhei will die because of me! He b-became a vampire when you let me go... He's... not dead yet, but he will soon...' Chenle took a few seconds to breathe in. 'It's all m-my fault...'
'Don't say that-'
'But it's true!' Chenle whisper-yelled. 'It's all because of me. If it weren't for me Yukhei would still be human and alive. I hate it. I hate everything! I feel so bad because I caused all of this! I hurt everything and everyone that's around me, I hurt Yukhei, I hurt Yangyang, I hurt you and all of your friends, it's almost like I mess everything up! A-and I'm... I'm so sorry...' His voice cracked.
'Why are you sorry?'
'B-because... Because I told you I hated you and I made you feel bad on purpose... I... I wanted you to hate me. To hate me so much you wouldn't want anything to do with me. I wanted you to despise me as much as I wanted to despise you, because I'm a human and you're a vampire. Because it felt so wrong loving a vampire, but now it feels so wrong being a human.' Without noticing, Jisung had gotten closer to the human and was now on the bed, next to him, holding him in his embrace. 'I'm a liar, Jisung. I'm a stupid liar that only knows how to mess everything up!'
'Chenle... do you love me?'
The human broke down at the question, holding onto Jisung and crying against his shirt. The cold touch of the vampire made him shiver, but his heart felt warm inside when he hugged him. He nodded furiously at the question.
'I do. I do a-and I'm so sorry, because I don't deserve you at all. I t-thought... I used to think vampires were monsters, that I was right to hate you and I was right to hurt you. B-but... Now I realise how wrong I was, because... because now I know how it feels when your best friend is being tortured for being a vampire, and I can't even imagine how it'd feel if I was a vampire myself. And because I've realised I have always tried to point out your imperfections and mistakes and ignore all your qualities, because I was so focused on hating you I forgot you had feelings too.'
Jisung softly caressed Chenle's hair, placing soft pecks on his neck and shoulder.
'It's fine-'
'No it's not! I'm so stupid... I'm a hypocrite for calling you a monster when the only monster here is me! I let them play with my best friend like he's a lab rat, just like I let them play with the rest of vampires. I literally HELPED them do so! I'm such a horrible person, Jisung... I... I wish I could just... disappear. I wish I could erase my existence, run away from everything I've done... I don't want to live anymore, Jisung, I don't want to!'
'Please, don't-' The vampire's stomach growled loudly. 'Chenle... Chenle, what on earth are you doing?!' Jisung's eyes widened and his nostrils inhaled the sweet smell of... blood. 'Chenle, stop it! You know it's hard to control myself-'
'Then don't! Don't control yourself, drink my blood. Kill me already, please Jisung... I beg you...'
The vampire struggled to keep his sanity. However, he was able to snatch the blade from Chenle's hands and throw it away, making sure to restrain the human so that he couldn't hurt himself even more.
'Chenle, no. Stop being so selfish!' The vampire was done. He let everything out, even though he knew his words would hurt the human. 'Stop being so selfish for once! Why should I kill you? So that you can just escape from your past? So that I have to carry the guilt of killing the person I love the most? So that I feel like a monster without self-control? No, Chenle, I won't do it. And I'm honestly so tired of you always being like that.' Jisung licked the cuts on Chenle's wrists, he ripped part of his own shirt and used it as a bandage to cover Chenle's wounds. 'You hurt me to make me hate you, you made me feel horrible for who I am. Congratulations! It didn't work. Because, guess what, I still love you. And trust me, I've tried. I've tried forgetting about you, but I just can't. And I know you can't either! So tell me, why are you so determined to antagonize me?! Really, who am I to you? A stalker? A kidnapper? A monster? A murderer? Why do I always have to be the bad guy? Why am I the one who always has to chase after you? Because you never chased after me, but I know that deep inside you want me to, and if you didn't you would have already gotten rid of me. Can you be honest to yourself for once? What do you really want? Because right now I don't know what to believe.' Jisung let go of Chenle, wanting to physically distance himself from the human. However, Chenle didn't let him. He stuck to the vampire, holding onto him. 'Your apology... You can't have changed that fast. I love you, Chenle, but I know it's absolutely impossible for someone to just... open their eyes like that. Practically from one day to another. What on earth is going on inside your head? You're an unreadable book, Chenle, and as hard as I try I won't ever be able to understand you if you don't put an effort in letting me in.'
'You... You're right. I didn't change. I'm the same Chenle that mercilessly killed your brother. I'm the cruel Chenle that helped other humans torture your friends. It's not that now I realise my wrongdoings. Deep inside, I knew they were wrong from the start. I had a small voice in my head telling me what I was doing was wrong, but I always silenced it so that it wouldn't disturb me. I didn't mind hurting others if that way I could keep what I considered my family safe, but now I realise they were never my family. Just like they didn't hesitate to treat Yukhei like a complete stranger, I know they wouldn't hesitate either if I was in his place. And I'm really sorry, because now I realise that the small voice in my head was right, and what I did is a complete monstrosity. I pushed you away and hurt you. I mistreated you for your actions in the past and now I expect you to forgive mines.'
'I know I shouldn't. My friends, my family, absolutely everyone tells me I shouldn't. But I do forgive you. Because no matter how much you hurt me, I will still love you.'
'If everyone is telling you not to it's for a reason, Jisung.'
'I know! You don't get it, do you? I love you, Chenle. And I will repeat it as many times as you want me to. Don't you realise? You've broken my heart so many times yet I still managed to collect all the pieces to glue them together and give it back to you. At this point, why do you even doubt I'll forgive you?'
'But I don't want you to! I'm no good for you. I will only hurt you. That's the kind of person I am! And you know we're not meant to be.'
Jisung shut him up with a kiss, rolling them around so that he was on top of the human, pinning his arms next to his head. Chenle's legs instinctively wrapped around the vampire's waist. The kiss felt so right, Chenle loved the feeling of Jisung's cold lips against his. The vampire broke the kiss moments after, knowing the human needed to catch his breath.
'How can you say that? How can you say we're not meant to be when you've never tried?'
'Because, look at your surroundings and look at mine. We both know we started in the worst way possible, and we both know the past will forever chase after us. I can't just get rid of everything and start over just like movie characters would. I can't!'
'Why not? Chenle, let's just run away. You and me. Let's forget about everything and everyone else. Let's bury our past, because you know we can't build a future in such an unstable soil. I don't mind leaving everything behind, as long as that means I'll be able to spend the rest of my days with you. And as long as that means you'll correspond to my feelings.'
'I can't do that, Ji... If only it was that easy... But I can't leave Yukhei and Yangyang here! I know you probably hate them because they were just as horrible as me, but they're like brothers to me. I can't just abandon them like that, because I know they wouldn't abandon me like Kun and Chittaphon would. I have to stay with them, and-'
Jisung shushed the human. He placed his cold finger against Chenle's plump lips and softly caressed his face. Then, he leaned closer to him and to whisper something in his ear.
Admin right here :D
Long ass chapter, I know.
What do you think Jisung whispered in Chenle's ear? ð
Have a nice day ð