Chapter 7: CH 7

In the hallway in front of the classroom, I was holding my eyes.

I made eye contact with Kanae. Kanae talked to me. Kanae lent me a towel. I smelled Kanae’s good smell…

The events of the past few minutes had restored my motivation, which had been saddened by my rejection and worried about my future plans. Since a while ago, the delusion that, “I still have a chance, don’t I?” I can’t stop thinking about it.

No, no, no, that’s why Kanae likes Souta. Even though I was rejected, Kanae is still an important person to me. There’s no way I’m going to interfere with her love life.

I strongly warned myself.

-And I’ve been repeating this… since a while ago.

In order to calm myself down, I decided to take a look at the hallway. I could see the students who had probably just arrived at school walking quickly into their classrooms. It seemed that morning homeroom was about to start.

“Phew… Anyway, I need to pull myself together-“

Unfortunately, I was rejected yesterday. Even if the time comes for me to confess my feelings again, I think I should give it some time and distance.

I regained my composure and returned to the classroom.

In the classroom, most of my classmates were seated. Just as I was thinking that I should quickly take a seat too, my eyes met with Kanae’s again, sitting far away from me.

I knew Kanae was looking at me too, right?

When our eyes meet, I’m more confused than happy. I wonder what’s going on with her lending me a towel earlier. I’m not sure if it’s a one-shot deal or not, but if it’s not, it’s awkward and she’s taking care of me…

And Kanae, who couldn’t possibly have known about my confusion, waved a small hand toward me, wondering what I was thinking.

“What?”

I can’t help but make strange noises.

Kanae gave me a small wave and was so cute. I felt like holding my eyes again.

But what to do? Is it okay to wave back? There’s also Souta right near Kanae… I mean, why is she waving at me out of nowhere? After all, Kanae knows me too.

I could see Kanae’s expression fade as she waved her hand in the distance, while I was confused by the unforeseen situation.

Kanae’s expression was sad and thoughtful, and she was pouting.

I hurriedly waved my hand back. This was no longer the time to be talking about it. Kanae is grieving. I must cheer her up.

Kanae noticed this, too, and gave me a big smile and waved her hand back.

When I see that, I think rather seriously about whether she would say yes to a proposal, even though my confession didn’t work… I want to marry Kanae.

The hand-wringing between Kanae and I continued until the teacher came and warned us.

Then, during the lunch break, I was puzzled.

Today, as in the morning, Kanae and I kept seeing each other in class.

“I was dumped, wasn’t I…?”

That’s when I started to have my doubts.

Because today Kanae, when I tried to evacuate somewhere every break time to avoid Kanae according to my plan, she would come close to me as if to hold me back and talk about something quite unimportant in a reserved manner.

“Well, Yuki-kun… we were waving at each other earlier, and we got pissed off together, didn’t we…?”

“What-oh… yeah! Oh, I’m so pissed! I’m so pissed off!”

And…

“Um, Yuki-kun, it’s supposed to rain tonight…?”

“What? -Oh, yeah! Really? Then I can’t leave the laundry out… Hahaha!”

And…

“Yuki-kun! Where are you going…?”

“No, I’m just going to the bathroom…”

It’s been like this all morning during recess.

Furthermore, if I said a word, we would both feel awkward and would not be able to continue the conversation, and Kanae’s ears that peeked out from her hair were red no matter how I looked at them, and I felt like I would misunderstand her every time…

I couldn’t stand that kind of atmosphere, so I left my seat as soon as the lunch break started and ran to the soccer club room.

“But what is Kanae up to?”

I don’t know why she’s getting so involved – I guess I should just ask Kanae directly, but I curse myself for my lack of enthusiasm.

Just a moment ago, I was thinking, “Isn’t she still interested?” or “Maybe Kanae actually likes me too?” But now, as I sit here in the empty club room eating my lunch, my thoughts sink into the negative.

If you think about it calmly, the reason why Kanae is getting involved with me today is probably because she feels awkward about confession yesterday, and also because she is concerned about me, her childhood friend.

There’s a good chance she wouldn’t have approached me for lunch even if I hadn’t run all the way to the club room.

In the first place, I went to Kanae and Souta every lunchtime, and as a result, we ate lunch together, and Kanae rarely came to me or invited me…

When I think about it, I realize that she didn’t really have a pulse, and I think I was pretty much just a distraction for Kanae and Souta to come over during their lunch time.

Oh, no. I’m getting really depressed thinking about it. I don’t know how I was able to develop such a positive fantasy until now…

I held my head and writhed in shame.

This is how I realized that I was not calm, and that I had not been able to practice my original plan of “keeping a little distance from Kanae”.

“You’re really too weak-willed…”

No matter how much Kanae came to me, and no matter how cute, kind, and good-smelling Kanae was, I couldn’t stay delirious forever.

Now I have to try to keep some distance – even if it’s just a little.

By the time I confess my feelings to Kanae, I want to get rid of the image of “confession = failure” and “confession = rejection” that has taken root between Kanae and me.

I also want to make sure that Kanae’s love will be fulfilled, even though it’s not in my best interest.

“I can’t stand in Kanae’s way, can I?”

In fact, just thinking about the possibility of Kanae and Souta starting a relationship makes me feel tight and painful inside.

Feeling gloomy, I let out a heavy sigh and then decided to head back to my classroom.

If I go back now, I should be able to get into class just in time for fifth period to start-