Chapter 1: CH 1

On the way home from high school.

I decided to tell my childhood friend Kanae about my long-held feelings for her.

It’s a so-called confession of love.

“Oh, you know… Kanae-“

“Hmm, what is it?”

I suddenly shouted, and Kanae smiled back at me warmly.

Cute… I almost let it out in a dumbfounded voice, but I stopped just in time and corrected my course.

“Oh, we’ve been together for quite a while now, haven’t we?”

“We’ve been together since kindergarten, Yuki-kun. We went to high school together, and at this rate, we might even go to college together.”

Kanae answers lazily with a fluffy smile.

It’s a very soothing response, but I’m a little disappointed to hear her say it like it’s a coincidence.

The only reason our high schools are the same is because I, despite being an idiot, did my best to match Kanae’s school of choice…

And I’m about to sulk like a little kid about something Kanae doesn’t know about, even though I know it’s unreasonable.

Oh, no. It’s not cool even before I tell her…

I was tempted to forgo the confession, but I didn’t know when we would be able to go home together again if I missed this opportunity.

So show some guts, me!

“Oh… that… that, that…”

However, when I tried to put it into words, my mind could not work at all. My brain was blanked out, and only the heat on my face was so vivid.

Kanae also tilted her head at me, “Hmm?”

I have to say it quickly.

“Oh, I want to continue to be with… Kanae from now on…”

Now that I’ve said so much, even the dullest Kanae might have noticed.

I couldn’t see Kanae’s face, so I closed my eyes and looked down, and just struggled to get the words out.

“Oh, I like Kanae… I like you…!”

My voice was shaking and stuttering, and I felt so lame.

But I want to make it clear at least at the end.

“I want you… to go out with me!”

I lowered my head further and begged her.

“Oh, I-…”

From above my head, I could hear Kanae gasping for air. Her voice leaked out slightly, and it sounded like she was trying to say something, or just exhaling.

And then there was a moment of silence – honestly, I don’t feel like I’m living…

Eventually, Kanae opened her mouth.

“Oh, um… I was… surprised…”

Kanae’s dismay tells me that my confession was a completely unexpected event.

As for myself, I have been explicitly treating Kanae as a special person. Whenever Kanae got a haircut or got dressed up, I noticed it and praised her. Whenever she was in trouble, I helped her, cared for her, and made every effort to solve her problems.

I tried my best to make Kanae like me by studying, doing club activities and dressing up. My study skills have changed from my junior high school days, when I always scored a low grade, to now where I can teach Kanae some subjects. In club activities, I continued to play football, which Kanae had told me was cool when I was little, and won a regular position in high school. I even dressed up and styled my hair according to Kanae’s taste.

But even after all that, I was still shocked to find that my longtime appeal hadn’t been met.

No, it’s all a selfish move on my part, and there’s no way Kanae should be aware of it…

However, a feeling of helplessness and regret seemed to weigh on my back.

Then, Kanae’s next words bring out the sum total of what has happened so far.

“Um… I’m sorry…”

She told me this in a painful way, as if it was hard to say.

“There’s someone I’ve been… thinking about… for a while.”

I almost let out a sigh when I heard those words.

I have an idea of what Kanae means when she says she’s always loved someone.

Ironically, he is the same as me and is a childhood friend of Kanae, but unlike me, he is a man who is liked by Kanae.

“I… I like Sota-kun…”

After all, it seems that Kanae’s love interest is her childhood friend Sota.

And if I’m right, Sota doesn’t hate Kanae either.

I had a vague feeling of impatience that the two of them might eventually get together, which is why I made the bold decision to confess to Kanae today.

But as you can see, the result is…

My heart is fluttering, and my chest overflows with bad feelings.

Sadness at being rejected, jealousy of Souta, sneering at myself, unreasonable anger… It’s not very nice, but I can’t let it out in front of the person I love.

I took a few deep breaths and slowly raised my head.

“That’s why I…”

In front of me was Kanae, her shoulders shaking as she looked down.

It seems that I have made Kanae feel very uncomfortable because of my selfish confession that I made for my own reasons.

“Um, Kanae?”

It was a little uptight, but it saved me from sounding dark and depressed.

“I… I…”

Kanae replied with a wince.

I can’t see her face because she’s looking down, but her ears, peeking out from between her flowing black hair, are bright red, as if they were steamy.

She was probably embarrassed that she had mentioned her fondness for Sota. I was rejected, and I was just too jealous and dazzled by her reaction.

I tried to sound cheerful, even though I felt like I was going to fall to my knees.

“Haha! I’m sorry I made things so weird!”

To be honest, I can’t even afford to care about Kanae right now. But that’s also a one-sided convenience on my part. At the very least, I have to make an effort to settle the air that I’ve created.

“Yeah, I… I understand the reply… Thank you for listening to me!”

Kanae remained silent and downcast, unable to hear anything.

“Well, I’ll see you later…”

In the end, I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I ran away. Kanae didn’t speak, and the atmosphere I had broken was left with nothing to repair.

Oh, I may not be able to stay by Kanae’s side as a childhood friend anymore, let alone as a lover.

After the disappointing results, I already felt regret for having confessed my feelings.

I resisted the urge to run and left the place as fast as I could.

I didn’t have time to look back or care, because I didn’t want to look any more disgraceful than I already did, but I think Kanae stayed where she was.

Both Kanae and I were still some distance away from home, but my heart wasn’t strong enough to go home with Kanae like that, and there was no way Kanae would want to stay with someone she had just dumped.

I continued to walk towards home, alone and mindlessly.

I don’t have the energy to look back and check anymore, but the only footsteps on the way home are mine – well, of course. There was no way Kanae was going to follow or chase me.

“Oh, I’m so stubborn…”

I was disgusted with myself for having such a faint hope that Kanae might come after me at this point.

“I’m sorry for what I did to Kanae…”

She seemed to be quite attentive to me.

I wonder how I should treat Kanae tomorrow.