Greyson What in the fuck am I doing?
The surveillance camera screens flare bright when I get home after days of nonstop working, of chasing my marks, city to city, home to home. The house is asleep. Father, the guys, everyone in the rental. I bite off one glove, then do the same with the other while I bring a loaf of bread, a jar of PB, and a steak knife over.
Weâve set up the surveillance cameras that watch the entries, exits, windows of the home. Pounds of computers weigh down several tables, lights flickering among tangles of wire. I spread the PB onto a slice of bread, slap another one on it, and gobble it down as I search the boxes of recordings and pull out a card from last year, labeled with the date of the fight. Iâve been thinking about her. Every second of the day, I remember her.
Wet and vulnerable, in the rain.
Wet and warm, in my arms.
Telling me her name is Melanie.
Inviting me to her best friendâs wedding.
She triggers every synapse in my brain until sheâs alive in my mind, laughing a laugh Iâve only ever heard her laugh . . . cuddling with me as she watches her movie . . . pushing me out the door like she canât stand the sight of me, then pulling me back and kissing the bejezus out of me.
I stood there like a moron leaning on her door, my heart slamming in my chest as I waited for her to open it. Hell, I was ready to kick it open.
Instead, I left and went to rent a tuxedo and then I started looking at apartments nearby.
Iâm dangerous to her; hell, sheâs dangerous to me. I canât let myself get distracted for this shit.
So what the fuck am I doing?
I slide the recording into a card reader and play it, my eyes straining for the glimpse of her, my daily dose of Melanie I need to see.
âAnd nooow, ladies and gentlemen . . .â the announcer begins with his usual flair, âRemington Tate, your one and only, RIPTIDE!! RIPTIDE!! Say hello to RIPTIDEEEEE!â he yells.
One of our fighters trots toward the ring, into the screen. Itâs Riptide.
Heâs not good; heâs the best Iâve ever seen. The most lucrative fighter my father has ever sponsored in the Undergroundâand one we all hope to continue to sponsor, thanks to his reckless streak.
âRiptide, Riptide . . .â I hear the crowd through the speakers.
I drink my soda as I keep watching the screen, waiting to spot the blonde on the sidelines. Melanie. Sheâs about to appear, jumping up and down as usual, and Iâm tensing with anticipation when the image freezes, blacks out, then cuts to the next fight.
I smash a fist down to get the computer going. Nothing. I scowl, rewind, play. Same shit happens. Draining the last of my soda, I toss the can in the trash can and roughly scrub a frustrated palm over my face, then I stalk to Wyattâs room and flick the light on. âWho the fuck messed with the tapes?â
âWhat?â
âYou tampered with them, Wyatt?â
âTheyâre from fucking last year. Whatâs so important about it? What do you see nobody else does, huh? What does my father think you can do nobody else canât?â
âHe wants to break me. Thatâs all there is. Youâre fucking lucky he didnât try the same with you. Tomorrow I want the full footage, I donât care what you need to do.â
I flip the switch back off and go to my room and stare at my phone.
What the fuck am I doing? I grab a knife and feel its weight, somehow satisfying me. I set my SIG aside, pull out several knives, slide them into my slacksâ back pockets, six inside each, then I start sending them flying, over and over, rapidly twirling them a dozen times in the air, so fast you donât realize the blade is turning until it slams into the wall. I pull them out of each pocket, one every second. One. Two. Three. Four . . . five, six, seven, eight, nine, teneleventwelve.
Iâve got a rental tux. Iâve got a place in Seattle, a ticket to Seattle. Iâve got an itch in me and her nameâs Melanie.
My phone rings. âYeah?â
âSheâs home now. Safe and sound.â
My eyes flick to the clock. 11:34 p.m. So late? âC.C.âs coming to relieve you tomorrow. Iâm working a mark and then flying in. Whyâs she out so late?â
â âKay, boss.â
âShe alone?â
I wait for Derekâs answer. âAlone. She had dinner with the friend and the blond guy who hangs out with them. And no, he didnât sit close to her.â
âWhatâsââ
âSheâs fucking wearing some sort of dress. Floral.â
âAnd whatââ
âItâs pink, boss. With yellow tennis shoes and her hair loose and lots of bracelets.â
I see her in my mind and breathe out through my nostrils while a strange sensation of peace and longing flow through my muscles, tensing then relaxing me.
âKeep an eye out.â I click the line off and stare at her name in my phone. Iâm not a fucking teenager to be texting a girl. I donât like leaving traces. I need to change this fucking phone.
I rub a hand roughly across my face. If my father knows Iâm chasing after her, I donât know what heâll do. What Eric will do. Anybody Iâve ever come after could come after me through her.
So leave her alone. . . .
I pull out the knives, stick them back in my pockets, and swing again. âCanât,â I say. Canât leave her alone. Donât fucking want to.
She makes me feel like Iâm not a robot, like Iâm flesh and blood, a man, not a number, not a job . . . not a monster, not a bastard, not a zero.