Staring into the vanity mirror, I finish the last part of my right Dutch braid and tie it off with a ponytail. In the reflection, I watch Jaxon's chest slowly rise and fall as he peacefully sleeps. Uncertainty floods through me as I look at himâ what is happening?
Do I forgive him for what he's done to me? Absolutely not. Maybe one day I can, but it's too fresh, too messy, and too unforgivable to even think about absolution.
So, your next question is probably: "Then why is he in your bed?"
Also a confusing story.
Ever since the induction, the mate pull has been stronger than ever. I've noticed that, now, Jaxon doesn't like to be away from me for very long, and I often feel the same way even though the rational part of me fears him.
He's been so attentiveâ too attentive for my taste. That's why I'm up at the crack of dawnâ to get some alone time.
Jaxon shifts on the bed, a small groan leaving his lips. I better go before he notices the absence of my presence. I quickly exit the room, down the stairs, and out the front door of the cottage. Strangely enough, Jaxon agreed to stay here instead of forcing me to live in the pack house. I guess the bond is causing him to be more lenientâ in living quarters, at least.
Jaxon's possessiveness, however, has amplified by 150%. I can barely talk or look at Grant without Jaxon throwing a tantrum.
I don't know what the future holds, for sure, but I'm on the fence about whether Jaxon should be in itâ romantically, that is. It doesn't matter what I do now, the bond has, well, bonded me to him now. I'm stuck with him.
I near the salt line, breathing in the crisp air of the morning as I go. I walk down beside the thick layer of salt, careful not to interfere with it in any way.
"Hello, Luna," A sudden voice startles me and I whirl around. Alpha Hayes of Mistletoe stands a few yards from me, a bundle of sage in his hand with wisps of smoke rising from it.
"Alpha Hayes," I greet, careful not to bow in submission to him. Bowing in submission to any other Alpha than your own, especially when you're Luna, is very bad. Jaxon would be able to sense my subordination from miles away and feel instant betrayalâ which would start a war.
"I heard about your induction; Congratulations," He twirls the sage around in the air as he approaches the line.
"Thank you," I reply, keeping my feet planted where they are.
"It's strange how you were inducted so quickly after you sent that letter off," He says lowly.
"It was a letter to my old Pack. No big deal," I shrug it off.
"We both know it was a letter to the Council about Jaxon's treatment of you," He shoots back and I go silent.
"You send that letter off, yet you're inducted and you complete the mating bond with Jaxon," He continues.
I cross my arms about myself and take a step back.
"Yes, I can smell him on you. And I'm not judging you. I'm simply wondering what changed?" His toes are touching the salt now and I've backed up a few feet.
"Nothing," I mumble. "Nothing changed. It was for the good of the pack that I be inducted. It was the responsible thing to do."
"Responsible doesn't mean right," He hisses.
"What's wrong with you? Aren't you usually Father Nature all-things-are-wonderful?" I quip.
"Let's just say I'm tired of Jaxon taking what's mine," He growls and I scrunch my brow.
"What's yours? What do you mean?" I question but I feel an insistent hand on my arm.
Spinning around, I come face-to-face with Grant who is looking fearfully at Alpha Hayes. "Isabelle," He murmurs, "you shouldn't be out here."
"Moonlighterâ leave your Luna alone. She's talking peace," Hayes lies and Grant's eyes shift between us.
"Respectfully, it's not the Luna's job to talk peace. It's the Alpha's, and Jaxon isn't here at the moment," Grant says evenly.
"Maybe he should never be here," Hayes suggests, a slight mischief in his eyes.
"Let's go," Grant ignores him and begins to tug me back through the woods.
"Grant," I say, worriedly, "some of the things he was sayingâ"
"I know," He responds, still pulling me. "We have to tell Jaxon."
I resist slightly, "Jaxon will be furious when he finds out I was talking to Hayes!"
"He'll be even more furious when he finds out that Hayes is planning to kill him," Grant shoots back, fury within his eyes as he becomes protective of his Alpha.
"He didn't say that," I resist.
"Not in blatant terms, but yes, he did say it. Mistletoe is tricky. They talk in riddles and spells and all this voodoo. They can easily deceive," He begins to walk again, a loose grip on my wrist as he goes.
"They seem peaceful. We're always the ones initiating war," I disagree.
"You don't know the history of these packs, Isabelle. Mistletoe has tried to wipe Moonlight out many times, especially under Alpha Hayes's command. We only take action to protect ourselves," He fights back.
"Hayes has never treated me with hostility," I defend.
"There's something strange about how he is with you. It's almost like he's in love with you. He treats everyone else as if they're beneath him. He won't even take Jaxon's peace calls or follow the accords of the Council," He rebuts.
"Grant, listen to meâ" I begin as we come up on the cottage.
"What's going on here?" Jaxon is suddenly standing in front of us, shirtless and looking slightly bedraggled. His eyes instantly shift to where Grant's hand is holding my wrist and he growls.
Grant releases me and steps forward, "Jaxon, there's a problem."
"What sort of problem calls for you to touch my mate?" He snaps.
Grant ignores the hostility and continues, "It's Hayesâ we think he's going to try to kill you."
â¾
"And you're sure that was his message?" Jaxon asks, hugging me tighter into his lap as Grant stands in front of us.
"Positive. He was saying things about how you shouldn't be here as well as comments about you taking everything from him," Grant replies.
I wonder if Grant heard about me sending the letter to the Council.
"Okay," Jaxon sighs. "Gather some men and keep a border patrol at all times. Also, keep a guard on my family. I can take care of me and Isabelle, for now."
"Yes, Alpha," Grant bows his head and then leaves the cottage to follow Jaxon's commands. Once he's gone, Jaxon exhales slowly, then buries his face in my neck.
"Why were you out there by yourself?" He finally asks after burning silence.
"I went for a walkâ for some alone time," I mumble.
"Alone time ceased to exist once you became my mate," He counters, his voice harsh and his body tense. Silence overtakes us again and he shakes his head, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You'd get over it," I murmur.
"No, Isabelle," He pulls back to look into my eyes, but I avoid his gaze, "I wouldn't."
"So then everything about finding a new mate was all a lie? I'm glad we're in a better place than we were, but you still haven't given me an explanation for why you treated me so horribly," I say, a little stronger this time.
"I didn't want a mate," He mumbles. "I thought I was better without one."
"You probably are. I'm just dead weightâ a little girl you have to be accountable for," I say with a shrug.
"No, you're not," He says.
"I was. What changed?"
"You were inducted... and we completed the mate bond. I feel more connected to you now," He responds.
"So, the only reason you don't think I'm dead weight is because we're having sex?" I scoff and stand to my feet, pulling away from his iron grip. "Great."
"Isabelle," He says, following me as I walk into the kitchen.
"No, it's fine. It's whatever. I'm not a human with feelings or a personality. I'm just a toy for you to gain pleasure from," I rummage through the cabinets for a tea mug.
"Isabelle," He says again, but I continue.
"You know, I thought getting a mate would be one of the best moments of my life. But, I guess I was wrongâ"
"Isabelle," He almost yells right as I'm pulling the cup from the cabinet. His tone startles me and I drop the mug, pieces flying everywhere as it shatters.
I exhale sharply and place my head in my hands with a groan of frustration. His fingertips gently brush my hands away from my face and he presses his hands against my cheeks.
"The mate bond has made me understand just how valuable you are. You know meâ I'm not a lovey person. It's not in my nature or personality to immediately open up to someone. When I realized how young you were, how innocent, how excited, it only made me resist you more," He explains.
"So my personality and eagerness is your excuse for being terrible to me?" I furrow my brows.
"I'm not excusing what I did," He corrects me. "I'm explaining, like you wanted."
I don't say anything, so he continues, "Your need for emotional attachment freaked me out. Also, when you didn't want to come with me, it hurt me. So, I resented you."
"I didn't want to come because I'd heard how awful you areâ how cold and cruel," I say, my voice slightly raising in volume.
"Mates are supposed to want to be together. When you didn't want to be with me, I gave that same attitude back to you," He says.
"So you're saying this is my fault?" I raise an eyebrow.
"No," He states. "I'm saying my actions were spurred by your initial rejection of me."
"But you kept it up, Jaxon, even after I had calmed down," I point out.
"I could tell you still didn't really want to be with me, but my wolf neededâ needsâ you. That's why I had to mark you. I didn't want you to run away from me," He expounds.
"If you had given me a reason to like it here then I would've acclimated and, in time, we could've grown to love one another. You do realize that even if we fall in love down the road, that horrible experience will always be there in the back of my mind, right?" I step back from him, careful to avoid the glass on the floor.
"I'm not saying that you have to forgive me," He shrugs, his face going impassive. "You asked for an explanation, I'm giving you one."
"You don't want my forgiveness? You don't care?" I question.
"Of course I care. Of course I want forgiveness. I'm not going to try to force you into it. I've learned from the past that forceful treatment isn't the way to go," He says, his face still void of any emotion.
"What if I told you right now that I don't want you staying here anymore. Would you go?" I test him.
His face slightly twitches, as if in anger, but he swallows hard, "Yes."
"Without complaining?"
"Yes."
I exhale slowly. "I'll go get my stuff, then," Jaxon mumbles, stepping around the island.
"That was only hypothetical," I call after him, my heart tugging at the thought of sleeping alone. "I don't want you to go."
"Maybe I should," He stops. "Maybe it will give you time to forgive me."
"Being apart from you won't help, Jax," I say. "It will only make me resent you more."
He's quiet for a long minute before he nods, his face still turned away from me, "I'll stay, then."
"Okay," I respond, crossing my arms about myself.
"But right now, I need to look into this issue," He turns toward the door. "I'll send three guards out here. Don't leave. Lock the door," He commands as he approaches the exit.
"Wait," I softly call, but he hears me just fine. He pauses in his tracks, his eyes trained forward. I slowly approach him until I'm standing next to him. Reaching up on my tiptoes, I place one hand on his cheek and softly press my lips against his other cheek.
When I pull back, he's stiff. "Be safe," My voice sounds hoarse and unfamiliar.
"You too," He nods and continues in his beeline for the door. I lock it behind him and shrink down until I'm sitting on the floor.
Well that was a strange interaction.