Chapter 33: Chapter 32

Tw// this chapter can be triggering for people with an eating disorder

"Thanks," I said to Jenny who handed me the pills. I already gave her money. I was on my new diet for a week now, thankfully Jacquline was fine with me preparing my own meals I was happy that Andrew was gone I can focus on doing whatever I wanted. I felt like I was doing something really wrong that will get me in trouble.

Technically diet pills were drugs but of another kind. Not like the dangerous ones, right? It's just some herbs mixed together. I realized as soon as I thought of it for longer than a second that this defense wouldn't be impressive to Andrew. On the contrary, I had the feeling it would only piss him off further.

But still. I couldn't stop. I didn't want to. Boys quickly learned I prefer to eat alone in my room they didn't mind my introverted behavior as well.

I was just in a bad place, mentally. Jenny wasn't doing well either, considering the situation with her father it wasn't that surprising. I wish I could help her somehow, cheer her up but I was just useless.

Henry and I spend quite some time trying to figure out what can we do for Jen to make her feel better but nothing came to our minds.

As I was sitting with my friends in the cafeteria Dan showed up, he sat right next to me as if he was invited. Spoiler alert - he wasn't.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked. How noisy and annoying.

"I'm eating," I said taking a bite of my apple.

"You're eating an apple for lunch?"

"I had a big breakfast"

"I saw what you were eating at breakfast. Stop lying Ellie"

"I'm eating normally you're eating too much because you're an athlete" I tried to explain in a reasonable way. Dan snorted.

"Don't give me that bullshit. I'm an athlete so I know how much a person should eat an apple for lunch just isn't it"

"Dan. Get a life"

"Dad told us to watch you"

"Aren't you a good boy for listening to him? What are you a dog? Stop doing everything he tells you to. Grow some spine"

I felt like he backed me into a corner with his questions so I tried to defend myself but seeing how his whole posture stiffened I regretted it instantly. Why am I like that?

All of sudden my friendliest and most understanding brother turned into an intimidating stone statue. Truly the way he was build didn't help to calm my nerves. He was huge, way taller than me.

"You will eat a full lunch and we will talk about your behavior later, I suggest you listen to me little girl" Dan whispered into my ear and I shivered. He definitely meant business and I didn't want to piss him off more.

I suffered through eating the normal meal immensely. Everything was too full of fat and it tasted like cardboard. But it wasn't supposed to taste like that.

This wasn't just any normal school it was a private one with a well-established reputation and a lot of completely spoiled children from rich families so when it came to the kitchen they made sure to hire professionals who would provide them with fancy meals, I should be enjoying having a meal that no restaurant would be shy to serve on their menu but I simply didn't have an appetite not desire to consume food. It was ruining my diet plan and made me nervous and unhappy.

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The classes finished at 3 pm.

"You're not coming back with me today" Dan explained, his hand wrapped around my shoulder as he was dragging me towards the adult man who was waving at me with a big smile on his face. It wasn't Russell. It was a complete stranger.

"Who's this?"

"This is our uncle Julien. Dad's younger brother"

No, not that one, please.

"I'm glad I can finally meet you, dear niece"

"Good luck with him," Dan said ominously and left us.

As I was in the car I had to ask.

"So what are you here to do some sort of psychiatric evaluation on me?"

"I don't treat family, Ellie. That would be unethical and wrong on so many levels. I am however concerned uncle send by your father to talk to you because you see my brother just doesn't know how to talk about feelings. I'm sorry he's being difficult"

"It's not your fault" I muttered.

"I still feel responsible since my degree didn't magically fix my brother's charming personality so let's do something that will cheer you up"

"I'm grounded"

"Andrew knows I'm taking you somewhere so don't worry about that"

I looked at him surprised. So Andrew allowed him to take me outside? That's new.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked.

"I don't know... doesn't matter" I responded.

"We can go anywhere you want"

This made me pause. I looked at him as he was patiently waiting for my answer. He was a psychiatrist even if it wasn't therapy what I did during that meeting would make him have some thoughts about me. What if he's going to tell Andrew that something is wrong with me? I couldn't trust him. I needed to act like a perfectly happy and normal.

"I don't know where to go, we can just do whatever"

"Alright, let's think together then. What do you like to do in your free time"

"I like to read"

"Then how about bookstore? I will get you anything you want"

"Really?" I asked hopefully "I mean, sure" I tried to sound indifferent but he was already smiling. Damn, why do I have to be so obvious? I love books.

Okay, uncle Julien is pretty cool.

He bought me a lot of books. Maybe some people can't be bought this is not true in my case. As long as a person decides to gift me with a nice lecture to read they have my heart, respect, and attention.

Books were always my escape and he agreed to buy me so many. He was patient, he let me choose carefully whatever I wanted. My shyness about buying stuff for myself disappeared the second we entered the bookstore because it was not about unnecessary things like everything else. It was about books.

I was never allowed to get them. Mom was always telling me there are free books in the library and it's just a waste of money to buy them. "You will read them once and then they will lay on the shelf" she used to say every time I asked her about something I really wanted. I couldn't blame her, we were always short on cash but the fact that she would tell me things like that I just wanted to compensate so much. I just couldn't believe I could pick any book I wanted, how many I wanted. This was a new and wonderful experience.

Julien instead of taking control and saying three or four books are enough he would suggest the ones he saw as interesting. Based on his clothes and car alone I could tell he's just as wealthy as my father or at least they have similar social status.

After shopping, we went to eat. The restaurant interior felt very luxurious. Dark oak floor, furs draped over chairs, mirrors on the black walls, I would never pick this sort of place on my own, it looked like prices in this place must be unreasonably high. It was also mostly empty.

As soon as we sat down the waiter attacked us. Julien ordered a glass of wine for himself and I decided to have a glass of water. He suggested buying me something sweet like a virgin mojito or mango smoothie but I really didn't want a sugary drink so I politely refused.

When I went to a restaurant with mom we never ordered drinks it would be too expensive. Usually, we just ordered the main course and that's it. I couldn't reminiscent for too long about it because my uncle started the conversation.

"Ellie, you don't need to be nervous no matter how this conversation goes you won't be forced to attend therapy. Therapy doesn't make sense when a person is not willing to cooperate that's why I will advise against sending you anywhere against your will. Andrew sometimes thinks he can control everything, he can't"

I visibly relaxed.

"Andrew told me you got your first job, how was it?"

"It was cool. I really enjoyed it"

"Can you tell me more about it?"

I shrugged my arms "there's not much to tell. I got only one photo session, posed for a few pictures in a nice outfit and now I can't do this anymore because Andrew is pissed at me"

"Are you pissed at him?"

"Extremely"

"I can relate to that"

We smiled at each other. Wow, okay, my uncle was cool.

"Do you think he will allow me to come back again? To doing photo sessions? I knew he didn't like the idea of me working as a model the moment he heard about it so it makes sense that he took the first occasion to block my future career"

if there was one, with my ugly scar and fat ass. That part I couldn't say out loud.

Julien looked at me with serious eyes right now and I felt almost uncomfortable at what he might see if this gaze of his lingers on me for too long.

"I don't know Ellie" he answers truthfully, no bullshit. "I can't tell you what Andrew is going to do because unlike many other people my older brother managed to stay unpredictable figure to me. But I can tell you this - if he will see you really want it and that it's good for you, he will come around at some point"

"Well, that's reassuring. Thank you" I said in all honesty this time catching eye contact with him. I regretted him as soon as I heard his other question.

"Is it though? What I would like to know Ellie is why it's your career choice. Do you believe modeling is good for you?"

"I... yes, of course"

"Why?"

An open question. Requires more than just "yes" or "no" and it's tricky to answer without revealing too much especially if a person knows how to listen and oh boy, Julien was a very good listener. The only issue is - I dropped my guard down because of our previous shopping trip. Julien, at first sight, was a harmless, kind, and caring person and for that reason, I didn't feel the need to lie to him.

"Because I get money from it. It motivates me. And if people like how I look then it means I'm pretty"

"It motivates you? In what way?"

"I-" to lose weight, be better. That's what I almost said out loud and I let uneasiness wash over me. Holy shit, how do I get out of this one "It motivates me to... be the best version of myself"

"How inspiring" Julien commented and I knew he noticed that I hesitated while answering him.

"How about people you worked with? It was just one session, right? But did you enjoy the company of your coworkers? The atmosphere at work?"

I stiffened.

"What do you mean?"

"How did they treat you?"

"They treated me just fine. Why are you asking me this question?" I asked, getting visibly defensive. His question made me recall the designer's comment about my weight.

"I'm merely curious. Why are you so nervous Ellie?"

Okay, don't panic. Think.

"I just... Andrew doesn't want me to be a model. He's not supportive at all I have a feeling he just looks for an excuse to make me stop indefinitely so I'm worried that if I say something wrong you will tell him that"

"Please, don't be. I won't tell him anything we've talked about, Ellie. I value your privacy and I want you to trust me"

"Okay," I said looking at the table. I still felt uncomfortable. I looked at the plate with a salad with disgust. I might actually throw up if I will try to eat it.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" Julien asked gently taking a sip of his red wine.

I nodded quietly and he hummed in agreement.

"How is your life different now than it was while you were living with your mom if you don't mind me asking?"

"Mom didn't have rules"

"No rules?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"If I did something wrong she would just scold me and that was it. And she trusted me to know better next time. Unlike Andrew"

"You don't think Andrew trusts you?"

"Of course he doesn't. He treats me like I was incapable of making my own choices"

"Ellie, my brother doesn't speak about his feelings but it shouldn't stop you from telling him how you feel. He will hear you out, you know?"

"Why would I tell him about my feelings? It doesn't seem like he cares"

"It would prevent many misunderstandings. I know what kind of father Andrew is, Dan, Max, Charles they had always a lot of rules to follow. He's like that for many reasons but perhaps mostly because his job is dangerous and a lot of people hate what he's doing. He always wanted to keep his family safe"

"And he failed" okay, that was mean. Those words slipped through my lips without me noticing what I'm saying before it was too late. I looked at Julien with fear. Is he angry at me? Will he yell at me?

Nothing of these sorts. It was worse. He looked sad and hurt.

"I can assure you this failure never leaves his mind. Andrew is harsh with people around him but most importantly he's harsh on himself"

Suddenly, I realized something. The most thing Andrew did so far was because he was worried.

He was worried that I will reject him so when I started living at the house he would avoid me. He was worried about my safety so he restricted me from leaving the house. I'm sure in his mind there were many dangers related to modeling as well so he was worried about it too.

This realization did not make his behavior any less annoying to me but it made me realize that he cared about me.

Andrew cares about me. He's not some evil machine trying to make my life miserable. He's just a flawed human who doesn't know how to express his feelings other than through telling people who care about what to do. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so damn sad.

"Okay, I get it. He's harsh on himself and others, great. But what can I do to let him make me my own mistakes? I don't like living like that, I need to be able to go outside and I enjoy being alone. I like my job as a model no matter what he thinks of it. He can't protect me from everything. It just feels like he doesn't trust me at all"

"Andrew's trust issues are not your or your brothers' fault. The problem is the outside world that cannot be trusted. In his line of work many people who were supposed to be trustworthy betray and cause suffering to others. You know that his job includes dealing with corrupted politicians, law enforcement, rich entrepreneurs. All the people that society trusts to act in a certain way, hold certain standards. Many of them fail to do so. Power makes them immoral, and they're capable to do the worst things imaginable to hold on to it"

The things uncle Julien said to me made me think about what do I want to say to Andrew. I didn't want to just tell him how I feel, I wanted to say something more. I just didn't know what, yet.

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"Andrew, there's no need to force her into therapy if she doesn't want to" Julien repeated to his brother while talking to him over the phone.

"You were never about to change your mind haven't you?"

"You know me, well brother"

"At least tell me if she's okay"

"I think she has a habit of bottling up her feelings. Her former environment didn't really inspired trust in adult taking care of things"

"Are you going to elaborate or will you leave with this?"

Julien smiled widely.

"Of course, dear brother, I will leave you with this. Start communicating with my sweet niece. She deserves better"

"I also deserve better. A better brother" Andrew said sharply as he hung up on his annoying sibling.

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Hi Guys,

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry if it has some mistakes I'm tired and it would take me ages to fix it completely. It's been a long time since I updated so I hope it's enough for you.

Ohhh and also if you like this story you might want to follow me. This is not the only book I'm  currently writing. ♥️

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