Chapter 22: Take Me Apart: Chapter 22

Chaos was an endless pool that I waded in, unable to escape. Darkness closed in around me, and my limbs grew heavier with every movement. The pain didn’t register, only the ache in the middle of my chest.

“Fuck, it smells like bleach in here.” Gin’s voice echoed through the constant fog that surrounded me.

I continued to scrub the grooves between the tiles. My fingers had gone pruny, and I barely resisted the urge to cut the pads of my fingers off.

“Enzo,” Gin called.

I didn’t look up from what I was doing. If I continued to clean and move, then reality stayed far away. I could hold the little control I had over myself.

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, and I went stiff. My stomach rolled. The tiny voice in the back of my head screamed for it to be removed.

“You have to stop this. If you aren’t out there looking for him, you’re in here cleaning.” Gin’s hold tightened as he tried to pull me up. “Shit, Enzo, this isn’t good. When was the last time you slept?”

I couldn’t anymore. All I ever thought about was Tex. When I closed my eyes, I could see his big blue eyes glaring back at me. I could hear his soft laughter or the way he moaned when he was eating my cooking. No sleep for me; it only made the ache worse.

“Enzo!”

I stopped and sat up on my knees. Blinking, I looked up at my brother. My gaze stayed focused for a short second before I noticed the stack of books on the kitchen table. Standing up, I moved toward them and removed them from one surface over to the living room. Books were scattered everywhere, half on the shelf and the others in varying piles.

Bile burned the back of my throat as I stared at the cluttered mess.

“Shit, Enzo. I’ve never seen the place like this. You have to get out of here.”

“He might come back,” I said. It was my answer every time after searching for him for three days straight. Tex hadn’t been at his place or his family home. I’d even gotten information on his partner but nothing.

If it wasn’t for Gin, I would have walked directly into the precinct.

Gin growled. “You have to get your head together. Benito is only going to let so much slide.”

“You either come willingly, or we can do it like old times.”

Gin cracked his knuckles, and I stared at his hands. They were just as bloody as mine.

I sighed and placed the books down. “Where are we going?” I had no desire to be tied up and tossed in the trunk. I wasn’t sixteen anymore. That shit wasn’t funny. Knowing Giancarlo, he’d drive around for a few extra hours just to make me suffer.

“Benito called for us.”

The bruises on my body were a testament to how angry my brother was with me, but I’d given him the same share of bruises. There was no way he was okay with how I’d defended Tex.

“Come on, stop thinking so damn hard. You know how Benito is. This is business.”

I nodded and headed for the door, but Gin stopped me.

“Shower and fresh clothes. Shit, if I didn’t know you, I’d think you were in love, and now your heart’s broken.” Gin started laughing as if it was the most absurd notion. and Maybe at one time, it had been.

Now I wasn’t so sure.

I went to the guest room and cleaned myself up. I hadn’t been able to go to my room without staring at my bed in disdain. There was a reason I never allowed people into my space, and I’d opened it up to Tex. I missed him. I even missed the bell jingling around Pen’s neck.

The drive to the club was nothing more than a blur. Everything was muted, and if I wasn’t focused, everything sounded as if it came through a thick filter, making it soft and warped.

Even stepping into the club wasn’t jarring. It was an annoyance but nothing I couldn’t handle. We made our way to Benito’s office, and each step felt like I was walking closer to a shark-infested tank. My brother wasn’t one to let shit go. I knew he was still angry about Tex, but it wasn’t something I was willing to roll over about either.

Gin opened the door, and we stepped through. Benito was sitting behind his desk, looking over paperwork. The moment we walked in, he looked up with no emotion displayed on his face as he gazed at me.

“Done chasing after the enemy?” Benito asked.

“No.”

Giancarlo sighed as if another fight was about to break out.

“He didn’t even stay. That shows you he never cared in the first place,” Benito said.

Time seemed to freeze around me as I stormed over to my brother’s desk and swiped my hands over it. Everything flew to the side as my hands crashed down hard on the wooden desk. “That isn’t true.”

Benito’s gaze hardened, refusing to give an inch. It made him a great leader but a shit brother sometimes. “Enzo, we’ve been over this. The way you perceive things are different than others.”

My fingers curled, and my knuckles scraped against the wood. Could I have been wrong? The time I’d spent with Tex had felt like so much more. I shook my head.

“Not this time.”

“Enzo—”

I stood back up and met my brother’s gaze head-on. “No. Tex is different.”

“He is a threat to this family.”

Benito wasn’t wrong. Tex’s job was a threat, but Tex himself… I wasn’t sure.

“He stays off limits,” I said.

Benito looked ready to argue, but Giancarlo walked over.

“That’s it, I’m calling it. We are done fighting. We’re brothers.” He leaned against the desk. “You both were hurt differently in the past.”

Benito scoffed, but I knew the truth. My brother had fallen for Brycen; he just hadn’t known that the man was playing us both.

“Enzo, is Tex different?”

I nodded without hesitation. “He is.” I met both of my brothers’ gazes.

Benito stared at me for a long while before he growled under his breath. “You’re willing to risk everything we have for him?”

“Yes.”

Benito’s face showed nothing as we stared at each other. The tension thickened with every second that passed. It was easier to keep a hold of my emotions with Tex not being so close. That day at my place had been one of the few times I’d ever lost it on one of my brothers.

Benito’s eyes said “I’m not.”  He didn’t have to say it out loud. My stomach turned, and I prayed it never came down to me having to face my brother in a life-or-death situation, but for Tex? I would.

“We need to stay focused,” Gin said.

“Did he get anything from your home?” Benito growled.

“No, I don’t keep anything there.”

The tension was so thick I was on edge. Normally, being around my brothers gave me a little bit of peace but right now, I had to watch every move and word that came from both of them. Tex’s life depended on it.

“Benito,” Gin said.

“Shut up!” Benito pulled out a cigarette and lit it with a match. “The cops are always a bother. I will handle it in time.” He lifted his hand, cutting off any protest that sat heavily on my tongue. “Another one of our shipments was taken, and four of our guys are dead.”

“Fuck,” Giancarlo growled.

“How?” I asked. It wasn’t adding up. The information we had on the guy clearly stated he was some cop, but he wasn’t on our payroll. I’d checked multiple times.

“Get your head out of the clouds and do your job,” Benito said. He stared at me. “I need my brother, not a traitor.”

I resisted the urge to flinch and nodded. Telling him I would never betray him was pointless. Benito had already made up his mind; it was up to me to show him that I was behind the family. And that Tex didn’t need to be killed. The latter was going to be a bit harder, but I’d do anything to prove it.

We continued to go over what we’d each found. I hadn’t found shit in the past week; too busy looking for Tex. I couldn’t tell Benito that, so I stayed silent. His unwavering gaze told me he already knew I hadn’t been doing my job.

When our meeting was done, I turned and hightailed it out of there. The tension was even getting to me. I normally thrived under it, but I was feeling out of sorts.

Stepping out of the office, I faced the blaring club music. It was full like always, even on a Thursday night. I leaned over the ledge and stared down at the sea of people.

Familiar blue eyes framed by thick black lashes caught my attention. A square jaw and lips I dreamt about had me taking the stairs down two at a time. I was on the floor, rushing through the crowd of people. Sweaty bodies pressed against me slowing me down as I headed for him.

The closer I got, the further away he ran. I chased after Tex wanting nothing more than to catch him. This time, I wouldn’t let him escape. The backdoor flung open, and a few seconds later, I ran out.

Instantly, I spotted the jacket he’d been wearing. My feet couldn’t carry me fast enough to him. I wanted to call out his name, but my mouth stayed shut. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

“Shit, what the fuck, dude?” A stranger with a heart-shaped face and brown eyes stared back at me. A mouth that wasn’t Tex’s turned down in a frown. He jerked out of my hold. “Man, the hell is your problem?”

I knew what I saw. There was no way I was hallucinating. I grabbed the stranger before he could go anywhere.

“Where did you get this jacket?”

“What business is it of yours?”

I stepped closer and looked down at him. Either he saw his death in my face, or his instincts kicked in. The stranger’s body went stiff, and he broke eye contact.

“Some guy tossed it at me with some cash and said stay there.”

“Where did he go?” The desperation in my voice rang in my ears. I just needed to see Tex. No, that wasn’t true. I needed to hold him and keep him close.

“He ran across the street. I didn’t see which—”

I pressed hard against the pressure point in his shoulder. The stranger’s legs wobbled, and he let out a strangled cry. His hand reached up to wrap around my wrist, but I only applied more pressure.

“O-okay.”

“You’re wasting my time. Which way.”

He released my wrist with trembling fingers and pointed to the left. I let him go and ran. Cold air sawed in and out of my lungs. The burn was nothing compared to the steadily growing ache. I came to a stop at the street light and looked each way.

My heart was pounding, and my lungs burned. I searched each way, but there was no Tex. I pushed my fingers through my hair and tugged. In the place of the tumbling emotions crashing through me, one took control. The one emotion I understood above all.

Anger.

“If I can’t have you, then no one can.”