Chapter 28: Chapter 28: Break Out

I haven’t left these rooms in so long that I’ve almost forgotten what the outside world is like.

Helos is here, beside me, constantly. He only disappears as far as the door to give orders I can’t hear, though I know it is to do with Issar.

Whatever he is planning, he is clearly making moves now.

I don’t ask, though I want to know. A part of me needs to know, but it feels like if I engage, if I start this conversation, I risk letting him in, and then I don’t know how long my resolve will last.

Issar is out there somewhere.

It’s been weeks since his appearance before the Council, and I know we are running out of time.

I am running out of time.

It’s Amera’s wedding this week. I haven’t seen her since the day I stormed into the Council rooms, since the day Helos gave me hope only to take it from me the next moment.

I lie here, trying to ignore him, trying to ignore the smell of him, his power, his prowess.

Even now, when he is as kind and caring as I have ever seen him, his power and his strength still permeates through into my being.

“Who is she?” I ask, breaking hours of silence that have hung between us since our last conversation.

“Who?” he asks, frowning.

“The woman you lost. Whom you spoke about when you pulled me out of the bath,” I say.

He narrows his eyes for a second, then looks up at me, and I’m shocked at what I see. Pain. Sorrow. Guilt. So many emotions that claw at me and make my breath catch.

“Tell me,” I say quietly.

“My wife,” he murmurs.

“What happened to her?” I’ve heard so little about it. I know she died, but in reality, beyond some wild rumors, I know nothing.

“She drowned herself,” he says, his tone hard, cold.

I gulp. “Why?” I ask before I can think not to.

“Because I wasn’t strong enough to protect her,” he states, getting up off the couch and walking to the window to stare out.

I watch him for a moment, seeing this king, this man, looking more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him, and it makes me feel nervous.

I get up, walking to stand beside him. Far below, we can see the soldiers in the courtyard. Milling about. Moving equipment.

“What happened?” I ask quietly.

He lets out a low breath and looks at me.

“We had a girl. She was born early. Too early. She was sickly and her body was not strong.

“Rumors spread that she couldn’t be my child because I am a king and therefore my strength wouldn’t produce such weak offspring.

“I knew it wasn’t true. I knew my wife was faithful, but she couldn’t block the words from her head.

“When our daughter died, it broke our hearts, and my wife couldn’t take it. She drowned herself because she couldn’t bear the shame and the grief.”

“I’m so sorry,” I say.

He shakes his head. “Don’t. You didn’t know her,” he says, shutting his eyes and opening them again. “She was a good woman, a kind woman; in truth, she was too good for this world.”

I don’t know how to reply. I can feel his sorrow, his sadness. It feels strange, feeling such emotions coming from a man who is usually so full of power and confidence.

“She is at peace now,” I murmur.

He turns his head, his eyes flashing dangerously. “Is she?” he asks and I can hear the edge to his voice. The hardness. The anger.

“No one can hurt her now,” I say.

He scans my face. “Is that why you want to do it?”

“What choice do I have?” I reply. “I can’t let him have me again. I can’t take that pain. At least, if I drown, I will return to where I belong. And I will be with my family,” I say, welling up and then sobbing as my body shakes.

“Kera.” He sighs, pulling me into him, letting me sob against his chest.

“I promise I will protect you. I promise you he won’t hurt you ever again,” he says.

“But you can’t promise someone else won’t. Maybe it won’t be Issar next time. Maybe it will be another warlord. Another king,” I reply.

“I won’t let anyone near you.”

I shake my head against his shirt. “I’m so exhausted. Exhausted from what this world has made me, exhausted with constantly having to fight.”

He pulls my face back, lifting my chin to make me look up at him. “Let me fight with you then. Let me chase the monsters away.”

I shut my eyes. I want to argue. I want to give in too. I feel so conflicted. So sad. So utterly drained.

***

My scales are receding. My beautiful, exquisite scales are fading back to nothing, and as they do, they’re becoming more and more painful.

I watch as Helos rubs some lotion into my skin where my few patches are.

The lotion is cold but soothing, and I shut my eyes, trying to ignore all the suggestive things the creature is whispering into my head.

Amera’s wedding is tomorrow.

I still haven’t seen her. Still haven’t talked to her. Helos won’t let anyone near me, and I know it is to do with how my skin is. How visible my scales have been.

He is trying to protect me, and I guess I’m grateful.

These scales are my most prized possession, the most secret part of myself. No one has a right to see them, to even know they exist. They are for me; they are part of me. They are no one else’s business but mine.

And yet Helos has seen them; I know it is the creature that whispers this to me.

She wants me to surrender so badly. To drop my walls, to let this man in. She believes his words. She believes everything he says to us, and all I can do is keep repeating back the same things.

That men cannot be trusted.

That kings especially cannot be trusted.

That they will hurt us and manipulate us and lie, saying whatever they need in that moment to get us to believe, and as soon as we do, they will take a knife and drive it into our heart.

It’s night, and as I curl up to sleep, Helos places another log on the fire to keep the rooms warm. I lie there, staring up at the ceiling, at the plaster above my head.

I don’t know when this will end.

If Helos will grow bored and leave, or when Issar will arrive and whatever Helos has planned will mean he finally has to leave me alone.

Will he have me guarded then? Will he have people here, watching me, on some sort of suicide check?

I grit my teeth and roll over.

In truth, I don’t want to die. I don’t really want to leave this world, but I meant what I said. I can’t go back to Issar and I can’t keep fighting my whole life.

Returning to the water feels like a good solution, an easy solution.

A peaceful one too.

I blink, and for a moment, I remember the feeling of the sea. Of my family. Of everything this world has taken from me.

I will need a bath soon, I think, or worse: I will need some sort of release, to let the creature’s needs be sated.

She has been growing stronger day by day, and though we are now united, friends even, I still can’t risk her taking over.

I have to protect her. I have to keep her safe.

I sigh as my eyes grow heavy and I drift off to sleep. I’m aware Helos is here somewhere, though I know he is not in the bed beside me right now.

But when I open my eyes, barely an hour later, it is not I who looks out—it is her.

She has had enough. She is sick of my stubbornness, my obstinance. I am here, aware but docile almost.

Helos is holding me, his strong arms wrapped around my body, and she rolls me over to face him.

She cups his face, running my hand down along the stubble of his cheek, and he frowns, watching us.

“Kera?” he says quietly, questioningly.

I haven’t touched him or made any moves to touch him beyond letting him hold me, and this sudden affection clearly confuses him.

“Kera is asleep,” she replies.

His eyes open in surprise. “Are you…”

She nods.

He shakes his head. “How is this possible?” he murmurs.

She shrugs. Her lips brush against his, and deep inside, I moan because I remember the taste of them, the feel of them, the memory of how we had been in that moment before everything came crashing down.

“No,” he says quietly, pulling away.

She frowns. She wants him. He wants us. Both of us can sense it still. His arousal, his need. It may not be heavy in the air, but we both know it’s there.

She shifts me nearer, rubbing my soft body against his, and he tenses.

“Stop it,” he growls.

“You want me, King. I know it. You know it too,” she says with my voice.

He snarls, pulling his body away, getting out of the bed.

She sits up, confused. How can this man reject us? How can he turn us down like this? She climbs out of the bed too, walking round to face him.

“Where is Kera?” he asks.

She smiles at him. An alluring, beguiling smile.

And then slowly she drops the straps of our dress and it falls pooling on the floor at our feet.

He gulps, seeing our nakedness, our beauty. His eyes glow and I feel the same wave of arousal starting to heat inside of me.

Only he shakes his head and walks out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him, and we stand there, confounded that he has left.

That he has been ~able~ to leave. To walk away from us in the heat of our desire.