âI am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil.â â Marilyn Monroe
Jay
Thursday, August 15, 2013. 10:00 p.m.th
Show me that money, baby. Itâs all I live for. All Iâd die for.
Okay, maybe not die for, but Iâd sure as hell do anything for it.
My body moves along with the music, while I lick my lips like the slut I pretend to be. The man behind me is staring at my ass and I give him every reason to keep on doing just that. Bending over, I wink at him while giving him a real show. His dropping jaw tells me he likes what he sees. Most men do. I know exactly how to give it to them, how to push their buttons, and how to get them to spend more money on me. Of course, thatâs what itâs all about.
They can call me whatever they want; a whore, a slut, a stripper, a bimbo, a bitch. I donât give a crap. Their opinions donât say shit about me and Iâm earning all the money I need to maintain myself. I think Iâm doing fine for a twenty-three-year-old. I earn more money than any other girl my age. Plus, I love the attention. Theyâre on me like bees on honey, and I love the thrill of it.
The red velvet room and flashing lights put me in a trance as I dance to the sultry music. I sway my hips back and forth, showing the audience my best bits. Iâm high as fuck, which only adds to the sensation of not giving a fuck and just enjoying the ride. I honestly donât give a shit, which is exactly what the drugs do for me. Not a care in the world and I can just keep on doing what Iâm doing.
I bite my lip and push my chest forward. Hugging the pole, I lick it and drag my tongue up and down. I know theyâre imagining itâs their cock: I can see it in their eyes. All. The. Time. Thereâs a bulge in his pants and itâs growing bigger and bigger. If I keep doing this I might even be able to take him back to my hotel room. Two birds with one stone.
Grunting, he pushes himself up from his chair and lunges forward onto the stage, wrapping his hands around my waist. A squeal escapes my mouth, but itâs more from surprise than fear. The manager steps out from the back, frowning, pointing his finger at the dude grabbing me.
âGet your hands off her.â
âItâs okay, Don, Iâll take him.â
He squints. âYou sure about that, Jay? Heâs been nothing but trouble.â
âI can handle it.â
The guy puts me down on the floor, twirling me in his arms. âI want you.â
âWell, you can have me, babe, as long as you keep paying.â
âOh, Iâll pay all right,â he groans. Biting his lip, his hands drift down to my ass and squeeze.
I peel away his fingers one by one and wink. âNow, now, letâs get to the room first.â
âI wanted you minutes ago.â
âYou can wait another five minutes,â I say, and I turn around. âDon, Iâll be back in thirty, okay?â
âMake it a quickie.â
I raise my thumb and grab ahold of my customerâs hand. âCâmon, cowboy.â
I walk to the exit and put on one of the long coats hanging on the coat stand for occasions like these where we, the girls, have to go out into the street still wearing our outfits.
âSo, whatâs your name?â I ask.
âBilly.â
I squint and give him my cheeky smile. âDarn, Billy! I guess Iâm doing a real cowboy today then.â
âYou can do me all day if you want,â he says with a low voice.
âI bet youâd like that. Hmm ⦠But you know what I offer.â
He winks. âYes, I do, maâam.â
âA suck or a jerk, thatâs all youâre getting, okay?â
âFine by me.â
He smirks and lets me drag him out of the club. My motel room is just a few blocks away, which isnât a coincidence at all. I knew when I started working for Don that thereâd be more involved than just dancing naked. Just because itâs illegal here in Waco doesnât mean it doesnât happen. And itâs not like Iâm giving myself to some random dude or something; Iâm only going to blow him, nothing else. Itâs a cheap way to earn an extra buck or two. If Iâm lucky, heâll throw in a tip as well. I know how to suck them dry, financially as well as the juices.
I stop a cab on the street and we get inside. Billy tries to fondle me in the car, but I swat away his hand each time he tries. Just because he could touch me in the club doesnât mean he can do it anywhere he wants. I want to see some money first.
When we finally get to The Town House Motel I go to my usual room number seven and make sure nobody saw us before I close the door. The owner knows we do this, but he turns a blind eye to it all. They ignore any weird noises. So long as we pay for the room and clean it before we leave, itâs all good. I suppose itâs a kind of beneficial agreement he has going with Two Minnies, the club I work for. Whatever it is, Iâm cool and Iâm definitely not passing up the offer to earn some extra money.
Itâs the only way to feed my addiction and let all the reins loose.
I lock the door from the inside and tuck the key in between my breasts. Billy is breathing down my neck, his hands on my waist, slowly moving down toward my ass. I frown and turn around, throwing off my coat.
âNo touching.â
âWhat?â he says, raising one of his eyebrows.
âFirst, the payment. Itâs fifty for a jerk off, hundred for a blowjob.â
He laughs and pulls me closer, his hands rough and strong, clamping around my back. Unyielding. Scary.
âNo, hun, I want to fuck you,â he says, smirking. His hands drift down to my ass and squeeze tight. He leans in and tries to kiss me, but I push back.
âNo, I only do blowjobs and hand jobs, thatâs it. I told you and you agreed. Now pay up or get out.â
He grunts, his smile creeping me out to the tenth degree. This isnât good. So totally not good.
Iâm normally quite capable of reading customers, so I donât understand why I got so caught off guard with this one. Thereâs something about him that made me think I could do this and trust him, but now ⦠no ⦠this is wrong.
âCâmon, doll.â He grinds his cock against my thighs, clenching me close to him, but I shove him away. The look on his face changes from extreme horniness to anger.
âGet. Out.â I squint and take out the key again. While I try to unlock the door he storms toward me.
âFuck you. I paid before, now give me what I want!â He grabs ahold of my arm and jerks it away from the door. The key drops to the floor. I scream as he grabs both my arms and turns me around toward the bed. Kicking backwards, I fight him off, but heâs too strong for me. I throw my head back, butting him against the forehead. He growls and takes a step back, which gives me room to escape. I throw my full weight into him, shoving him aside so I can run to the door. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I have to get out of here.
I fish the key from the floor and fumble with it, my hands trembling as I try to jam it inside. âCâmon, câmon, câmon you piece of shit!â
âYou bitch!â he yells, and I hear him stomp toward me. Oh shit.
His hands are around my waist, pulling me back toward the bed, while I scratch and claw at him as fast and hard as I can. His blood is under my fingernails, but he keeps going. He turns us both, twisting my ankle as he throws me onto the bed. He throws himself onto me, pinning both my arms onto the bed while he jerks his pants down.
âGet off me!â I scream, thrashing underneath him.
He lodges his arm against my throat, choking me. âShut the fuck up, you whore.â
He pushes down so hard I can barely breathe. Gagging, I turn my head and bite him as hard as I can. It only makes him more determined to take me against my will. With one hand he rips down my panties. He spreads my legs with his heavy body, and I feel his cock against my thighs. No, no, no, this isnât happening. I wonât let him!
I gather all my strength and slam into his balls with my knee. He takes in a sharp breath and staggers, giving me enough time to push his arm away from my throat so I can breathe. I kick him again, and he tumbles to the side, grabbing his balls with both his hands as he rolls around on my bed.
âYou fucking bastard!â I make a fist and punch him in the belly.
The sound that comes from his mouth is just a small consolation for what he tried to do to me.
I quickly turn around and jerk open the drawer of the night stand, fishing out the gun I keep for moments like these. One click and itâs loaded, ready to fire.
âGet the fuck out!â I say, stumbling off the bed, pointing at the door. With one quick jerk I pull my panties back on, because I donât want that fucking bastard looking at me. The gun is pointed at him, but my hands are shaking. Iâm weak. I hate it.
Get over it. This fucking piece of shit deserves to die.
The moment he sees the gun his eyes widen and his movement stops.
âGet out!â I scream, flicking the gun between him and the door.
He scrambles up from the bed and pulls up his pants, making me painfully aware of the fact that he touched me. That my clothes are ripped, and that he was about to stick his junk into me.
Fuck, this is fucked up.
âIâm not saying it again. Get out or Iâll fucking kill you right now!â I yell.
âOkay, okay, Iâm going,â he says, walking around the bed. I follow his every step, vigilant, because I know pigs like him canât be trusted. He could still change his mind and try to force himself on me again. Iâve seen it before with another girl at the club. One time this girl was flirting with a customer and I knew she was taking him over the edge with her lap dance. The edge means they arenât able to walk away anymore. The men want more, and they wonât stop until they get it. Not all of us are willing to give it, but she was. She wasnât willing to give up her pussy, though. Just like me. We give them pleasure, but the pussy is off limits. Too bad for her she didnât carry a gun around, unlike me. It was the last day I ever saw her.
My anger gets the better of me, because Billyâs face while he tried to push inside me is still imprinted on my retinas. So I bend over and take off my high heels, throwing them at the back of his head. âHurry up, you piece of shit!â
He turns around and rubs his head. âWhat the fuck? Iâm leaving, arenât I?â
âI should kill you for what you did!â
As Billy twists the key in the lock, a knock is audible, and he freezes. I keep the gun pointed at his head, air leaving my lungs in rapid breaths as Billy backs away from the door. The door creaks. Iâve never heard it creak before.
Suddenly, the door bursts open, a shiny black shoe smashing the lock. I stiffen, chills running down my spine. The leg retreats. A gun appears out of nowhere. A black, velvet-gloved hand holding it. Fingers moving to the trigger.
Bang.
Itâs not loud, like in the movies. Itâs a thud, like someone just punched a pillow. The shot is soft, but unmistakably a gunshot.
At first there is nothing. Seconds seem like minutes as I stand here trembling with a gun in my hand, watching everything unfold. Fingers shake and breaths falter. Blood pours from his head. Billy falls to the ground.
My jaw drops because I canât believe my eyes. Billy is dead, but it wasnât me who killed him.
The gun fires again and again, two shots, one right between the eyes and one into the heart. Each one pulling me further away from this world. It all feels like a dream, but I know itâs not. I just wish it was so I could force myself to wake from this nightmare.
I want to scream, but I canât. Air is trapped in my throat and it canât escape. I donât even know if I should run. Iâm frozen in place as the mysterious killer steps into my room and reveals himself to me. A bald stranger wearing a fitted black suit, a white collar contrasting the colorless ensemble. Lines of ink stick out from underneath, tattooed into his skin on both sides of his throat. However, the most striking of all is the x-shaped scar that marks his right eye. A wound seared into his skin ages ago, leaving ruin and havoc on his face. His eye has been replaced with a metallic fake; an eerie warning of the horrible events that heâs involved in. Events that I might get involved in too now.
Who is this man that stepped into my room?
Why is he here?
Can I trust him?
His face turns from Billy to me. An eye as black as night stares back at me, unsettling me to my core. At first both his eyes widen, but then they narrow, as if heâs surprised. I shiver, trying to keep the gun steady, but I fail in my attempt to keep it together. The look in his eye reminds me of the stories my nanny used to read to me, stories about the devil.
His steps are fast and big as he comes toward me, indifferent about the gun in my hand.
âDonât come closer! Iâll shoot,â I warn, but his hand is already locked firmly around my wrist. He jerks it to the side, forcing me to drop the gun. I yelp as his hand moves from my wrist to my neck, choking me. I wrap my fingers around his, desperately trying to claw my way out, but itâs no use. Heâs twice as strong as me, and his will seems unbendable.
Terror fills me as the gun in his hand rises to eyelevel. The cold metal feels like a burn against my skin. He looks me straight in the eye, his coal-black eye filled with chilling determination.
But then he waits.
Seconds pass. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock hanging on the wall drives me insane. Death is at my doorstep, but he wonât come for me. Instead, Iâm left waiting in agonizing fear. I hate this.
âPlease, donât do this,â I say, my lips trembling.
He doesnât respond; instead his grip on my throat tightens. I try to swallow, but gargle instead. My fingers are still trying to pry him loose, but he wonât let go. Iâm afraid and yet I canât stop fighting.
Why does he want to kill me? What did I do? Who is he? Why hasnât he killed me yet?
Questions and thoughts rage through my mind. I need to escape. I donât know why. I never cared for my life except now, when itâs threatened. My instincts have kicked into full gear.
His eyes narrow and his lips become thin lines as he pushes the gun against my forehead. I stare at him, tears welling up in my eyes. It seems as though heâs grinding his teeth, his eye shifting back and forth between my eyes and my lips.
âPlease ⦠I donât want to die,â I manage to whisper.
His nostrils flare and a long, drawn-out sigh comes from his nose. His eye is on me like that of a hawk, never diverting its attention, but something tells me this isnât normal. This isnât how my life should end. It would be over by now if it was.
He purses his lips, his fingers slowly unraveling from my throat. I cough as the pressure is removed and Iâm able to breathe again. My lungs expand rapidly as I soak in the oxygen, inducing a gag reflex. But I have to stay still. His gun is still placed firmly against my head as his hand lowers to his side. Both his eyes have this murderous look in them, like heâs possessed.
Or maybe angry. Angry with me? No, that canât be. I donât even know him.
âDonât kill me,â I say calmly. I look at him, trying to make him see the innocence in me, even though I know itâs barely there. However, even after all the things Iâve done, Iâm not worthy of dying.
His face is unmoving, but lets me know there is something not right. This isnât how itâs supposed to go. Somethingâs wrong, because he wouldâve killed me by now if there wasnât. I have to make use of it.
My hand, although trembling, reaches for the gun. Before my fingers can touch it, he opens his mouth.
âSit.â His voice is dark and full of unspoken words. Not dark like liquid chocolate, but dark like death.
His eye briefly darts to the bed next to me as he sways the gun to the left, just a little, but not enough to make it go away from my forehead. Not enough to keep me from dying if he pulls the trigger.
I shift my feet just enough so that Iâm against the bed with my legs, but not enough to make him think Iâm trying to escape. I donât want him shooting me for no reason. So I do as he says and gently sit down on the bed, careful not to agitate him.
My heart is racing, practically beating out of my chest as far as I can tell, but I wonât show it to him. I need to be calm and watch what he does. I need to see all the tiny details, remember everything that happens, and find a way to escape. This man isnât ordinary; heâs a killer. Not a murderer who kills random strangers, but someone who plots and calculates his movements. Someone whoâs dangerous, because he doesnât care. I can tell by the way he killed Billy without a hint of remorse.
I wonder why heâs targeting me.
âWhy?â
He doesnât answer. All he does is keep the gun pointed at my face. Although heâs a little further away from me than he was before, it still doesnât make me feel like I can handle this. Itâs unlike anything else Iâve had to deal with, and Iâve dealt with some fucked-up shit.
âWhat do you wââ
âShut up.â His command is short and snappy, as if heâs mad at me.
I take in a gulp of air and stare at the carpet, feeling so utterly out of control. My gun is right next to his feet. If I could only grab it, I could fight my way out. If I can shoot him anywhereâin the leg, in the feet, in the balls for all I care, I could distract him long enough to escape.
If only I could reach for the gun without risking him blowing my brains out.
In complete silence I sit on the bed, waiting for my assailant to tell me what he wants. I donât understand why heâs here. He killed Billy and then came for me, but why? Why did he kill Billy and not me? Whatâs different about me? What does he want? Is he here for me?
The more I think about it, the more powerless I feel. I used to believe in living until youâre sick of it. I danced all night, drank every type of liquor there was, snorted and smoked as much as I could, used myself and let men use me, and did all the things God has forbidden. I thought it didnât matter, because my life was mine and if I was to live it, Iâd live it my way.
Now, Iâm not so sure about it anymore. My life is on the line and all of a sudden itâs become clear that what Iâve done might be exactly the reason I find myself here in the first place. That my choices and wrongdoings have led to this moment, where a disfigured stranger wants to kill me.
I probably even deserve it.
I snort and swallow away the tears welling up in my eyes. Iâm pathetic. A whining sack of shit. I shouldnât be crying, and Iâm trying to keep the tears at bay, but itâs hard. As much as I donât want to admit it, because it makes me look weak, and I hate being weak ⦠I donât want to die.
I want to live.
All Iâve ever wanted is to live and feel alive.
Now, more than ever, I realize that Iâm not ready to give up. That Iâm not ready to let someone else decide what happens to me. Iâll do anything to keep whatâs mine. My beginning. My middle. My end. Iâll fight for it with everything I have.
The mystery man takes another deep breath. His hand moves up and it makes me instantly aware of his movement. He rubs his bare head, avoiding the scars completely, which surprises me, because his head is littered with them. Itâs something I force myself to remember. It may seem like something unimportant, unnoticeable, but itâs not. Every tiny detail is a piece of the puzzle and once they are put together theyâll help me put reason to this insanity. To save myself I have to unravel the secrets he hides. In order to escape I have to use all his weak points to my advantage. Heâs not the type to let his victims run after heâs caught them. I can tell by the way he killed Billy; three clean shots. Coldhearted, no mess, precisely as he meant it to be. Heâs a planner. Someone who knows what heâs doing and keeps control at all times. Someone who needs to believe heâs in charge. Someone who needs everything to be under his control before he relaxes.
Which is why it surprises me that he has clearly deviated from his plan. His plan was to kill me. He didnât. He still hasnât. Thatâs my way in.
He wonât let me go of his own free will. I have to make him believe it first.
Iâm still staring at the gun on the floor, the metal that might save my life or end it. The ticking of the clock makes me restless, because I know that every passing second I donât take action I lose the chance to save myself. Only minutes have passed but it feels like a lifetime already.
âStop. I know what youâre doing. It wonât work,â he says, and then he bends over, still keeping the gun pointed at my face. He picks up the gun on the floor and gets back up into a standing position. He brings it to his mouth and unloads it with his teeth. Then he throws it a few feet away.
Suddenly his own gun moves away from my head in a flash. Itâs lightning fast. A loud shot. The gun on the floor shatters into a million pieces, bits flung through the room from the explosion. Just when heâs distracted, I lunge forward and try to grab his gun. One quick elbow jab and Iâm back on the bed.
âI said sit down!â he growls. âOr Iâll put a bullet in you, too.â
The gun is immediately back in my face. I shriek, covering my face with my arms, protecting myself, even though I know it wonât help. Iâm terrified.
âPlease, let me go. I didnât do anything.â It takes a few seconds for him to even let me know heâs still in this room, because my eyes are closed. I donât want to look death in the face.
He snorts. âThatâs laughable.â
I lower my hands and look at him. âPlease, Iâll do anything. Just let me go.â
âI doubt there is anything you can do to save yourself. Youâre already lost.â
I donât know what he means by that, but I know thereâs always a way out. âWhat do you want? Do you want money? Do you want me?â
âI donât need your money.â
âThen what do you want? I can give you anything if you let me go. You can have me if thatâs what youâre after.â I open my arms and place them beside me on the bed, flaunting my breasts.
âYou think thatâs what Iâm after?â He laughs. It sounds maniacal. âYouâre pathetic.â
His words hurt, but I wonât let them get to me. I donât care that I just offered myself to him willingly; I want to live. Iâll do anything for it.
I grab myself and wrap my arms around my waist, feeling very exposed all of a sudden. His frown is condescending, but the way he holds the gun is much scarier. He grinds his teeth, almost breathing fire. His fingers are clenched around the metal, as if heâs forcing himself to pull the trigger.
But he doesnât. Why? Whatâs stopping him?
âIf youâre not going to kill me, please ⦠just let me go.â
A rumbling laugh comes from deep within his chest. âWho said I wonât kill you?â
âBecause you would have done it by now if that was the case.â
He squints. âOr Iâm savoring the moment.â
I swallow. The eerie warning behind his message sends shivers down my spine.
âWhy did you kill him then?â I ask.
âBusiness.â
âWhat kind of business? Who kills people like that?â
âMy business. Now stop talking.â
âNo.â
He lifts an eyebrow. âDo you think this is a game?â
âNo.â
âDo you want to die?â
âNo.â
âThen stop asking questions.â
âIâm not just going to sit here with you pointing a gun at my head. If you think I am the type of girl to sit still and be quiet while she waits for her captor to kill her, youâre wrong.â
He snorts and shakes his head. âOh, I know what kind of girl you are. Youâre a whore whoâll do anything for money.â
Even though I donât know him, his words still reach me. Heâs right, but nobody has the right to call me that.
âIâm not a whore.â
âNo?â He steps closer. Sweat rolls down my back as he stops in front of me and leans over. âYou just begged me to release you. You offered yourself to a stranger, a killer, as a way out.â A devilish smile appears on his face. âAs much as I would like to take you up on that offer, I have other things on my mind right now.â
âYou mean deciding whether or not youâre going to kill me?â
âExactly.â The smile on his face is morbidly charming. Only now do I really get a chance to look at him properly. The scar on his face is horrendous, but itâs an old one. The skin around his right eye has formed twisted scars in one giant x shape from his cheek to his eyebrow, as if something was seared into his skin. The hair on the back of my neck stands up.
His hand lifts, and I instinctively back away. His fingers curl around my chin as he forces me to look at him. The smell of leather increases my heart rate, and it feels like my skin is on fire where he touches me. His fingers gently move to my cheek, almost as if heâs caressing me. His eye stares right into mine, like heâs seeing something thatâs not even there.
I move my head away. âDonât touch me.â
A smirk appears on his face. âThatâs amusing. I must be the only person you say that to.â
I want to bite his fingers off after he says that, but I know itâll get me in trouble, so I keep quiet and grind my teeth instead.
Clearing his throat, he steps back again, still pointing the gun at my face. He checks his watch and rubs his temple. Itâs almost as if heâs waiting for something. His expression is dark and he looks frustrated. The watch must have something to do with it, because he canât stop looking at it in between checking if Iâm still there. His tongue quickly darts out to wet his lips, and somehow my attention is drawn to it. If I want to escape, Iâd better do it before the time heâs waiting for runs out.
I slowly get up from the bed in the most sensual way I can, putting the focus on the fact that Iâm only wearing panties and a sultry red top from the club. Heâs completely rigid, but his eye follows my every movement as I step into his shadow. I try to seduce him with my eyes, licking my lips, while I touch his arm and rub my breasts against him. His face is unmoving, not showing even the least bit of interest.
Until that one time he blinks.
Thereâs my chance. I donât need to seduce him to escape. All I needed was a tiny distraction.
I immediately make a run for it, the door within my grasp. Just before I can touch the doorknob, he grabs my arm and jerks me away from my freedom.
âOh, no you donât,â he says, pulling me back by my arms. He has them locked tightly behind my back as he drags me away from the door and throws me onto the bed. A cry escapes my mouth as I land on the mattress, my eyes zooming in on the gun thatâs pointed at my head again.
âSay bye to your pitiful life, Jay.â