I get into Ben's car, trying to control my breathing. My head still hurts, even if it's not quite as bad as before.
Ben watches me. "Have you eaten or gotten anything to drink since I last saw you?" He questions. "Soup and a sandwich," I say. He frowns. "You should be drinking more." He tells me.
I shrug. "I'm serious." He says, pulling out of the driveway. He turns the opposite way of his house and the hospital, and I look at him confused. "Where are we going?" I ask. "I need more coffee." He mumbles.
I turn toward the window, trying to hide my smile. He's cute when he gets grumpy. He pulls up to the drive-through and orders, turning to me.
"Want anything?" He asks. I shake my head. "Suit yourself." He shrugs. I watch him, and it's then that I notice more details. There are dark circles under his eyes that I didn't notice before. In fact, this would be his second coffee today since he had one at breakfast. Which makes me wonder... how much sleep did he get? He was already awake when I woke up from my nightmare, even though he had said he was going to bed soon, plus I fell asleep first after that.
He looks over at me, catching me staring. "What?" He grumbles. "Just thinking," I say, copying the phrase he used yesterday. He shakes his head, trying not to smile as he leans out the window. His fingers run through his hair as he rests an arm on the door.
He pulls ahead and pays, getting his drink. I grimace as a small shot of pain rushes through me, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared. Ben hasn't noticed, as he's putting his drink in the cupholder.
He looks up at me, barely catching my expression. His facial features quickly shift from grumpy to worried. "Jay?" I wave a hand at him. "I'm fine. Let's go." He pulls out and we head toward his apartment, but I can feel his eyes on me. I stare out the window trying to avoid his concerned gaze. I'm startled when he opens the door, and I realize we've pulled up to his apartment.
"Are you alright?" He asks. I look him in those bright green eyes but end up quickly glancing away. "Uh yeah..." I say, clearing my throat. I climb out of the car and we walk inside. I catch him glancing at me through my peripheral vision, but I look away. If I look at those eyes I'll start staring again.
I plop onto his couch and lay down. He throws his keys on the counter and sits on the floor, leaning against the couch. "You could sit by me you know," I say. "Nah, it's floor time." He says. I smile, stifling a laugh.
He's drinking his coffee through a straw and he's decided to put his feet up on the coffee table, sitting him in a very strange position. I turn to him, suddenly struck with a thought.
"Where do you work?" He tries to blow a piece of hair out of his face, frowning when it settles in front of his eyes again. "Ben," I say, trying to keep my smile at bay. "Huh? Oh, there's this little bookstore down the street that one of my friends owns. He pays me pretty decently, so I help out there." I nod, lost in thought. He probably spends a lot of time with this other guy then. I stop myself. He's not even my boyfriend and here I am getting jealous.
I look over at him. He's distracted again, this time trying to get every little sip out of his coffee with the tiny little straw. He's such a dork; I can't help but grin. I'm tempted to just pull him in for a kiss, but then what?
If he's straight, he pushes me away, our friendship is ruined, and my heart gets shattered. It wouldn't be the first time that I read signals wrong, jumped to conclusions, and messed things up. At this point, it's better to let things be.
Ben looks at me, noticing how quiet I've gotten. "Do you want to start a movie? We can finish it after your appointment." I check my phone, realizing it's 4. "Alright." I agree. He gets up and throws his coffee cup away, then comes back and stops in the middle of the room.
"The remote is probably in the couch cushions again." He says. I move my feet and he digs around, pulling out a remote. He plops next to me and props his feet up on the coffee table, turning on some comedy movie.
I find myself looking at him instead of paying attention to the movie. His face lights up when he smiles, and he's got the biggest idiot grin from all these jokes the movie is dropping. Gosh, I wish he was gay.
He pauses the movie about a half-hour in. "Almost time to head out." He comments. I'd almost forgotten about my appointment, distracted by his features glowing from laughter. I sigh and stand up as he grabs his keys off the counter. I follow behind him and we head out to his car.
I freeze as a sharp pain splits through my head. I clench my teeth, willing it to go away. Ben is unlocking the car doors and turns to see me still standing by the entrance to the apartment complex. "You coming?" He asks. I'm desperately trying to mask my pain but another shock wave hits me and I gasp.
The world is becoming blurry, and I'm in a state of confusion. Everything is moving and I'm dizzy. "Maybe I should... sit down." I gasp out. My chest is heaving, thirsty for air that seems to have disappeared. Everything around me has become a swirling mass of colors. I'm trying to make sense of it all but everything is swimming.
I'm disoriented and shaken, trying to hold onto consciousness. My shaking hands recognize rough pavement beneath me; Ben must have laid me on the sidewalk. I grope around, trying to find him.
A hand appears gently on top of mine and I squeeze it tight as I wheeze, struggling to get air. I feel so weak and vulnerable like I could be shattered with a single breath. I'm overheating even though the temperature outside was cool.
It feels as if there's a fire trapped inside my head trying to slam against the sides of my head and escape. My vision is slowly getting darker. "Shit shit shit," I mutter repeatedly. I squeeze Ben's hand tighter, trying to endure the pain. A gentle tap from his other hand reminds me that he's there for me.
Just when I think I'm about to pass out, my vision slowly clears. I'm panting heavily, and still in pain, but it's slowly fading over time. As things begin to focus I recognize Ben's face leaning over me. "Hey. Can you hear me?" I squeeze his hand, trying to signal a yes.
It's only then that I realize how hard I must have been clenching it before. I'm trying to steady my breathing as I train my eyes on his. I smile weakly, panting for air. "Just keep breathing." He murmurs, my hand still in his.
He bites his lip. "It might be a good idea to get inside. It looks like it's going to rain, and at this point, I think I'll just call my dad and have him come here when he gets off work." I nod weakly, slowly sitting up with his assistance.
Another wave of dizziness overcomes me, but Ben stops me from falling back. "Steady now." He says, gripping my shoulders. He bites his lip again in thought. "How about I just carry you?" I'm too distracted to argue much, so I just nod slightly.
He lifts me into his arms bridal style and I rest my head on his shoulder as he walks inside. We go back into his apartment and he lays me on the couch. I'm trying to ignore the pain I'm in, but it's constant and fierce, which makes it impossible.
I inadvertently let out a groan as another shock wave hits my head. Ben disappears into the kitchen and brings me back a glass of water. "Jay? Can you please try to drink this?" He asks. I reach for the glass with shaking fingers, but as soon as I think I've got it, my grip fails and the glass crashes to the floor and shatters.
"Shit." I sigh. "I'll clean it up." I move to get off the couch but Ben stops me, placing a hand on my chest. "You're not going anywhere. Lay down. It's okay, I've got it."
I open my mouth to complain, but my vision is interrupted with a wave of black and I lose my bearings. As my vision clears, Ben slowly comes into focus, his hands gripping my shoulders.
"I'm serious. Please lay down. I don't want you fainting into the broken glass." I let him guide my body back into a lying down position, and I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to make the pain evaporate. I'm vaguely aware of Ben's movement across the apartment, but my sense of awareness is fading away. It seems as if all I did was close my eyes, but when I open them again Ben is hovering over me with a concerned expression on his face.
I sit up, holding my throbbing head. "Hey, lay back down," Ben says. I look at him stubbornly. "Why?" He searches my eyes. "Jay... you just passed out again." I look at him, confused.
Ben sits on the couch next to me, biting his lip. "You don't remember do you?" He says, peering carefully into my face.
I blink back at him. "How much do you remember?" He asks. "I broke a glass... You went to clean it up and made me lie down." He nods. "And then?" "I closed my eyes?" I venture. "You don't remember anything after that?" He asks, his brows crinkling. I shake my head.
He bites his lip. "I cleaned up the glass and then I put the broom away. When I came back you were standing in the kitchen and looking in the cabinet at the glasses. When I asked you what you were doing you told me you were buying me a new glass. Then your eyes rolled back in your head and you collapsed on the floor."
I stare at him, trying to recall any of the events he described, but nothing comes to mind. He watches me, reaching out and putting a hand on my knee. "Hey, it's okay. Lie down; I'm going to grab my phone and see when my dad's coming, okay? I'll be right back." I nod numbly, lying back on the couch.
My thoughts are racing. How could I just skip a whole chunk of time? Ben enters the room again, typing away on his phone. "He'll be here soon. Just... please try to take it easy until he arrives." I move my feet and he plops down on the end of the couch, pulling my feet into his lap.
I scrunch the rest of my body up, feeling chilly. Ben raises an eyebrow at me when I involuntarily shiver. "You okay?" He asks. "Just a little cold," I say. Actually, that's a lie. I'm freezing.
"I can grab a blanket." He offers. I shake my head, not wanting to inconvenience him, but he gets up anyway and gets a blanket from his room. "Here. Put your head on me instead of your feet too."
I wiggle down the couch and he throws the blanket on top of me. I lift my head and he sits down, gently resting my head on his lap. I close my eyes and try to relax, but it's difficult when my head is in so much pain. A hand appears on my forehead and I crack an eye open. "What are you doing?" I mumble, snuggling into the blanket.
"Trying to see if you have a fever." He pauses. "Your forehead is pretty warm, especially since you said you're cold."
"Well if you get up to get the thermometer I'll be even colder." I grouch. He throws his head back and laughs, tapping my nose. "Yes, but if you have a fever my dad will want to know. I'll just be a minute." I let out a sigh. "Fine," I mutter.
He scoots out from under me and rushes down the hall, returning with the thermometer in his hand. "Less than a minute." He says, grinning triumphantly at me. I shake my head, trying to hold back a smile as he rejoins me on the couch.
I pull the blanket tighter around me and let him take my temperature. He pulls the thermometer out of my mouth and frowns after reading it. "You have a fever again." He tells me. I sigh and scoot closer to him, trying to get more warmth. My eyes droop and I fall asleep with my head on his lap.