Jay turns his gaze out the window as he finally begins to talk while I drive. "I guess, just a lot of not so good memories have been in my head all day and it's getting hard to brush them off."
I nod, encouraging him to continue, but he doesn't say another word for several minutes. I start to wonder whether I pushed the topic too hard when I glance over and realize that his entire face is scrunched up in pain, his eyes squinted closed.
I immediately pull over, putting the car in park on the side of the road even though we're nearly home.
I place a hand on his shoulder, watching him closely. "Deep breaths in and out. Hang in there."
I bite my lip in hesitation. "We're just a few blocks from home, do you want to wait it out here or try to get you back in the apartment onto the couch?"
He grimaces again, holding his head as he hoarsely whispers, "Drive."
I nod, taking his hand and squeezing once before starting the car back up again and driving as fast as I can without getting pulled over.
I manage to get us back quickly, although how safely I drove was probably a bit on the questionable side.
I slam the car into park and Madelyn wakes in the back seat. "Madelyn, why don't you unbuckle and stand by the front door where I can see you? You can babysit all the penguins for a bit okay? Jay and I will be over in a little bit."
She smiles, taking the penguins in her arms and cuddling them close. I walk around the car to the passenger seat as I watch her walk over to the front step and sit, happily playing with the stuffed animals.
I pull open Jay's door, finding him still hunched over in his seat and holding his head.
"Can we get you inside?" I ask cautiously.
"No." He gasps out, teeth clenched tightly as he breathes heavily.
I take his hand. "Hey you're doing great okay? Keep breathing. Try some deep breaths and focus on me instead of the pain."
He continues to struggle to breathe properly, and I start to worry more as he's nearly gasping for every breath. I've just begun to contemplate speed dialing my dad when his breath slowly begins to go back to normal.
Some of the tension of worry escapes my body, but I can tell that he's still in a lot of pain. "Do you want to try to get inside now?" I ask gently.
He pulls in a shuddering breath and whispers a small "yeah". I slowly help him out of the car, though he still grimaces with each movement and is leaning a fair amount of his weight on me.
Madelyn quickly takes notice as we make our way to the door and comes running over. "What's wrong with Blue Jay?" She exclaims, eyes wide and worried.
He glances over at me, clearly still in too much pain to respond.
"He'll be alright. We've just got to get him inside. How about you get the door?" I suggest.
She nods hurriedly and runs ahead to get the door. Jay shoots me a grateful look and I squeeze his hand again, doing my best to help him inside.
We manage to get to the apartment door, though he's panting heavily again. I take the opportunity to slide him down the wall to rest on the floor while I unlock the door.
Madelyn pats his shoulder gently and gives him his penguin. I watch as he tries to smile at her, though it ends up looking more like a grimace.
"Do you need a minute?" I ask, pausing near the open door. He nods, then immediately winces, hand flying to his head.
"Madelyn, why don't you go play in the living room? We'll come inside in a bit." She pouts, but nonetheless drags her feet inside, leaving us alone.
I squat next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You keep telling me you're fine, but it seems like it's getting worse," I say softly.
"Every time I think things are improving, the pain just comes back. Today was fine... until now." He whispers with a pained smile. "I just want it to go away again."
He suddenly gasps in a breath. "Let's go inside. I feel like I'm gonna puke." He says, now hunching over.
I pull him off the floor and he stumbles into the apartment and down the hall to the bathroom. I stride quickly after him, finding him kneeling over the toilet taking in shaky breaths.
"Hey it's alright," I say, squatting next to him. "Let it out and you'll feel better."
He burps and groans before lurching over the bowl and emptying the contents of his stomach.
After several rounds he's simply panting and trying to catch his breath, though looking absolutely miserable.
His hands are shaking and he looks a bit unsteady, so I pull him over to lean against me, hoping he won't pass out.
"Thanks." He says quietly, momentarily closing his eyes.
"Is there anything else I can do?" I ask gently.
"Head's pounding. Can we lay down?" He whispers.
I nod and stand, turning to help him off the floor.
We make our way across the hall to the bedroom, though he's a bit wobbly on his feet and I have to steady him a few times.
Just as I finally manage to get him to the bed, the doorbell rings. "Lay down, I'll be back as soon as I can." I say, handing him a blanket before rushing down the hall.
Madelyn is still in the living room, happily entertained with the fluffy penguins, though she looks up as I hurry past.
I open the front door to find Alexa standing there with a box, and my brain momentarily freezes. I don't think Jay has told her yet. How am I supposed to handle this?
"Hey Ben. I just came to drop off some of Jay's stuff. Is he here?" She asks.
I hesitate. "Uh, yeah. He's resting though."
She frowns. "That's not like him. Is he alright? I know things have been rough lately, especially with our parents..." she trails off.
She sets her face determinedly. "I'm going to talk to him." She says stepping inside.
"I don't know much of a conversation he feels like holding. He's got a really bad migraine and it's making him sick." I say, gently steering her away.
She frowns. "Well, can you at least tell him I'm here and see if he's up to talking at all?"
I bite my lip. "Yeah, okay." I guide her into the living room.
"Madelyn, this is Alexa, Jay's sister. Why don't you show her the penguins we got today?"
Madelyn grins excitedly and runs over, and I take the opportunity to sneak down the hall to Jay.
I slowly crack the door, closing it behind me softly.
"Hey, your sister is here and wants to talk? Do you feel up to it right now?" I ask gently.
I make my way over to the bed, only able to make out his curled up form with the sun peeking in through the curtains.
He shakes his head slightly, facial expression looking absolutely miserable.
"Will call her another day." He mumbles, eyes closed.
"Okay. I'll bring in the box of stuff she brought in a moment. I'll be right back." I say, sneaking out the door again.
I go back to the living room to find Madelyn still excitedly chatting about her penguins. Alexa looks over at me as soon as I walk in the room.
I shake my head. "He'll call you when he's feeling better."
She frowns. "Okay, I guess I'll go then."
I walk her to the door and she leaves, seemingly upset.
I close the door and sigh, looking over at Madelyn before deciding to call my mom.
"Hello?" She says, picking up on the fourth ring.
"Hey, you're nearly back right?" I ask hesitantly.
"Yep, I'm about a half hour away. What's up?" She asks.
"Jay's not feeling good and I need to be able to keep a close eye on him, but that's hard when Madelyn is here and I also need to watch her. I'd put them in the same room but he's got a massive migraine and she's not exactly the quietest." I say.
"Okay, I'll come right over when I get there. It shouldn't be too long." She responds.
"Okay." I say with a sigh.
We say our goodbyes and I hang up, turning back to Madelyn.
"How about you find a show to watch while I make you a quick snack?" I say, handing her the remote.
She takes it excitedly, flipping through channels as I slip off to the kitchen and get her cheese and crackers.
I bring a plate back into the room for her to find her frowning. She sees me and hands me the remote.
"Find penguins."
I search up penguins for her and turn on a documentary, settling her in with a blanket and her snack.
"I'm going to go down the hall with Jay. Call me if you need something okay? Mom will be here soon."
She nods, snuggling up in her blanket and immediately becoming emotionally involved in a penguin's journey across the ice.
I pick up the box Alexa left and go back down the hall, moving it to one hip as I knock gently on the door before opening it.
I peek my head around the doorframe before quietly sneaking in, setting the box on the floor and joining him on the bed.
"Hey. I brought your box of things." I say.
He does a small hum in acknowledgement and goes back to silence.
"Did you take any painkillers yet?" I ask.
"They don't help. And I'd have to sit up then." He mumbles.
I scoot closer to his figure that's curled up in the shadows of the room, facing away from me.
"Is there anything I can do?" I ask gently.
A few seconds of silence stretch on before he shifts his body to face me and then whispers so softly I barely hear it, "Will you play with my hair?"
I smile and move my hand to his head, gently running my fingers through his blond hair.
I can hear his slightly shaky breathing calm a bit as he relaxes into my touch. He shifts closer and I pull him into my arms so his head leans against my chest as I play with his hair.
His breathing begins to even out and match mine, and his tense muscles slowly relax, until I realize he's fallen asleep on me.
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It's not until several hours later that I blink groggily, realizing I also fell asleep. How did that happen?
I look down to find Jay cuddled into my chest, breathing deeply and still fast asleep.
I slide my hand over my nightstand, finding my phone and noticing it's already supper time.
A text from my mom confirms that she's taken Madelyn home, and I don't have to worry about it anymore.
I look down as Jay suddenly stirs in his sleep, face scrunching up. I put my phone away, hoping it's not the light that's bothered him, but he continues to shift around and I realize he's having another bad dream, just like last night.
I gently shake his shoulder, trying to wake him as he starts to breathe heavily. "Jay."
He suddenly shoots bolt upright, still panting heavily, though awake now.
I place a hand gently on his back and his eyes flicker rapidly toward me. "Hey, it's alright. It's just a dream."
He shakes his head, climbing out of bed and disappearing down the hall. I follow in concern, finding him in the living room taking slow sips from a cup of water he's holding in his shaking hands.
I sit next to him on the couch, trying to get him to look at me, but he avoids my gaze.
Jay stands abruptly and grabs his coat from the chair. "I need to go for a walk. I'll be back soon." He says, going out the front door and leaving me wondering what I could've done wrong.