Ben's P.O.V.
A few hours later, I'm still sitting on the couch, Jay now fast asleep with his head on my lap.
River's still spaced out across from me, and Devon's sitting on the floor scrolling on his phone.
Devon lets out a sigh and sets his phone down, turning to face me. "Has he told Lex yet?" I shake my head. "Honestly, I'm a little surprised he told you. I wasn't sure he was ready."
Devon grimaces. "I'm not completely sure he intended to. He just kind of got fed up and burst out everything at once."
I look down at Jay, whose mouth is slightly parted and his hair messy from shifting around. I gently run my fingers through his hair. "He's just had a rough couple of days. I can tell he needs to talk about it, but I don't want to push him to if he's not ready."
Devon presses his mouth into a flat line. "It's not easy in the first place to get him to talk about anything serious. We've been friends for a long time now, and he still often bottles up his feelings around me. When I do catch onto his emotions, it's when he lets something slip because he's got so much pent up."
He looks away and shakes his head. "I don't know what he's told you, but something else happened last year that had him really shaken up. I always have a hard time getting him to talk about it, but I can tell he's still hurting."
I look down at Jay's sleeping face, which is completely at peace for once. How could someone so wonderful have so many awful things happen to them?
He stirs in his sleep, features flickering momentarily. He mumbles something and I have to lean in to catch the words.
"No, don't leave." My heart crumples and I look over at Devon, who's now back on his phone, paying no attention.
I run my fingers gently through his hair again, but he doesn't seem to calm down. Instead, he begins to toss and turn more, and then he's sweating slightly and talking again. Devon looks up with a frown.
"Should I wake him?" I whisper. However, as soon as the words leave my mouth, Jay shoots upright, suddenly awake and panting hard. His eyes shift wildly around the room in a panic until they land on me and he starts crying.
"Hey, hey. It's just a bad dream. Come here." I say, pulling him into my arms. He's worked himself into such a frenzy that his crying and gasping leads to a coughing fit. I rub his back in an attempt to calm him and whisper in his ear. "It's okay, I'm right here. It was just a nightmare, none of it was real."
I hold him as he slowly calms, burying his face into the crook of my neck with my arms wrapped around him. "How's your head?" I ask quietly.
"Still hurts." He mumbles. "Okay, do you want more medicine?" I ask. He lets out a small hum of agreement.
"Devon, could you grab the painkillers? They're in the bathroom cabinet." He nods and disappears down the hall.
River stretches, setting down his phone. "Are you guys hungry? I'm hungry."
"Yeah, we could order food or go out to eat, but I'm guessing Jay would rather stay here," I comment.
"We could go out..." Jay says.
"Are you sure you're up to that?" I ask worriedly. He dismisses me with a few flicks of his hand and sits up. "I'll be fine."
I watch as he blinks a few times in a row as if adjusting from a dizzy spell. I sigh. "If you're really sure," I say, knowing that the entire time I'm going to be worrying about him.
He nods and I catch a slight wince cross his face before he masks it.
Devon returns with more painkillers, handing them to Jay who immediately downs them. I frown as he stands unsteadily.
"You said we're going out to eat for supper? Where did you guys have in mind?" Devon asks.
Jay shrugs, then suddenly his eyes light up. "Can we go to your family's place? I've been dying for one of those mushroom swiss burgers your mom makes."
Devon nods, looking over at River and me. "You guys okay with that?" "Yeah." River says, standing and stretching.
I lazily slide off the couch onto the floor and just lay there for a moment, suddenly feeling so exhausted that getting up seems such a chore.
"You coming?" River asks, reaching out a hand to help me up. I sigh and then take it, him pulling me to my feet.
I slide my feet into my Converse and grab my keys from by the door, stifling a yawn. I follow them out the door, locking it behind us.
"Who's driving?" I ask, yawning again. River snatches my keys from my hand. "Not you." He says with a small laugh.
We pile into my car, with River driving, me in the passenger seat, and Jay and Devon slightly squished in the back. I can't help but glance in the rearview mirror every so often as Devon gives River the directions. Jay might say he's fine to go out, but he really looks anything but.
It's kind of weird how he manages to look so exhausted and attractive at the same time.
Wait.
We pull up to the restaurant and I snap out of my peculiar thoughts as we pile out of the car.
I glance over at him again, mentally scolding myself. Attractive? No, he's not attractive.
Feathery blond hair, blue eyes, muscular shoulders, build of an athlete, gorgeous smile... okay yeah... he's really attractive.
I walk ahead and hold open the door for everyone. River lags behind a bit and nudges me, nodding toward Jay. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He whispers, smirking.
The heat rises to my face and I open my mouth to defend myself, but nothing comes out.
He walks past me into the restaurant and joins the other two. Devon turns around. "Ben, what are you doing? Come on."
I blink a few times in a row and close my mouth, forcing myself to walk over to them. I catch River still smirking at me and smack him in the arm as I walk past, saying, "Let's go find a table."
We settle down in a booth, River next to me and Jay directly across the table from me, next to Devon.
I skim across the menu as a waiter comes over, trying not to get distracted by Jay.
"Jay! How are you? Practice hasn't been the same without you." The waiter says with a grin. He suddenly realizes River and I are also at the table and points to us. "And who might you two be?" His eyes narrow for a moment at me and he snaps his fingers. "Love interest?" He asks.
The heat rises to my face and Jay cuts in. "That's Ben and River, they're new friends but we've grown close." He says, making eye contact with me. I look away, face flushing.
"My bad. You guys just can't take your eyes off each other. What can I get you all to drink?" I blink a few times in a row, processing his words as he takes the others' orders.
Oh gosh, Jay's been looking at me? Did I even brush my hair this morning? I probably look like a mess. Not to mention, I feel half asleep.
The table is silent and I suddenly realize everyone is looking at me expectantly. "Oh! Um, coffee." I say. The waiter nods and scurries off.
"Ben, you good there? You've been spacing out quite a bit." Devon remarks. "Uh, yep. Just tired." I say, burying my face in the menu. Gosh, why do I have to keep embarrassing myself?
"Anyway, that's Mark. He's on the football team with Jay and me." I nod and cautiously peer over my menu to find Jay watching me. My brain momentarily freezes.
"I'm- uh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Be right back." I say, stumbling over words and quickly shuffling out of the booth. I fast walk away from the table and push on the swinging door to the bathroom, finally out of everyone's view. I go to the sink and splash some water on my face. Geez, what's wrong with me? I need to get a grip.
I sigh, looking in the mirror and wiping the water off my face.
Do I really have time for an existential crisis? I take a few moments to pull myself together while acknowledging that I might be losing it.
The door to the bathroom swings open suddenly, interrupting my nice little internal freak-out. Jay walks in. Of course, it's Jay. Of course, he's the one who sees me like this.
"Hey, you alright?" He asks, walking over to me. I curse myself for the adrenaline rush that takes over my body when he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, sorry," I say, avoiding eye contact.
He leans against a nearby sink. "What do you have to apologize for?" He asks, tilting his head.
I open my mouth, then close it again, instead keeping the words inside. 'Scaring you off, making a fool of myself in front of you, being an idiot', I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut.
"I don't know," I say instead. "Let's go back to the table. I'm fine." I say, walking away. He stops me with a gentle hand on my wrist, spinning me to face him. My heart pounds in my ears. "You're sure?" He says. "Yeah," I say breathlessly, frozen by his gaze.
He releases my wrist and we walk back together, my heart still going crazy.
We slide into the booth again and I keep having to forcefully pull my gaze away from him as the conversation wanders between topics.
I'm staring at him again when I suddenly realize his mouth is moving and he's talking to me. "Sorry, what?" I say. He laughs. "I asked what you were getting to eat," Jay says, pointing to the menu.
"Oh. I'm kind of in a pasta mood, so I'm going to get chicken fettuccine." I say. He smiles brightly and says, "Oh that's really good. That's one of my favorite things here."
He frowns suddenly. "How many coffees have you had today?" He asks. "Uhhhhhhh-" The waiter returns and I'm saved from answering the question as he takes our food orders.
I watch Jay carefully and realize he's feeling worse than he's putting on display. He might be chatting happily, but he's also sneakily rubbing his temples when he thinks I'm not looking.
At this point, I'm fully expecting him to run on supposed full energy and then completely crash from pushing himself too hard and hiding how he's feeling.
However, as much as he wants to, he can't hide everything from me.
"Did you guys get everything figured out at the bookstore?" Jay asks, looking between River and me. River shifts uncomfortably in his seat. I glance over at him, then answer the question myself. "I think so. The detective has some evidence at least." Jay nods.
The waiter brings our food out and Jay looks absolutely delighted to finally get his burger.
I take a bite of my pasta and have to admit, everything is delicious. "This is really good," I tell Devon. He grins with pride. "That's what we strive for."
We're nearly done with our meals and the chatter has died down when I look up to see Jay looking kind of pale. He sways slightly in his seat and I put my fork down with a clatter, reaching an arm across the table to steady him with a hand on his chest. "Hey, are you alright?" I ask.
He blinks a few times in a row and scrunches his eyebrows together. "Sorry, I just got really dizzy all of a sudden." He mumbles.
I glance around the table. "Let's just go home. We're almost done and we'll get boxes for leftovers." Devon nods, signaling Mark.
Jay sighs. "I'm fine." I shake my head. "We were already going to leave soon, let's just go now," I say.
Devon nods. "River and I will box up the leftovers and take care of the money. Walk Jay out to the car and we'll meet you there." I nod, sliding out of the booth.
Jay opens his mouth to protest, but I cut him off. "Oh shush. You're coming with me." He mumbles something about being fine, but stands and lets me guide him out. I push the door open and we walk out into the bright sun. Jay hesitates, so I stop. "What's up?"
He shakes his head, not saying anything, and keeps walking. I watch him through my peripheral, trying to figure out what the problem is. He starts breathing heavily and I stop again, but he shakes his head and pulls me along.
"Jus get to the car." He says, starting to stumble. "Whoa, whoa," I say as he takes the last few steps to the car and slides down to sit on the pavement, holding his head.