Darren sits on a crate. "On that note, what's troubling you?"
I sigh, wiping some juice off my chin and turning my gaze to the sky.
The sun has now peaked over the horizon, the oranges and yellows blending into a soft blue-white.
"I guess... things are just changing so fast. I've always been used to a routine, now it seems like things are spiraling out of control." I finally admit.
He nods. "Change often feels uprooting. Adjustments take time and I think a lot of people forget to stop and consider that. One day you're in high school and the next you're moving out. You're used to the same people and then suddenly it seems like you don't know anyone around you.
I won't say it's easy, but once you get used to a new scenario, it can bring a lot of good, often in ways you don't expect."
I stare thoughtfully into the distance, considering his words.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I think I'm probably just not very good at adapting." I remark, playing with my fingers.
"Comes with time I guess. Been through so much change now that I'm slowly gettin used to some of it. Don't think anyone is ever hundred percent comfortable with it though." He says, organizing crates.
"Just gotta focus on what stays the same and what you can control." He suggests.
I nod, standing and thanking him for the fruit before bidding him goodbye.
I continue on my morning run, a new perspective slowly melding to my older thoughts.
I suddenly realize that my lungs are struggling to keep up. I have to stop and catch my breath again.
I look up and realize I'm not too far from the apartment, so instead I continue the rest of the block before heading down the hall to our place. I'm still slightly wheezing as I open the door.
Ben is standing in the kitchen and immediately turns to me as I enter.
"I was starting to think you'd disappeared on me forever. Whoa... you'd better go sit down." He says, wincing at the end of his remark.
Do I really look that bad?
He guides me to the couch and I sit down as I slowly regain my breath.
Ben climbs onto the armrest, watching me.
"What were you doing? I didn't think clearing your head involved a heavy-breathing session worthy of a marathon."
I shrug, still panting. "Went... for... a run." I frown and cough harshly for a few moments.
Ben purses his lips, his eyebrows crinkling in concern.
"Jay, no offense, but what part of your brain thought that was a good idea? You have pneumonia." He points out.
I shrink back. "Just wanted... to run... again," I say.
His expression softens, his hand moving to my shoulder.
"I know it's something you enjoy, but you need to take it easy for a while."
I break into another coughing fit and flop back against the couch as it ends.
A ringing suddenly echoes in the kitchen, and Ben disappears momentarily, returning with his phone in hand.
"Yeah, just for a few hours. I don't want to leave Jay alone too long." He pauses, listening to the response.
"Okay, yeah. I'll be there in like 5 minutes."
I break into another coughing fit and wince at the pain in my lungs, shooting Ben an apologetic look for all the noise I'm making.
He hangs up and circles back the couch.
"That was Emerson. River's finally released from custody but she needs help at the bookstore running it right now I guess. Something about them putting up a front to help the detectives catch the guys? I'm not exactly sure.
I'll be gone for a few hours, but I'll be back by supper time. Will you be alright until then? I really don't like leaving you alone." He says, biting his lip in worry.
A timer goes off in the kitchen. "Oh dang it, be right back. I made popcorn chicken for lunch." He says, calling over his shoulder.
I hear a few clattering noises of pans before he returns, expression suddenly unsure.
He shakes his head. "I really don't want to leave you alone. I could take you with me? Or maybe I can find someone else to help out..." he trails off, scrolling through his contacts.
"Ben. I'll be fine. It's just for a few hours."
He winces. "Isn't that what last time was? Look what happened then." He sighs, raking a hand through his hair.
"I'll keep my phone on me at all times, and try not to do anything stupid. Plus I was feeling much worse before. If it makes you feel better, I'll mostly just stay on the couch and watch tv."
He sighs, finally giving in. "Fine. But if ANYTHING happens where you think you might need something, please call me."
I promise as he slips on his battered converse and finally starts to make his way toward the door.
He peeks at me one last time before shutting the door. "I'll be back soon." The latch closes with a click as he exits, leaving me alone in the apartment.
I'm suddenly very aware of the complete absence of noise in the place.
I sit there for a few moments before suddenly remembering the popcorn chicken he left for me on the stove.
I slowly roll off the couch and plod down the hall, filling up a bowl before making my way back to the living room.
My phone buzzes on the coffee table and I pick it up to find Devon's name flashing across the screen.
"Hello?" I say. "Hey Jay, just wanted to check in with you since we haven't talked in a while. Lex told me about everything. Are you doing alright?"
I freeze for a moment before remembering that neither of them knows I have cancer and he's talking about my dad kicking me out.
"I mean, I've had time to adjust. Ben's been great honestly, which is making everything a lot easier." I pause. "Do you want to come over? Ben's at the bookstore for a bit, but he'll be back for supper and there's a bunch of things I need to catch you up on."
"Alright, text me the new address and I'll be there in a bit."
"Okay." I hang up and sigh. Do I want to tell him right now? Is that something I'm even ready for, or should I wait, as Ben suggested?
Devon's been my closest friend for years, but I've definitely kept secrets from him before.
It's not that I don't trust him, we just usually don't talk serious things that often, and a lot of the time it feels like it's better to just handle things by myself.
I drift in indecision for about 10 minutes, when the doorbell suddenly rings.
I sit up to go open the door, but my vision swims as a lightheaded feeling washes over me.
I frown, laying back down and instead, shouting, "Come in!"
"Door's locked." I hear his muffled voice respond.
I sigh, gathering my strength before slowly sitting up.
It's not until I'm in this position that I suddenly realize how much my head is absolutely throbbing.
I slowly stand up and then pause as the room spins, grasping onto the armrest.
I take a deep breath as everything slowly resets to normal, though the feeling of being unsteady on my feet and the pounding in my head never fades.
I make my way to the front door at a painstakingly slow pace, supporting myself with furniture along the way.
By the time I actually make it there and open the door, my vision is spotted with black.
I don't realize that I've stumbled slightly until Devon says, "Whoa there." And steadies me.
"Hey," I mumble, out of breath for some reason. He immediately steers me over the couch and makes me sit down.
"Dude, are you alright? No offense but you kinda look like shit." He comments.
Normally I'd glare at him or reply with some witty retort, but for some reason, I just feel so exhausted, both mentally and physically.
"I know..." I say with a sigh.
He watches me for a few careful moments, before starting a new conversation.
"Quint's kind of taken over now." He admits, and I sigh again.
"Look, I know you probably didn't want to hear that, especially with everything that happened last year-" "Yeah no shit. Why's everybody following him like they're puppies now?"
"Well, I mean, we do have a lot of freshmen this year. They haven't known you long enough so they kinda just, believe what he says about you..." he trails off, noticing the expression on my face.
"Okay, man, seriously, are you feeling alright? Is there something I can do?"
I wave a hand dismissively in the air, realizing I've been holding my pounding head. "I'll be fine," I say, although I'm not really sure which one of us I'm trying to convince.
"Jayyy." He says in a warning tone.
Something inside me snaps and words start spilling out of my mouth without me thinking.
"Okay, no. I'm not fucking okay. Is that what you wanted to hear, huh? Congratulations, you win. I got ripped out of my home for being comfortable with who I am, and now everything is just changing at once.
Yes, Ben is great, but things are just so different and sometimes I just wish, just for a moment, that things didn't have to change and that my own PARENTS would accept me for who I am.
Instead, I'm freeloading off this poor guy I met a couple of weeks ago. I've got no job and likely won't because guess what? I HAVE CANCER." I cover my face and start bawling, the weight of everything suddenly crashing down.
Another wave of distress washes over me in the midst of complete silence from Devon.
I contemplate going to the bedroom and locking the door to hide from him. I don't want him to see this, he's never HAD to see this. I've always been the laid-back, composed one.
Suddenly and wordlessly, he gets up and pulls me into a hug. I've gotten so used to being the strong one, the one who puts on a face and just deals with every situation. But this, this is different. Something I can't do anything about, can't control, can't change.
Maybe that's why another dam inside of me slowly crumbles and I'm just sitting there sobbing on the couch.
We stay on the couch for a few hours, my tears eventually subsiding. Neither of us really know what to say, so he just turns on the tv at a low mumble.
I sit there taking everything in, and I slowly realize that I don't HAVE to say anything. Devon is just going to be there to support me as my best friend, just as it's always been.
The circumstances might have changed, but our friendship hasn't. He's fine with not talking about it yet if I don't want to.
I finally break the silence. "How's the restaurant doing?"
He laughs. "Remember how I told you we had those posh people reserve the place for the night? Man have I got a story for you."
"So I'm in the back, right? They've finished ordering their food and whatnot, everything's going fine and I'm about to bring their plates out.
Well, suddenly I hear this infernal screech from the front, so I race out there. Apparently, one of the ladies brought her CHINCHILLA in her purse and didn't tell anyone. Anyway my dog Milo's been roaming the restaurant, and of course, he comes over and sniffs her purse cause he can smell the damn thing.
This frightens the little fluff ball so bad that he jumps out and gets up onto the table, knocking drinks everywhere and onto people. Let's just say she won't be bringing her chinchilla to dinner again anytime soon after the way everybody freaked out at her."
We sit there laughing for a while, just trading funny stories. Somehow Devon always knows just how to keep my mind off things.
A lull in the conversation suddenly prompts Devon's expression to switch to serious. "Hey, Jay? I'm sorry I wasn't there that night. If I could've been there, maybe I could've stopped him from being so rough, or..."
I cut him off. "Devon. You couldn't have changed the way he reacted. It's just how my dad is, and unfortunately, I don't think he's changing anytime soon." I say with a weak smile.
He grimaces. "Well if I can't do anything about him, I'm at least going to figure out who told him."
A/N
Hey guys! I'd just like to thank everyone who's reading :) The craziest thing is, this book was inching along on reads and then like QUADRUPLED reads within the span of a day, from slowly getting 1K after a while of being posted (around over a year?) and now is at 5K!
My unique reader count went from 1 (I see you, you're awesome too) to 291 the next day! I'm so shocked and pleasantly surprised! It's soooo awesome to know that there are people out there who like what I'm writing, and to have it blow up like that is just crazy!! It definitely drives my motivation and pushes me to work harder, writing both faster and with (hopefully) better quality.
I cannot thank you all enough â¤ï¸â¤ï¸â¤ï¸ I'll be bringing you more soon, in the meantime just know every single one of you is appreciated :)
Much love, C